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Newspaper Page Text
THE MAJOR WAS A CAME SPORT
YOU COULDN'T BLAME HIM
If you were a dignified morals in
spector for a great city like Chicago,
and if a cabaret girl -before a crowd
of six hundred tripped up to you,
slapped you gentlj on the cheek,
pulled your mustache and sat on
your lap what would you do?
You would probably do just what
Major Punkhouser. chief morals in
spector, did last night at the First
Regiment armory nothing.
At the annual banquet before al
most the whole regiment a cabaret
gjrl toyed with the. major's mustache.
Tb the great delight of the guests, she
jumped -upon the lap of the city's
"dignity" and put both arms around
The major, coughed, smoked hard
and turned very red, but played the
part of a good sport until the girl
wanted him to dance with her. Then
he refused. Piqued by this, the en
tertained hopped over to old Col. Mil
ton J. Foreman and kissed him on
the bald head.
Charles L. Dering, president of the
Ass'n of Commerce, whose reputa
tion was also endangered by the ca
resses of the girl, told the, boys of
the regiment that the Ass'n of Com
merce was with them in spirit, but
they would have to go somewhere
else for the money to take their pro
posed trip to the Panama exposition.
Big Business always liked the mili
tia in time of union labor trouble.
They come in handy in smashing the
Alexander Revell, the big mer
chant, told how, when he was a strike
breaking militiaman, he nearly shot a
striker, but didn't.
Washington. By a vote of 227 to
96 house adopted conference report
on Burnett immigration bill. Will be
sent immediately to white house.
New York. Mrs. Julian Heath,
president of National Housewives'
league, urged President Wilson, to
take immediate steps to prevent fur
ther advance in flour.
"Since Silo Siding went 'dry' there
has been a boom in home cookin'.'
Formerly free lunch tasted good
enough, but now th' men are par
ticular." ' r
By "Jim Manee
On Madison near Franklin st.
Four manhole covers blew.
That's hear tKe Hearst, "chop suey-'
That's news to "me and you"
I'll tell you why at least, I'll try.
Now gases were to blame;
So did the gaaes-'or hot air
NFrom Wilyum's building "came"?
P. S. No,
that's not a jig-saw
CHICAGO GRAIN. Wheat, corn
and oats up. Provisions firm.
NEW YORK STOCKS. Market
dull. Price changes slight.
Fair tonight and Saturday, prob
ably becoming unsettled by Satur
day night; moderate temperature;
lowest tonight probably above the
freezing paint; fresh east to south
east winds. Temperature Thursday:
Highest,. 44; lowest, 29.
Entered as second-class matter April
21,1914,at the postoffice at Chicago,
III., under the Act of March 3, 1879.
By Mailj Except in Chicago, $3 a Year