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HAD TO BE SPRY
A stout "woman was always In the
habit of buying two seats when she
ent to the theater, in order that she
could have plenty of room. The oth
er afternoon she, as usual, bought
jtwo seats at the bos office, and, pass
ing inside, handed the two tickets to
"Where is the party who is going
to use the other ticket?" he asked.
'Tm going to occupy both seats
myBelf !" explained the woman.
'Td like to see you do it," said the
attendant, looking closely at the tick
ets. "The seats are on opposite sides
of the aisle."
"Where can I see some of the latest
effects in spring hosiery?"
"Our stocking department Is two
-aisles to the left," replied the floor
walker courteously. "We also have
j-a musical corneay. in our ineater on
the roof." Detroit Free Press.
AND TIME, TOO!
He was one of those barristers with
a bossy way that is highly successful
with the modest, retiring kind of wit
ness. Coughing in his best professional
manner, he glared at the little man,
"Now, sir," he said fiercely, "the
first question I haye to ask you is:
Have you ever been a bankrupt?"
"I really must warn you to be care
ful, sir. Do you mean to say that
you have never at any time in your
career stopped payment
"Ah, I thought you would recon
sider that statement! Now, will you
please tell the jury when it was that
you did stop payment?"
"When I had paid everybody, of
IT BROUGHT RESULTS
The small man was feeling uncom
fortably crushed in the crowded car
when a brilliant inspiration flashed
into his head.
He turned to the big man near
"I hope you don't object to riding
beside a smallpox patient do you?"
he inquired as the car slowed down
at the stopping place. .
"No; but some of the other passen
gers might" replied the big man, and,
taking him by the shoulders, he
threw the schemer out into the road.
DID HIS PART
A little boy of five was invited to a
children's party. The next day he
was giving an account of 'the fun,
and said that each of the little visitors
had contributed either a Bong, recita
tion or music for the pleasure of
"Oh, poor little Jack!" said the
mother. "How very unfortunate you
could do nothing!"
"Yes, I could, mother," replied the
young hopefuL "I stood up and said
my prayers!" Phfl. Public Ledger
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