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Newspaper Page Text
THE TRIB GOES TO WAR. Ex
. dov. Dunne owes Dlinois and the na
tion an apology for having, in an un
guarded moment, yanked Bertie
McCormick, of the Trib-, out of civic
life by giving him a license to 'wear
a major's uniform. For the Trib's
been war-mad ever since. As soon
as the maje got his title and his uni
form that goes with it, he majed in
uniform all over war-stricken Eu
rope, and then came home and apt
pointed himself maje-in-chief of the
American army. He ordered 500,000
of it into Mexico and threw a bunch
of fits when it didn't go. What he
dkl to President Wilson for forget
ting to read the Trib and obey orders
was a plenty. Then the maje took
personal charge of the preparedness
campany, and incidentally of the
kaiser's interest in America. Now
that a diplomatic break has come
with Germany, and without either
the connivance or consent of the
maje, said maje has taken charge of
the army and navy, to say nothing
of the national guard and boy scouts,
and is laying out the plan of cam
paign If we really get into war. Hav
ing ordered himself before a con
gressional committee to tell 'em all
about war, and having printed liberal
extracts from hisvolunteer testi
mony in his own newspaper, Maje
McCormick, in the name of the
American people, orders the presi
dent and congress to- act And he
leaves nothing to their imagination.
He tells 'em whaf to do with the
navy, the, naval militia, the army and
the population in general. He tells
the navai and general staff of the
army what he wants done, and noti
fies 'em he wants it done p.'d. q.
Maje Wienerwurst McCormick also
orders all the captains of industry to
Washington and tells 'em what to do
when they get there.
Some sojer, that maje of ours.
That Atlas guy who toted the world
around on his shoulders tackled a
man's size job, but before Bertie gets
through he'll be standing on the
horizon in his maje uniform, jug
gling the sun, moon and stars as if
they were so many codfish balls. Of
course-there is a danger the kaiser
might hear about it and recall him.
PREVENT SWITCH TRACK TO
When Aid. Michaelson tried to jam
through a switch track ordinance
which would make a ipiece of prop
erty owned by the mayor and his re
latives more valuable, he was balked
by the local industries committee
yesterday. The land is at Carroll av.
and Ann st. '
The Cox Coal Co., which has a
plant near the spot.bbjected that the
switch track would decrease the
value of its property.
MILK TO GO UP PRODUCERS
WILL INCREASE PRICE
The Milk Producers' ass'n, which
sells most of the milk handled by
Chicago dairies, notified the retail
firms that another raise in price was
due April 1 when the contract be
tween dealer and producer is up. The
new price will be $2 for 48 quarts.
Retail dealers passed the buck by de
claring a raise in price to 10 cents
per quart to consumers would fol-
low. , g MtiA
BOARD OF TRADE TO PAY
Back taxes owed by Board of
Trade brokers on "scratch sales"
made on the trading floor will be
paid, members of the board declared
yesterday.. This will bring in about
$100,000. under the stamp act of
1914, which asks a cent for the gov
ernment on each sale over $100.
Brokers refused to pay until the
federal grand jury started "an inves
tigation of their actions.
Kenneth K. Spear, 4736 Lake Park
av., sued for divorce. Wife charges
cruelty. Says he is "man of per
verted and abnormal disposition."