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ALDL'QLTIiQL'E LVXIXG CITIZEN.
I V, Al'Uil. I. IHT CXXXXXXXXXXX)OCXXX)CXXXXX)CXXJ K0OOOOO 00OttO000000OttO0 Knocks Out Conceit (Kaiiwa City Journal.) The fat. affable looking mnn of 40 and a lUtlo) van tolling; them. "Whenever." he said, "any of you follows feel irt of ehpRty and kind of enlnnred about the region of the bat. 1 know of a way for you to cool out and Ret yourself where you be lonR. I found II out for myself. He.rt 'B Mie way "A little while iiRO I visited iny Rood old mother. She lives on the old farm, upstate A rainy afternoon happened along. nd she Rot out the old red plush-covered family photo Rrnph album. I spent some hours looking over It. "Now, up to lht time 1 fell a ri-r-tjvin sense of importance. I sort o" liked myself. 1 had figured out that I wan a Rood deal of a duck, all things conaldered. 1 regarded myself as quite somebody. "Hut that rainy afternoon with the old album settled It. ,1 haven't quite found out yet where I belong. The likenesses of myself In that album did the business for me likenesses run ning back to my swaddling days, and then right along through my various and sundry tages of puppyhood and Kwieral Imbecility, almost 1 let my self out lightly, you observe almost up to the present time "That's -why I'm contending that there's nothing on earth better cal culated to take the superfluous con celt out of a man grown to maturity than a rainy afternoon with a whole tiunch of pictures of himself. "I didn't mind so much the baby pictures of me that I had to look aU 1 looked like a sulky, ugly sort of a lumpy customer In all of them, I urn bound to admit, and I'd like to know if the man lives, anyhow, who doesn't experience h certain sort of humilia tion when he looks upon the pictures taken of him when he was a lolling doughface of an Infant. The only consolation he has In looking at them is that he wasn't responsible at the time; that It wasn't his fault that he'd men mugged at that awful period of his life, and that most other baby pictures, If not all of them, look Just about the same way. "It a the later pictures that cause .a fellow to really hate himself while the impression of them lasts. "I didn't even take my violent dis like to the photographs and tintypes that were taken of men when I n in my boyhood before I had reached adolescence ,that is. I couldn't help those, either, although they sure do make me out to've been a measly looking tad of a boy. One of them in particular, that I had taken along with my little sister when I was about 9 years old and she 7, made me very tired, both of myself and for ils. In that plcturo I'm standing rigid, Willi the bottom of the headrest, that's holding me like a garrote, showing .at my feet. My mop of carroty-looking hair Is brushed back in a big waterfall I think that's what they called 'em over one side of my fore head; my ears stand out like sails on a Oanarsle bay catamaran,, and I look sneaky and furtive and slinky and treacherous and mean and un derhand, all over. "But the portrayal of my little sis ter In that photograph is a shame. She's standing like an upright bed slat, too, confined In one of those barbarous headrests, and sticking out away below the bottom of her little ttklrt Is a lot of pointed embroidery, about both of her nether limbs, draped as they are In white stockings. It always makes Sis furious to see that photograph, and 1 don't blame her a little bit. "Well, there are two or three more of those boy pictures, and then begin the bunch that I myself had taken and that made me feel just to look at them like a nickets worth of attar of roues in the bottom of a deserted cistern. "The first one of these was taken when I was about i5 and had left the old farm, for a nearby town. I was making a few dollars a week and the cheap conceit that sticks out all over that photograph is mortifying to look at. I insisted. I remember, that the picture should be full length, eo that all of me should show, and I'm stand ing alongside one of those papier mache pedestals, with my hair plas tered down in front like a Sicilian barber's and one of those onery lit tle round felt hats of the period on the back of my head to show the plastered hair. "Then there was the best portrait made of me when I was 17. You .