Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1963 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
OLD, BUT WORTH REPEATING
An uneducated Scotsman made a
fortune. One-'day he and an ac
quaintance were talking, -when the
latter said to old Duncan:
"Say, Duncan, you don't know
enough to go in when it rains. Why,
you can't even spell 'bird'."
"B-u-r-d," said Duncan.
"I tell you you don't know any
thing. Why, if you had to spell to
making a living you'd have been
dead years ago. Ill bet you a hun
dred you can't spell 'bird'."
"Ill tak' ye," quickly replied Dun
can. After the money was put up Dun
can said, "B-i-r-d."
"That ain't the way you spelled it
the first time."
"I wasna bettin' then."
A certain British statesman was
speaking in the North of England, in
an endeavor to raise recruits. Sud
denly he spied a tall youth in the
"How it Is?" cried the speaker,'
"that you are not at the front?"
"I kin hear just as well back here,"
answered the yokel.
A SURE THING
"I ask you, sir, would you take
your daughter to see a play like
"And I answer you, sir: No; but
the chances are nine to one that she
has already seen it" Judge.
"Seems to me," said Jingleton,
"that the kaiser's got a lot of nerve
to invade Egypt"
"Yes," said Tompkins, "but just
think of all the sand it will take out
of the allies if he succeeds."
Barber Your hair is 'very thin on
Patron I'm glad of that I hate
AnCTA! T?nWPT VMY K TlSl?
feERMAX; TEASUBER LIKE A
BECAUSE HE'S 60T THE
Binks I bought a quarter's worth,
of that anti-bug powder you recom
mended. Jinks How did it work?
Binks Well, I gave one big bug a
whole dose and vhe's very sick I
think another package will kill him!