But Isn't it becoming pretty darned
expensive to this nation to support
the Rockefeller fortune in its war on
men, women and children?
If some governor -were to put the
reverse english on the militia ball and
turn the state soldiers loose to clean
those gunmen out it might help some.
One standing army is enough, for
one country, and Uncle Sam might
better put the private Rackefeller
standing army out of business. Old
John D. or young John D. might lose
his temper some day and march on
Washington with his army of gun
men. You never can telL
SHORT ONES
Romance in war is dead. The
French have provided the troops in
the trenches with alarm clocks.
A Chicago man wants $25,000 dam
ages from his father-in-law because
his wife has a wooden leg, which is
the first hint we ever heard that he
redity is responsible for wooden legs.
An eastern automobile company
paid $8,000 for an automobile in or
der to tear it to pieces and examine
the parts. That's what the rest of
us do, only we don't know it till later.
A Muscatine, Iowa, farmer dodged
an aerolite, which qualifies him to be
classed with some of our millionaire
tax dodgers.
A real summer resort is a place
where the women may wear out their
last year's clothes without fearing to
be talked about
TODAY'S ODDEST STORY
St Paul, Minn., July 26, When
the city council was contemplating li
cense for dogs, a woman wrote ask
ing that cats be also placed ukder
the ban. The reason she assigned
was that cats in her neighborhood
were so numerous that they ate up
all the birds who could not in turn
sat up all the worms which were eat
ing up all the leaves of the beautiful
trees. The council declined to listen
to her plea.
THE PUBLIC FORUM
LONGING OF HOTEL CLERK
By Roswell F. Connor
I long to be a farmer
And page the cows at eve.
And sit beneath their udders.
And milk like Bill and Steve. (Q,
I would like to be a farmer
And help to room the stock.
I would like to see that they were reg
istered. And check out at 5 o'clock.
If I could be a .farmer
I'd have my hens all lay
The bricks for a warm henhouse
Then have eggs to give away.
YOUR FUTURE INTENDED.
The man who wishes to know all
about his future intended had better
not be to exacting. Some day I be
lieve science and medicine will suf
ficiently understand the nervous
make-up of each sex, the endurance
of each, the quality and quantity of
the various body organs, that matri
mony will not be the gamble it is to
day. Meantime the males had better not
insist upon too high requirements
from their sweethearts because if
women asked the same chance of
men, we men would not get the
chance to marry and the human race
would become ertinct
The only way the average man can
obtain a wife is by fraud. As to shape,
most men look like 6 o'clock in bath
ing suits. Hence the high percentage
of bachelors among men bathers. Au
Women do not marry us for our
shapes, but the frauds we put up.
What with bald heads, wigs, glasses,
bad teeth, store teeth, corns, bunions,
and other defects, to say nothing of
that shady past, we manage to se
cure a wife. What with cloves, sen
sen and perfumery we hide our drink
ing and cigarette habits.
There is more fullness and rich
ness of life in sacrificing for an in-