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FRIDAY, JANUARY 6, 1911.
TTTE SANTA FE NEW MEXICAN, SANTA FE, N. 1L A WINTER NIGHT. V'hen th fir1: roars up ihe chimney An3 tin- winds of winter blow, And tin1 sct-nt of lif.-'s eweft morning Kca!Ls ihe Imiik :ii;u. Anrt fancy's si,His are building I ! j ! i Dream ta.-ulps In the blaze, We'll hear pott voices singing The song's uf utlior days. When the futmes are slowly ffiding No more they brightly leap And weary eyes are turning To the poppy rea'rh of slep, The world may erark and srroan beneath The welclit of winter's hand, We'll follow far where roses are, The road to Slumberland: ! His Choice. "Yes," said the specialist, as he stood at the bedside of the miser mil lionaire, "I can cure you." "But what will it cost?" came fee bly from the lips of the sick man. The specialist made a swift men tal calculation. "Ninety-five dollars," was his answer. "Can't you shade your figure a lit tle?" wailed the other. "The under taker's bid is much less." Lippia cott'B. Then Silence Reigned. The boy terror was in evidence again. His parents had invited some friends to dine, among them being his sister's beau, who took the incor rigible on his knee. During a lull in the conversation the young hopeful suddenly yelled out: "Mr. Brown, is I as heavy as sis ter?" But no one seemed to hear him! Not Hard to Bear. Great Author (who Bells by subscrip tion) So you are a book agent, eh? I presume you meet with a good deal of ill treatment. Agent Yes, every day. "I don't see how you stand it." "Well, you see, I know It isn't be cause folks dislike me personally. It's because they have such a contempt for the book3." New York Weekly. Had Done It, Too. Knicker Banking interests some times buy what they don't want, to avert a panic. Bocker As I buy my wife a dress. Harper's Bazar. AN EXPLANATION. Cholly Er really, I cawn't under stand why some fellows get rich and I always stay so poor. Miss Slick Perhaps it's because so many people amuse themselves at your expense. An Invitation Withdrawn. Come, fly with me Oh, I forgot That hobble skirt; You'd better not. How It Happened. He was limping down the street with one arm in a sling and both eyes In mourning. "What's the matter?" queried a friend. "Antomobfie accident?" "No," replied the other, sadly. '1 met a man who couldn't take a Joke." Mal-De-Mer. Gunner Yes, that man trembles when he thinks of the possibility of regular air liners crossing the ocean. Guyer Head of some steamship company, eh? Gunner No, manufacturer of sea sick remedies. ' Incidental Expenses at College. "Seems to me you need a good deal of expense money, my son." "Yes, dad; our crowd is a very ex pensive one." "But I don't see why you should sup. port the whole crowd, my son." A Tes. Is your friend up In Maine having success with his hunting?" "Oh, yes. He's shot so many guide that they are getting afraid to go witb Sim." So It Is. "It 1b better to have the good will than the 111 will of a man." "Yes, but It is better to have the 111 will of some men than to have tc laugh at their funny stories." Should Be Indictable. "A Kansas editor has something to lay about the 'tlng-a-llng' toque." "Worn by the village belle, doubt." no Her Instrument. "When a girl fishes for admirers, .t kind of a line does she user 1 beau line, of course." Accounting for It. tortoise beat the hare a mile nd did it lasting hurt; must have been the poor old hare .'ad on a hobble skirt Kept His Word. "What did he say when you reject him?" "He said he would go to the dogs." "I saw him there last night." 