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Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, February 17, 1881, Image 6

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn84009409/1881-02-17/ed-1/seq-6/

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Two Lover*.
Two lover* by * niooi-grown spring—
They loaned Holt cheek*together there
Mingled the dark and sunny hair.
And hoant the wooing thnuhea sing.
Oh, budding time T
Oh, lovo's Meat prime T

Two wedded Irom the portal slept;
The Iwlla made happy carrtdiuga.
The air wa* toll as tanning winga.
While petals on the pathway swept.
Oh, pure-eyed bride!
Oh, tender bride I
'two lacee o'er a eradle bent
Two hands alx>ve the bead were loeked;
I'heee preaaed each other while they rooked;
Three watched e lite that love bed eent.
Oh, solemn hour!
Oh, hWilen power f
Two parents by the evening Are;
The rod light teU about their knees.
On hiads that rose by slow degrees
Like buds upon the ldy spire.
Oh, patient lite!
Ob, tender strile!
The two still sat together there;
The red light shone about their knees.
But all the heads by slow degrees
Had gone and leit the lonely [air.
Oh, voyage lust!
Oh, vanished [mat'
The red light shone shoot the floor
And auulo the space bet ween them wide;
They di ew their ebairs up side by side,
Their pule cheeks Joined, and said "Once
more !*
Oh, memories'
Oh, past that is!
Ciorgt UlicL
WINNING GOOD LUCK.
As the rreat clock in the counting
room of Baronc Brothers, hankers,
■truck five, Mr. Ruius Warner,
chief bookkeeper and confidential
clerk, looked up at it musingly and
closed his ledgers for the day. It was
time now to go home; but be did not
remember any one day of his life that
had ever been so short. Bince he had
unfolded his morning paper and read,
with considerable amazement, n cer
tain small advertisement, be had been
in a state of happy perplexity and
blissful castle-building.
"If.this should meet the eyes of
Rufus Warner (He had read it twenty
times or more during the afternoon)
If this should meet the eyes of Rufua
Warner, who remembers Joey Trexler.
he will hear of something worth know
iog by addressing Toaquo A Tarbox,
At.torneys-at- law, Chicago."
Two or three of the other clerks said
the advertisement meant that be was
about to "strike a streak of luck." But
who was Jcey Trexler, tbey asked.
And that was just whul pcaxkd Rufus
Warner: Who was Joey Trexler? In
the evening, though, after he had shut
himself up alone in his room, and sat
down before the open fire, in dressing
gown and slippers, it occurred to him.
Joey Trexler! Why, of course, be re
membered him very well. How stupid
be had been not to recollect him sooner 1
Hi had met the man long ago, when
he, Itufna, was fifteen year* old, and
coming up to the rity the first time. He
was not likely to forget that period of
his life. The day was a chilly, lone
some one, late in November, and the
roads were frown and rough, so that the
lumbering old stage-roach in which be
rode from Perry ville jolted at every turn
of the wheels. He remembered, too,
bow dreary the fields looked, with their
tall bunches ot cornstalks dotting
them here and there, and the leaves on
the trees were all turned and falling
along the roadside. About dark it be
gun to snow a little, and Joey Trexler
(be was the driver) lumped down from
his box and lighted the lamps at the
■ides of the coach. Thai the other
passengers—two old gentlemen and an
old lady—drew the bnflalo robes abont
them and gave up ta king some time.
As for himself, he had enough to think
about, while he sat huddled in one
corner, watching throngh one of the
windows the flicker of the lamp at that
side and the gathering gloom without.
By-and-bye, however, ooeof the old gen
tlemen disturbed him.
"Going fur?" he asked. "Maybe
I on oughtn't to fali asleep,"
" I am going to the city," Kolas an
swered. "I am not asleep."
"Going to the city, arc yon? Well,
now, that's quite a piece for a lad like
you to you alone. Folks live there?"
"No."
The coach jolted along some distance
before the man spoke to him again;
and it grew darker and darker, so that
they could not see each other very
plainly. After a while, though, the old
gentleman attempted once mere to start
conversation.
