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Newspaper Page Text
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"I always tell the waiter when I
am going to tip him."
"So he won't keep me waitfag half
an hour while the cashier splits a $10
bill into dimes." Detroit Free Press.
j AND INGENIOUS
Bing I understand that Smelts is
Biff Lazy! You bet! Why, when
he spanks his child, he lays a carpet
over the kid, so that he can do two
jobs at once! Michigan Gargoyle.
A colored man was asked by the
judge if he would like to have a law
yer to defend him.
"No, sah," said the prisoner. 'Tse
gwine to throw myself on the ignor
ance of the cote!"
"He never spanks his son, does
"No; he's an efficiency crank."
- "What's that got to do with it?"
"He says the upward stroke is lost
motion." Houston Post.
"It's a great pity," said the con
victed burglar to his counsel, "that
you couldn't have made that closing
speech of yours at the opening of the
"I don't see how that would have
improved matters," said the advocate.
"It would, though," explained his
client "Then the jury would have
been asleep when the evidence came
on and I'd have stood some chance.
HIS FIRST GUESS
One of the ladies in fancy dress
was, though fair enough, a trifle
stout And there spoke to her a re
porter: "May I ask what character you
"Helen of Troy," she answered.
"What did you think it was?"
"Well," he murmured, ungaflantly
enough, "I thought you might be
Helen of Avoirdupois!"
"The truth lies somewhere."
'"The truth oughtn't to lie any
where." Boston Transcript
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