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Caa soaare C ten liaea or lesjonetEiertka $1 NEBRASKA ADVERTISER rCELISflED EVERT TUCKSDAT BT..- CEO. W. HILL & CO,, Advertiser Block, Main S't Dot ween 1st &. 2d, S3. K Ltoih additional insertion - - - Laziness cardsix lines tr less c year Ono column cuejear One half coama enejear OnefonrthlcolaniEOca year - One eighth polama one jesr - One column six mcsihi - One half colaiaa six months One fourth column six coatki Ona eighth cduton sixr s'-hi Qua e(yia:r.a t.vJ ciontii One balfccluxa thrca uonthJ One fourth columnthree months - One eighth column three months a 13 61 83 CI 3) CI 21 S3 6) 2) C) 21 C), IS O, S3 ii. 21 C3 15 CS, 19 93 8 CI r I TV j i fi . p - (J7 fiy: . Ml ! ! : S) 1 I V", .... - Nr .- - - -Sw - --r-ijf w - - ' ' ., I AlltransicntadTcrfiicmcnts must cepacia ad vance. . . i s;uW ription, must in variably, lo pajj inAdvanccj 1 R.nk Work. anJ Plain and Finer Job TTnrk I Year! j advertisement j quarterly in aatace. AH kinds of Job, Uook au J Card priatir-, done ia, the best stylo on short notice andreasonabla term lfiathe lft style, anion bbort notice. LIBERTY AND UNION, ONE AND IN SEP All ABLE NOW AND FOREVER," VOL. IX. BROWNVILLE, NEBRASKA, THURSDAY, JUNE 22, 1865. NO. 40. t ' J 111 BUSINESS CARDS. G. 31. 11EXDEUSO.V, CIIEUL DEALER t!t STAPLE AMD FAHOY DRY GOODS BOOTS & SHOES, OBRIBS fain Street between First and Second, J CIIAS. G. DORSEY. VTTOffPY AT LAW BROWNVILLE, NEBRASKA. April 14lh, 1SG4. ri32v8yly 3DWARD W. THOMAS, ATT0RNEYro AT LAW, SOLICITOR IN CHANCERY, OrtVe cnpfT i-r Main Fiol Street. BUUlVNVILLljl, NEBRASKA. J A. II E WES. ATTORNEY AT LAW AND Solicitor in Chancery. LAND AND COLLECTING AGENT. BROWNVILLE N. T. "March lth,ly. II. C. THURMAN, pljnstrian J Burgeon BROWjYVILLE, NEBRASKA. vol9-n2-y-ri 1MERICAN HOUSE L.D. ROniXSOX.rUOI'llICTOR, ?"rontS:reet, between Main and Water, BROWNVILLE, NEBRASKA. 9 SMr JAMES MEDFORD, CABINET - MAKER AND Corner 2nd aDd Main Streets, UnOVVNVILLE, XT. T. Is prepared to do all kinds of work in bis line on iort notice and reasonable terms. 21-6in C. W. WHEELER, CABINET-MAKER AND CARPENTER. Raving opened up permanently on ZLTaIxx Stroot, ne door above the Baltimore Clothing Store, is repard to do all kinds of work in bis line in the ry best and style, l'articular attentione given to 'ontracts. v9-nl4 6m p'd L F. STEWART, MI). ' A. S. IIOLLADAY, MD. PHYSICIANS AND SURGEONS. outh Ea?t corner of Main and First Streets BROWXVILLK, XERASRA. rnc FIorRS 7 to 9 a. a. and 1 to 2 and 6 to Brownville, Nebraska, May 5th, 185 No 34, ly. IHvSeiiLlll-ljcmctt, Millinery & Fancy Goods Iain Street one door west of the Port Oflce BROWAVII.tE, XEUKASKA. A superior stock of Spring and Summer Goods net received. Everything in the Millinery line cpt constantly on bai.d. Dress-Making, liunnct teaching and Trimming done to order. &ro,18R5. v9-n-28-Iy C. II. WALK DR. pjotogvcipljic Artist Successor to W. M. C. Perkins ) .One door west of thk browkville hoie, BROWNVILLE, N T. W.W. Invites attention to his Card or Album holographs, alto bis beautiful Ivory-like Ambro Tpes, yhich are universally admitted to beetpal any produced in this, or any other country. He will give bu undivided attention to the busi es, and hopes to merit a share of pubuo patron oatisfaction guaranteed. n 3o-t. BAfJJt TO THE OLD STAND ! mil, WATCHES, T ES DESS 31. L 3T ! JOSEPH SHUTZ "w.eid reFpectrnlllnform bU old cjintcnieri that hp again opened bis Jewelrj Shop in bis oil stand 01 in trel. aouth side, two doora eatt of the Brown Ule Oongt. iie keep on hand a spltiuilld assort men 11 in "ls liu of tuiue, which be wil u uie towcRt terms rer Cah. Of Clocks; Watches and Jewelry done on the ihort- WORK WARRANTED. remviile, Neb.. May 19th, ISS4. n37-vS-Iv E. S. BURNS, M. D., PHYSICIAN & SURGEON I 35u.lT,, OJLty, 2TV T OFFICE AT HIS RESIDENCE. July 2?th, JSG1. ci7-B-rl!y KOI His was & heart so trueani strong, So wise, in all but human wrong, So