•• Belong down in the country here
somewhere, I roppose?" he inquired.
" In Perryvilie," Ruftm returned.
"Tour father keeps itor* there,
asaybe?"
" He is dead."
"Dead? Shawl I'm sorry to hear
It. Mother Bring I™
" No."
The coach lurched. tb mww b)w
ajainst the windows, aad the lamps
•hot up an intra flat
"So you're au orpkmnT"said the old
lady, in a sympathetic tone, from her
•earner
" Yea, ma'am."
Here tlio conversation ended a second
time; for the horses wore now seeking
their way in the dark, and the coach
swayed to and fro, making it necessary
that tho occupants should guard
against being thrown from their
seats. Rufus. tired and weary,
wondered if they would ever reach the
end of tho journey. He dozed once, in
spite of the uncomfortable condition of
things, and awoke with s start. Then
tie dosed again iti earnest and dreamed
vaguely. Now ho was in his room at
home; and his mother was standing at
the side of the bed, looking down at
him. Next, everything was confusion
and the house wns filled with the neigh
bors. Somebody was telling him that
it was an auction, and that they were
selling all the furniture; that his annt
in the city had sent for him to visit her
until he got a chance to live somewhere
else. Finally, tho old house seemed to
be rocking with tho wind and the win
dows were rattling very loud; lights
were dashing here and there, also, and
people were calling one anotlior. Sud
denly he felt himself hurled to the floor
and heard a frightful crash.
"Whoa, Bess! Whoa, I say!" It was
the voice of the stage driver, calling to
his horses. Rufus wns wideawakenow,
and In an instant was aware that the
coach had tipped over. The two old
gentlemen, tho old lady and himsolf
were all in a heap together.
" Don't any of you move!" said one
of the men. " I've got a bold of the
door here above us, and can throw it
open."
He did so in a moment and crawled
out. His companion, after groaning
much and declaring that his legs were
both broken, managed to follow; and
then Rufus extricated himßclt from the
robes, and helped them assist the old
lady to climb out. She was much fright
ened, and had such difficulty in stand
ing that the two old gentle in< n forgot
their own aches at once, nnd carried Ler
to a house a rod or two up the road,
where a light glimmered. Ituius, inthc
meanwhile, hurried to unbuckle the
harness that the floundering
horses, which the driver was bawling
at from some place where he had been
thrown.
"That's right, ly! That's right!"he
( ?aid. as the horses sprang to their feet.
"Now give me n bit of a hand; for
something's the trouble with my left
leg and I'm gittin' drefTul weak."
Rufus, alter taking off the unbrokm
lamp on tho upper side of the coach and
ligh'ing it, discovered that the driver
wns pinned down in the snow by a part
of one of the wheels, which was resting
on his legs.
"There, that's it! Lift ag'in. my boy,
with ail your might!" the man said,
seizing the wheel himseif, also, and,
with a great effort, dragging his limbs
free.
He had scarcely achieved this, though,
before he fell back in a swoon ; and
Ruftis, holding the lamp over him, saw
that his ankle had been cut snd that it
was bleeding frightfully- But, instead
of being scared and running away to
the house for aid, Rufus took off a knit
scarf ho had about his neck and tied it
around the driver's leg, just above the
wound, as tight as he could draw it. He
had read somewhere that this was the
way to check bleeding from a vein or an
artery, and he had the satisfaction im
mediately of seeing tho appliance take
i fleet and the blood cease flowing so
rapidly. Then, exercising his wits
still furt her, lie rolled the man on one of
the buffalo robes ami dragged him over
the snow to the house.
In the end it turned out that Rufus'
promptness probably saved the driver's
life; at least, the doctor, when he
arrived, a half hour afterward, said as
much. Hut it all slipped out of Rufus'
mind the next day, as soon as he
reached the city, with its crowded
streets and whirl of excitement. Once
only before had he ever been there, and
the noise bewildered him for awhile.
