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Pock's Bad Boy.
Ills CHUM HAS HOT RHEUMATIZ, \ND THE BOY TEI.Ui THE GROCERY MAN ABOUT IT. now, what is your lip hang ing down that way lor?" said the groceryniau to the bad hoy as he came in with an expression ou his face of sorrow, such as the grocery man had not seen before. "Brace up now and have some style about you. What's the matter?" "Nothing the matter with me," said tho boy, as he looked around the grocery to see if he couldn't find something that would taste good to a sick boy. "I am all hunky, but my chum has got the rheumatiz." "Well, that don't hurt you,does it?' 1 sahl the groceryman, with one of his heartless expressions. "\ou don't want to grunt until you arc hurt your elf. There is time enough for you to 1,0 limping around when you get sick yourself I dou't believe iu worrying when anybody else is siek.' • Well, you heartless old cuss you. You never hail a chum, did you .' It you ever had a chum that you loved, that had stood by you in all kinds of weather, who would work his finger nails oil' for you, and go without eat ing and sleeping to make you happy, you could never talk that way. My chum is just as tebdaa as a woman, though ho was strong as a giant atore the rheumatiz struck him, and now he is as weak as a little tiny baby, and we have to handle him just as though he was eggs. Every bone, and muscle, aud drop of blood, and piece of skin about his body is just like inu s neural gia, aud sometimes they all ache n! once, and then the* take turns aching, and my chum lays there and takes it as calmly as though he was at a picnic, aud never grumbles. He smiles his great big old fashioned smile when he sees me looking ovtr the foot-hoard of his bed, and when I go up and put my hand on his face, and wipe the perspi ration off his forehead, the tears e .me rolling down his cheeks, and he tries to raise his helpless hand to shake mine,but,be can't, a..d he says,' Hello, old pard,' ami then he shuts his eyes and the rheumatiz commences where it left off and goes to grinding him up again. Gosh, if I could pull off my shirt and things and get into his bed aud take his place, and let the rheu matiz get iu its work ou me for a day, while my chum might go out aud slide down hill or kick over a few barrel-, and feel bully for a while, I would eu joy it. But you can't change works with a fellow that has got rheumatiz. Never hud it, did you ? ' "No, I never had it,' said the gro ccrvman, "hut I had a brother-in-law who had it once, but be cured himself eating snow. "O, get out," said the boy. "Since my chum has hu rheumatiz, every old crank has told me a new cure for it, and I think I will try some new remedy on him, but when 1 go to his room, and see the good doctor who has been brought up amongst rheumatiz, and tell him ol the new remedy I have heard of, aud he tells me it is all noil that settles it. The idea of curing rheumatiz eating snow 1 Say, i-u't it queer about catching rheuma tiz? It is like a lottery. Forty fel lows may have the same chance to draw a rheumatic prize, and only one gets it sawed off onto him. Now me and my chum were both in the same • Itait of air, aud both had a right to • atch the rheumatiz. All I got was wind on my stomach, and I slodedowu hill head first, on my sled, and the rheumatiz has all blowcd away from uie. My chum went riding in a coupay, and he got it. Sliding down hill knocks rheumatiz better thau eating snow. Hay, I would like to run this world for about a month. By gosh, I would arrange it so nobody hut the mean people would he sick. It seems too bad to have these painful diseases strike the best people in the world, dou't it? If I had the running of mugs, rheumatic should never attack such a go ul fellow as my chum. I would have it lay for the thieves, and -ami-baggers, and murderers,and high, way robbers, and wife beaters, and old sharks that never do any good nobow and keep its claws ofl,of folks that never did any harm, and always had a kind word for everybody. But these diseases seem to have their traps set for the best people, and tho thievis and the burglars are the healthiest of the lot If things were ruu right 4" rheumatiz ought to he n detective that , would catch a horsethief, just as ho was stealing the horse, and make him drop the halter and send for u doctor. If I was bossing rheumatiz I would - have it paralyze the arm of the man e about to commit murder or whip his 3 wife, and lay him out colder than a I wedge. 