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BACK 111 IYho! Tut! Tut. A Weekly With a Plump on It. We Cover the Desert. Second Trip. Three Wonders of the Salt River Valley: Arizona, Februarv 20. EDITORIAL MAD MAN HELD BY PVT. KISTLE RETURNS TO HOME TOWN HEARTY WELCOME BY GRATEFUL CITS COPS; MOB FORMS C. G. H., Editor. TILE ARIZONA REPUBLICAN, THURSDAY MORNING, FEBRUARY 20, 1919. APOLOGY AND COMMENT Wo roust :i i'tilxi- tn I lit' i rnwil lli.it took the prM trip with us 0:1 tin- I'aill ei's i;.n k l.ir !.. In I li" :ii."t place. lh- editorial I) n -1 1 1 h;-: n port l'lat t hero ' wet . mult' .a -n ii . l s III. ill there welo soaM in th'' li'n K.ih. Socuti.l'is, I' tie linn' tin- limit ) T, lh' eompo-utor. th' makeup in, in. A I 'heprool i'ui'i not throiiL'h wiih then itoi;m' the pi. M i' looLfti like Hie iii t'fiot i! a in ii n 1 1 1 ii tiiirriti after a hos iiel tti i ri -1 1 sln'.l ha 'I dropped in lor 'i six n.i rh.it. . .a.t. thcte now, you lubbers, and tirlv up ship When llns ilesort goins r.t ; t put out to th1 hori.on lot tho form? lo t lea red for action, nil muga ..T'O.. unlinibcrrd. arid every letter in 1 w plac. Vammee! If there s a moth er (ion of you Unit leaves a rnmma ' ins urtiiinu loose or a yivi up Im. in the mnk5, blast mv top gallants if on won't be skinned and thrown over board for the huz7.ards to (haw on! l'ipo all hands in the galleys now fur inspection. Bulletin. 6:00 A. M. A mob is forming outside of the local iail and threats of lynching are frequent (Ey Cactus Press Pieced Wire) Hlll. I-Vli. i'U. HecaUSO Ol IliS strange actions and manners on the pul Ii'1 thoroughfares this morning, a man whoye iilentuy has not been dis elnsed as y"t. I u t who is thought to lie .Mr. Inia Autoist ol this city, was ar rested and is being held at th local poh.e station, pending an examination i, tip' i'itv alienist, Or. I.zy Hugs. Th .niiortunate man attracted the attention of more than a sore of wo men Menocraphers and clerks out at tlie e.ipitol, who wete waiting for the Washington street tar at the noon hour. There is nothing unusual in this small army of fominine pulchritude tn waiting thus for a ear. With many of them it has come to he a ha hit of Ions standing. AWAKEN. FELLOW CITS! Kellow Citizens, when the cxtrava rant pices concerning time and money hive assumed the alarming proportions fh.if thv hae with th oith ol our nay, we sav it is time to a. ike. to the 1 1 r prril that rontronis tho nation. The editor of the Camels I'.ai k has 'onjc had a sneaking noiion that (inr oung men and women of todav ha'e i-een spoiled in their idoes of what is Imrd work, and the epet icni es ui one of our l.irir'st adcrtirs m tring to et all honest, capable, and eft it' loll t vnim; man willing to start at th hot -loni and work lnsself up. has linaily i onvmt ed us that unless our youth tire taken In hand and s:rn a taste of the old hickory, this here fair republic of ours will go the way of Uotne. just i hen that nroat oligarchy was pitched l.i-adlong into the hitter thioes of rrvo luiton. This liere advertiser, hisself a large " mplojer of men. inset led an ad in our modest paper looking lor a oting man to do a fen odd jobs around the ranch and general store, with a little mdkinir and other small chores and sich. Tt w m.s a woniiert'il opportiiniH in a thriv i'lc deert town wirlt hours and Wiies s ich as Crori;e ashitiuton. Abe t.in- otn, Ii;inic Mofin. I'ere Marquette. 1 'avid Copierfiod, or anv other of them tcreaf Antericiin pioneers vould hav' Kriiiped with axidity and offered pray erful thanksgiving to Mini for such I rovidential opportunity. Ftut. 1'ellow Citizens, how did the loijth of our d.a;." reoei e this generous offer of assistance ttotn this big heart Mi advertiser? He pot otilv one answer, and that from a sinner alri k of a vo'in wlilppT snapper thai thought he was smart. This oulie wrote and said that he had been taking a vacation co.iiing a battleship and now he was ready to tro hack to work if our advertiser could give him a little more than ltl hours a day work to do. Ilo said that J 1 ."