Standing alone In the busiest part of
one of the great thoroughfares, he
watched the people coming and going,
until he became very homesick. He felt
poor and in* an. too, dressed in his coarse
country clothes; and it did not seem as
though he ever could find any chance
to earn his living in the city. In the
evening his aunt told him that lie ought
to get one of the newspapers in the
morning and look through tho adver- |
tisements of wnuU. This he did with
mnch eagerness, and, after an&wrring
two by letters, he selected one vacancy
to apply tor in person.
A lawyer wanted a boy to tend his
office and run errands. Rufus thought,
as be hurried along tho streets, that he
would be able to do that, and more
also, perhaps, if the lawyer would only
give him the opportunity. His hopes,
though, of obtaining even a trial expired
instantly as soon as he ascended the
first flight of stairs leading to the office
named in the advertisement. As many
as a hundred boys were already there
waiting for the piaoe; big and small,
some g d looking and others bail-look
ing, some well dressed and some rather
shabbily. A tall, slim gentleman, with
a prominent nose, red beard, and sharp
eyrt looking out through spectacles,
passed vp and through the crowd,
and, taking Rufus by thearm, drew him
inside the office.
•'Ever been in any office before?" he
asked, sharply.
" No, sir," Rufus answered, timidly,
" But-"
" Never mini any 'buu.' Just answer
my questions. Are you well acquainted
with the city?"
Rufus was compelled to answer nega
tively again ( upon which the man said.
abruptly, that ho would not do at all,
and motioned him out. Going down the
stairs ho felt a lump risein tils throat;
but he set his teeth together firmly and
looked straight ahead. On the sfdo
walk his thoughts were diverted a
moment or two by atsisting an old lady
Into an omnibus, and gathering up her
bundles for her politely; and then he
walked on—he did not know where ex
actly, nor care. Very lightly, however,
is our destiny sometimes seemingly
buffeted about. A word, an act, or a
look even frequently changes the whole
course of our lives; and by bis sligh
courtesy to the old lady Kufus found out
the next day that be bud won not a
little good luck.
After wandering about the city all
the morning, quite disheartened and
lonely, looking in at tho store
windows, resting in parks and
wandering how it ever came nbout
that he should be in sueh clrcum-
Btances, ho returned to his auit's.
Drenry enough it was there, though, in.
her prim little parlor; and, wanting
something to take up his attention, he
turned to the morning paper, and read
the advertisements again. One particu
larly attracted his notice. " A banking
house desired a bright, honcut boy as
messenger. Address T. O. Box 1308.'
Kufus sat down at the center-table and
wrote with much care a carefully
worded letter. Then he destroyed It,
and wrote another, and still another,
until he was satisfied he had done his
best. His father had taught him never
to halt do anything, nnd he remembered
now all his good advice. From his ex
piricnce at the lawyer's, moreover, ho
wns aware that thcro would be a great
ninny letters besides his, and be knew
that, it he did not make his excellent,
no attention would be given it among
the Others. And so it proved when, on
the following morning, lie stood in a
private room of the great banking-house
[ of Harone Brothers.
" A great many answers, my boy, a
great many," said the kind old gentle
man before whom he waited; " but I
have selected yours and one other as the
most worthy of our notice. The other
lad—yes, yes, let me see," looking at a
letter he held in his hand, while Kufus
grew nnxious. "He hns the advant age
of being familiar with the city and is
well recommended."
There was the old lady just over by the
fire that Kufus had helped into the
omnibus the day before, and smiling a
pleasant recognition nt him at this mo
ment. She went across to her husband
and whispered a word or two in his ear,
which settled the choice a*, once. In
ten minutes more Kufus was cn his way
hack to his aunt's, one of the happiest
boys in the city. That was the begin
ning of his employment with Barone
Brothers, bankers.
One day, three years afterward, it
happened that Kufus was intrusted by
the firm to carry some documents to n
gentleman living in a small village near
the State capital. As he did not arrive j
at the end of his journey until late he j
was obliged to remain in the village
over night at the hotel; and it was
at this time that he won ids next
good luck. While sitting on the
hotel piazza. in the evening, his atten
tion was attracted by an aristocratic
looking gentleman, who was pacing
to and fro on the gravel walk at the
foot of the steps, with n troubled, anx
ious manner. By-and-bye a man arrived
on horseback, for whom, it seemed, he
had been waiting, and both immedi
ately came up on the piazza and satdown
" Give yourself no fmther uneasiness,,
Mr. Wheeler," said the new-comer, in a
low tone. " The legislature is sure to
pass the Brower bill to-morrow. It is
all arranged, beyond doubt."