-can just see the swellheadedness of -me sticking out. I've still got my hair plastered down in that one, and there's a rosebud stuck In my button hole, and I've got a sort of Bnarly, stuck-up expression of my chalky looking map; and, say, as I looked at that picture I couldn't help but re flect upon what a blooming nuisance 1 must have 'been at about the time it was taken, and wonder how the older folks with whom I was associated ever managed to tolerate me at all. "Then came the 19-year-old photo graph, taken for the express pur ' pose of showing a waiting and mar velous world the vague and wispy im itation of a mustache. True, only one side of the mustache is there, although I had It taken full face par ticularly to show that I had it on both LIB STANDING PAI ON The following U a facsimile of a sterotype letter being sent out from the White House in answer to the m any requests the president has re reived to aceent a third term THE WHITC MOUSC.v WAfHINOTOH- -October , 1$G(. ar Sir'' Tour ftttefflf "thsTSrh instant has been receive t4 tl Tresident-thanks you for writing. H toa. however, othing to add to Ma. statement istusl on tlse WgM of t election in 1904. Very truly yours. 8 ) ocuuoooooouuu sides. Hut there Is such ft strong light on one side of the face that the mustache lost out In the shufllo on thiit side. I can remember how hor ribly abused I felt when they gave me that finished picture and 1 mw how much of the budding mustache had been sacrificed to the lighting scheme. I wouldn't hnve accepted the pictures at all. I was so sore over that one one-half of a mustache, but I'd paid for them. In advance and 1 had to tnke them. "Well .the next one that caused me to curl up was the picture I had taken for the sole and only purpose of allowing my relntlves living in dis tant, parts of the country to know that I was the possessor of what used to be called a 'dress suit.' I remember to this hour how absurdly I swaggered around the photograph gallery when I went down there one day at noon and put on the Mres suit' to have the picture taken. 1 sort o' patronized the Rrlizlod pho tographer, I remember, and I believ ed that I tried to give him some kind of an impression that 1 was an actor playing with a society drummer then in town. "I wore my hair pompadour in that miserable photograph, and I looked like a cross between Jim t'orbett and somebody that had escaped from, the booby hatch on a dead run. I ached and hankered to take that picture out of the old album and tear It Into 8.000.000 pieces, but my Rood old mother was on to my purpose, and wouldn't have It. Just why she should cherish such an Infernal thing as thut photograph 1 can't for the life of me make out, but she does cherishes all of 'em. in fact, of all the children, us It they were worth their weight in radium. "Then there came the one In which I had myself tuken in a bicycle suit, standing alongside one of those high wheels. 1 had this one taken after having won some kind of a tin medal for doing a century In what was supposed to be rapid time then and the disease of the brain known as elephantiasis of the conk shows up plainer In that picture than in any of the others. "And so on down the list. There's a bunch of tintypes taken in between times several of them taken at the seashore In bathing suits. In which I've got my chest stuck out like a pouter pigeon and my hands furtively stuck under my bleeps to poke them out and make them look big whew! what a mortification It is to a man when he comes to his thinking years to look back and reflect upon what a perfectly asinine and hopeless pin head he must have seemed to every body who knew him in the brave days when he was 21 or so, and thought he knew it ull! "So whenever any of you fellows feel like getting chastened a bit In spirit, all you've got to do is to take a peek at the pictures made of you in your sappy years, and If after looking them over you don't feel like piping down and keeping sort of quiet and under cover, it's because you haven't got any sense of humor." CXXXXXJCXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXJ H The Hero OOOOCXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXJCXXXXJ They got a norphun boy next door; he come there yesterday. And he has six toes on one foot and aouDie joints, tney say: They brought him from the 'avium and his hair Is kind of red, And he hasn't any parents, for his ma and pa are dead. When we were up In Johnson's barn this afternoon I s'pose You'll not believe it but he hung head downward by his toes, And he cun skin the cat and give a jump up in the air, And turn a flip-flap and not touch a tlnger anywhere. And he can wiggle both his ears and look cross-eyed and play The jewsharp, or. ut least, he says so