..00 a month cas so much that he was afraid he would become a spendthrift ..nd careless of his monev . We repeat, follow Citizens, thaf things have come to a pretty pass when the youth of our land is permitted to flaunt their indigencies and extrava cwnce in the fact of opportunity and i generosity such as. that of our larg" advertiser. We repent that the very toundatlons on which this grand dem ocratic republic of ours Is reared trembles to the very- soles of her feet when surh prodigalities are allowed to pass without the linger of scorn and :he Mrehrnd being brought into play. And If they grov and honourable hairs on this humble editorial head mean anything at all in the matter of judgment, we predict that the nation islands on the precipice of flabby fnt nmisness, readv to be ship-wrecked on the sands of luxury. , waken. Fellow Citizens AWAKKN! REMOVAL NOTICE I'pon the complaint of "Tiny" that too much of our stuff last week was 'Over her head, ".orders have been given t the keepers of the Camel's I tack to keep the critter down in the lower al titudes. We d do .'in . thing-short of endorsing the proposed state anthem to plea.se a gentle reader; moreover, the old craft doesn't rock so much when he sets loser to the water. Ilerr Kiit ik, her aufgepliizensoiiperiknoche. near ly spurlos versenkt us on the la.st trip. Noch einmal, fort gehen! Herrause! Judging from the meeting at the high m hool last Sunday, the local bol shevik! movement ought to be called the 'Soldiers' and Sailors' Worker Council" only the honest -to-Cawd soldier and sailor refuses to be worked" as easily as some thought lie npuld he. Nor is it a.11 unusual for scores of lone autoists town-bound with empty !ie and sewn passenger cars daily to pa's t his ci ow d with an air of oblivion. That is precisely why the men at the police station attracted attention. Approaching the coiner where the knot of oung yyonien stood, the man stopped his big touring car and issued a general invitation to the girls to 'pile j m' if they wanted to go to town. Be i fore those of the older ones in the crowd could recover from their am:ize- merit, a handful of the younger girls, said to he only recently imported to' work for the legislature, scrambled into : the car and were whisked rity-ward. ' Through the presence of mind and unit k action of n instandcr, the police were warned ami the man autoist and his fares were intercepted before they got to tow n. The man w ill be given a thorough examination bv Dr. Itugs. in commenting upon the exciting in cident. Miss H utit in-l'et'k, for years an employe of the st alehouse, said "Why. j it was shot king. It all happened before I we knew what was going on. of course, ! we might have been a little hit hasty in calling the polit e, but it was such an unexpected thing for an nutoist to do and in broad noon hour when every one of us is usually half starved and t anxious to get to tow n and back w hy it Whs so daring it s a wonder he didn't : get away with it!" When informed of the accident, or the attempt of the HUtoist to share his comiort. one of the employes at the oarilol, who declares that out of his six years' servi'-e for the state he has spent four in waiting for street cars, Faid. "Aw, hell; I don't believe it!" As he tossed uncomfortably in his seat on the crowfled chair car, 1'vt. IJeorge Kistle. on his way home from the demobilization camp, fell to mus ing on the probable reception he and his handful of companions would get from their townspeople upon his ar rival home the coming morning. A faint smile of satisfaction lit up his tired features as he recalled for the thousandth time since his entrance into tiie service the blood stirring fare well party given to Hie members of his contingent by the Ited Cross, the cham ber of commerce, and other civic and fraternal organizations. There was the picnic at the park; the governor's rousing talk, the pretty high school flower girls, the big parade, the riot ous time at the depot and then the roar of