"And you arc sure that Barone
Brothers have no wayoffindingitoutf"
tho anxious gentleman nsked, dropping
his voice almost to a whisper, and look
ing around suspiciously.
" Yes, as sure as anybody can be."
Kufus had not been an intentional
listener; but woen he heard the name
of his firm mentioned his pulse began an
extra heat & two. The Brower bill!
What was itP He had never heard of
it liefore. Kvidcntly, though. Barone
Brothers ought to be informed that
it was about to come up before the
legislature. He went down on the
walk and strolicd around, trying to
decide what to do. The nearest tele
graph office was at tho railroad -lation.
about three miles away, and it would
not he open at that time c.f night But
he must be over there by three o'c.ock
in the morning, sure; tor the operator
would be on hand when the early ex
press passed. That was his determin
ation, and his message was:
"The Brower bill will pass to-day.
Perhaps Barone Brothers ought to know
It. Rurus."
Sitting up in bed and rubbing bis eyes,
old Mr. Robert Barone read tbe dis
patch, with amazement, just at day
light. Perhaps Barone Brothers ought
to know it I Goodness! He would say
they had 1 And he jumped out of bed
in a hurry. It meant that a new rail
road was to be* incorporated, and the
firm held bonds to the amount of a
million dollars, which they must not
think of selling now. Rufus Warner
was a valuable clerk, and should be
advanced, with doable salary, from that
day.
Seven years later, on the night when
tb recollection of Joey Trexler brought
to mind these errata which bad hap
pened since be had seen blm, Kufus
Warner recalled that little stroke of
fortune with the Brower Bill as the best
affair that bad occurred In his favor so
for. Could be ever forget his interview
with the head of the firm, on hi* return
from tho journey P Tho remembrance
of it Rave him pleasure, after all the
year* that had panned.
Ho got up out of the easy-tbair in
which ho wan Hitting, and walked about
tho room, flushed and animated. The
time had come, perhaps, when some
thinß Htill more lucky wan at hand;
but, for the world, ho could not guess
what It would bo. "If you ever want
a friend, my boy, call on Joey Trexler,"
the old stage-driver had said to him,
thoußh ho had never thought of it
nlnco. " You've rid a bare-backed horec
rnißhty pry iwo mile in this ere storm,
for a doctor; and I shan't forgit it."
It wan Thursday morning when Kufus
Warner discovered the advertisement,
and answered it an directed. A week
from that day the following dialogue
took place in Harone Brothers' priva e
ollico:
" Wal, wal, bless my eyes! Bo you're
that young shaver I took up from Perry
ville ten years ajo?"
" YCH, Mr. Trexler. I am Bufus
W arner."
"Wal,now, you've got to'oca man be
fore I'd a-beliovcd it. 'lhcse gentlemen
here tell mo, 100, that you've stuck to
it and worked up to be their head cltrk
That sounds well. Tho way to be
lucky is to make yourself lucky. That's
it. Keep a sharp look out, you know,"
rubbing his hands and smiling good
naturedly at Kufus and then at the
bankers. "I've been out in the West
ten years and have done pretty well in
land, you see. Something rather hand
some, maybe; and—look a-here, young
man—"
Mr. Trexlcr's face grew sober; and,
going over to Kufus, he whispered in
his ear loud enough to be heard a rod
distant:
" I've been talking with your em
ployers. and supposing—supposing, you
know. Joey Trexler |U*t gives you a
little lift to a partnership, eh? Is it
agreed f (live nie your hand, my boy!
j (live mo your hand!"
Kufus put out Uis trembling hand,
jll agreed.
Henry Claj's Bog.
