Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1943 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
new york onct they used to say
to be sure ybur rite then go ahead,
but that dont hold so good now anny
more i think for now a feller ought
to be sure he can lick him befour you
start something & i aint referring to
no ihternashional ruff neck stuff
eethr but to what happened down
on 3 ave the" other day
theres a feller who runs a beenery
there that dont like whiskers on a
feller & he likes to have his littel
goak with men what has long beards
hanging down by pulling them & say
ing baaa, just like that, & evryboddy
but the feller with the beard laffs
sum times mr. williums is too ruff
with the fellers beards & they get
sore at him but it dont do no good
for they just call him names & dont
lite in on Him
when this feller walked in for some
hamand the other day mr. williums
said o, look at that fine chin curtin
the lad is waring & he reeched over
& made a grab at it
dont do that agin, the "feller said,
but mr. williums just baaaed at him
& give the whiskers a big jolt
then something started, for the fel
ler with the beard was the strong
man showing at a theayter about 3
he grabbed mr. williums' & pulled
him over the counter and wiped up
the floor with him & prescented him
with a cuppel of black lamps & jar
red oup a bunch of his teeth, made 1
ear look like a peace of raw beef
stake & then tossed him threw the
plate glass into the street
i betcher when mr. williums comes
outer the hospital he will find out
whose back of' the beard befour he
AINT NATURE WONDERFUL!
Unnatural History by Gene Ahern
My! he's a happy looking guy,
about as jovial looking as the inside
of a hearse. The crab is the mean,
grouchy pest that wants everybody
to feel and think the way he does.
Always knocking everything and ev
erybody. No big office is complete without
its crab.. He's-the buy that greets
your "Good morning" and "Howdy"
by lettingrit slide right over his head,
just like an unchalked cut slipping
off a billiard ball (which, by the way,
is no different than a crab's head).
The crab's favorite dish is bawling
out bell hops, waiters, telephone op
erators and messenger boys, but you
never see them giving the chin goods
to a cop.
The crab is as popular as measles
and as welcome in any crowd as a
.burglar in a savings bank. If you
want to get a crab's animal always
go around with grin on your face,
one of those kind of grins you hava
when you get a raise.
SO ANNOYING '
A very inquisitive man was sitting
at table next a man who had lost'
an arm above the elbow.
"I see you have lost an arm," final
ly was ventured.
The one-armed man picked up his
empty Sleeve and peered into it.
"Great Scott! I believe I have," he
answered. Chrisian HerakL
-......-. .-..- MmMmi