fit fer woman' trc:st, Thai when she spoke the fatal "No," It smote him with a weight of.woe ' That crashed him to the du.it. The why we nercr knew, si, ill less Could hazard a presumptive guess, So reticent is pain j We onlj knew she could no take The hand he offered by mistake. Or offered but iu vain. Acd al! men noted from that day He moved as in a blinded way, Helpless, without a plan; Ah, what Miraculous cbs.i-.ge of state One single syllable can create Within the heart of iri?n. Acd she lived evermore apirt, Xor gave to any man her heart, Untill the day she died. When, to the friends around her bed, She breathed bis name and smiled and said- Bury mo by his sid e." MUSTERED OUT. BT GEORGE W. BCtfGAV. nail to the hero mustered out, Let the black-throated cannon shout, And fling to the wind the stars. rijoiee,0 ye jubilant bells, Tbe heart of the patriot swell?, And tears overflow from their wells, When we see the soldiers' scan. We welcomed him home from the field, .Untarnished his saber and shield, Untainted his laurel crown. Champion of the brave and free, O what spirit and dash had he; God gTant that we never may see A cloud on his grand renown. O now let us muster him in, Where the ranks of the true begin, To light for themselves again : While he has been striking the blow At the Rebels, another foe Hath laid many a brave man low, Who passed through the leaden rain. -Evening J 'out. Artemus Ward in Richmond. Richmond, Va., Slay IS &. 65. OLOZO WARD. Afore I comments this letter from the soon as 1 gl honie he walked off. late rebil capitol I desire to cimply say Said an ther, "There's bin a tremen thatlhav seen a low ana skurrilus noat dous Union feelin' here from the fust. n the papers from a certain purson who singes himself Olonzo Ward, & sez he is my berruther. I did once hare a ber- uther of that name, but I do not recog- nize him now. To me he is wus than ded ! I took him from colleffe sum 16 years ago and gave him a good situation as the Bearded Woman in my show. low did he repay me for this kindness? He basejy undertook (one day while in a Backynalian mood on rum & right in sight of the aujience in the tent)to stand upon his head, whereby he belray'd his sex on account of his boots and his Beard allin' off his face, thusrooinin1 my pros- pecks in that town, and likewise incur- Robert L,ee is regarded as a noble fel rin the displeasure of the Press, which ler. sed boldly was triflin' with the feelin's He was opposed to the war at the fust, of a intelligent public. I know no such man as Olonzo Ward. I do not ever wish his name breathed in my. presents, do not recognise him- I perfectly dis- rusts him. The old man finds himself once more n a sunny climb. I cum here a few days after the city catter pillertulated. My naburs seemed surprised and as- tonisht at this darin' bravery onto the part of a man at my time of life, but our amily was never know'd to quale in danger's stormy hour. I My father was a sutler in the Revo- lootion War. Mv father once had a in- tervoo with Gin'ral La Fayette. He asked La Fayette to sent him five dollarspromisin' to pay him in the fall ; but Lafy sajd he couldn't s.ee it in those lamps." Lafy was French, and his Knowledge of our lanirwid ire was a little snaky J luunejuuyon my 'rival here I pro- ceeaea to the Spotswood House, apd, c-jim to my assistance a young man nwu. ion wno writes a good run-j nm hand, put my olograph on the register, and handm' my umbrella to a baldheaded man behind the counter, who I s poseed was Mr. Spotswood, J said, "Spotsy, how does she run?" He called a cullud person, and said Show the gen'lman tp the cow-yard, nnri ti lve 'ira cart numter 1." - o "IsnH Grant here ?" I said. "Per- haps Ulyssis wouldn't mind my turnin in with him." "Do you know how the Gin'ral?" in quired Mr. Spotswood; "Wall, no, not 'zactly ; but he'll re- member me. His troihei-in-Iaw s aunt Vu -ht her rye meal of my uncle Levi all one winter. Mv un;le Levi's rvn rye meal was'' 'Pooh! pooh!" said Spotsy, "don't bother me,'' and he ehuv'd my umbrella onto the floor. Obsarvin' to him not to be so keerless with that wepin, I accom panied the African to my lodgings. 