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Newspaper Page Text
Two pals who used to dine togeth
er in a certain little out-of-the-way
cafe in lower New York met as usual
when the clock struck 6.
The younger man always ate twice
as much as the older man and was
the subject of mncli joshing about it
Finally, when they had arrived at the
cigars the older man started his kid
ding. "Well, Joey," said he, "you certain
ly have eaten your fill tonight I don't
see how you manage it"
"Oh, it's simple enough," answered
the other. "You see, I come by it
honestly. I take after both my fa
ther and mother one ate a long
while and the other ate a great deaL"
An Irishman who lived in New
York lost his watch and notified the
police station. The desk sergeant
jollied a little about it and finally
promised to "leave no stone unturned
in New York until it was restored to
its owner." "
Pat, proud of this attention, went
home to his wife and supper and
told of his experience.-
"Why, Pat" says she, "shure an'
ye left yer watch home in yer other
pants!" . ,
Indeed that was exactly what he
The next morning as Pat went to
work he saw some men digging a
sewer in the street
"Ye needn't moin that now," he
told the foreman, "fer Oi found it!"
HIS MIND RELIEVED AT LAST
Parson I was glad to see you at
meeting last night, brother.
Village Sguse Was that where I
pas? wen, I'll oe jiggered! Dallas
A BUSINESS MAN
Newly Rich Husband. Now yoa
want to take the initiative, do you?
We're taking more magazines than
we can afford right now! (
IT SEEMED THAT WAY !
The farmer, wearing a long, face,
entered the country drug store. "I've
cot something wrong with mv sto-
fmach," he announced, "and I want
you to give me something for it"
"All right," replied the apothecary
cheerfully; "what are your symp-
"Every little while something
seems to rise up and settle back, and
then by-and-by it rises up and set
tles back again."
The druggist stroked his chin re
flectively. "Look here," he said gravely; "yoa
haven't gone and swallowed an ele
vator, have you?" Ladies' Home
A society girl approached Caruso'
in the Hotel Knickebocker, .New
York, the other day.
"Mr.Caruso, can't Iput you down
for a couple of tickets? We are get-
ting up a raffle for a poor man "
"My dear," returned the singer,
breaking in. "I wouldn't know what
to do with a poor man if I won him."
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