anyway. And all the girls think no one else can do what he can do; I almost wisht sometimes that I would be a norphum, too. Too Loquacious i HUM IV Ulll. J The inhabitants of the Cunary isles, finding themselves oppressed by famine, sent to he governor of Oaliclit one of their head men as an ambiuMador. They advised him not to lose himself in the longwinded talk. He took with him a large num ber of sacks, and arriving at the town where the governor was on circuit he opened one of them before him, saying only the wf-dp: "Jlt)Jj empty; fill it." The governor ordered his sack and the rest to be filled with meal, but he suld to the speaker: "You had no need to tell us that the sack was empty, nor that it was ni canary to fill it; we should have readily guessed that. Another time be briefer in your talk." 1904 STATEMENT Acting Secretary to the President Little Stories About Dig Men uooooooooooocxxjooooocxxxxju Justice John M. Harlan, of the su preme court of the United States, lulls from KentucKy and like n true born blue grass stater likes things that come from down Imls vllle way. As a le gal light lie is ad mired the country over and the gener al public has a h or raltn in tne -miiiij,;: from Kalntuck." ' I L I llecently mi '- , 'TIST T"1 mlrer of his in Ken- fiTURIiXaY of faith in the "Man! tucky sent to him n number of bottles of the choicest bourbon. The Justice used It medi cinally of course and derived a lot of pleasure from the precious lluuor. Now Justice Harlan is an ardent churchman and In Washington at tends the New York Avenue Pres byterian church. One Sunday be came out of the edifice and he noticed Ills distiller friend for it was a distiller who had sent him the liquor standing on the steps of the church. The lat ter was visiting Washington at the time and had attended the services that morning. "Hi!" said Justice Harlan, hailing his friend, "that was tine!" Then remembering where he was. the justice hastily added: "The ser mon. I mean.'' Charles lleiesford loril high admiral of the king's navy, and controlling brain In the Krltlsii sea- fighters, while re cently touring the Pacific const to ad just the estate of his brother. w ho was I killed in railroad a Dakota accident. nail an ici it-nce ''M with American ln- dependence which J he enjoyed hugely ,r& and relates with hail an experience I fornlu, I went ashore to do some hunting." said Lord Iteresford. "I was looking around for a hack, and not seeing any. asked a man if he would carry the bundle In which I had my guns. "'Is It heavy?' he asked. "Not very.' . replied. " 'Then carry it yourself.' said lie, and he walked away." The hearty guffaw which always concludes this story of Lord Iteres ford shows that the Hrillsher Is not always lacking in humor, and that occasionally he cun see the point of a Joke, even if it is on himself. John Sharp Will iams, of Mississippi, the minority leadei in the house of rep Y resentatives. Wash-If i .. . . .. t .. 1, ..I ingiiin, i 11417 luiuij man of congress.!! ; . .;. ,. ., 'h lieu lie mums jhii , f J. x laughed itself sick. 'ine woriu grinneoi ;t when he declared! ( i'i Ihul tiA wau t Vi q nnlvl t American of hlsl ". 1 g period who studied ut Vfeltlplberip nnfl yet has not a class- JnnKtfuflRPWrLLlAa mate of Kmperor William. As a storyteller Williams Is crackerjack. Here Is one he told recently on Dr. John H. Girdnur, tho famous alienist, of New York: Dr. Girdner was on a tour of ispectlon of an insane asylum re cently In New York." declares Wlll- ims, and he met a man In tne hall. oh! I'm not crazy." said the pa- ent. "I'm an inventor. I have an nventlon that will make me richer than John D. Rockefeller. It Is u patent flycatcher. You see this," he remarked, as he drew a birdcage on piece of paper, "that Is a parrots cage. You will observe that It has two doors, one on each side. r,acn door is equipped with a heury iron nob. I place this cage on a pedestal 4 feet high anil the pedestal rests on marble slab. I p to each door I lace u ladder and everything is ready. This Is how it works. The un- suspecting fly comes along und climbs n tnis ladder ana opens tne uoor to the cage by means of the iron nob. walks through and opens the ther door. Then it starts down the ladder on that side." That is where you catch him," in terrupted the doctor. Not yet," put In the man, "but. that Is where the Invention comes in. hat is where I will make all my money. You see the fourth rung of the second ladder is missing but the fly doesn't know this and ho falls on the marble slab and