1 would have rheumatiz act I as a reformatory agent instead of going I around careless and picking on to i thoroughbreds. I would have it watch u mean man, when ho was going to do I something mean, and tnke hold of him ! and give his muscles a twist, and then I let up, and if he kept on, take him by i the neck nnd double him up and make him yell. But I must go nnd do my chum's chores for his ma, and then go and sit up with him. It is singular how my chum knows when I am coin ing, and how the pain begius to go away when I am there. I think it , would do you good to love some one, old man, some one that was sick some, times, to whom your presence would be a sort of a heaven. If you loved anybody so that the touch of your . hand would drive away pain, and the light of your eye would seem like a . benediction, and you could cheer your friend by your light footfall on the carpet,and drive away nervousness by : the sound of your voice, and cause ! happiness to tnke the place of misery when you were around, you would not ho half as mean as you are now, and you wouldn't go off in the dark and hate yourself as you do now. What you got in this ranch that would taste good to a feller that hain't got no appetite ?" "0,1 don't know," said the grocery man, "unless you try sonic of thotle dried apples, dried by steam." "That is a specimen of the way you would treat a chum if you had one who was sirk. You would fire dried apples down him. You maketuc tired. Haven't you got any Malaga grap<-- !or Florida oranges ? Nothing but dried apple* and prunes. Bah !" and the boy went off to stay by his chum. Flor Flamoa. "Bridget why did you remain up so late la-t night ?" asked the lady of the I evening. j 1 "E- '■ rrn, mum I 'Twns not late at all, ui all, when I was after retiring.; Sure 'twas airly." "Yes, indeed ; early this morning." ".Sure an' ye* are telling the truth galore, mum?" "But why did you remain up nearly all night?" "That's pliat I'll l>e afthcr telling I ye* now, runm. Faith an'there IH<* ; so many o'thitn con —config—-(phat d'you call 'em?; onllagcr-alions j latily that its afraid logo to me hoi I I was, uutirely, for fare I'd be cremated, ; so 1 just thought I'd watch the fire till the morning'. Sure it's me duty. • j ' But what wu- the young man do i "Ob, go long wid ycz. Faith an' i j isn't hu the spaik Is afthcr watching." From Toxaa "You ought to see our moon, said the young lady from Texas at the (mauling house table. "\\ hv we have moonlight nights all the time, not just once in a while as you do hero." There was a painful silence over this, and the empty border at the foot of the table called for more pancakes. "And you should just sec our stars," pursued the fair astronomer. "They are much larger and brighter than yours,'and they look as if they were ( just pinned to the sky." "We nail ours on," said the thirsty youth next to the milk pitcher, and closed the discussion for the season. ' Sold Again. [ "Dost lovo me, Robert ?" I "Dost I? Do you think I'd conic , here every night I can possibly get , hero and kiss you until my lips give „ out, if I didn't love you ?" "Ah, hut that's just what a former f lover once said to me, and where is he . now? Married to another girl t Oh! I you men are so faithless!" 1 "No wonder you think so," said , j Robert, as he slowly picked up his hat j and begged to he excused. ' HI.A NO is always objectionable. In -1 stead of saying "a dead give away ' you should say "a posthumous dona p lion.'