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fJ5n"je9n '.ryJSgTV?-'-' avrsf " v JTJs:'ioH'w: zxr TS)t''YS-CT?-wjS7Iwir-f JJ"'"' 'KT THE EEPUBLIC: SUNDAY. MAKCHJ 3. 190T, j FU IN. 0m K w MB' ivje 'ShL 'X llr zZAttHKftSUSB&BSCSsSSBffEP trsffssssssV flJ irM BUBBERINQ. Fliegenda Blaetter. AN ELECTRIC BEEHIVE TRUST. Great Scheme of Major Crofoot, the Grand Promoter. It 'wma the Mil collector for a coal dealer, and he bad been instructed to talk straight from the shoulder, and to take nothing but cash for an answer. He was waiting at the bead of the stairs, and the Major could not Blip past him. "Now, then," said the collector as they entered the office and he produced a bill for a ton of coal delivered during; the win- 1 1 $" Pat electric lbrhts the bee hives and clover field so the bees could work at, sight tar of US. "I am here to have this blU squared." "My dear man. I hope I haven't kept you waiting on this?" replied the Major, with real anxiety in bis tones. "Only a year or so." "Is It that long? Bless me, but why didn't you send It In long ago?" 'It has been sent In about fourteen tines." "Dear ma, dear me, but I must have been eut on these fourteen occasions! I can't Just now recall why I didn't send the cash with the order, but I never let my bills run this way. Tea, It's over a year, I want to thank you for your confidence in my finan cial Integrity." "You needn't, because I haven't any," was the calm reply of the collector. "When a man shows his faith In Major Crofoot, he makes no mistake. It Is bread cast upon the waters, as more than one man has ascertained to his benefit. Five dollars for one ton of coal. This bill Is correct, sir, absolutely correct, and It Is with the greatest of pleasure that I shall file It away among my papers." Tm here for the money. Major, and I don't mean to be put off." "My dear man, I welcome you," cheerily replied the Major as ho lighted a cheap ci gar with one band and extonded the other for a shake. "I would always rather hand my check to a collector than run the risks f the mails. I only wish you could have made It convenient to call before." "This Is my ninth visit, dr." "Which shows your confidence) In me, and makes me feel a bit proud. Tou could have called forty or fifty tlmest but. knowing I was good for the amount, you only called Wne times. As X sold. It Is bread cast upon the waters, and I will show you that Z am not ungrateful." "Tou will pay the bin, then?" et me call your attention to my last enterprise," said the Major as a dodge to the, question. "Tou must have heard of the various schemes I have promoted, schemes backed by millions and paying tens of thou sands in dividends, but I have Just worked out the best thing yet Tou shall share in It Tou hold a situation at probably 150 per month. I presume you will be glad to ex change it for one at $10,000 per year?" off the perch. Major," said the hard-hearted man. "I'm here for this bin, and you can't bamboozle met" "Papers of Incorporation are Just being mode out, and will be ready In a week, though we won't get down to work before May. Tou know all about honeybees, of course?" "I've sat down on a few on the park benches." "The honeybee Is supposed to be a hustler, but as a matter of fact he Isn't He can't see before sunrise or after sunset and tfiat makes short days. Suppose he could be made to see all night long?" "Double the honey, of course," replied the collector. "Exactly, exactly. Touve hit It Double his working hours, and you double his product plain as the nose on your face. To do it you've got to turn night into day. He's got to think it's high noon all the time, and only stop for luncheon now and then. Do you catch on?" "Hardly erver." "Electrio lights, my boy oro lights shin ing on tbe hives and the clover fields. It's my own original Idea; got It whllo I was out in the country last summer, and It's going to work to beat the band; have capi talised the Electrio Association at JJ,000,000. and the shares will soon be on the market at par. I am president, of course, and you shall be secretary. Now will you tell me that Major Crofoot doesn't reward his friends 7" The Major smiled blandly and smacked his lips unctuously and poked1 the collector's nos laeeuousiy, out the man was not te oe aenieo. "I want m, Major." he said, without a smile. Tour satasr wiU be HMOO per year and begin to-morrow." "This bill must be paid." "And as soon as the shares are Issued Til pick you up $10,000 and carry them for you, and they can be paid for out of your dividends. Can you come In to-morrow at about this hour and sign the paper7" "1 shall be here to-morrow unless I get my money, because 1 1 Intend to sit right here." "One light for every six hives of bees and a light per acre In the clover fields," said the Major, as we walked about "We double the work and double the product and I've an Idea that the honey made at night will be of a superior color and taste. ve shall send samples to all prominent people, and we'll get hundreds of certifi cates In return. My dear man, let me con gratulate you. The waters have brought back your bread." 