Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1949 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
I NEVER SOSP&TTF'T
RW-HUMTIM& UAss om OF"
RlJZlE'S VJCE9. HB CAHT RUN
rAST ENOUGH CAN HE?
N ,1 ' FAST HNOUOHCAN HE? X
A resident of this city who speaks
German and was born in the former
French province of Alsace-Lorrine,
his father a German and his mother
French, was asked where his sympa
thies are in the present conflict He
"When I think of my father, I want
to shout, 'Hoch der kaiser; when I
think of my mother I want to sing
the 'Marseillaise,' and when I think
of myself I say, 'Hurrah for the Stars
and Stripes.' "
"What does this sentence mean,"
asked the teacher, 'Man proposes but
A small boy in the back of the
room waved his hand frantically.
"It means, answered Thomas
with conscious pride, "that a man
might ask a woman to marry him,
but only the Lord knows whether she
will or not" Ladies' Home Journal, ,
WHY HE HATED WAR r
"War," cried the old gentleman to.
the Pugsbury Arms smoking-room,
"is a curse and a disgrace."
Having thus delivered himself, he
rose and left the room, his fine old
face showing signs of strong emo
tion. "Gentleman seems to feel rather
deeply on the subject," said a trav
eler, who had been listening to his
"He do," assented one of the na
tives. "Has he lost some near relative
through the war?" inquired the com
mercial. "He 'ave," replied the other, oracularly.
"Who was it?" asked the querist
" 'is wife's first 'usband!" was the
A DISABLED BANDSMAN
"I see you complain of a sore
throat" said the regimental doctor,
looking at his report as-the last mem
ber of the sick parade stepped up.
"Yes sir; terribly sore," answered
The doctor examined him care
fully. "Yes, it is rather inflamed," said
he. "I shall strike you off-duty for
At the end of a week back came
the bandsman quite recovered.
"That's good," said the doctor. "By
the way, what is your instrument?"
"The side drum, sir!" answered
A little boy, after gazing In the
window of a music store went in
" 'ow much is that pianner in th
After the dealer had recovered
from his shock he answered:
"Six hundred dollars, my boy."
The boy pulled a long face and
said: "Well, give me a mouth organ,
please." N. Y. World.
fcMBMfcs -- -. -- - ----