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SI Two pals who used to dine togeth er in a certain little out-of-the-way cafe in lower New York met as usual when the clock struck 6. The younger man always ate twice as much as the older man and was the subject of mncli joshing about it Finally, when they had arrived at the cigars the older man started his kid ding. "Well, Joey," said he, "you certain ly have eaten your fill tonight I don't see how you manage it" "Oh, it's simple enough," answered the other. "You see, I come by it honestly. I take after both my fa ther and mother one ate a long while and the other ate a great deaL" An Irishman who lived in New York lost his watch and notified the police station. The desk sergeant jollied a little about it and finally promised to "leave no stone unturned in New York until it was restored to its owner." " Pat, proud of this attention, went home to his wife and supper and told of his experience.- "Why, Pat" says she, "shure an' ye left yer watch home in yer other pants!" . , Indeed that was exactly what he had done. The next morning as Pat went to work he saw some men digging a sewer in the street "Ye needn't moin that now," he told the foreman, "fer Oi found it!" o o HIS MIND RELIEVED AT LAST Parson I was glad to see you at meeting last night, brother. Village Sguse Was that where I pas? wen, I'll oe jiggered! Dallas 8WS. A BUSINESS MAN - ft? m, Newly Rich Husband. Now yoa want to take the initiative, do you? We're taking more magazines than we can afford right now! ( IT SEEMED THAT WAY ! The farmer, wearing a long, face, entered the country drug store. "I've cot something wrong with mv sto- fmach," he announced, "and I want you to give me something for it" "All right," replied the apothecary cheerfully; "what are your symp- toms?" "Every little while something seems to rise up and settle back, and then by-and-by it rises up and set tles back again." The druggist stroked his chin re flectively. "Look here," he said gravely; "yoa haven't gone and swallowed an ele vator, have you?" Ladies' Home Journal. TODAY'S BELLRINOER A society girl approached Caruso' in the Hotel Knickebocker, .New York, the other day. "Mr.Caruso, can't Iput you down for a couple of tickets? We are get- ting up a raffle for a poor man " "My dear," returned the singer, breaking in. "I wouldn't know what to do with a poor man if I won him." .?. 'At imAa.-j --, ft)-- - fr.tffiilfiiiiiiiiii