OCR Interpretation

The day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, June 14, 1916, LAST EDITION, Image 17

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83045487/1916-06-14/ed-1/seq-17/

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Unnatural History by Eugene Ahern
The Panhandler
Oh! lookit the airdale.
That isn't no airdale, that's a pan
handler. What's a panhandler? A
(censored) nuisance.
A panhandler is the most unfor
tunate man in the world. With
every big train wreck, earthquake,
flood or steamship disaster he loses
a wife and is left with seven kids on
his hands.
He must like red raspberry pie,
doesn't he?
Why, what made you think so?
Well, his nose is so red.
No, innocent, that isn't from red
raspberry pie you mean rye.
What's he reaching in his pocket
for, a small edition of the encyclo
pedia? No! He sees some one com
ing along that he's going to touch
and is fishing out an onion so he can
have some honest-to-goodness tears
handy when he stalks up to his prey
and renders this heartstring-twist-ing,
sob sonata (read this part "di-
minuendo," meaning soft and low, to
get the proper effect).
"Say, boss, I'm a macaroni bend
er. I just breezed in town an' I won't
get my check till tomor-er. Could
yuh help a feller out with a twin jit
ney so's I could get sumpin to eat?
I hates to do this, guvnor "
o o
All roads lead to Success, but your
getting there depends on how you
drive your veihcle.
As a reward for good conduct
Johnny was taken to the zoo by his
mother. Just before starting John
ny and his Aunt Mary had a decided
difference of opinion as to what did
or did not constitute clean ears and
a clean neck.
Arriving at the zoo they soon came
across a curious-looking animal.
"What's that?" asked Johnny.
"That's an anteater, dear," sai4
his mother.
A determined look came over
Johnny's face.
"Say, mummy," he said, "tomor
row let's bring Aunt Mary out here."
Ladies' Home Journal.
o o
A merry party was going on in the
bedroom of the host at a large hotel,
when the festivities were interrupt
ed by a waiter who said: -
"Gentlemen, I have been sent to
ask you to make less noise. The gen
tleman in the next room says he
can't read."
"Can'tread!" replied the host "Go
and tell him that he ought to be
ashamed. Why I could read when I
was five years old." Ladies' Home
o o
m aw
'im' ofttea meii-f i asked
MY Sif?L. WHf?e AR6 TOU
L.OtM&r AM" 5H 5AID'-trtAYS
..MY APFAlR " AN' I 3UsT
Whether sue was
goihc -fb Tri'ope'RA og

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