'Where? What are you talking tout?" "At the vaudeville theater, where ose tailed dogs are. appearing." HER MISTAKE. "Conductor:" exclaimed an irate woman who carried many bundles, es : !:- paused on the platform ot the crowdi-d car. "I thought. I told you. that 1 wanted to get off at Pelham avenue!" "Hut. madam "Don't you say a word! I know all about your car being very full, and not bein: able to remember where everybody wants to get off. I've heard all that before." "But, madam, I " "You may be mire that I shall re port you, sir; and for your impudence, too." She alighted; the conductor rang his bell, and as the car started he said politely, as he touched his cap: "I'm very sorry, madam, but Pel ham avenue is half a mile further on." Hints for Letter Writers. That written words stand as ever- rr, . , That an ambiguous sentence is like- ly to be misinterpreted. That a letter written in a spirit should be answered in the same way, even though the message is dis liked. That business letters and invitations must be answered at once. That a lady acknowledges any friendly offer of hospitality, even though it be not by acceptance. One More Unfortunate. "Ruggles, you ought to go into the business of raising chickens by hand. It's great." "I believe I would, Ramage, if I could buy a good incubator cheap." (With eagerness) "I've got one, old chap, I'll sell you for a third of what It cost me!" Reached His Heart. "Did he seem to warm up to you when you played so beautifully on the piano last evening?" "No, but when I told him I took a prize in a waffle making competition I Just couldn't keep him away from me." The Old Compromise. "Jones says he's mad enough to kill his wife." "Will be go home and lick her?" "No he'll stay down town and liquor." Rather a "Sit." "He told her that when she married he would give her a set of furniture." "Well?" "He gave her a chair." DIFFERENT IDEAS. "Say, Pete, wot would youse do It youse had Carnegie's dough?" " 'Bout de same as he's doin', I reckon, only 'stead uv settin' up li braries I'd set up brew'ries." A MODERN YOUNGSTER. Willie's lifting up his 'vote, 'Cause he's all alone, None, except the neighbors. Hears his mournful tone. Father's at the ball game, Many miles away; Mother's studying high art At the matinee. Brother's playing football; Sister has a tea; The nurse Is entertaining; It's "her afternoon," you see. Poor little Willie boy Could his fate be worse? He only meets the ashman When he wishes to converse! Wouldn't you feel fretful. With troubles of your own. If this great world left you, like Willie, all alone? Cheeky Chap. They met for the first time since their summer vacation. "And how Is your sister SueT asked the Innocent maid. "Sue Is well," responded the cheeky young man, "and ei" by the way. Sue sent you a kiss, so I will deliver If "Sir, how dare you! You have for gotten yourself." And then and there he claimed an other. "So good of you to remind me. Al though I think a great deal of Sue I must never forjet myself." A Slight Interruption. Bllkins (soliloquizing) It is a pleasing thought that, although one may have no worldly possessions worth mentioning, in reality the splen did parks are ours mine, In fact Here am I, an Englishman, wandering over my own magnificent estate and nobody can say anything Park Keeper (suddenly) Come off that grass, d' yer 'ear, or I'll turn you aht! Sketch. Getting Back at Papa. Rev. Dr. Fourthly, mildly reproving his youngest daughter; "Florence, do you think it is ap propriate to wear that gaudy hat to church? It looks as if you went there merely to be seen." Miss Florence . Fourthly, aged twelve, demurely responding: "Well, papa, all you go to church for Is to be heard, Isn't it?" 1: Somehow when autumn Skies bend down. And all the fit-Ids Are bar,.- and brown. And all the wind Are clean and cool, And all the boys Are off to school. And nights are good To s! i-p In. and The wild bints sinjf To brat the band Somehow, Honieway, We sort of wish That we could fro Somewhere and fish; Get out somewhere Br-neath the- trees And sprawl out I.azy as you please; We've sot this old Sprine fever thing As badly as If It was spring. Nothing Lacking. "The position of the Gumhoyles as leaders In society seems to be as- i eured." : "Indeed, yes. He rides in a 1911 automobile, has been operated on for appendicitis, his wife ha; the hay fever every summer, and their eldest PURE LAZINESS. vi ai 'daughter has trouble