'ims coal bill. Major," said the collector. I m here for the cash, you know, and soft soap doesn't go." "You-ypu have a bill against met "I should smile." "I had quite forgotten it How muck Is "Same old JS." "I suppose you couldn't call an hour later, when the boy brings down the key to the safe? I can't get at my check book Just now." "I shall continue to sit right here." "But I won't put you to all that trouble. Let mo run In on the lawjer and see If he's ready to return the $20 I lent him yesterday. Back in a minute." The Major went out smiling and whist ling, and the minutes nassed. When they had become thirty the collec tor got up and swore. When an hour had passed he looked around with desperation In his eyes. No one came in, and the fire burned low, and he shivered. At the end of two hours ho realized that he had been bilked, and In his rage and disgust he seized the office safe and tipped It on its back. It did not fall with a dull thud, but, with the noise of a dlshpan dropping from Its nail. It was wood tinned over and painted black. It was like the grand promoter's various enterprises and promises to pay. Philadelphia .Press. Paid Costs. The agriculturist from Red ford settled, and he has been mad about It ever since. "Of course I knoued that ole patryark of the flock was cross-grained and llerable to start troublo without no warnln". But I uphole that I had a right tor feed my sheep 'longslde the road jest as long n I herded 'em and kept 'em (mm trcspassln' on my neighbor's property. 'Now this feller came along with a pack on his back. I'll bet that pack weighed more'n me and him put together. I was setttn' on the fence guardln' the sheep and the ole buck was eatln' grass up on the edge of the ditch and 'tendin' strictly to his work. The peddler didn't ece me, he was leanln' over so, but he see tbe buck and give him a kick. "I never knowed a critter could look so Insulted. He throwed his head book, and he had the finest pair o' horns ever gTowed on a sheep. He took his bearin's, prepared for a charge and then made a flyln' 'sault and battery and knocked that peddler half a rod. The pack busted and let out four or five bushels of stockln's, gallowses, combs, shawls, han'kerchlefs and cheap dresses. "I fell often the fence laughln' to see the wreck and the peddler squarln' off to fight tho buck. I rushed atween 'em and klckod the sheep Inter the ditch. The peddler was a-ycllln' at me In Greek or Latin or some Dooley: "What's tho matter wld ye, anyhow, Mick all tattered an' torrun an bitten an' scratched all over?" Mick: "Ay, nn me own dog done It! want homo sober last noight, an' tho baste didn't know me!" Punch. If 2k M$ ' foe Tp Tjy- Wj 111 'Miil yj&&8BT Hi Man With Tools: "Hullo, Jim! Wot arc yer doln 'ere? Caretikln'?" Man on Steps: "No. I'm the howner, 'ere." Man With Tools: " 'Ow 'u that?" Man on Steps: "Why, I did a bit 'o plumbing In tho 'ouse, an' I took the place In part payment for. the Job." Punch. Tbe EoglliBraaii'i Fraak Toast. A well-known local minister who has Just returned from an extended Western trip, tells the following: "Recently in Los Angeles five prominent gentlemen of foreign birth chanced to meet. One was a Russian, one a Turk, one a Frenchman, one an American and one an Englishman. These gentlemen became bosom friends and finally a champagne sup per was proposed, at which each gentle man, to be In keeping with the times, was to give a toast to hl3 native country, the one giving the best to be at no expense for the wine. Here are the toasts given: The Russian: "Here's to the stare and bars of Russia, that were never pulled down." The Turk:."Here's to the moons of Tur key, whose wings were never clipped."" The Frechman: "Here's to the cock of Trance, whose feathers were never picked." The American: "Here's to the Stars and Stripes of America, never trailed -in de feat." The Englishman i "Here's to the rampln', roarin' lion of Oreat Britain, that tore down tho stars and bars of Russia, clipped the wings of Turkey, picked the feathers off the cock of France, and ran like from the Stars and Stripes of the United States of