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Newspaper Page Text
RULE OF A HIGHER COURT
'Do yon realize, John Hays, that
you are guilty of contempt of court,
air, and that you may be sent to the
chain gang. for six months for refus
ing to go home quietly? I "win per
mit you to join your family if your
court conduct shows you -worthy of
parole. Once again, -will you go di
rectly home from here?" The judge
was plainly indignant. 4
But Hays merely shivered and
stubbornly shook his head, "No, sir."
"Am I to understand you prefer
jail to home?" his honor demanded.
"Have you no conscience?"
"It ain't my conscience, judge,"
Hays replied sadly, "it's my mother-in-law.
She dared me to come back."
Case and Comment
LOVE'S LABOR LOST
At a certain church it is the invari
able custom of the clergyman, to kiss
the bride after the "ceremony A
young, woman who was about to be
married instructed her prospective
husband to tell the clergyman that
she did not wish him to kiss hei;
"Well, Harry," said the young
woman, "did you tell the minister I
did not wish him to kiss me?"
"And what did he say?"
"He said that in that case he'd
charge only half the usual fee."
'Tm going to be married soon."
"How old are you?"
"You will surprise people."
"Yes, I guess so. I don't know
what my bachelor chums will say."
o o "
"HoW useless girls are today. I
don't believe they knowvwhat needles
"How absurd you are, grandma,"
protested the girL "They're to make
the graphophone play." Detroit
AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL!
By Gene Ahern
Traveling With the Champions
When on the train and playing
poker with baseball scribes, the Bos
ton Red Sox, American league cham
pions, keep their mohey in theii
pockets, instead of on top of the.
Pitcher Ernie Shore is the tallest
man on the Red Sox team. The title
of shortest man changes each night
after the poker game.
Trying to get rid of a Canadian
quarter in Boston Ib like trying to
locate the hips on an eeL
With the gate receipts sale so far,
a bumper "bean" Crop is expected in
When Pitcher Rube Mays, who
throws underhanded baff,' strikes out
a batter, the humiliated batsman can
not say: "It's an underhanded trick,"
because it ain't, and then again, it is.
o o '
A PERFECT STRANGER
For several days Mandy, the faith
ful c'odk, failed to put in an appear
ance. Her mistress made anxious in
quiries and found to her 'dismay
that Mandy had been arrested. She
hastened to the court-room to see
what could be done.
"Why, Mandy!" she exclaimed,
"what in the world have you been
doing to get arrested?".
"Ah, ain't been doin' nothin' 'tall,
Mis' Anna," was he indignant re
ply. "All dis heah fusS is bout a lady
named Mis Demeanor and Ah ain't
neveh ever heahed of her hefo'!"
little Boy That lady that talked
to me in the park gave me some
Mother I hope you Were polite.
Little Boy Yes, ma, I was.
Mother What did you say?
Little Boy I said I wished pa had
met her before he got acquainted
with you. ,
"A -"" "" .AM