with the customs Mnnyi .. h k.,i. ! Inspectors every time the comes back from Europe." The New Style. "The chicken drama appears to bo starting with this 'ChaiitocVr.' " "Yes, its success is egging other au thors on." "Do yer think yer'll ever get to Paradise, pard?" "Well, it's sort of doubtful. Yer see, when I knocked at St. Peter's gate I'd have a hard time to keep from forgettin' meself an' asking fer a hand-out. Fish'Llnes. The herring Is a funny fish. Of that bo well assured; In every case It must be killed Before It can be cured. Princeton Tlser. Juvenile Logic. Little Margie Do you belong to a brass band, Mrs. Braggs? The Caller No, dear. What put that Idea Into your head? Little Margie Well, mamma said you were always blowing your own horn, so I thought you must belong to a brass band. Such Is Fame. A tall, well-dressed man was the center of a group of frenzied financiers. "What did that man do to make himself so famous." asked an Innocent bystander. "To the best of my knowledge and belief," answered the cynical peraon, "he did the public." Uninteresting. Myer Why don't you patronize that deaf and dumb barber? Gyer Huh ! A fellow might as well jhave himself. I NO REASON TO WORRY. Miss Sympathy I should think, doctor, that you would feel terrible to have a person die under your knife. The Doctors Oh! ,no. I get the practice just the same. Anyhow He Gets It. The swimming hole is the goal today Of the little boy, as of old it was; Bom times the sun tans his hide for him. And some other times irs nis aaaay does. Preached Patience. Pillows "I never realized till three years ago why Dobson was always preaching patience." Boulsters "What made you realize It then?" Pillows "I lent him $10." Skeptical. "Hero's an Interesting story t th newspaper." "What la It about?" "An Indiana fanner carved his ini tials on the back of a terrapin and after 1J years the terrapin returned." "Remarkable I And did the terrapin hold out a flipper to shake hands?" A Staple. Teacher Can you name some prom lnent edible article of the South Sea Islands? Bright PupU Tts, sir. Missionaries. FORCE OF HABIT. v" V- 4 &i Vi t$5? A LINGERER J, itia The Eldest Daughter - If Harry had lived in the old days hi 1 have made a good knight. Her father I don't know much about that but It ta'r- s him a long time to say 'good nigh1.' now. His Father (after punishing him) It hurt me more to whip you than It did you. Tommy Then all I've got to say Is that you can stand an awful lot of punishment without hollafing. WHAT WOULD STOP HER? Sirs. A. G. Tator If the women wouid Just rise up, assert their rights, march to the polls and demand to vote, I'd like to know what would stop theiu. Mr. A. G. Tator A mouse. HIS WORRY Boozem Gude Now, the annual beer output is Gulpem Downe It ain't the output that's worrying me; It's the Intake. SEEKING REVENGE Weary Oh! if I could only git me hands on de hobo dat put de "Timid In valid lady" sign on dis gate post! One Thing Needful, "I believe In giving credit to whom credit is due," said the fussy cus tomer. "Same here," rejoined the grocer, "but In my business spot cash Is al ways preferable." A Characteristic Tommy Father, what Is a Bohe mian? Father A man whoU gladly let you share your last dollar with him, my HIS IDEA. m f A FAIR RETORT. Pat, who had a bad coin glvea to blm, decided to try and spend it. He therefore went into a tobacconist and asked for a cigar. The shopman, hand cd over the cigar, and Tat, jmHlng the cigar in his mouth, u-wli-rd the coin He was making his way out when the shopman thnm- ! : i "Hey, uiaii, Ui you know It Is u bad one?" Pat turned round ami said: ' "Never mind. I'll smoke it if it kills : me." A Sure Sign. "Was the audience this evening a , fashionable one?" "No; it constated of very ordinary : people." "lint ihe people- in the boxes i I seemed to be handsomely and stylish- ly dressed." "So they were, but they weren't j fashionable for all that. They kept ; quiet all the time the play was go- : lng tin." Poor Girl. "Have