cheers let loese from th thousand throats when the conductor called out the final "All aboard!" The big hand blared forth the "Star Spang led Banner,' and just as the soldier cargoed train started to move Pvt. Kistle had lea-ned far out of the win dow and snatched a final kiss from a tertrful mother. The scene faded from his vision as the returning hero sought comfort in the unsociable plush chair, and damned I he pioneers that located his home town so far from the demobilization camp. He was anxious to get back to the warm welcome of his townspeople. Hardly had his feet touched the plat form hat k in the old tow n, then a young woman in the Trim uniform of the Y. W. .". A. stepped up to Pvt. Kistle and in a businesslike manner said, "I see you are a returned soldier. You will find your mother and friends at the little "hut" just across the street. Just leave your suitcase and bag right on the platform here and 1 will have some of the boy scouts tVe it over to the hut for yoa. After you have met your folks or whenever you aje ready the women of the Red Crops Motor Pre serve Corps will have a car at your service to take you and your mother or friends home or wherever you may wish to go." "Thank you!" said the soldier salut ing, "that's fine!" Then to himself. "('ee. this IS service! '(Jot the skids all j greased for you to slide back to real life. Some service!" He had hardly had a chance to say hello to his mother over in the hut, when another uniformed "Y" worker approached him with the information that coffee and sandwiches could be had free of charge in the dining room adojining. "It's furnished free by the Woman's club," she reassured him. "And," she added as she suppressed a smile, "there is soap and a towel in the washroom across the hall there." . While they were eating, a hoy scout handed Pvt. Kistle with a card with the following brief message on it. "The first thing you do after you have met the folks, come right down to our office and let us help you get a job. We've been waiting for you to come back." (Signed) CO.MMCMTY LABOR BOARD. "Well, that's what I call system!" ex claimed Pvt. Kistle. "I'll hurry' right down to see these people; I hear some body's got my job." Lunch over, the returned soldier and his mother found a car run by a mem ber of the women's motor corns waiting at the door for them. "Where to'.'" inquired the woman driver briskly. After giving directions. Pvt. Kistle assisted his mother into the car and was about to follow her when a hand on his shoulder shook him violently. Pvt. Kistle turned, not without some i feeling of annoyance at the roughness, 1 and was about to remonstrate when "PHOICNLX!" yelled the porter, i arousing Pvt. Kistle from his slumbers. 1 Sliding off bis rigid bed, the home , coming soldier grabbed his baggage and . tumbled out on to the station platform j with a motley gathering of passengers. I Nobody in the crowd seemed at all in 1 forested in the returning soldier the ! erstwhile "savior of his country." That ! is, nobody until the little grey-haired woman who was being buffeted around on the outskirts of the crowd spied him. ";eorge!" she cried. "Mother!" Temple of Torture The Last Word Oentlemen, your committee on con struction for relief of a long suffering public, begs leave to report the com pletion of the Temple of Torture in which it is proposed to incarcerate public pesis. Your committee respect fully and urgently recommends that it D i be i.seu most libernllv. Peoples' Writes Dour Sir: I am awful worried as to how can I regain the lost love of our 1 fair stenog. 