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Newspaper Page Text
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A prominent New York clergyman
through his study -window once spot
ted an unwelcome caller coming up
the parish house steps. He sought
refuge in an upper room while his
wife remained below to talkto the
After a while, hearing no sound, he
tiptoed below and entered the parlor.
"Has that horrible old bore gone?"
asked the pastor.
The bore was still in the room but
the wife's quick wit saved the day.
"Yes, dear," she replied, "and Mrs.
Parker is here now.-"
During dinner in a certain Brook
lyn household the eight-year-old girl
suddenly interrupted the conversa
tion in this wise:
"Dad, you and mother can't guess
what I have under the table."
Then, after the manner of pa
rents who like to please their chil
dren, they guessed all kinds of things,
but without success. So they said;
'We give it up. Tell us."
Whereupon the kiddie, drawing her
face up in a grimace, replied:
"A stomach ache." Harper's Magazine.
LOONY LIMERICKS ' !
SHOPPING BY SAMPLE
T Visitor (at seance) I want to talk
-'with Mr. Brown.
Attendant What Mr. Brown?
; Visitor I cannot remember bis
first name but he is only lately de
Attendant (formerly a department
" store worker) Please show the gen
tleman some of 'the latest Bhades of
Browns. Pittsburgh Chronicle.
"Now, my son," said the xjonscien
tious father, "tell me Vhy I punished
"That's it," blubbered the boy in
dignantly. "First, you pounded the
life out of me, an' now you don't
know what you dooe.lt JpM -upi.
A miser, while counting his gold,
Lost a five-dollar wriiiam, I'm toldj
me hunted all night
For that little old mite,
And the next day he died of the cold!
FACTS AND GRAMMAR
Drowsy was the afternoon and the
attention flagged in the classroom.
"Two cows is in the field," repeat
ed the teacher, indicating the writing
on the blackboard. "Now, that sen
tence is wrong. Can any one tell me
Wearily she looked over the apa
thetic class. "Come! come!" she said
One youngster sought to help her
out of the difiiculty.
"PVaps one of them are a calf,
miss," he sugegsted innocently.-
Policeman Can't you find your
Outlate--rm trying to find housha
hat ain't my own.
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