you a daughter?" asked the life insurance representative. "Part of one," yawned the retired merchant with a weary smile. "Part of one?" "Y-s; a young man 'as here who wanted to know If he cou'd have her ear for a few moments and another chap just askeil for her hand." I Disillusionment, j "The average person z'-ts two hard I Jolts early in life and after that he ex ! pects to be deceived mare or less to tht end of his days." "And the two Jobs?" "The first, comes when he learns that there Is no Santa Clans and the second when he discovers that circus posters don't always stick to facts." The Ancient Egyptian, For a long time the visitor to the great museum stood gazing at the Egyptian mummy swathed In band ages. "Tell me one thing,'' he ventured. "What Is it, sir?" asked the guide. "Was It automobile or aeroplane ac cident?" FAITH IN PINS. Mrs. Youngwcd (three a. m.l And to think I pinned my faith to your high sense of honor! Mr. Youngwed (loaded) Justsh like hie a woman; thinglngsh that pins hie will huldsh anything hie and alwaysh. Even Worse. The hobble skirt Was but a starter; Kant hearil about The hobble garter? His Intelligence. i Negley You seem to have a poor opinion of Poldler's Intelligence. Gaymer You wouid, too, If you knew he had been looking in tne city directory three day's for Ziegler's ad dress and had got only as far as the D's. Why He Didn't "Pa, son writes for enough money to come home on." "An' If it wasn't fer one thing, I'd send it to him, b'gosh!" "An' what's that, pa?" "It'd be Just like him to take it an' come home." He Wanted It Safe. Townley Your friend, the old sea captain, seemed to be a little timid about going In your auto? Wimstrong Yes; the fact is, he ab solutely refused to go at all until I had the machine equipped with an anchor and a compass. Right In His Line. "Here's an interesting article In this, newspaper intitled, 'The Art of Rest ing.' " "Better send it to Wlllowby." "Why?" "His wife runs a boarding house." A Sign of Weakness. "The deacon UkeB to talk about his 'Blnful clay.'" "So he does, but I notice he's very particular about the way his 'sinful clay Is dressed." Momentous Occasion. "Every person has red letter days in his life." "That's true. I know a man who reckons time from the day he had a new-laid egg for breakfast" "Local Color." "A moving picture theater recently exhibited a series of street scenes In Reno." "Realistic?" "Very. In one scene 14 flossy fe malea were standing on a street cor ner when a truck-load of booze passed by." Not Reasonable. "You couldn't expect that man to take an abstract view ot the paving question." "Why not?" Becausa, he's a. concrete, agent" SOUTHERN COURTESY 77 1 V r.:.2'.;' The New England Major We have a museum up In New F.t.g!a: d, sir, that has the finest collection of snukes in the world. The Kentucy Colonel We southern ers, suh, would never expose our pri vate affairs to the gaze of a vulgaU public, suh. TOUGH LUCK. INDEED Nurse Hivins! The baby swal lowed a bottle of ink au' not a bit of blotting paper in th' house! GIVE HER ANOTHER Fondpar You say baby swallowed a j spoon? Did it hurt, her? i Mrs. Fondpar I'm afraid so; she , hasn't been able to stir since! ' A DIFFERENCE Stranger Is this the nursery? Host No; that's the bawl room. WEAPONS. "A woman's most dangerous weap ons are her eyes." "Well, I don't know about that Did you ever encounter a pin In a wom an's beltr Poor Praise. The Poet What do you think of my lyric entitled "In the Shoe Store?" The Critic Well, It is certainly ap propriate. The Poet Appropriate? The Critic Yes, it has all kinds of feet. A Like Meeting. "I saw today the clashing ot two hard wills." "What was It?" "The meeting of the head of Jones' WJlHap w.ith thft, Dplicemau's biUr. m h c5 r 4 S3j m A 11, ? V A ill M kJ Mr? ".age Mi'. pr,it UKNT Rooms House for house-keeping. a:ul Unt lv) Garcia. FOR SAI.H Y.i turn coupon on ti:i:et to DoiiV.r. Call at this office. I.' )HT- -i'ttr.