* CHICAGO is disgusted with Italian opera. In that city the hag instead ' of the monkey roust dance around tho t organ. Snakos. 1 "Do you suppose they will ever get HO that they ean train makes?" aakeri one of the party, after the long pause that followed an account of how a Wisconsin woman had caught a rattle snako by setting her husband's fulse teeth for him. "I know of a case," said the man from Michigan. "A friend of mine out in the lumber derricks found one in his pocket one day and sewed the pocket up until the snake was nigh starved. Then he let him out and fed him, and after that the Hiiake would do anything he told him to. He used to hunt deer with that snake. Hc'il Lty for the deer, and as soon as it hove in sight he'd set that snake after it, and the cussed snake would jump through the deer's eyes and kill him dead !" "I've hearn of it beiu' done," as sented the lowa man. "When 1 was in the mines my chum lit onto one au brought him heme. The snake took to him from the start, and in less thnn a week he had the varmint drawing water." "Ilow'd he work it?" demanded the Michigan man. "I never knew the rights of it," re plied the lowa man. "You know, when we wore diggin' we didn't have no time to waste. If a man got dry he grudged the time to take a drink of water. He'd rather go dry. But , this chum of mine fixed things so that i he had no trouble in keopin' wet all . the t me. The snnke would go off and | fill himself up with water, and then j he would come back and bite this chum of mine. The snake had ar ranged himself so that he didn't sijuirt any venom through his fangs, only pure water, and a- -oon as he unloaded, off he went for more. He got so j affectionate he almost drowned my friend one day, and chummy had to put him to d< ath !" "I had one," said the Illinois man, ■ "who was the l est ami wust snnke I ev r seen. One end of him was all off. ami the other was the moral busi ness in that neck o' the woods. The wust of him was he'd steal things around the house, bat when the tail end caught the mouth at any crooked business, it would rattle, and we al ways got (hi re before lie coobl get away with the g< ds. You ought t see the grateful wag of that tail when ! the mouth got left 1" "How did the mouth stand it?' 1 nsknl the lowa mnn. "The mouth used to get mad," re. i pli< 1 the Illinois man ; ' but it couldn't I lute unless it stood up on its tail, and ' the tail wouldn't have it!" "(Jot him yet?" asked the Michigan I i man. "No, lie back-capped us, and we bad ;to kill him. One day lie got caught, as usual, ami turned around and bit bis tail short off. That settled it, and . wc rammed him into a rifle and shot j a sheriff with him." "I had one a good many years ago," observed the Texan, "but lie got into all kinds o' mischief, and we didn't lake no cmfort with him. He used to ciawl into the chicken* and eat the giblets, so there weren't nothing left to make gravy when we had a roast. As soon as a hen opened her mouth, in lie went, and he'd stay there until he'd eat out the crop, and heart, and gizzard and kidneys, and all them things. The hens would lay well enough, but we had no choice parts when it came to cooking." "Yon never can tell what they are going to do," smiled the Navada man. "My brother brought one up from j Arizona, wanted him for the children to play with. He slept in the clock nights, 'cause he liked to feel the works scratch bis back. It sort o' soothed him. But we noticed the most curious thing about his rattles. Sometimes they would be bigger than lie was, and then again he wouldn't have but one or two litilo one* that wasn't no good to a snake of bis size. When he had the 'bigs,' as we called it, he was the best natured snake in the town, but when they were small, there was no getting close to him." "How did you account for thechange in the rattles f asked the Texan. "It was a long time liefore we got onto it," the Nevada man* Where d'ye think wo found that snake! lie was out in the woods, playing seven Up with three other snakes for rattles, and when we captured him he