Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1949 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
THERE'S TALENT AND TALENT
Pat Brennan of San Francisco is
the man who invented the alibi. Pat
has been pulled three times recently.
First time, for stealing a pair of
shoes, he told this story:
" "It was raining and a kind-hearted
man took off his shoes and said:
'Here, take 'em, Pat You need the
shoes worse than I do.' "
Next time Pat purloined an auto
mobile top. This was his excuse:
"I was asleep in a doorway and i$
began to pour, when a real gentle
man came along and was so afraid
I would get wet he took off his auto
top and put it over me."
Last time the charge against Pat
was trying to swipe a barrel of wine.
The judge thought he had him, for
Pat was caught with the goods.
"Judge, I was walking down a hill
when along come this barrel of wine.
I stopped it and started to roll it back
up to its owner when the cops
The judge gave up, with:
"You are too fine a liar to go to
jail, Pat. Run along wid ye, now!"
Pat's running his best, trying to pre
vent a job being forced on him by the
A certain lawyer who was a can
didate for a municipal office went out
canvassing one day and knocked at
a cottage door. The " door was
opened by a woman.
"Is your husband in, Mrs. ?"
inquired the lawyer.
"No, sir," was the reply, "but I
know what you want My husband
is sure to vote for you because you
got him off for stealing that ham
"No, no; alleged stealing of the
ham," corrected the lawyer.
"Alleged be blowed!" was the
woman's smiling reply. "We've got a
bit of it left stilL Lemme give you
ta sandwich of it, sir,"
UK Li-ffLe LOUDER)
t&forrtNG FOR -THE
SPHYNX 1& MAKE A
-SXE-BCW ON PREPAREDNESS
"What did you say your age was?"
he remarked between dances.
"Well, I didn't say," smartly re
turned the girl, "but I've just reached
"Is that so?" he returned, consol
ingly. "What detained you."
A friend of mine underwent an aw
fully painful operation the other day
they cut off his whisky.