Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1949 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
NEEDED A TONIC!
(A vaudeville act In one part
Scene Best room, any home, This-
town, today. Characters. father,
mother, "pretty daughter, doctor.)
. Mo.the"r (pettishly) Clara doesn't
act tell at allv It was nine before
she came'rao'Wtt to breakfash this
Fathers-She doesn't look welL I
guess her system needs toning up.
Ah, good niornine. doctor. (Enter
,faniily doctor.) Gkid to see you.
Mother -- Doctor, I'M glad you
came just now. Clara needs a tonic
What kind shall we give her?
Doctor t Very well, I prescribe a
Polly, the washerwoman, was deep
in a discussion of her family's short
comings. "Man fambly suttinly do hab some
shawtcomin's," she declared. "Fur
instance: Mah son Jawge er jes' lak
"My goodness!" gasped the mis
tress. "How, Polly?"
"Well, buhcawse only two things in
f he whole worl' worries him: He wor-
ries dat he hab to wake to eat, an'
; den he worries dat he hab to s'top
eatih' to go to sleep Ah suttinly
; doan undahstan' dat boy."
; "But how do you conclude, that he
; is like a grasshopper ?' queried the
' perplexed mistress.
"Jes' buhcawse he er de most mis
undehstandable creature dat Ah kin
think of, dat's why," she answered.
Summer Hotel Proprietor Gad!
Wenever had so many men guests
before. D'you suppose it was my ad
vertisement of fine air that brought
. His Partner No; my advertise
ment of fine heiresses.
A" i (Jy
Andlew Jackson gleat man.
Him first Melican boss.
Flounded democlatic party. Maybe
so' long time befo Melican people
found out democlatic party.
Andy dead so nobody blamee on
him for it
Bimeby many kind democlats.
More kind democlats than Irish!
MISTA BONES,WHY IS IT A
EASY BOY ALWAYS REClEVEb
THE bWD HAm tN TKt
1WHY BECAUSE HE KEVER