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Newspaper Page Text
"I understand," said Uncle Bill Bot
tletop, "that the Turks are total ab
"Well, maybe they are. But I can't
see how any total abstainer could
think up some' of the designs they put
in Turkish rugs."
WHERE WOULD HE CO?
"Mamma," queried Bobby anxious
ly, "is papa goin' to die an' go to
"Why, Bobby!" exclaimed his
mother. "Of course hot! What on
earth ever put such an absurd idea
into your head?" Ladles' Home
AN INHERITED TRAIT
"Your daughter is improving," said
the music-teacher, "but somehow
when she gets to the scales I have to
watch her pretty closely."
"She's, just like her father," said
the mother; "you know he made his
money in the retail grocery busi
ness." Ladies' Home Journal
Commander What's his character
apart from this leave-breaking?
Petty Officer Well, sir, this man
'e goes ashore when 'e likes; 'e comes
'off when 'e likes; 'ejises 'orrible lan
guage when 'e's spoken to; in fact,
from 'is general be'avior, 'e might be
'an orficer! Punch.
"It is a great pity," said the girl
who is popular, "that young men
won't arrange their visits on the
short and sweet plan."
"What is that?" asked the other
"Go home early and leave a box
of candy." N. Y. World.
Gnat (to mosquito) What's Fred
dy Fly doing nowadays ?v
.. Mosquito Oh, he's become con
nected with a pajer (fjy paper)
Winston Churchill, the famous au
thor, once met an old Missouri frientj
on Broadway, New York. Seth had
left Missouri a raw country boy buj
was now niftily dressed and had ac
quired all the polish a big city can
give a rustic.
"Doing well, eh Seth?" asked
"Yep doing fine. Suppose you
saw 'bout me in the papers yesterday?"
"No," replied Churchill, "I didn't
What was it?"
"Why they said that figures' show
ed there are over 5,000,000 people in
New York." " '
"Well 2" ,
"I'm one of them ain't I?"
" ' A"?
MISTA BONE'S",, VAjUST
LE'k'S'oMS DO E UEACW
?OQM TUP -tfTTAf-L -!
OttfiXS TWEE UIN6S.'