America," Albany Journal. "Say, pa, somebody's being murdered up there!" "O, no, sonnyl A man's having his tooth pulled without pain!" Der TJorfV barbler. A Peculiarity of Ills. "Did you hear what Gazzam did when be was hunting In the Adlrondacks?" "No; what was It?" "Shot his guide, mistaking him for a deer." "That's Just like Gazzam. He's always making game of soma one." Detroit Free Press. other furrin' lingo, when the buck lifted him ag'in and then sailed Inter a red dress end went flyln' up the road with It over his horns. "I wasn't no ways to blame, but when the peddler klm out the next day with one of these here bluffin' lawyers I squared 'cm. Jest as I gotji receipt In full, I'm blamed et that ole buclTdldn't come through tho barn door and butt tho lawyer ten feet Inter a lilac bush. We argled fur three hours and he let me off fur 12. I'd Jest like some Con gressman ter tell me what show the poor farmer has got?" Detroit Free Press. A Theatrical Fame Fas. "Strutter lost his engagement with that hlstorlcal-play company." "What was the matter?" "Oh, in signing documents on the stage the quill pen wouldn't work, and he snatched out his fountain pen." Detroit Free Press. "Unhealthy." "What's your man's specialty?" asked the Mayor of Hot Dog. "Llitln' horses," sold the advance agent of the strong man. "Well," sold tho Mayor, "I shore admire your gall fer ownln' up to it but I'll tell you beforehand that llftln' hosses Is a mighty unhealthy game In this 'here sec tion." Indianapolis Press. From the Pyramids. "If an empty barrel weighs ten pounds what can you fill It with to moke It weigh seven pounds?" asked Senator Depew of Senator Spooner. "Have to give It up," replied Mr. Spooner. "Fill It full of holes," answered Mr. Depew, and they both laughed. Exchange. Sharps and Flat. The late Sims Reeves, when a young man, received singing lessons from a teacher con spicuous alike for his ability and brusquo manner. One day while at lesson Sims was requested to sing a verse of a then popular scng. He had scarcely sung the first line when his teacher abruptly Interrupted him with "Stop, sir, you are fiat very flat." "And you, sir, are sharp very sharp," was the Instant retort of the famous tenor, as he picked up his music and Indignantly left the room. Brooklyn Eagle. Horace Greeley, writes A. K. McClure, In February Success, was lavish in his gifts, often to most unworthy recipients, and was A Hoodoo Rooster. "Chicken stealing Is as natural to a Tar Heel negro es snuff rubbing is to a poor white in the mountains of Tennessee," said Mr, Frank Van Hannlng of North Carolina at the Shoreham lost night "The negro simply cannot help but steal a chicken when the opportunity utters. The Ingenuity of the defense they make when caught how ever, goes a long way sometimes to mitigate their offense. The story of how Sam John ston, a notorious chicken thief in the neigh borhood where I lU'e, escaped tho conse quences of one particular larceny Is well worth repeating. Johnston's salvation lay In the fact that the chicken he had stolen was the property of another negro, a very prosperous farmer, but who, nevertheless, had all the superstition of his race. Sam was caught red-handed In possession of. a fine rooster belonging to the negro farmer, and he wa3 arrested and hauled before a Justice of tho Peace for trial. His defense was that the rooster he had filched was a 'hoodoo,' which had designs on the farmer's family, and that out of pure philanthropy he had taken the fowl and was In the act of carrying It to a solitary place in tho woods where a white owl would sit In Judg ment and order the execution of tho 'hoo doo.' The story wouldn't go with the court, of course, but the prosecuting witness be came terror-stricken and refused to appear against Sam, and, moreover, ho begged Sam to take the rooster and carry out the orig inal programme. Sam seemed reluctant but when the farmer pleaded with tears In his eyes ho finally gave a grudging consent and departed with the 'witch,' rooster In a bag. I should have liked to look, in on the feast which took place that night" In the humble cabin of the virtuous Sam." Washington Post. Baxter: "Don't you think there ought to be a different word for the typewriter and tha voune woman who onemtes It?" Tetlow: "Oh, I don't know. The two are very much alike. It costs a good deal to keep either in ribbons." Boston Transcript. most sensitive when admonished on the sub ject by even his closest friends. He leaned thousands of dollars to a scapegrace son of Commodore Vanderbllt, and. when Vander bllt appealed to him to stop It, Greeley