'My brother," I sed, "air you aware that youVe bin 'raancipated ?" Do you relise how glora3 it s to ta free ? Tell me, my dear brother, does it not seem like some dreams, or do you realise the great fact in all its livin' and holy mag nitood ?" He se4 he would take some gin. I was showed to the cow-yard and laid under a one-mule cart. The hotel was orful crowded, and I was sorrow I hadn't gone to the-Libby Prison. Tho' I should hav' slept comTble enough if the bed clothes hadn't bin pulled off me durm' the night, by a scoutidrul who cum. and hitched a mule to the cart and druv it off. I thus lost my cuverin', and my throat feeh a little husky this morning. Gin'ral Halleck offers me the hospi tality of the city, giviu' me my choice of the hospitals. He has also very kin ly plac4 at my disposal a small-pox amboolance. There is raly a great deal of Union sentiment in this city. I see, it on ev'ry hand. I met a man to-day I am not at lib erty to tell his name, but he is a old and infiooentooial citizen of Richmond, and sez he, "Why ! wa've bin fighthV again the old flag ! Lor bless me, how sing lar !" He then borrer'd five dollars, of me and bust into a flood of tears. Sed another (man of standin' and for merly a bitter rebul,) "let us ouce stop effooshun of Rlud ! The Old Flag is good enouff for me Sir," he added, "you air from the North ! Have you a dough nut or a piece of custard pie about you ? 1 told him no, but I knew a man from Vermont who had just organized a sort restaurant, where he could go and make a very comfortable breakfast on New England rum and cheese. He borrowed fifty cents of me, and askin' me to send him Wra. Llooyd Garrison's abrotype as Ha'e yu a degeretype of Wendell Phil- P3 aboul yur person? and will you lend me four doIlars for a few days tin we air once more a happy and united people ?" Jeff Davis is not pop'lar here. She is regarded kind to his parents. She ran away from 'em many years ago, and has never bin back. This was showin' 'em a good deal of consideration when refleck what his conduck has been. IJer capture in female apparel confooses me in regard to his sex, and you see I speak of him as a he as frekent as oth- erwise, &. I guess he feels so hisself. and draw'd his sword very reluctant. In fact, he would not have draw'd his sword at all, only he had a large stock 0f military clothes on han.which he didn't wnnt fn wast Hf spz thft rnJnred man is right, and he will at once go to New York and open a Sabbath school for ne- rrro minstrels. The surrender pf R. Lee, J. Johnston and others leaves the Confedrit Army in a ruther shattered state. That army now consists of Kirby Smith, four mules, and a Brass drum, and is moving rapidly to'rds Texts. Feelin' a little peckish, I went into a eatin' house to-day, and encountered a young man with long black hair and slen der. He didn't wear much clothes ; and them as he did wear looked onhealthy He frowned on me, and sed, kinder scornful. "So. sir vou come here to taunt us in our hour of trouble, do you?" No," said I, "I cqm here for hash!" "Pish-haw !" he eed sneeringly, "I mean you air in this city for the pur puss 0f ffl0atin' over a fallen people. Others may basely succumb, but as for me. t w;n never vield nvr. ,r !' Haye suihi to eat !" I pleasantly suggested. "Tripe and onions !" he sed furcely; then he added, "I eat with you, but I hate you. You're a low-lived Yankee !' To which I pleasantly replied, "How will you have your tripe ?" :Fred, rnudsill with plenty of ham fat !" - He et very ravenus. Poor feller ! He had lived on odds and ends for sev eral days, eatin' crackars that had been turned over by revellers in the bread tray at the bar. Tip fT.,i r,,i! a uet hii hoari ened a little towards me. "After