Mr. Clay bad a fine Newfoundland
dog that was presented by an admiring
I friend who lived in Nova Scotia. The
dog was very intelligent, and the " Sage
of Ashiand "trained him with his own
hand to perform a number of wonderful
tricks, one of which is as fohow*. In
one of the pastures in which Mr. Clay
allowed his finest stock to run was a
line well, with a large trough attached,
by means of which the cattle were sup
plied with water. The water was
drawn from the wed by the bucket and
spindle system, but it required a great
deal of mnnual labor to keep It in opera
tion. To avoid this Mr. Clay con
structed a small treadmill, attached it
to the spindle ot the well with an
iron crank, and then trained the dog to
walk the treadmill. In this manner
the trough was kept constantly filled
with water, and the clever dog became
so aerustomcd to the performance that
without the necessity of being bid,7he
made it his duty to watch the well con
stantly and see that the trough always
had in it a sufficient supply of water to,
keep the coppers of the blooded stock
cool. Mr. Clay loved the dog. and win
very fond of watching him go through
the performan-c. Ho would always
have the performance exhibited to his
visitors, and when the good old canine
finally gave up the ghost, he had him
respectably buried, and erected at tbe
head of his grave an elegant marble
slab.
Remedy for Freezing.
If any part 'of the body gets fmxen
the very worst tiling to do is to apply
heat directly. Keep away from the fire.
Use snow il you can get it; if not. use
tho coldest possible water. Cast winter
our little boy of five years froie bis .foot
while out coasting at considerable dis
tance from the house. He cried all tbe
way home, and tho ca-c seemed pretty
had. I brought a big panful of snow
and put his feet into it, rubbing them
with the snow. But my hands could
not stand the cold. I was
alarmed to see him keep his feet in the
snow so long, but bo could not l>ear them
out of it. It was half an hour bcfcre he
would take them out, and then the pain
was all gone, and when I had wiped
tliem dry and rubbed them a little
he was entirely comfortable, put on his
stockings and shoos and went to play.
He never afterward had ally trouble
with his feet on rooount of this fretting.
His sister got her feet extremely cold,
and put them at once to the fire. Her
case at first was not so bad as her
brother's, but the result was much
worse. Her feet were very tender all
winter, and she suffered from chilblains.
Her toes bad a swollen, purple look,and
she had to take a larger sise of shoes .
American Agrimlturxtt.
Colts should never be shod at a
old. The feel increase in sine with the
rapidity of other parts of the frame, and
hence the fettering with iron is sure to
produoo contraction. It is soon enough
to put on shoes when the colt has
reached two years.
Good sweet milk contains one-fourth
more eugar than butter; this sugar turns
to acid, and if this acid is too much de
veloped before churning the coveted
aroma is destroyed.
Corn is being bc rned as fuel In the
looom >tiV'*s usjd on tbe St. Paul and
Chicago road.
Word* ol Wisdom.
Censure is tho tax a man pays to the
public for being eminent.
Trust a man to be good and true, and
if he is not yotir trust will tend to make
n im such.
Knowledge is proud that he knows so
much, wisdom M humble that he knows
no more.
Grout graciously what you cannot re
fuse Hafely, and conciliate those you
cann X conquei.
Nothing, except what flows from the
heart, can render even external man
nere truly pleasing.
If we would notfallinto things unlaw
ful, we must sometimes deny ourselves
in thingH that are lawful.
He who shows kindnes- toward ani
mals will display the name character
istics towar his fellow-men.
It Is with you as with piants; from
the first fruits they bear, we learn what
may be expected in the future.
Never reflect on a past action which
was done witli a good motive, and with
tie be st of judgment at the time.
Man wastes his mornings in antici
pating ids afternoons, and wastes his
afternoons in regretting his mornings.
Truth, justice and reason lose nil
tin ir force and all their luster when they
arc not accomplished by agreeable man
ners.
There are beads sometimes so little
that there is no room for wit, some
times BO long that there is no wit tor so
much room.
I)o you wish success in life ? Mate
! pcreevcrance your bosom friend, experi
ence your cider brother, and hope your
guardian guiius.
As the shadow follows the body in the
splendor of the fairest sunlight, so will
the wrong done to another pursue the
soul in prosperity.
