The St. Louis Republic. [volume], June 01, 1902, Magazine Section, Image 55

About The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919

Image provided by: State Historical Society of Missouri; Columbia, MO

                
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THE REPUBLIC: SUNDAY, JUNE 1. 1902.
A SUCCESSFUL. RETRIEVER.
COURTSHIP MADE EASY.
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"Something dreadful has happened. Rjron-ihl!e plajlng tennis rve Just lost my
false teeth"
'Oh, don't worry, Frauleln; we'll have 'em directly! Now, Fido, something's loitl
Eeek It! Seek It!"
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"Come, ladles and gentlemen, let n sit down to luncheon J"
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"Help! help! The dog's gone mad!"
And Fldo thought th people had gone mad. Der Dorfbarbler.
A QUESTION OF IDENTITY.
Professor of Surgery: "Remarkable resemblance! Tell me, my good man, did I make
post-raorUm examination of you esterday7" Meggendorfer Blaetter.
A HARMONIOUS CLUB.
Photographer (to members of the Concordia Club): "Now, gentlemen, ""ra will look
pleasant for only a minute, then you can fight on." Der Dorfbarbler.
Tm not going to wait foreTer, Babette, for Herr Banse to propose. You
sit right where yon are and I'll see to the rest, for he'H be here directly."
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She (to Raphael Greene, who paints gems for the R. A. that are neer accepted): "I
do hor-e ou'H be huns this jtar. I'm sure you desene to be!" Punch.
THE PENALTY OF BEING FUNNY.
"AU alone to-day, frauleln? "Where Irs your m "
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Jenkins: "I e just b-en to see L,apIelgh; poor fellow, he's In a feirful state of de
jection." Johnklns What After thp -normnu' uccc of that funny book of hlT
Jenkins; "My dear fellow, that' Just It- He's got to be funnier in the next book, and
It's worrying him " Moonshine.
A HEAVY TRUNK.
Gentleman: "Can you take that trunk to my residence?"
Expressman: "No, and if it was Oiled with dollar bills I would not undertake to lift
It." Der Dorfbarbler.
"Bless you, my children, bless you!" Meggendorfer Blaetter.
Ways ana Means.
The best way on earth to drift Into bank
ruptcy Is to establish a liberal credit.
Baltimore News.
Doctor: "I am slightly in doubt as to
-whether yours Is a constitutional disease
or not
Patient: "For heaven's sake, doctor, hay
I got to go to the expense of appealing- to
the United States Supreme Court to find
out whether It Is or not?" Richmond Dis
patch. Harry, aged 5, was looking over his sis
ter's geography one day, when he Anally
asked: "Mamma, did God make the oceanr'
"Yes. dear." replied his mother.
"Well," said the small philosopher, "I'll
bet it rained awful hard the day before."
Chicago News.
An Attempt to Account for It.
Says the cynic of the Washington Post:
j "Remember, sonny, that a few men In this
' country have masfr. , grow up and be
great without erer haying had a college
yell."
Some Impediment In their speech, per
haps. Cleveland plain Dealer.
"Jinks: "I tell you what It Is, there Is
nothing like having lots of friends."
TVlnks: "1 presume not."
Jinks: "No, slr-ree. As quick as I lose a
Job my friends go all round hunting a new
place for me so as to save me the trouble
of borrowing money from them." Pearson's
Weekly,
"This tusk," said the Jersey commuter,
"I dug up In ray garden. It's all of 4 feet
long. Remarkable, isn't It?"
"Yes, It's very probable the bill of a pre
historic mosquito." Catholic Standard.
jfo Dsnger.
He: "Don't you ever get tired of being
made love to?"
She: "I might If it were always the same
man." Detroit Free Press.
The Rtvht Trnst for Then.
'I've been told that the bass drummers
of the country have formed a trust."
"Why dld'nt they go into a trust that's
already formed?"
"What trust?"
The beet trust!" Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"I Just heard that man say that the sea
son for mosquitoes was almost here," said
one Insect as It swayed on a twig.
"How egotistical!" exclaimed the other.
"What he should say Is that it Is about
time for us to make ready for the human
being season." Washington Star.
Tbe Girl From the Scientist; School.
"Our daughter has at last met her fate,
tny dear."
"How do you know?"
"She received several letters from her
admirers this morning, but his was the
only one she didn't fumigate and sterll
Ixe." Cleveland Plain Dealer.
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THE BEAST.
Wife famateur singer): "Yes. dear. I had to sing no less than three times."
rtrutal Husband (who hates that sort of thing): "Never mind, dear; perhaps tts peo
ple thought you wanted practice. Tou'll do better next time." Moonshine,
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