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Newspaper Page Text
l r Stf81
A young woman collecting rents
for a reform tenement association
appeared one day with an ice bag
bound over one eye. She explained
to the tenant that she had conjunc
tivitis. That was worse than Greek
to Mrs. Kiawalski, who insisted on
seeing what such a long word might
hmean. JMotning was sam uu tne ai-
flicted member was xebandaged,
when the Polish sister, wise in ex
perience, remarked with a sigh:
"Sorry, but I did not know you
"Gent uptown telephones for an
officer at once. Burglar in the house."
"Let me see," said the captain, re
flectively. "I've got four men censor
ing plays, two inspecting the gowns
at a society function and two more
supervising a tango tea. Tell him I
can send him an officer in about two
iours." Kansas City Journal.
FREEZING YOUNG LOVE
"Maria," said old Touchnut to his
wife, "where's our Gladys?"
"Now don't be an idiot!" answered
bis dutiful'spouse. "She's with young
Banks in the drawingroom."
"Maria, I've a good mind to tell the
boy to keep off our grass, but I don't
know how to do it."
"You chump!" said his wife, lay
ing down the newspaper. "Speak to
a boy of 17 about courting a girl of
16. You'd just do what you want to
"But, my dear "
"Oh, nonsense! I'll soon settle
"Gladys!" she called, going to the
door. "It's 8 o'clock, and time you
were in bed. Harold, you take an
orange, and run along home'"
Thus another budding romance
A story is told of a sailor who de
cided to walk from Newport to Car
cliff. He met a cart driver, and asked:
"How far is it from Newport to Car
diff?" "Twelve, miles, mister," was the
"Thankee," said Pat. "An how far
is it from Cardiff to Newport?"
Driver Didn't I tell you how far
it was from Newport to Cardiff? Do
you suppose it was any farther the
other way back?
Irishman Sure and I don't know.
I know it is a great deal farther from
New Year's day to Christmas than
from Christmas to New Year's day.
HAD EARNED IT
The pompous judge glared sternly
over his spectacles at the tattered
prisoner who had been dragged be
fore the bar of justice on a chajge
"Have you ever earned a dollar In
your life?" he asked in fine scorn.
"Yes, your honor," was the re
sponse, "I voted for you at the last