all," he sed, 'you hav sum peple" at'the Nort, who air not whooly loathsum '4beasts !" "Well, yea." I sed, "we had' nowand then a man among us who isn't a cold bluded scoundril." "Young man," I mildly but gravely sed "this crooil war is over, and you're lie ?.lts father ne cessary for sombody to lick hi a good square, lively file, and in this 'ere ase it happens to be the United States of America. You fit splendid,' but it was too many for you. Then make the best of it, & let us give in and put the Repub lic on a firmer basis ncr ever. "I don't gloat over your misfortins, my young fren." Fur from it. I'm a old man now, & my hart is softer nor it once was. You see my spectacles is misten'd with suthin' like tears. I'm thinkin' of the sear of good rich Blood that has been spilt on both sides in this dreadful war ! I'm tonkin' of our wid ders and orfund North, and of your'n in the South. I kin cry both for both. B'leeve me, my young fren"1, 1 kin place my old hands tenderly on the fair young hed of the Virginny maid, whose lover was laid low in the battle dust by a fed- ral bullet, and say as fervently and as piously as a vener'ble sinner like me kin say anythin God be good to you, my poor dear, my poor dear !" I ri? up to go, & takiV my young Southern fren' kindly by the hand, I sed, "Young man, adoo ! You Southern fellers is probably my brothers' tho' you have occasionally had a cussed queer way of showin' it J It's over now.. Let us all jine in and mak a kuntry on this con tinent that shall giv' all Europe the cramp in the stummuck ev'ry time they ook at us ! Adoo ! adoo !" And as I am through, I'll likewise say adoo to you, jentle reader , merely re-i markin' that the Star Spangled Banner is wavin' round loose agin, and that there don't seem to be anything the mat ter with the Goddess of Liberty beyond a slite cold. ARTEMUS WARD. THE DISIiONTENTED PEAZANT. BY PETROLEUM y. fJASDY. Wunst upon a time, long afore the flud, when man wuz in his highly origi nal and prime evil stait, (which menes mat ne wuz wiciceaer man ne nez ever been sence) uvsin, and wiekidnis, Abou Ben Hadem flourisht in Abissinny, wich is a stait summers, down east. Abou Ben Hadem wuz a profit. He had bin in the profit biznis fer sum 2 hundred yeers, and wuz currently re ported and ginerally beleeved that he cood beet enny profit in them eastern counties, with wun hand tied behind hirn. Wunst on a time, jest after he had partaken uv his froogle breakfust uv porter-hawse steak, stufft with Camden and Amboy oysters, and wuz a musin onto the mutability uv Rhine wine and a meershaum, wun uv thejpezentry uv that country approacht. "Art thou Abou Ben Halem ?" inter- roiratid the stranger. "I am he," replied Abou, "what wouldst thou with me :" "Behold iu2 me, wun who is dissatis fied with his lot," replied tlie intelligent yomanry. "All men are so, my ton, retortid Abou. "I kin see sich in nny grocery. Life is made up uv dissatiifactions. Wun wants riches, another fame, sum chase wun fleetin shadder, sumUnother, but alars ! all er doomed 2 disappointment. Let 143 inwest in Harlem sdx and double our munny we repine th we dident buy Oil sheares and treble it. But what wouldt thou ?" J "Mighty Ben Hadem, j my." name is Norval on the Grampian hills my fath er fed his flox, of froogal' swane, and when the old gentleman pegged out he willed em all 2 me. I shejr thern sheep and wash the wool and cattl it and spin it, and weav it and make it into gar menc. Why Abou, cood not Ncher hev made my sheep to grow rolls nAtid uv wool, and save me the trubble." "My jentle friend," replied Abou, "go thy way. HentUth thy theep shel grow rolls instid uv wool. (A week ersich a matler is sposed 2 hev elapst.) j The sturdy yomanry niurned. "Wat no w," sed Aboui"was not thy desire gratinea " "Yes rruchly," replid tie high minded constitooent, "the sheep jrew rolls and good rolls too. But grcit Abou, why coodent Nacher, while she was about it, hev