1 borrowed tier machine when she stepped out of the office for a moment, and when 1 fetched it back I sez. to her. "Here's Hie machine I bor row ed in ou r a bsence." "Yes, I know," she comes hack, "just as soon as my back is turned things disappear." "Sure, you know how it Is when the i old cat's away "sez I Just like that. 1 "Old Cat!" she st reams at me. Ami ! then it was that I seen what I done. Can you please advise me, as I didn't mean it that wav atali atall. HANK. Serve? you f.urr-fectly right. If "lonesome flirl." who wrote to this department complaining of the link of companionable, good looking young men hereabouts, will call at this office for a personal interview we are sure she will find much to her interest. We are sorry that we cannot print her communication, for the reason that we are not running a matrimonial bureau and for the further reason that we, personally, experience that lonely feel ing creeping over ns ever antl anon, anil therefore must have something In common with "Lorn-some Girl" which we would like to talk over with her before rushing Into print. 1'rcm her description of herself and car. we are sure that we were just built for that vacant seat in the road ster, and as for the requested ability to drive with one hand, we saw a bird out at the state fair once drive with out any hands and we have him skinned to a frazzle. Interview will be strictly confidential and may prove highly profitable to both of us. P.ring your car with you. ED. All right. Committee. For charter in habitants of the Temple, we nominate the pin-headed autoist with the open cutout, and the liow-off motor cyclist that chokes his or.gine and then lets er explodo. We li.rther move that the.se dm ks he tied down on the floor of the Temple with open cutouts ex ploding in their ears. ?ir: Haven't you got room in your T. of T. for the food profiteer? I'd like to put him in one of The. rooms and line it with foodstuffs for sale at the prices he has been asking. Then give him a nickle and tell him to feed himself for a year on it. HOUSEWIFK. NATURE STUDY There Is a difference between the I Hast and West. I There are a million, more or less, I robins hereabouts these days, and narry a bit of publicity do they get in the local press. On the other hand, in the so-called Kast, suburbanites and com muters in and about the Windy City- vie with one another in trying to locate the first spring robin. And seeing one, I they send special messengers, mortgage their homes to pay toll calls or. pull i j any other kind of wild stuff in trying ; ; to be the first to get their discovery to i the nearest city editor. And what does 1 the e. e do? He swings around in his j swivel chair to the corps of sleepy-eyed i reporters, ana picking out the most j ' gullible of the gang he sez: "Jerry, get- on the phone in booth IS and talk to I Baron von Munchhausen!" I CLIMAT ROOSEVELT PROJECT COTTON INDUSTRY Add these together and you have prosperity. Every business in Phoenix has been benefited by the entrance of the cotton industry in this valley, and all should do what they can to further encourage this development, likewise all agricultural development. - We wish to do our part in our way, by furnishing any kind of elec trical equipment for all -kinds of work where power is required. Yours for Everything Electrical The New State Electrical Supply and Fixture Co. Phone 4436 228 W. Washington St. After you have read this paper, pass it on to some other poor unfortunate and let him bite on it for awhile. WEEKLY TALKS ON FARMING "Well," horned in R:iz Berry, the Texan agriculturalist, as he shifted the wisp of straw to the other corner of his mouth." this yar matter of fus sin' and foolin' over gittin' your seed bed all fizzed up is all right, but they's sich a thing's over doin' it. "Now, I rek'lect last year wen I sweat a dad burned long time workin' up my ground afore I put in my wheat, wot did I git for my pains? Well, I 'low about 5 bushel to the acre'd be a big figger. And as I see.'s the thing the reason was coarse I hid fixetl up sich a dad burned good seed bod that wen I put the seed in the stuff jest natterly laid right down and went t'sleep. Yes sirree! They's sich a. thing's overdoin' these things. As I see it, it's with seeds as it is with hens you gotta make' em russel for a livin' if you want 'em to produce." The management of the Camel's Hack is proud to announce that it has secured the services of Peter Piffle, the noted political writer, student of hu man