How many amusing and ridiculous
scenes should wo witness if each pair of
men thnt secretly laugh at each other
were to do it openly.
The true wealth of a community lies
in the integrity of its citizens, and it*
! chief honor arise* from the possession
of great and true msu.
False fri nds are like our shadow -
keeping close to u* while we walk in
the sunshine, but leaving us the instant
we cross into the shade.
He who is strong in love stands firm
lin trials. As I am beloved by Him in
times of prosperity, so too I am not ill
| loved in times of adversity.
Wit is brush wood, judgment timber;
the one gives the greatest flame, the
other yleids the durahlest heat—and
both meeting maice the best fire.
There is away of lookii.jr at our daily
lives as an escape; and taking the quiet
return of mom and evening a* a salva
tion that reconciles us to hardship.
If you do not wish a man to do a
thing you had better get him to talk
about it, for, the more men talk, the
more likely are they to do nothing else.
What a man believes, lie will do; and
if he has no faith to guide his practice
and impel film to action, be will only
drift—and no man ever drifted into a
good and useful life.
Wit. bright, rapid nnd hjasting as the
lightnirg, flashes, strikes, and vanishes
in an instant; humor, warm, and all
embracing as the sunshine, bathes its
object in a genial and abiding light.
Cornels as They I'aed to Be.
The comet ol ISiS was "so horrible
and dreadfui, and engendered such ter
ror in tbe minds of men thnt they djfd,
some from fear alone, others fiom ill
ness engendered by fear. It was of im
merse length and blood red color; at its
bead was seen tbe figure of a curved
arm. holding a largo sword in the hand,
as if preparing to strike. At the point
of this sword were three stars, and on
eitber side a number of axes, knives
and swords, covered with blood, among
which were many hideous human faces,
with bristling beard* and hair." Tbe
comet of 1456, too. was so very dreadful
that by order of I'onliff Calixtus 111.,
"Ave Marias" were repeated three
times daily in all the churches with the
additional words "Oh, Lord, save us
from the Devil, the Turk, and the
Comet." Again, Lucan records that the
" darkest nights were lit up by unknown
stars, the heavens appeared on fire,
flaming torches traversed in all flec
tions the depths of space; a comet, nlis!
fearful star which overthrows the
powers of tbe earth, showed its horrid
hair." And when Constantinople was
besieged by Gainas. "so great waa the
danger which hung over the city that
it was presignified and portended by a
huge, blazing oomet which reached
from heaven to tbe earth."
An Interesting Fact.
From a paltry seventy-five cents'
worth of iron ore may be developed, it
is said, 95.60 worth of bar iron. 910
worth of bone shoes, 9180 worth of
table knivas, 9® 800 worth of fine
needles, 999,480 worth of shirt bnttocs,
9900,000 worth of watch springs. 9400,-
000 worth of hair springs, or 99,500,000
worth of pallet arbors (used in watches).
Colonel Ironside, who lived in India
early in this century, islatus that be
met in his travels an old whits-haired
man, wlio, with one leap, eprang over
tbs back of an enormous elephant
flanked by six camel* of the largest
breed.
It is a terrible cold wave when she
■wings her handkerchief at your rival.
The Pes.
The |wri la almplo, yirt sublima!
It writna Ita wUjty on the
And M-.iida it (town the utrmm ol time
In ttMteemen'* lorn—ln mirmtrel*' rhyme—
Aa ocboei ol the paiming q;e.
It, too, hu power to crown i kind,
And uncrown kinti in realm* ol earth'
iiy lilted Anger it can bring
A word to ailenoe, or to alng
An anthem ol imra >rlai birth. •
'I be luater ol the a word i* dim
Ib nide the luater of the pen;
The mountain'* crown, the ooetn'a run,
Kcho the nniveraal hymn
Tb'il 111 la it bigboet among men.
HUMOROUS.
What do fish scales weigh ?
The bent pre*# ever made—Two lov
ing nrmti,
fame i ilke a pig with a greased tal.
j —hard to hnr.g on to.
Bur* wheat cakes are considered the
I best kind of a liver pad at present.
