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Newspaper Page Text
GET 'EM ALL
When charged with being' drunk
and disorderly and asked "what he
had to say for himself, the prisoner
gazed pensively at the magistrate,
smoother down a remnant of gray
hair and said:
"Your honor, man's inhumanity to
man makes countless thousands
mourn. I'm not as debased as Swift,
as profligate as Byron, as dissipated
as Poe, as debauched as r "
"That will do," thundered the mag
istrate. "Ten days! And oflicer,
take a list of those names and run
'em in. They are as bad a lot as
NO NEED TO ASK
Little Elsie came home from a
neighbor's house munching a cookie.
"Now, Elsie," her mother reproved
her, "how many times have I told
you not to ask Mrs. Brown for
"I didn't ask her," returned Elsie
calmly; "I don't have to. I know
where she keeps them." Ladies'
HOW ABOUT THE WOODS?
Mabel had been experiencing
camp life for several days with her
parents when she said to her mother:
"Things are awfully hard to find in
a tent, aren't they? "
"I don't think so," the mother re
plied. "What gives you that idea?"
"Oh," said Mabel, "there aren't
enough places to look."
- o o
HIS BASIC THOUGHT
Victim What has happened?
Where am I?
Doctor You have been seriously
injured in a trolley accident. But
cheer up you will recover.
Victim How much?
c o ,'
"What caused Jones to resign from
the presidency of the Don't Worry
AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL
A dairy lunch is a training school
for jugglers, tight rope walkers and
contortionists. An actor with a
tough case of stage fright Is in honey
compared to a fellow making his
initial appearance in a dairy lunch.
After he gets his order at the coun
ter and has the grub pjled up all over
him he looks like the hall-tree at a
Saturday night poker party. Then
he haB to high hurdle around the
course and dodge the other fellows
with food hanging all over them until
he finds an empty dairy lunch chair
that lost an arm "somewhere in
Prance" and when he does fincl one
(if the place stays open that late) he
discovers he lost all his food on the
expedition. The only way a beginner
can enjoy a dairy lunch is to eat a
meal before he goes in!
. o o
HELPING FATHER OUT
"Oh, John!" exclaimed the young
mother happily; "the baby can
"Good for him!" Teturned the-
cruel father. "Then he can walk the
floor with himself at night."
Ladies' Home Journal.
BEYOND HER LIMIT
The Manager You've jumped over
the cliff all right and you faced the
lions and tigers in fine shape. Now
you capture a live mouse with your,
bare hands and
Movie Actress Not for a. mi11iia