mad the f-hepp rrowlvarn instid uv rolls'." "Go to thy native mountains thy sheep shall grow fine yarn uv menny colors," - (Another week goes by.) "Again here," said Abou. Artest thow not satisfied ? What woodest thou now ?" "Mity profit," all things is ez easy ez turnin Jack frum the bottom, 2 thee. My sheep grow yarn- Is it askin too much to hev them grow cloth. Then wood my labor be lightened I shood hev but to cut it and sevit" iu2 gar menc." "Be it so, but bother me no jnore. I am Cheerman uv the Execootive Com mitty uv my ward, and the eleckshun i3 but 3 weeks off. Go and be satisfied. Cloth it is." (A week passes by, like a dream.) "Mighty Abou," "How now thy importunity displeas- es me. l nev d times granna toy ae- sires. VYat wantest tnounow v "Mighty Abou, trooly at thy biddin my mereenos.which I importid from Ver mont, hev yeeldid rolls and yarn and cloth. Why, oh profit, coodent they.jest ez well grow Clothing Reddy made, with a Amerrikin watch in the fop, and a pocket book filled with gfeen-bax and 9. plug uv Cavendjsh tobacker in the trousis pokkit. Grant me but this and "Away on grateful, and let me see thy face no more. I granted, thy abserd wishes to show that Nacher did jest all for U3 that we needed that the balance we must work out ourselves, and that had she dun more we wocd still hey tin dissatisfied. At fust it wuz rolls, then yarn, then cloth, and now yoo want close reddy-made. Go back yer sheep grows common wool again. Sposin J had given yoo all yooaskt wat, ob'miseralbe wood .nn Kmr Viarl 9 Ant Vnn xrrrA onnrro juu uc. . wvv""w lazy, filthy aqd rotten. Yoo wood ball around groceries, mix irt-pallytix, and become a noosancejQ0 ..yourself and friends. Laber is Heavon's law. Nach er gives us the raw material, and 2 keep us busy she requires us to work it in2 shape. Nacher gives us korn-: it is dooty 2 mak it in2 whisky and sich other pro dux ez go 2 sustane life. Without laber life is a cuss with it we are happy. A bizzy man hasent time 2 refjict upon wat a mizzable cuss he is which reflexion in men uv high minds wood leed to sooiside. Go thy ways. Be virchus and yool be happy." Morel. Employment uv wun kind er another is a necessity. For my part I keep myself bizzy in getten a livin orf uv other people's labor, and in these degenerate days it's jest all I kin do. Morel Number 2. The more we git the more we want. Wich is new. Dan Marble was occe strolling along the wharves in Boston, when he met a tall, gaunt-figure, a "digger" from Cal ifonia, and got into conversation with him. "Healthy climate, I suppose?" "Healt by?" itaint anything else, why stranger, the re you can choose any cli mate you like,hot or cold, and that with out traveling more than fifteen minutes. Just think of that the next cold morning when you get out of bed. There's a mountain there, with a valley on each side of it, the one hot, and the other cold. Well, get on the top of the mountain with a double barrelled gun, and you can, without moving, kill either summer - or winter game, just as you will ?" "What, have you ever tried it ?" "Tried it ! often ; and should have done pretty well, but for one thing." "I wanted a dog that would stand both climates. The last dcr I had froze eff his tail while pintin' on the summer side. He didn't get entirely out of the winter side, you see trew as yqu lives." Mar ble shoped. We haven't heard cf a richer thing tan was lately perpetrated upon a book store clerk, Everybody has heard jokes perpetrated upon the odd names which it is the fashion to bestow upon books now- a-days, but, we venture to say, nothing richer than this incident. A well-known wag stepped into a book-store in town, and inquired, "Have you 'The Woman in White?" "Yes," replied the clerk. 'All Alone ?" asked the searcher after literature. "Yes," responde4 the clerk "In the Dark ?" still queried the ques tioner. "Yes, sir," again promptly ans wered the attendant. "Well, all I have got to say is," retorted the wag, "you have a mighty nice thin?