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Newspaper Page Text
MADE HIM PEEVISH
Howard is quite a spendthrift His
only living relative is an old uncle
who is not; and there are other dif
ferences between Howard and his
uncle. However, one day not long
ago our young hero more or less diffi
dently approached his avuncular rela
tive with the intimation that it would
be a graceful thing for the old chap to
"Young man," said the uncle, "you
are a spendthrift. If I had the money
I would not give it to you. But I have
no money. You seem to think I have
a treasure hidden away somewhere.
Get rid of that notion. I have saved
up a sum large enough to bury me
decently when I die, and that is all.
Now, get out I"
A friend of Howard asked him a
little later in the day why he look
ed so thoughtful.
"I was just wondering," he said,
"where that old fellow got the idea
that he ought to be buried decently."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
THE GENERAL'S ERROR
The soldiers were dining and or
derlies were hastening back and
forth with pails of soup. Wolseley
stopped one of them and ordered him
to remove the lid of his pail. The
man obeyed promptly and the gen
"Let me taste it"
"But " began the orderly.
"Let me taste it I Bay," exclaimed
the general testily. "Disgraceful!"
he exclaimed. "It's for all the world
"That's what it is, sir," said the
orderly, saluting gravely. Char
acter. o o
WHY THE DOCTOR ASKS
Dr. A. Why do you always make
such particular inquiries as to what
your patients eat? Does that assist
you in your diagnosis?
Dr. B. Not that, but it enables me
to ascertain their social position and,
arrange my fees according
v ! 1
It - ?
"Bless me!" said Tommy's great
uncle. "Do you mean to say that
your teachers never thrash you?"
"Never!" replied Tommy. "We
haye moral suasion in our school"
"Oh, we get kep' in, and stood up
corners, and locked out and locked
, and made to write one word a
ousand times, and scowled at and
awed at, and that's all." Mother-
3 hood Magazine.
"Did you ever feel that the world
a was against you?"
"Rather. I felt it this morning
when I slipped on the pavement"
t- f'ame mat wnicn youcn
Youth That which fame longs for.