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Newspaper Page Text
THE ONLY THING LEFT
J, A British army examiner had be
lief ore him a stupid candidate. The
sjjman proving, apparently, unable to
Jfanswer the most simple questions,
me examiner nnaiiy grew iinpaueni.
YA and in a burst of sarcasm demanded.
Now, let it be supposed, sir, that
you were a captain in command of
ipfantry; that in your rear was an
impassable abyss; tnat on Dotn siaes
of you there rose perpendicular rocks
of tremendous height ; tnat in front
of you lay the enemy, outnumbering
you ten to one, what, sir, in such an
emergency would you do?"
"Well, sir," replied tire applicant
for military distinction, "I should re
SO CARELESS ,
A peddler arrived one evening at a
very small town and went to the only
hotel there. Every room had already
been engaged, but the, hotelkeeper
offered him a room which he could
-Bhare with a negro. The peddler
fagreed and asked to be awakened
early the next morning.
Several jokers overheard the pro-
Hfceedings and while the peddler slept
J- blackened his face,
v The next morning, being in a hur-
ty to catch a train he made straight
- , for the station when he was awak-
" ened. While passing a mirror in the
waiting room he stopped suddenly
A and exclaimed: "Hang it all; They've
called the wrong guy!" .
THE ONLY ALTERNATIVE.
lie During "a social gathering an Eng-
i llaVimnn nnnA nakari a fZontohman
J -what he would be if he were not a
cotchman. "I think I would be fan
Englishman," was the reply.
's Turning to an Irishman who was
"present he asked him a similar ques-
, wnat woum i ue u i were not an
Irishman?" repeated the other
thoughtfully. "Sure and I would be
ashamed of myself!" Trip-Notch.
NOT WONDERFUU ' NTT
She Isn't it wonderful that all the
hairs of one's head are numbered?
He Oh, I don't know some men
can easily court theirs.
REACHED THE LIMIT
Architect Now, where would you
prefer the drawing room, sir?
Mr. Newlyrich Look here, young
man, I've let you put up a smokin
room when I don't smoke; a music
room, when I couldn't play a mouth
organ;. a nursery, when.1 ain't got no
nurse; and a pantry, when I don't
pant; but I'm goin' to put the kibosh
on the drawin' room, when Pcouldn't
even draw a straight' liner- Top
Notch. o o . .-
Sergeant Juggs of the New York
police force was bothered by urchins
on the East Side who insisted on
playing in a certain temporarily for
bidden courtyard. Finally he cor
nered Ikey Marks.
"Didn't I tell you, Ikey," began the
sergeant sternly, "never to let me
catch you here again?"
"All right, Mr. Juggs," came back
Ikey, "but you ain't caught me yet.
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