was a hnshel of rattles ahead, had caught the jack, and held the aoe and low in his hand !" "Who pnys for those drink- gentle I men?" inquired the barkeeper solemn' . And then they got up and wandered out and were seen of men no more. WeriTwith Him. When General Haticock passed through Little Rock recently, he was approached by a lean old fellow who usketl : "An* air you the man what run for president ?" "Yes," the general replied, lifting his double chin. "But they put it on yer, didn't they?" "I believe tliey did," replied the general, letting his chin down. "Wull I wanter say this, general. Yer fit me an' my hoys dtirin' the wah, hut dinged if we nin't with yer. When my boys lnard that yer was corn in' through, they said to me, 'pap,' savs they, 'go ter town an' ef yer see the gineral tell him that we are with him.' An' say, general, the Himmons boys fit yer but they're with yer," and a the train moved off the old fellow yelled: "Bay, general, tell yer folks that wo air with yer." A Tired Woman's Epitaph "Yes," she sighed, "the world is hard, especially lo the poor. I often i that the good people who enle • ) ize work so highly do not know much | of over work." "Quits true,'* assented Mr- -tthcron. j ''l'oor Hsrsh Dempster, yonder, -he ! pointed to a neighboring tombstone, was ofyour opinion ; her epitaph, unlike thoso of most of us, | lints her life as il really ws. If you never read it, it worth your while to do so." The tomb-tone sto d in s n gl<- t—l . ner of the church yard, overgrown with : nettles and long pra-"--, but its in-rri ' *ion wn still legible. I -Iters lira p.r antnan. abn at*aye *• lit.-l 11 r lee I a-rds t-n rartti !•. "Own fii-tela, t tt jelea wt.cf. aael.ii.jr slot n<.r 1 .- I >■ Snienriiii! . t I. n-> •ell.*, '.• l.rl Ih* -l-ta'l est there • ' • asbln* | ..'bee 1 | , I a'.l - - - - • ' j 11 ;l, bSTIBIf B • ' 1C 111 S- 'I'M • f tb*ll>lb*. 1- lit in mo bi *• !■ •, : n't IB *it ti (r mi I Brier. j I'm tun* BoOitaS f t'Bt sr.' sr." "That may not bo j oetry," ol -trved Mr-. .hersn. with ur.< n-ci pla. i risni, "but it's true. There i* nohting much worsa than overwork. < i<i < /' vn i' L yman • M<. Too Pnrticnlnr for Him. "What church do you belong to n-iw, Abe?" was asked of a co! rid gentleman. : "MetrodUt, sab. I "Why, no lunger ago than lost Bun f .lay you were a Baptist? ' "Yax, sah." "What nude you change ?' "'Ca-e da g I ti high up fur me, ; liv-. "W'y, -ah, dc preacher made a , -tatenieut, an' I gut up a:: 1 < n nl him ' ,i liar, ati'da tuik me tir law 'bout it. I>a said dat I oughtcr said dat he I didn't tell tie truf, l ut tor -ave ne I jkain'tcll de difference twixt sutbin' what ain't true an' er lie. -t> I thought ef da wn- gwine ter le so pnrticular t I'd go obcr ter de udder church whar n man ken slosh er 'rotin' nachul. Bt BIEt) AXOTIIEII. —"1 see," said Mr. Toiuliuson, turning front hi- news paper and addressing his letter two" thirds, "that old man Grittlc ha* buried another wife." "What, you don't say so? Why, hU first wife only died two weeks ago. When did he marry ngain?" "He hasn't niarritd again." "Tomlinson, are you a fool V "Presumably, my dear, but why this outburst ? firettlc lias buried another man's wife. He is an undertaker,you know." Ay Indiana editor was sued for breach of promise, but when he ex plained that the girl hail a mania for making scrap quilts, the court excuses! him and imposed the cost on the plaintiff. A WRITES of natuial history says that he is at a loss to discover bow long a dog lives. This should no! on use perplexity, s the average dog generally lives until he dies. EVERY effort to invent n cotton picking machine has provul untuc i-csaful. The last machine, invented ly an Arkansaw man, tore off the operator's clothes, threw him over a fence, and then hobbled off like a wounded grasshopper. TUB life of a Kentuckian has boon shortened by tobacco. A hogshead ol the weed fell on him and crushed him out of symmetrical proportions. It cannot he denied that tobacco hi lnrge quantities is injurious. \ IIIIS WITH CORKS t f TI itil s i 'if *■'! without | <. t n.i ou\ •t. ui.' > I f t tli small sum of 15 Fifteen Cents 15 a BY tlsmo TI IK EUREKA Com CURE ' SOLI) OX LIT AT ; GREEN'S PHARMACY, UUHII House Block, HKLLKFoXTK, PA. i Liberal Discount to Menhanls, h. (tannin ,1 Son '* .Veto Store. K3j KkwS < .