curiosities, and notorious jail breaker, to report the sessions of the legislature. Beginning next week, ex clusively in the Camel's Back, Mr. Piffle will begin his great cereal., "Cracked Nuts, or Jf The Folks Back Home Could See I's Now." INSPIRED oh. the makeup man, the makeup man The pi-eyed makeup man. j He gums my stuff when'er he can i ' The oozy-woozy emfw shrdlu-ed make up man! Just lookit that now! Trib. in which a soldier in France ad vocates an early return home for the soldiers.) "Very nearly all of us have wives and sweethearts to say nothing of par ents awaiting our return. DID SOMEBODY ORDER HASH "Wanted Woru as snort order Cook or handy man in kitchen or baggage man or handyman in a hotel; under stands plumbing work." (Republican Ad.) And forthwith, somebody yelled the following order: "Scramble three trunks, run a sewer up to Xo. 307, and call for A square meal at 1011 South Sixteenth to make the 5:45 local!" At that, we are certain that this j bird has put up more than one "short order" for us, judging from the wav they tasted. Guess-we'll "tie up" for the week right here. Whoa, camel! Now, will the "lady in the audience" please rise and say something funny to hold the crowd in their seats while we think up some more nonsense to set down? Voice from the rear: "Introduce your ladv friend!" For Lady Readers Only A Coupla Y'oung Things doing wel fare work in a southern mining camp called on the w ife of one of the miners to talk things over. "What a cute little hoy you have there," exclaimed one of the y. t's. to the good woman. "What's his name?" "Oh," beamed the proud mother, "We calls him "T. B." And the young things spent the remainder of the visit try ing to supress their laughter. A MERE REQUEST "If it swims, we have it" chronicles a fish market. All right, we'll take a coupla nice tender mermaids. Kr say, boy. Call up that market and ask them if they don't dress their products before they send'em out. ALL OF THAT It probably will be a matter of para mount interest to some of us w ho have been out of town to learn that Chick and Lay have patented their homestead at Cornville. Ariz. To make it unani mous they ought to run a chicken ranch. I MAY THEY NEVER MEET 1 (Extract from a letter to the Chi. . I BOB SJ til ilJfiS Mr, j -jTa,; !J)' f,!TSTZ I I I a 1 1 IV !--'- ST h.l!i I. J Even if your hopes for a home lie far ahead, why not begin planning at this time? We shall be glad to talk over plans and specifica tions, quote costs, estimates, etc., against the time when yo uare ready to build. A talk with us may brjng that time nearer than you think. THIS IS THE I' li ,. t & - If- II Cleat Vision Pump See one in operation at Davies' Service Sta tion No. 1501 N. Central. A pump and measuring device, for the express purpose of pro viding safe and accurate han dling of gasoline or any light oil fuels, for the purpose of serving the public in The Way The Pub lic Wishes To Be Served. "See what you pay for' The clear vision pump is speedy, easily handled, neat. There is no waste, and is the latest thkig in up-to-date service stations. See W. B. LYNCH PHOENIX, MGR. THE CLEAR VISION PUMP CO. 213 W. Washington St. SILOs-SILOs-SILOs . 'J. ' . iJ'i ' j? KM bi 1 . rTTL J . ''-"v.is v ?!a.jl. tf Mmr. . 120 Ton - $500.00 Up To 250 Ton $1050.00 Cement Floors and Foundation This Silo Built for Carpenter & Work, Palo Verde, Ariz. Wm. F. Ohlrau. Phoenix Planing Mill, Phoenix, Arizona Dear Sir: Replying to your inquiry regarding Tapitol Silo built on our ranch at Palo Verde; will say that we arq well satisfied with it and consider it the best silo for the money that can be built in this Valley. We can recommend it to anyone who wants a good silo. Carpenter Work, W. S. Work Manufacturers of Ready Cut and Portable Houses $85 per Room and Up BEE H IVES ygtfST. $1.50 Frames $40 per 1000 Box Factory Boxes We Have Lettuce Crates and Lug Boxes on Hand General Planing Mill Business Lumber Sash Doors The Phoenix Planing Mill WILLIAM, F; OHLRAU, Manufacturer and Builder Phone 617 502 S. First Ave.