- of it ! Good cvemn rr ' The firm of Gladstone & Co. went in Lrtgiand for nbout 2 million rf d?lhr?. Tbe National Defct. The entire debt of the United States is officially reported, under date of May 31st, at a little over twenty-six hundred and thirty-five millions of dollars, which is near five hundred millions more than was estimated in the last report of the Treasury Department. The exnc figures are. as f ol!ow3 .. . $1,10S,1 13,842 interest payable in gold. 1,053,476.371 interest payable currency. 472,829,270 treas'y not's not ba'g in's 7S6.270 past due.and int's ceased $2,635,205,753 The annual interest in coin and cur rency logetherjs over"one hundred and twenty-four, millions, which is an incon siderable fraction less than six per cent, on the interest-paying portion. We are now able for the first time to assign a proximate limit to the debt, and to esti mate very closely its yearly burden, on the country . When all the expenses of the war are settled the mass will doubt less be near three thousand millions of dollars. The policy pf the Government will be to convert the Treasury notes in to bonds with as little delay as possible. At six per cent., which is the present average rate, our annual interest will be one hundred and eight millions of dol lars. The estimated receipts for the year ending June 30, 1865, are three hundred and ninety-six millions as follows : From Customs From internal duties From Janfjs From miscellaneous 870,000,000 30,000,000 1,000,000 25,000,600 $396,000,000 The treasury estimates of expenses for the same year, exclusive of war and navy purposes, is : por e ciyi sernce. - S33.0S2.097 For person3 and Indians 14,196,050 S47,27S,147 If we add to this amount the interest on the debt, and allow seventy-five mil lions for army and navy expenses, we shall have a total requirement of three hundred and two millions. We may, therefore, either reduce our taxes one third or have an excess of near one hund red millions to apply in liquidation of the debt. Sound policy dictates that we shall reduce the scale of taiation and keep it low until need to the productive powers of the country are fully restored to activ ity, rather than to push immediately upon liquidation. We shall then have the whole country from which to reap income, instead of the half as novv, and the reduc ed scale, spread over double the surface, will not need to be enlarged. This is certainly a very satisfactory exhibition. We announce it as a fact capable of demonstration, that our taxa tion might this day be reduced one-third, or, if the five hundred millions of treas ury notes be not funded, to fully one-half of the present rates, and the gridual ex tinction of the debt go on successfully. If cur allowance for the army and navy appears small, we have cn, the other hand made none for increased revenue from imports, on which we may probably de pend for twenty-five millions more than is officially set down. The treasury estimate of but one million of receipts from the sale of public lands wa3 made under the depression of war. Now this is relieved and peace is established, with an active tide of emigration, we may ex pect them to assume something like the old proportions of eight millions a year, At a lively village in Illinois, not far from. Woodstock, they have a benevol ent association,one of whose objects is to watch with and take czre of its members. Last fall an unmarried ycung lady was admited to membership. Jn a couple of months she was blessed with a bright eyed babe, and was very sick. Some of the lady members expressed to the chief officer of the association their indignation, and asked him if he really thought it their duty to visit the unfortunate one. "Well," said he, after much deliberation, "I suppose not. You are not obliged to watch where there is a contagious dis ease The Mexican emigration movement has been in Hudson county ,N.Y., for