The day book. [volume], June 26, 1915, LAST EDITION, Image 17

About The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917

Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

                
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FROM VAUDEVILLE
(Mflton Pollock and Company.)
"So you want to many my daugh
ter, Caroline, eh? All right; write
your assets on this piece of paper."
"I won't need such a big piece."
"Well, what property have you?"
"Oh, I have a suitcase, a couple of
shirts, and ties "
"Is that all?"
"Of course, I haven't counted in
It my clothes."
"Great Caesar! And you want to
R marrv mv daughter! But still I be
lieve you are on the level, young man.
Just now, though, you're passing
through the damphool age. I tell you
what Til do: You say you need a
start. Well, Fll loan you $5,000."
"That's a mere nothing. Make it
$20,000."
"Is that serious?"
"You bet it's serious when you loan
me $20,000."
"All right, 111 do it." (Kisses check
good-bye.)
"Fine. Now 111 do my part, and if
you do yours together we'll be able
to support your daughter in the way
in which she's been accustomed."
o o
"I wonder if it is a real diamond,"
mused Dorothy as she contemplated
the engagement ring Jack had given
her.
"You needn't worry about that,"
replied her dearest friend. 'I had it
tested when Jack gave it to me."
o o .
Son Father, you're the most de
spicable, most hateful and meanest
person I ever saw!
Daughter You certainly are, dad.
You're an old crab you're a !
Father Children! children! you
forget your mother is in the room!
o o
"What!" exclaimed the motorist
who had run over a farmer's toe;
"you- want $500 for a crushed foot?
Nonsense! Fm no millionaire."
"Perhaps not," cried the suffering
farmer, "and I'm no centipede,
either."
sir
tJUSTMADEATRlPONA
CHOO CHOOTRAItt
AND I TOOK GREAT CARE TO
CAUSE NO PAIN-
-StoSS-
YOU WDULD'NT UNDERSTAND
IF I WDNT END HERE,
(BUT THE REASON IS THAT.
1 RODE ON ITS TENDER!!
A certain glen in Scotland had the
reputation of having a splendid echo.
An Englishman visited the place and
asked his guide about the echo.
"Just shout, "Two bottles of whis
ky,' " said the guide.
The Englishman did as requested
and after waiting for several minutes
he turned to the Scot and said:
"But I do not hear any echo."
"Maybe no," chuckled the Scot,
"but here comes the lassie wi' tho
whisky."
o o
"Fader, Fader, Ikey has swallowed
a penny!"
"Vot a poy! Already he wants to
start in business as a penny in der
6kt-macbine!"
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