A lady is always athletic enough io
i jump at an offer of marriage.— Salem
j Ihmosrat.
Passing around the hat is one wsy of
j geting the cents ofhe meeting.—tialur
\ day Night.
A cat in a strange garret is not half
so much frightened as a bachelor at a
sewing soeietv.
80-pc, a Montana Indian convicted of
murder, denounces the lawyer who
allegedly defended him, as "Too much
talk; heap fool."
"Which we wish to remark," as the
shipper Baid when he requested the re
! turn of goods which were addressed to
[ the wrong party.
"Oh, that's one of his failings !" re
marked a business man, when he was
[ told that a competitor had again sue
j cum bed to the pressure of hard times.
Ifchl ! It don't make any difference
which end of the year you write first.—
Notion Globe. Ali right, then; here
goes; Kno-jtbgiedna derdnuh neethgie,
] —Notion Journal ol Commerce.
A scien tides! ly d ispos'd con tern porary
has discovred that burning the bung
hole of a gerosene barrel with a red Lot
poker will cause the barrel to dis
apptar.—Syracutc Standard.
Father Time is pictured as an oid and
bald-headed gentleman ; hut he manages
i to skip around quite lively, all the same,
in spite of b<ing handicapped by agri
cultural implements Picayune .
" Now I understand," said Oldenborg
with a sigh, after vainly trying to get a
view of the stage over the bonnet in
front of him; "now I understand what
they mean by jthe 'height of fashion.'"
I lotion lYawript.
Different persons have different ways
|of looking at the same thing. Grumble
ton remarked this morning in lugubri
ous tone*: "A wretched day this!"
"It's the rery best in the city!" was
NoxY cheerful rejc inder. Bottm Tron
;xrtpi.
" Weil, you are the biggest goose I
ever saw!" exclaimed Jones to the
partner of his joys and sorrows. And
Mrs. Jones smiled upon him with a
seraphic smile as she remarket): "Oh.
Jones! you are such a sclf-forgetfu.
darling!"— Boston Trantrrip .
A minister overtook a Quaker lady
and politely assisted her in opening a
gate. As she wasa comparative stranger
|in town, he said: " You don't know, per
! haps, thai lam Mr. . Haven't you
| heard me preach?" " I have heard the*
try," was the quick rejoinder.
Asmart little boy was asced by a gen
tleman: "Tell me. Henry, what will
; make you completely happy?" " Five
cents!" he answered, promptly. The
gentleman gave him the money. " Now
give me five cents for my sister,'' said
Henry; "she makes me divide!"— Fhila
lUlphia Sun.
A genius proposes to invent a process
to illuminate the human head by charg
ing each particular hair with electric
ity. When that time comes a man who
has wasted his substance in feasting and
riotous living can raise the wind by
renting himself out at half price for a
street lamp. And torchlight processions
during political campaigns will be lew
expensive.
The is old. but it will bear
repetition: " I want you to put a new
pair of heels to these boots," said Dr.
Ipecac to the shoemaker. "Why don't
you do it yourself, doctor ? " asked oid
Waxends. "I?" said the doctor, in
astonishment. "Why. yes. Does not
the good book say, 'Physician. heal
tbyseif ?'"
He raised his eyes from the paper and
letting them tall upon her with a look
full ol tenderness said: "Only think,
Angelina, it takes twenty-seven min
utes to go through the Mount Cents tun
rel!' "Why, George!" He read on
further, and added, " But the ears are
lightedt" "Oh!' she exclaimed; and
a great cloud of disappointment over
spread the roseate tinge of pleased sur
prise that bad suffused her fair young
face.— Boston 7Vtuuortp<.
No wonder a man hates to have his
picture taken. When he gets seated lb# a
photographer tells him to look perfectly
natural. So the fellow makes a des
perate effort to twist his face into ita
natural expression. Tbs effort gene
rally results in aa expression like unto
that of a mad man trying to look cross
eyed and plan n murder at the same
time, and when be test the picture be
thinks that if it looks natural be must
be too mortal homely to have bis pkv
ture lying around. And he doesn't
submit to the process again In a hurry.

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