• D.Garman Son. it A i> i i:%, do not think, beeau-i- th- cut- re; re* -•lit only gentlemen's wear, that we have not been particularly careful to "loot nn elegant line of good* especi ally -uiled to you. You will find it to your advantage to call and if w are not able to supply y.u from our choice and varied -lock, it will !>e a a -mall matter fi.r us to order what you may need. We think w> ar.- L ttcr able to meet y< • r wants than any store ic Bdlefonte. # lU.'-M % I. >J on .1 Co., I ferrhantAtUyht ny-St., litlhfonte, /■. kPS von YOU ! (o j OI'R WAY of Selling off A LARGE WINTER STOCK AT SEOET NOTICE. A $40,000 Worth of Dry Goods f Clothing, Roots and Shoes, Hats and Caps, J '' dawst bait prist Ib-a<t |L; thrrurh Us lbs < id: there is aometbing / that will strike you. I Tt.en r roe w h your ■!,< UcU C-me '--on berau-c we will ctfbr something ' at Je* than we ran rrj-lace lhani f-.r after they are all sold. We can't pick ujy^ such bargains every day. Just some chances. j *ool ft. --M Via* Dtm>ObiO. I: , . ,r*.. j. r--* *r lt>S !"l Ori la*.' pel l. 'nihltw . . ...... ?r a , M<L I I.lr-f I-e.l lllßgltsm. . . I tt B.M'l. WBMa .. :< I i BBtm nB:-l- ... <*ysH. / MuNo um. UrBTB-d. f |ii-.i s,.irt< ur , ... ....... S an* • s jrti l. PUI4 H.8T..-IS - ... !'• • jsrJ, I Set T*M- Upsfi .... 18-1 firt. / l--ql-l- l4Ui OasSwsrss. Ocarar*. ,M w-1 filrS *nif lvlor*-t lla-Hm-r-* .... T. a .*r*. / g H-i Pt*i<l I'Ur.n.is McaywS. J •. -WSM* .... . M All w.nl i'mIIBIM**. Ill*, k mlnr-4. SI I.*I Kl itun sayohsrs .1— Pl.ll Itp iM... ' • ,u4 llsr s ;r<f AnM-ii A MIBIIs. ™ ....... TlJf* jr4. I K>4 all •<— I risnli from ... . Ikr np ! iw 0' Ri lt U -slMy IH>-k Silk i . ■'• •t.d T.V-. LU. lii'fl "O i-l 1 / . l, lot Xnr. Qoslll. ftlMk H,lk II SO snh#.flkO \ <>II 1..1 r,lt-nf-ft. yn*)IIT ai*nk Silk I 2i. "I r .Hi* Inl Kira llnsvy Supsrl'Quslfty Ws<k Wlk. 17*. " I 3 000 30- , Olore4 Silk*. Ktr ll*y. rv.| all U>* tv.|nre4 Silks fmro Mr • *sr4 |>. A n* SB4 soporint inslily sll silk -atln Hlk-lIBH ... Tfcr City 1 ho Th Sn*l -(tslily I I-7 y4 !4tli all wnol t>r**s Clclh sn4 Plann*! II Iki per *4 Hubs <jo*l !• kw I J * Silk riß-hr* from —___ t.V af Silk VI*M, Inim I D sod 1 r. Vlrotem from - ... Sir Bp Colored W,r.k- from. TSr pair up. Wtillo niaiikrt* frnm 1 a jmlt of. Cade rati IrV sad Irs*t* from ™._. tPr np l*4; II. pair fit . r- IWlMrrm's Hoaa I pair fit - Sir - Wo', ft-k> I pair S>r .... JSo M-*- Wool Una- ... ... Ic, Klm.aHrr-.WB MMI'S Vary Slur Sramlms all-weid Hoar ...0... ... . l*e a pair Shoe# at One. Ifnlf Price. Ladle*' Sfcor*. good A Calf 1 '>> p.-r |.,lr " ' I'aKSklri 1 SS |or pair Childron-s Slo— • and Mr a pslr 1..1|.r' llnttoe Shnr* from - ... I< pet pair Bp Indl*-' UtiIIOB Shoea. Pl'.eel lynalllr I Ml a pair Lm'te*' Bnftoa Shoe*. I Wat l|aalltj. •* trained 1 M and t • indies'ftttiu-n Shone, Prenrh KM I .Vl to S An Wright's bM Oe<h<*M maka, I Me* a Ueaey W inter I'aate '.fa, |l go, ISS and I Mper flr Clilldren'r Stttft fhom lon op Sa'tOirtnatH ftoyhi Orrmwt*. 4 M-*'s tleetmats S On, I (W, I M, AOttup. Mtt'e All-wool Smte fi.-m * 'W Bp Men's Pine fhttdrim a pail. Rett's A Hieary Sal I >di|*|t. ftoy'r Wants I m and 1 71 per j alr teultea- OMMr and Kid C.lo.ee %'t a |*r. Men,- Ch-Ktr Hia<k til't ea ft to. .• up. . Men'a lleary ftt'k fltnvea from TSr op Ladiae' and Chlt-lrea'- Uolmaoe, t IMer-, Otrotan. th- latpet Stork, Bad matked doaa ti par real, from I last month's prirea I We hare tie specs hi mrt.flon all the l-.rrylne r hare hot *.- fckre For'y Thonanni) Dollar's Worth Stock ""S-*' l - slmlisolo the B-*I Thirty Day* afaiamsf bail p,<a. 8 END FOll SAMPLES. ' Oallm rts as 4 Rare Money. Maaey Relnraed If pirn bass act aattslai 'ry. LYON * GO. I Itcllcfunto, Fit.