breaks his neck." Manuring the Orchard ijCXXXOCXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX) The production of heavy crops of auoles. peaches or other fruit is a se vere draft on the vigor ot tne trees and thev need a richness of soil to help them to respond to the de mands that the growers put on them. Sowing crimson clover, alfalfa, cow pi ars or other plants mat win come un uuickly and be ready to turn un der In early fall is one way of put ting humus in the soil. Manuring is another way. The last way may be done any time during the wuiter. Plenty of stable or feeding yard ma nure will help the trees to no ineir fruiting and keep the soil full of tree food. Do not throw manure I close up to the trees. Scatter It I ev nly with a spreader or fork over the orchard between the trees ana the cultivator und rain will help got It Into the soil. Go over the orchard two or three times if the work Is I dene in the spring or In summer, in I preference to giving a heavy dressing I once. More iieneni win ue nun iroin the manure by this method. ryrxoooooooocxxxxxxxr)OOooo Three leal Daughters lOOOOCXXXOCXOOOOOOCKDOOOOO New York. April 19. More than 50.000 women in the United States trace their ancestry back to an of ficer or a soldier of the revolution. Although it Is 124 years since Wash' ington disbanded the last of his army, there are a few real daughter of the revolution till living daugh ters of men who saw actual service. Of these ttiree are on the pension list. Mrs. Sarah C. Hurlbutt. of Little Marsh. I 'a., now 89. is the daughter of Elijah Weeks, who served two and a half years In a Massachusetts regi ment. Mltut Kliotla Augusta Thomp son, of Woodbury, (Vim., SC. is the daughter of ThadJeus Thompson, who served six years in a New York regi ment. Mrs. Phoebe M. Palmeter, of Jonathan Wooley, who berved two years in u New Hampshire regiment. m 11 Marrying' Puts Ads in Cars St, Louis, Mo.. April 1. Justice of the Peace A. II. Wurremeyer. of Clayton, has created no little stir in his section of country by his rather original way of advertising himself as one authorized to perform mar riage ceremonies. Justice Werrenitycr Is out for the dollar and as many of them as he can get, so he Is advertising In the good old-fashioned way. The Justice hasn't had his signs painted on barns or fences ns yet. but In the cars of all lines running Into Clayton he has rut up larRe cards with the follow ing wording and arrangement: "Go choose tho one you love the best, Then come to Clavton for the rest." Jl lKlB A. H. M Kit KICM KY Kit, Justice of the Peace. Klnloch 'phone. Clayton N.o. . Im mediate appointments. Residences, Olivette; Ofliee. County Court House, Clayton, Mo. Itack of this enterprise of the Clay ton magistrate Is tho Increased cost of a marrWge license In Kt. Louis. A few weeks agft the price was rais ed from $1 to $1.50. In Clayton It remains at $1. There has been a perceptible Increase In the number of marriages at Clayton since the new schedule became effective. "I am going to let the people know that I am In the business," said Jus tice W'arremeyer. "1 want my share of this revenue from performing marriage ceremonies, and I am go ing right after it. People must come here on one of those car lines, and they will learn that I am prepared for them. Resides, 1 think that get ting people to come here to be mar- Cost of (Frnm Courier Journal.) It is estimated that there were in training in 1906 In Kngland more than 7,000 race horses, of which a large number did not start, but which, nevertheless, were a source of expense to their owners. There were :17s meetings held In England in 1906, and it was estimated that at least I12R.000 each day was the out lay by those who attended This would, of course. Include traveling expenses to und from London, ad mission fees and other actual ex penditures. Tho average charge for training a race horse In Kugland Is fifty shill ings each week. or about $12. Ml. Kach time a horse starts his Jockey's fee Is at least 10. with $15 addition al If he wins. For steeplechases and hurdle races the fees are higher. $52.(116.750 Siicnt on Turf. Various other items go to make up the enormous total of $.ri2,616,7C0 which the experts declared was In volved In a year's racing. Tabulat ed it amounts to this amazing to tal: Keep and training of start ers $3,4'. 1,500 Keep and training of non- etarters 1,404.000 Traveling expenses of horses to and from meet ings , 221, 2i0 Jockeys' feos and expen ses L'tiO.UOO Owners' expenses to meet ings 40,000 Total $5,366,750 Add amount spent by pub lic: attending meetings. .. 