Newspaper Page Text
Being single' and his mother and
sisters being well provided for by the
business, a patriotic Scottish grocer
decided to enlist, leaving his assist
ant, one Mackay, in charge. But a
few months later the master was
dumbfoundedHo meet his late assist
ant, attired in khaki, "somewhere in
"Hie mon," he said, angrily, "did
I no' tell ye tae stay at hame in
- chairge o' ma shop?"
"So I thocht at'the time, maister,"
replied Mackay, "but I sune fun' oot
it wisna only the shop I waS in
chairge o', but a' yer womenfolk.
'Man,' ses I tae maaelf, gm ye've got
to fecht gangn' fecht some one yev
can nit: ao i jmea.
"Not long ago," said a judge, "a
colored wQman came into court to
vsee what coiJd be done about secur-
, ing a pardon for her husband, who
was in jail ' r
" 'What was your husband sen
tenced for?" I asked.
" 'Ah ain't shuah, jedge, but Ah
thinks ,'twuz emblaneonment!' was
"Freddie," said the teacher, "Can
youtell tne the meanlng'of the word
' "Sure, I can," replied Freddie.
"Dessert Is the stuff you get a little
bit of for eating a whole lot of things
you don't like." N. Y. World.
. -Q o.
Teacher Johnny, can you tell me
what a hypocrite, is?
Johnny Yes, ma'am. It's a boy
what comes to "school with a. smile
on his face.
BeggarI haven't tasted food for
a month. , ' .
Dyspeptic . You ain't missing
much. It's the same old taste.
The Gin Hound
"Oh! y' shoulda seen me las' night,
heh! heh! I went out with a couple
a fellas ajt we .took in every gin mill
in town, an' say, was I slopped' up?
Oh, hoy! First I started off with
Scotch and soda, threw in some Por
to Ricans, a coupla ginger highs an'
then finished off with beer washes."
You've heard this music from some
"gin hound," haven't you, Emil? Yes,
many of 'em, Geqrge, .They delight
in telling people an' tryin' to make
them think they're regular "sun
dodgeps" with them being "gmned"
and having a swell "tee on These
soft heads think getting soused is an
accomplishment Going around chin
ning about it is what kidnaps our an
gora. Arthur, the "gin hound's"
brain is so small it has more room in
the inferior of his nib to roam around
In than a pig has in a 40-acrevlot.
"Have .you anything to say why
sentencBsbould not be passed on
you?" asked the judge.
"Not a word. I made speephes the
last three times I was convicted and
they didn't seem to do me any good,"
replied the prisoner.
"Oh, papa!" exolalmed the sweet
young thing, "I got something in my
eye this afternoon while out walk
ing." "Did it have wings or trousers, ay
dear?," asked wise papa.