some time past, and parties prominent in the movement state that over 700 names have already been enrolled. The average pay due each soldier is two hundred and fifty dolors, and the Goverment is ready to pay and'disrhar ge PTery man of th? two irmic- hp An exchange publishes the; following a lphabetical record of the Ttellipn- A Stands for Andersonville the ghasN ly inonumet cf the most revolting cut rage of the century. B Stand for Booth let h"3 taeracry bo swallowed up in oblivion. C Stands for panada, the aslyum, cf skedaddlers, and the nest in which foul traitors have hatched their eggs of trea on. D St ands for Davis the'most eminent low comedian, in t,ha female character, of the age. E Stands iot England an enemy k our adversity ; a sycophant in our pros perity Music by tho band, air, Yankee Doodle. F Stands for Freedom he bulwark o the nation. G Stands for Grant-the undertaker who officiated at the burial of the re bellion. H Stands for Hardee-his tactic3 couldn't save him. I Stands forjnfamy the spirit of treat son. J Stands for Justice give it to tho traitors. K Stands for Kearsarge for further particulars see Mr3. Willow's Sooth ing Syrup. . L Standi for Lincoln we moura h;3 loss. M Stands for Mascn (more m,u,aic by the band ; air, "There? came to tho beach a poor exile, &c, &c.) N Stands for Nowhere the present location of the C. S. A. O Stands for "O, dear, what can tho matter be?" For answer to this, ques - tion, apply to Kirby Smith. P Stands for Peacg nobly woq. hy the gallant soldiers of the Unin. ; Q Stands for Quantrell one . of " tho gorillas in the rebel menagerie.- -r R Stand3. for Rebellion which is .no longer able to stand for itself. . S Stands for Sherman he has a friend and vindicator in Grant. . . . , T Stands for Treason with a halter round its neck. U--Stands for Union "Now and .forev er, one and inseparable." V Stands for Victory rfqrther explana tion 13 unnecessary. W-r-Stands for Washington-r-tho "Nation i true to his memory. X Stands for Xtraditjon English pa pers please copy. Y-Stands for Young American who stands by the Union. Z Stands for Zodaic the stan are all there. (Musjc by the band "Tho Star-tfpanglaJ Banner, O long may it ware, u er tae land oi ta rroo, an tne hiiat el ui brare.) We all remember the story of the inn keeper who became proudaa he prosper ed, and taking down hi? sign of ths Ass, put up a portrait cf George IV. in ha place. His neighbor irnmediatrly raised theast-off effigy, and "in this sign ho conquered." The first landlord, alarmed at the increasing popularity of his rival, and understanding the cause, wrote un der the grim visage of h;3 Majesty, "This is the real A33." But a more ludbcroa3 of the kind 13 just now told at the expense of the good Bishop Llan;4aff. He took up his abod j near the head of Lake Windermere, where tho principal inn had been known, as the Cock ; but the landlord, by way of compliment to his distinguished neigh bor, substitu:cd the Bishop a3 the new sign. An inn-keeper close by, who had frequently envied mine host of the Cock, for his good fortune in secureing a con siderable preponderence of visitor?, took advantage of the change, and attracted many travelers to his house by putting up the sign of the Cock. Tho landlord with the new sign wa3 much discomfited at seeing many of his old customers de- ; posited at his rival's establishment Se, " by way of remedy, he put up An large,' red letters, under the portrait of the Bish- op, "This is the old Cock." Secretary McCulloch i3 restoring tho machinery for the collection of customs in the Southern States. Tho President has already made appointment of collec tors at Savannah, Charleston, Mobile and Pensaeola. . A youngster on coming home from his. first term at a boarding school," tnd pa bein- asked what he h'ea fed oa.reVf plisd, -Multiplication tatlfs'haste stewed substraction." -d Jeff Davis might have d he' Preferred m. Iir-,. u gam? J ga j ' - pvpryr"Fv