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Newspaper Page Text
CONFERRING WITH BIG BUSINESS u
WS weren't present but are going to chance the guess that that con
ference between Woodrow Wilson and J. P. Morgan went something like
"Ah, good morning, Mr. Morgan! How's business?"
"Howdydo, Mr. President! The business world feels itself grieviously
harrassed by the attitude of political hostility to the higher mechanism of
" 'The higher mechanism.' Well, that does sound erudite and college
like, but, you see, I'm no business man and never have been. I suppose that
the New Haven, the Rock Island, the 'Frisco, the Clafln and other wrecks
are demonstrations of 'the higher mechanism' -of business, eh?"
"To be sure, Mr. President, concentrated control of vast interests
would theoretically come within the term 'higher mechanism of business,'
"Pardon the interruption, Mr. Morgan, but a mechanism that wrecks
fine, prosperous properties and bankrupts small investors by the thousands
seems to need what shall I call it greasing; seems to need greasing even
to a layman like myself who knows nothing about mechanism. Most any
one, even a fool mechanically speaking, knows enough to stop and get out
of a machine when the steering gear goes wrong."
"But, Mr. President, if you stop the higher mechanism of business you
simply block all business mechanism, all down the line "
"Well, Mr. Morgan, your higher mechanism is at the head of the pro
cession and hence running all the mechanism, determining the gait and
direction of all the machines. Whatwe propose is that you stop long
enough to grease up and that you run your mechanism in an orderly man
ner hereafter. You have been joy-riding over everybody. Stupid though
I may be about mechanism; I can see that this is bad for all other mechan
isms, including the folks, and you are going to quit it, like a gentleman if
you will; like an apprehended violator of justice and sense, if you must.
Warm weather we're having in Washington at present, isn't it?"
"Very oppressive weather. Good day, Mr. President."
"Good day, Mr. Morgan. Pleased to have you call at any time."
WHATCHAMEAN "TUNE THE COW l
, The "Tune the Old Cow Died On"
was not ragtime, and it's safe to as
sume that the fiddle with which the
farmer "fiddled" her to an untimely
death was not a "ragtime violin."
History throws very little light on
the career of this unhappy bovine,
but it does relate that when she had
nothing to eat the farmer tried to
make her forget her troubles by play
ing a tune on his fiddle. The tune
was too much for her. She gave up
the ghost and died.
Women work as stevedores in
B'GOLLY DID YOU
EVER NOTICE DAT
THE LOVE OF SOME
WIMMIN IS INDEED
Japans -0,. r, .
k UKkffliek&mfajijii . i' m&mLi!!!,