curtly closed the conversation by saying he did not expect the Commodore to pay the loan. In one of the many conversations I had with htm In his dingy office In the old Tribune building. I ventured to suggest that he was a more generous giver than his means Justified; to which he answered: "Well, I guess that's so, but I can't stop It. I am like the Southern planter who, after spending the proceeds of his crop In winter reveling, closed, up tho account by selling a nigger; I do It by selling a. share of the Tribune." He originally owned nearly or quite one-half the paper. When he died he had but one share remaining of the 100. and Pointed Saying's. Interest makes some people blind. others quick-sighted. Baumont. We lose the peace of years when we hunt after the capture of moments. Bullvtr. If honesty did not exist we ought to In vent it a3 the best means of getting rlctb-. Mlrabeau. If there Is any person to whom yon feel dislike, that Is the person of whom, you ought never to speak. Cecil. There is no beautlfier of complexion, or form or behavior, like the wish to scatter Joy and not pain around us. Emerson. Hapy the man to whom heaven has given a morsel of bread without laying him under the obligation of thanking any other for It than heaven Itself. Cervantes. Where Bo Got It. "T see that Jones, the Northern writer, has made quite a success with Southern , dialect stories." "Tes; he once passed through the South In a sleeper, and heard a white man enssra. a nigger in Tennessee!" Atlanta Constitution. Ronaac.- After the Joust the vlctorlojj Sir Lame fal knelt at the feet of Clara Vera de Vera, "Oh. what a name thou hast made for thyself I" murmured tho fair lady, shyly. Time had been when the knight would have raised his eyes ardently and exclaimed! "Not for myself! For theel" But now he protested, not tmbttterlyt "Not for myself! For some three-lnoh collarl" None knew better than Sir Launfal that the mission of Romance Is no longer what it was. Detroit Journal. Missionary: "Ohyou mnst not eat me. I'm a vegetarian." King Ki Ki: "Oh, what a treat. We know how other missiona ries taste, but this Is the first time we ever had a chance to try a vegetarian." Fliegende Blaetter. As Usual. Clerk: "Madam, you wiC have to de scribe the contents of the pocketbook you lost" Mrs. Shoppe: "Well, it contained four hairpins, a buttonhook, a lace handker chief, four stamps, six rainy-day skirt samples, my lorgnette, a safety pin. and" Clerk: "That will do; this was a pocket book; the lost baggage department Is on tha second floor." Ohio State Journal. She Knew the Symptoms. Visitor: "Ah! What a picture of lnnocenos that child" is!" Mother: "Dear me! I hadn't noticed! Ger trude, what have you been doing?"--Stray Stories. Prophets of Evil. We Jest ain't had no winter But little frost wuz split; But purty soon you'll hear the cryl "The fruit Crap's Klltl" You'll see the peach blooms wither The watermelons wilt; Fer low an' high you'll hear the oryi "The fruit Crap's Kilt!" Atlanta Constitution. THE MISTAKE. i Two Harry Calls. Little Freddie: "Please. Mr. Druggist, papa wants a bottle of liniment and mam ma wants a bottle of china cement right away," Druggist: "All right Whatfs wrong?" Freddie: "Mamma hit papa with the su gar bowL" Baltimore American. An Escape. The traveler from Mars, having Just alighted, gazed with wonder upon the waste of ruins. "Strange," he murmured. "This aggregation of noble 'dwellings seems to have been visited by some fearful destruc tive catastrophe." After much search he discovered a cower ing creature beneath a heap of broken hogsheads and shattered mirrors. "What nation Is this?" he Inquired. The inhabitant blanched, "Carrie Nation, ye dinged fool!" he shrieked, and withdrew shuddering. "I must be In Kansas," cried the stranger, and, leaping upon his aeroplane, he con vulsively grasped the lever and shot Into the ether. New York Press. Jocular in Spite of It. "Halloa! Halloa! Is this the gas compa ny's office?" "Yes; what is it?" "When do the entries for the next races open?" "We don't know anything about the races; this is the gas office." "Correct; but I thought yon could tell me." "Why, what do you want to know for?" "Oh, nothing particular. I have a gas meter I would like to enter, that's all?' Tlt-BIta - rr: "T-- ' g--z3 -),-,.' II THE GOOD OLD TIMES. Private: "The new powder-house has just blown up.' Captain: "oee whiz! Where is the sentlnelr Private: "Luckily, bo wa sitting; in tbe tavern." MegsendorftcBIastteri v iv H M i S 2l I &W5 irffiV!.! ?a? !?KA wm$?i?vMmp&i?:mM g 3Kfe; ,'.ftLii! SSC3Bg?4 gfeapgafetefrtesgs AJS5S4HS