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Newspaper Page Text
Maud Lillian Bern, the famous
stage beauty, who was recently mar
ried in California, tells this story: A
woman went to her grocer one day
and after giving an extensive order
asked for twenty pounds of brown
The grocer anxious to be affable,
remarked that she must have liked
the sugar since she came back for
such a big order.
"Oh, no," replied the housekeeper,
"only we can't afford to go td the sea
shore this year and this sugar con
tains so much sand it makes the chil
dren think they are there."
,Little Alfred was asked to write a
composition on parents, and wrote
Parents are things which boys have
to look after them. Most girls have
parents.' Parents consist of pas and
mas. Pas talk a good deal about
what they are going to do, but it's
mostly the mas that make you mind.
Ladies' Home Journal.
WHY SHE WAS HAPPY
For a five-year-old Margie had
traveled a great deal One day her
"Through all her travels Margie
seems quite happy and contented."
"Yes'm," answered Margie. "No
matter where I go I always find some
dirt to play in." Ladies' Home Jour
nal. SHE CERTAINLY WAS
Her eyes were not exactly straight,
and someone commented upon it and
asked Smith if he had noticed it
"Notice it, man?" he replied.
"Why, she is so crosseyed that re
cently when I sat next to her at a
dinner she ate off my plate." Ladies'
FROM VAUDEVILLE ' '
I just met Cohen and together wo
put in five cents and had a fine drink
"Come home to dinner with me," he
says. "I can't," I said, "I got an en
gagement to see Hamlet" "Bring him
along," said Cohen. "Your friends are
I went to,a wedding the other night
Such a lovely invitation I got It said:
"Your presence is requested," etc.
Bight away they was after the pres
ents before even L got to the wed
ding. The bride was lovely. Her teeth
were beautiful both of them.
HOW IT APPEARED TO JOHNNY
"describe water, Johnny," said the
"Water," explained Johnny, "is a
white fluid that turns black when
you put your hand in it" Ladies'
HSTA Homes, Uow Many
VJJGEKS BEIjONO-TO the
WHY .BOSS. foRTTV-SIX
fetCAVSE THE OTHER
SlX ARE LENT! .