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Newspaper Page Text
LUNCH AND LITERATURE
The large and husky Mr. Mooze
had recently been deprived of several
internal organs by the surgeons and
was recovering so rapidly that he
began to dream of hashed browned
potatoes, T-bone steaks smothered
in onions, custard pie and other deli
cacies. The hospital diet of warm
milk was beginning to make him
Finally the nurse gladdened his
.soul by the announcement that, to
. day he was to have "some food."
But the "food" consisted of a few
spoonsful of grueL
"Huh!" remarked Mr. Mooze after
he had gulped the disappointing
"meal," "now you might bring me a
postage stamp, nurse."
"What for?" asked the nurse.
"Oh, I think I'll do some reading!"
VALUE OF A HORSE
In an Ohio town there was a gro
ceryman who kept the most emaciated-looking
horse in the whole
state. One day the delivery boy drove
one of the nags a bit too hard, and,
finding a soft spot in the lower end
of the township, the horse lay downJ
and peacefully died. .
"I'm awfully sorry, Mr. Brown,"
said the agitated boy. "I didn't go
to do it"
"You are sorry, are you?" "yelled
the agitated Mr. Brown. "Well, is
that going to pay me for the loss of
"No, sir," answered the "boy. "I
will pay for the horse, all right You
can take him out of my next week's
Clerk (to Tommy Atkins who has
asked to see some silver name
brooches) Here you are. Take your
choice. Ethel, Maud, Gladys, PearL
Dolly any of these?
Tommy Yes, all those but Gladys.
And I'll have Polly and Alice too, if
tyou've got 'em. Punch.
SHE UNDERSTOOD CHILDREN
Mrs. Smith My new girl left be
cause of our children.
Mrs. Jones I thought you adver
tised for a woman who understood
Mrs. Smith She did understand
them that's why she left
"What was the gist of Lloyd
George's plea for more munitions?"
Remember, girls, if you look at a
valestine real close you'll find it don't
look much like a marriage license,