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Newspaper Page Text
(TJPeNVfvPRfSOTTMap FIGURE-ATIVELY SPEAKING Things were slack in the office, as he manager was on a holiday. The chief clerk thought, therefore, it was his chance of wooing the stenog rapher. "Just one kiss," he begged fervently. "Certainly not!" replied the girl qoldly. "I'd as soon kiss a snake as you!" "That'a all right then, said the man calmly. "I saw you kiss a snake yesterday." "W-w-what!" ' "Yes, you kissed the bookkeeper y and he's an adder, you know." COMMON SENSE "I wouldn't go out at the end qf every act, my boy. Beastly bad ' form." , "i don't go out to drink. I tele , phone home and get bulletins from ; the maid about the condition of the f pan under the ice box. My wife can't CZ. enjoy the opera unless she knows there is no danger of that pan run.- ULUg uver. 0 0 V TODAY'S BELLRINGER Wm. J. Burns, the famous detec ,tive, tells of once putting two burg lars through the "third degree." Fi--nally, after the leader had confessed, he loudly made this resolution: i "S'elp me, boss, it's the last time I'll ver go in with an ex-plumber. That guy always came off without tfle tools." o o AT THE FRONT Private A Wot kind of cigarets have you got? ivate B (handing him one) 'Flor de Kitchener." ." Private A (puffing) They'd floor tetter men than Kitchener. o o ALAS, POOR VENUS Corntossle (at art museum) Ma ine, the sign on that Venus de Milo Isays "Hands off." Now, any foo fcould see that GOOD ADVICE FOLLOWED Delia Father fussed yesterday be cause I was going shopping in these light clothes. Stella What did you do? Delia Oh, rather than argue I obeyed him I put on heavier ear rings. o o HENPECKED s-.. .. "John, I bought you a bottle of thai new hair restorer." "Thanks. It's very thoughtful of you to try to put back somfci of the hair you have robbed me of Jane." . .. ?- A--aa,