47,250,000 Grand total $52,618,760 Partisans of racing declare that the great bulk of the millions thus spent by the public directly benefits wage eurners. It is estimated further tnut million dollars per annum is spent In maintaining the grand stands, courses, clubhouses, etc.. of Great Britain. Vast Nnmher of Stud Vuniix. More than 500 stud farms are in operation in the kingdom, giving work to thousands or employes, an of whom, of course, put out their wages almost nt once for subsistence, and this keeps the small local trades men going. Itreak up these stud farms as the result of the abolition of racing and what alternative em ployment Is offered by the reform- era?" ask the friends of racing. At New market alone nearly $50,- 000 a year is paid to the various em ployes engaged by the Jockey club for the purpose of maintaining in good condition the various exercise grounds and gallops. Kach employe has a neat cottage and garden. All told, tho various race courses In Eng 'PURITY ofthi: SYSTEM Is the Secret of COMPLETE HEALTH. most perfect and delicate mechanism in existence, and the bast OBSTRUCTION or accumulation of filth in any part of it, will make it hobble, move IRREGULARLY andSPASMODICALLY, and if not attended to promptly may stop the machine altogether. Isn't that plain common sense to any person that has had any experience with machinery of human invention, from the sewing machine to the triple-expansion engine? All the parts, joints, connections, gearings, clean to get the best results. failure and will lose his job. Nature has been kind to us by ing our earthly existence, an almost run itself if only properly cared tor. All that She asks, is that the body be supplied with "Pure b ood fuel of the right kind, applied in the right way, that a lubricant be furnished tor the joints, muscles, nerves through the marvelous distributing and col lecting system ( arteries and veins, lor me purposes icicuucu wuuuui uuuuc luiui, Bat, when little mistakes are made in eating and drinking, with perhaps excessive exertion, there is a liability of a stoppage in the natural cleansing process, and you are liable to become UNCLEAN INSIDE. That means obstruction, stoppage of the normal functions, fermenta tion, poisoning of the blood by your own decaying sewage, and a liability oi the development of any of hundreds of serious diseases. Cascarets Candy Cathartic are fragrant, sweet, mild but effective little tablets that were first compounded from pure, harmless, vegetable sub stances, under a Pure Drug of their own, in 1806. These tablets proved to dc tne greatest lubricators tor the Bowels ever discovered, and at the same time a destroyer of disease germs in the whole alimentary (food) canal They have now a sale of over a million boxes a month. They are a Dure, reliable, means of keeping the svstem clean, prevent ing all diseases arising from accumulations in Constipation, and also reliev ing and aiding the cure of chronic conditions after they have developed from neglect. Begin today to wstch your conditions, be careful of your food and cet era! methods of living snd learn to take precaution of "Keeping Clean In side" with Cascarets. Buy a ntue luc. box trom your own druggist JO DY, be convinced and join our MILLIONS OF FRIENDS. Be sure to "Get What You Ask For" the Genuine, every tablet stamped ' t C C.M TV Judft'e I CK)0OOOOOO0OOO Irled will be good advertising for Clayton. They will look around and see what a fine town we have." Heretofore Justice I'relss has held the championship ns "marrying Jus tice." Two other justices who are pleased to officiate are Frank Stoble and I. W. Campbell. Including Wer remeyer, there are four justices who enn be funnel nt the Clayton court house nt practically any hour of the day. Two Clayton ministers. Dr. North, of the Methodist church, and lr. Iiinglry, of the Presbyterian, have shared In the matrimonial fees, couples being sent to them by friends at the court house. Judge O. A. Wurdemanj of the probate court, has presided at a suf ficient number of weddings to attract attention. Justice W'arremeyer Isn't saying what he thinks his advertising will do to reduce the business of his rivals, but his plans are of a sub stantial character. The advertising Is to be continuous, with a change every month. The verse on the first card was chosen from a large collection of verses. For next month's card the verse will be ns follows: "Where are you going, my pretty maid V "I am