Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1949 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
By Helen Goode
"No, sir; I ain't the sort of man to
do things by halves," said Alpheus
T. Jumper. "When I ordered this
mansion built I told the architect:
'None of your one-man styles for me.
I'm going to have a bit of everything.
Gothic and Renaissance, and a Colo
nial porch and a Jacob bathroom, and
a Elizabethan furnace. That's the
sort of a man I am.'
'Now, I put it up to you. I -want
my mansion furnished proper. I don't
care what it costs me, but I'm going
to have a bit of everything, to show
I'm up to date. Now, I've got a list
of the styles I want First, the chairs.
Them's going to be Louis Quinze.
The tables will be Louis Seize. The
rockers will be Sheraton. The beds
will be Adam. The bookshelves will
be mission. See?"
The furniture dealer saw. He saw
about $12,000 of solid profit for him
and he resolved not to be balked.
"All right," Mr. Jumper," he an
swered. "I guess we won't have any
trouble in fixing you up."
"Mind you don't," growled the mil
lionaire, who had recently built a
house in the town. I warn you right
now, everything's got to be genuine.
The furniture dealer retired to so
liloquize over the situation. Finally
he arranged with Mr. Jumper, at the
tetter's suggestions, that Jumper
should call at his store and inspect
The assortment of gimcracks that
the furniture man proposed to palm
off on Mr. Jumper would beggar de
scription. It would not have deceived
anybody with half an eye and quarter
of a brain, but the dealer shrewdly
surmised that Mr. Jumper's brusque
ness hid a deep gullibility. Alpheus
T. Jumper had appeared from the
west somewhere in Michigan, it was
believed-a-and he had plans of spend-,
ing his declining years in the home
as he said of his boyhood days.
The dealer's anticipated profit had
already leaped up to $15,000 on a
$16,000 deal when Mr. Jumper ap
peared. "Fakes, every one of 'em," he an
The dealer was greatly wounded.
"I assure you you are mistaken,
sir," he replied. "I have been par
ticularly careful to instruct my
agents to inquire scrupulously into
the history of every piece before I
Called on the Millionaire
purchased it If you reject this
sir, it will beggar me."
"How do you know your agents ire
speaking the truth?" demanded Mr.
"Why, Mr. Jumper! They are&ll
men of strictest integrity, maiily
sons of the impoverished nobility of
France, who have ransacked thjir
districts for just such ancient piees
as these." I
"Ancient!" snorted Mr. JumpV.
"Do you suppose I mean to buy fv