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Newspaper Page Text
Iv iki ill yiM
new york. by golly they had the
funniest thing happen at our house
last nite that i ever herd tell of & i
gess you will have to say the same
after you get a ear full of the goak
which was on 2 peepel
my sis was having a party & if i
wood behave i cood stay up as long
as i never .bothered no body which i
dident do & that is how i was setting
over neer a lady who wont take any
bewtie prizes for. her looks
thje rest of them were neerley all
playing making faces & the 1 that
makes the ugliest face winned the
the drug store man was in the gang
& he was selecked to be the judge &
deside which 1 was the ugliest map in
well he looks em all over while they
was all making the funniest mugs
you ever got a eyeful of & then he
grabs the prize and comes over to the
lady setting neer me & hands it to
madam, he says, verry polite, 1
think you have won the prize, al
low me to
but that was as far as he got, for
the lady gave him 1 look and said
verry hawtylike, eckskuse me, i
IT SOUNDED THAT WAY
The cat settled herself luxuriously
in front of the kitchen range and be
gan to purr. Little Dolly, who was
strange to the ways of cats, regarded
her with horror.
"Oh, gran'ma, gran'ma!" she cried.
"Come here quick. The cat's begun
to boiLf' Ladies' Home Journal.
HOW HE DESCRIBED IT
The newly arrived citizen from
Italy was trying his best to buy a co
lander, but could not make the clerk
understand what he wanted, The
clerk showed him several kinds of
pans, but at each he -Bhook his head.
Finally he got an idea.
"Give-a-me dis-a-kind," he said:
"Ze water go ahead, ze macaroni
stop." Ladies' Home Journal.
Fritzi Scheff, the prima donna,
once employed an Irish girl as trained
nurse. The doctor left a sleeping
powder for the singer to take regu
larly. In the middle of the night she was
awakened by the nurse, who said:
"Wake up, mum, an' take this
THE PERFECT MEMORY
"Has Jones a good memory?"
"I should say he has! He can re
member the names of six vice presi
dents of the United States!"
"Did you strike the defendant in
an excess of irascibility?"
"No, sor! I struck him in the
rTl 1.-Tl AAP"ir"tfi At.cA