-.". ti'iicr t.i. Santa Fe :,:;n of in hat Contained r:d railroad tick(!s. lteturn (luiti'Uha, l:'.7 IJurJap St. to. K. I, FOR RENT--SIX room furnished house best location in town. Ii-aae six to eighteen mourns 0. C. Watson & Co. TYPEWRITERS .tried, adjusted and repaired. New its furnished. Ribbons and aup Typewritera sold, eichangei rente:!. Standard makes haudled. r -,.air work and ypewriters guar ; Santa Fe Typewriter Ex jj.:e I'hone BlacK 2:!i. BLANKS, ! for sale by New Meil i ompany, Santa Fe. N. Prime,: : ran Prin Proof, Te-: :rr.ony of Claimaul, fun sh -'. Desert Land Kntry, Declaration of Applicant, -1-UT4. f'ih sheet Deposition of Witness, 4-373a, 1-2 : sheet. ( Final Proof. 4-3T2a. 12 sheet. Contest Notice, 4-ri lu, 1-2 sheet. ! Yearly Proof, 4 074b. fi i oueet. j Affidavit to be filed before contest, j 4-072, 1-2 sheet : Affidavit of Contest Against Non- Resident Entryman, - -62S, 1-2 sheet. Notice of Intention to maice i.aal proof, 3-348, 1-2 sheet. Additional Entry, 4-004, 1-2 shetS. 320 Homestead Entry, 4-003, 1 i sLeet. Small Holding Proof, Affidavit ot Ar pllcant, full sheet ! llelinqulshment, 1-2 sheet. ; Township Plats, 1-4 sheet, i Township Plats, full sheet General Biankt. Bond for Deed. 1-2 sheet. I Bond of indemnity, 1-2 sheet ; Rond, Genera! Form, 1-2 sheet. Certificate of Marriage, lira per d07.. j Official Dond, 1-2 sheet. ; Notice of Sale Under Foreclosure . of Mortgage, full sheet j Application for License, 1-2 sheet I Retail Liquor IJcense. 1-2 sheet ' Notice of Conveyai c 1-2 sheet i Certificate of Election, 1-' sheet, j Report of the Assessors, full sheet : Deed, City ot Santa Fe, 1-2 sheet, i Deed, City of Santa Fe, full sheet i Application for Marriage License, 1-2 sheet ' Certificate of Birth. 1-4 sheet ! Certificate of Death, 1-4 sheet. i Butchers' Shir-ping Notices, 14 sheet. j Promissory Notes 25c per pad Receipts, 25c per pad. Cost Bond, 1-4 sheet Letters of Guardianship, 1-2 sheet Guardian's Bond and Oath, 1-2 sheet Letters of Administration, 1-2 saeet. Administrator's Bond and Oath, 1-2 sheet Letters Testamentary, 1-2 sheet. Declaration In Assumpsit, 1-2 sheet. Satisfaction of Mortgage, 1-2 sheet. Assignment of Mortgage, 1-2 sheet. Lease, 1-2 sheet. Lease of Personal Property, 1-1 sheet Chattel Mortgage, 1-2 sheet. Warrant to Appraisers, full sheet Power of Attorney 1-2 sheet Prices on other stamps, pads, and aU other office supplies, on application. Proof, Testimony of Witness. 4-369, full sheet Replevin Bond, 1-2 sheet. Execution Forcible Entry and De tainer, 1-4 sheet Subpoena, 1-4 sheet J. P. Complaint, '.-A sheet Capias Complaint, 1-4 sheet. Search Warrant, -Z sheet School Blanks. Enumeration Form, 1-2 sheet Teachers' Certificate, 1-2 sheet. Contract for School Teacher, sheet. Teachers' Term Register, full sheet Contract between Directors and Tea chers, 1-4 sheet. Oaths of School Director, 1-4 sheet Certificate of apportionment of School Funds, 1-2 sheet Contract for Fuel, 1-4 sheet. Teachers' Monthly Report, 1-4 sheet District Clerks' Annual Report, 1-4 sheet Land Office Blanks. Homestead Entry, 4-007, 1-2 sheet Missouri Code Pleadings, $6.00. The two for $10.00. Adapted to New Mex ico Code. Postage 17c. Bond to Keep the Peace, 1-2 sheet POPULAR MECHANICS 1 "Written So Yon Can Understand IT 300 Pictures Every 400 Articles f, 250 Pages Month A wonderful story of the Progress of this Mechan ical Age. Instructive, but more fascinating than any fiction. A magazine for Bankers, Doctors, Lawyers. Teachers, Farmers, Business Men. Man ufacturers, Mechanics. Has 1,200.000 readers every month. Interests everybody. When you see one you understand why. Ask the man who rends it. Your newsdealer will show you one; or write the publishers for a free sample copy. The "Shop otes" Dept. things How to make repairs, and articles for home and shop, etc "Amatenr Mechanics" J?pte"?l?w furniture, wireless, boats, engines, magic, and all the things a boy loves. $2.50 per pur, sitytt eotda IS cents ASK YOUR NEWSDEALER Or AMnm POPULAR MECHANICS MAGAZINE 223 WuhiagtoB SL. Chicago