OCR Interpretation

The day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, March 23, 1917, NOON EDITION, Image 17

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83045487/1917-03-23/ed-1/seq-17/

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Chewing Gum.
Chewing gum is a piece of rubber
tire without a backbone flavored with
a smell. A good tire will average
about 5,000 miles, but the mileage of
a stick of gum is unlimited. The
original flavor in- a stick of gum soon
exits and then "it's like chewing a
chunk of 24-hour boiled tripe.
But expert gum wrestlers never
throw away a wad of gum that has
all the taste un chewed. Eaohay
they give it a different flavor such as
brass bed flavor, movie seat taste,
office furniture flavor, etc. .Then,
after a month or so it can be thrown
on the sidewalk or floor for somebody
to step on so they can give an imita
tion of a fly schottishing across a
stack of wheats flooded with New
Orleans molasses.
The gum landscape on the under
part of movie seats and soda foun
tain chairs makes the rocky moun
tain scenery look flatter than Mexican
beer. The more modern movie hous
es don't have the wire hat holders
under the seats since a Chicago ge
nius got the hunch of letting George
Gum do it. Soon they'll have res
taurant signs reading, "Not respon
sible for hats, coats, articles, and
chewing gum."
The old gag. of walking away and
forgetting your umbrella now has
chewing gum for a teammate.
Chewing gum and talking at same
time is worthy of applause. Tele
phone operators win with this trick.
They've got it down so pat a clever
linguist can almost make out what
. they say.
"Why do you consider women su
perior to men in intelligence?""
"A bajd-headed ntan buys his re
storer by the bottle, doesn't he?"
- "Br yes."
"Well, a woman doesn't waste time
on a hair restorer; she buys hair.
Tit-Bits. J
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Judge, You weren't satisfied to
at a dinner at, the complainant's
restaurant, but you went off with,
the forks and spoons besides.
Prisoner I know, yer honor, but
I took them from honest motives. 1
want to pawn them to raise money
to pay him for the dinner.

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