going to Clayton," she blush- Ingly said. "May I go with you, my pretty maid?" "If to the Justice you'll go." said said. Nor are these simple black and while cards. That would be too con venient for the Justice, who had his first cards printed In blue and red on a white background. Racing' f land expend nearly $200,000 a year for maintenance and labor. Though not us expensive an umuse-mi-nt in America, the public here be ing enabled to see tlrst-class racing at much less cost than similar sport would cost in Kngland, the horse owner finds it a costly game, because labor and food are much higher here than in Kngland. A first class train er would ask about twice ns much to train a horse us Is charged In Kng land. Traveling expenses for own ers and horses Is a very large Item, especially for the rank and file of the turf, who race all season and cross the continent twice a year. Gentle and Effective. A well known Manitoba writes: "As an inside worker editor I find Chamberlain's Stomach and Liver Tablets invaluable for the touches of biliousness natural to sedentary life their action being gentle and effective, clearing the digestive tract and the head." Price, 25 cents. Samples tree. All druggists. OOCXXX30000CXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX) His plea was very earnest, but St Peter shook his head. "There Is no room around here for a men like you," he said; "No doubt you have some virtues, but your record isn't clear, And much as I regret It, sir, we can not keep you here." "I've tried to prove my honesty," the applicant began; "There's none can say I swindled or 'did up' my fellow-man; I always gave fair value, and I paid my clerks well .too. St. Peter bowed approvingly, and answered: "That Is true," "I Rave a lot in charity," the appli cant declared; "Relying on my promises no mortal badly fared. For I was ever thoughtful, as I think you ought to know." St. Peter bowed approvingly, and an swered: "That is so." men wny should you refuse me, sir? the applicant inquired; "If I've been fair and truthful, too, pray why should I be fired?" St. Peter slowly answered, seeming disinclined to talk: ' I noticed In the winter time you never cleaned your walk. Doesn't it stand to reason, that for perfect health, th human system must be kept pure and clean, inside as well as outside? Then take Cascarets, t.i.: world-famous Bowel Medicine and system-cleaners, that".;;! help you KEEP CLEAN INSIDE. The body of man is the must be kept absolutely pure and A careless,, untidy engineer is a handing ovce to us to be occupied dur automatic, elastic mechanism, that will and that all parts of the ecguie be used 0n MONTEZUMA ALBUQUBRQUK cqim oi surplus, $100,000 INTEREST ALLOWED With Amp'e Mean and Unsurpassed Facilities. Extendi to Depositors Every Proper Accommodation, an4 SoHtfts New Accounts Capital, $15,0.9. OFFICERS AND DIRECTORS Solomen Luna, President; W. S. Strickler. V. P. and Caahlec W. J. Johnson, Asst. Caehter: Wm. Mcintosh, J. C. BaldrMce, BbfO mon Luna, A. M. Blackwell, Geo, Arnot, O. E. Cromwea. DEPOSITOrtY FOR THE ATCHISON', TOPEKA AJTD SANTA IIS RX. Oi I FIRST NATIONAL BANK ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO OmCKRB AMD OiRmOTOR JOSHUA 8. RATNOliDS President M. W. FLOURNOY V4ce Presides FRANK McKKB , Caatdar R. A. FROST Aaafatant CasMer H. F. RAYNOLD3 Director U. m. VOMITORY Authorised Capital $500,09M Paid Dp Capital, Surplus aid Fronts $2S0.00OJff Depository for Atchison, Tseeka ft Sants Fe Railway Coispaay STRICTLY We solicit your banking business) and with the assurance on our part that it will be kept STRICTLY PRIVATE vState National Bank ALBUQUERQUE GROSS, KELLY & CO., INC. Wholesale Grocers Wool, Hide and Pelt Dealers ALBUQUERQUE GROSS, KELLY & CO., INC. VCee00e0Oe0 "OLD RELIABLE." ESTABLISHED 1171. L, a, PUTNEY THE WHOLESALE GROCER FLOUR, GRAIN AND PROVISIONS Carries the largatft and Most Exclusive Stock of Staple Groceries In In the Southwest. FARM AND FREIGHT WAGONS RAILROAD AVENDK. ALBUQUERQUE. N. M THE Albuquerque Lumber Co. WHOLESALE AND RETAIL Lumber, Glass, Cement First and Marquette TRUST CO. - MKW MSXtCO ON SAVINGS DEPOSITS PRIVATE AND LAS VEGAS It's Hard to Tell good puint from bad by jtut looking at a pot ot paint. It's only after it has been exposed to the wetrther for . few months that you cun see tli enacts of poor paint. Then it la too .'ute. If you buy your paints f an you always grrt good paint tht kad til it wears. RIO GRANDE LUMBER CO. Crj Third and Marqumtf and Rex Flintkote Roofing Albuquerque, New Mexico