Newspaper Page Text
White Pine News.
BUY, NEVADA. THE EDITOR STRUCK. HE JOINED FORCES WITH THE PRINT ERS WHEN THEY QUIT. T*a Winn las Manser la WfclaM Mill •terltt Handled a Deaaaad Far In creased Par Mr the Force on the Old Daliae Times. There are ways and ways of settling labor strikes. The onions have used Ibe "sympathetic strike" plan, at time* securing a settlement by calling out the forces of allied trades. With th# "bosses” the lockout frequently has done the business. But there are meth ods of erasing differences between em ployers and employees which even Chi cago has overlooked. Strtkea have been settled bj the bosses Joining the ranks of the strikers, voluntarily as suming the posts of walking delegates, directing the movements of the strik ing army and dictating the time wb'D difficulties were declared off. Proof of the power of this method was furnished during the days of the old Dallas Times. That Texas city was but a struggling town then, with a population that waa getting close up to the 2,000 mark. The editorial helm of The Times bad Just been seized by William Steritt better known In Wash ington’s and Texas' newspaper world today as plain "Bill” Steritt the title “colonel" frequently being prefixed In recognition of hla birthplace, Ken tucky. The Times under the Steritt regime employed five men and one woman In Its manufacture. The latter was the wife of the foreman of the printing room and worked at the "cases." while the “printer's devil” performed doable duty by acting as the motive power of the hand press. The foreman daring hla younger days had had an argument with a male, and the scars of that bat tle wblcb decorated bis face bad aided In securing bis reputation of being "a bad man In a mlxnp." Shortly after the new band press bad begun the molding of editorials and tbe sharing of subscription donations ranging from garden truck to overworked farm stock uneasiness lodged In The Times office. Rumors of labor troubles and of union organization were beard. "We’ve concluded to quit” said the foreman as be stalked into tbe editor’s sanctum ooe morning backed np by tbe entire mechanical force. “We don't get union pay. and we’ve organized a chapel. If yon don't show up more money, your paper don't get out that'a all." "Going to strike, are you?” queried Steritt who bad not found promises of a direct read to wealth and Wall street through The Times. “Unionized, are you? Well. air. I'm glad to hear It I've been thinking for some days of going on a strike myself. Tbe circulation of tbia concern Isn’t extremely feverish, and none of tbe subscribers will ever miss us. and If they do It will be to our benefit Tbe few blocks of white paper out there will keep, and 1 guess tbe band press won’t object to a day off. Yes. sir, we’ll strike right here and now. We’ll Just walk around the cor ner and celebrate the Inauguration of this ‘walkout’ with a drink.” The foreman’s wife here transferred her share of arbitration power on the masculine contingent and departed. Tbe quintet expressed some surprise at the turn of affairs, but followed 8ter ltt to the comer saloon, where three rounds of drinks were put away under hla direction. “You see,” began the foreman, “we’re ready to go right back to work now if you’ll pay” “No, alr-ee,” broke In the editor. “Why, we've Just struck, and 1 couldn't call things off now. Hold on. I tell you. and we’ll win out.” Tbe Times office was closed up. the windows nailed down and tbe office cat turned loose to forage. On the fourth day the foreman approached Steritt and sounded him as to the advisability of declaring the strike at an end. “Can’t do It,” was the answer. “Why. I’m having tbe best time of my life. Hang out. anil we’ll win. I tell you. If 1 could find another uuloD around bere, we would have one of those sympa thetic affairs. Nop; tbe strike's not off, snd 1 hereby Issue another pronuncla meuto to that end. Besides that, tbe people are beginning to find out they need a paper. I'm lu this strike for subscribers.” Then they liquored several times, and the foreman left. On the ninth day the striking army of five conferred with the self appoint ed walking delegate. They contended that they were ready to resume their end of tbe work of shaping public opin ion at tbe old schedule of weekly pay. Steritt was obdurate and advised fur ther hostilities for several days. On tbe fourteenth day be was called on to accept a most sweeping capitulation. Tbe next day tbe baud press began Its grind, the foreman, who bad not lived up to bis reputation as a “bad man,” took bis wife nnd his followers back to tlie “cases." nnd Steritt continued the work of gathering “Items" and build ing editorials At the close of tbe day's work tbe force was summoned to the office. "Next time." advised the editor, "yon don’t want to stop when you’ve organ Ized s 'chapel You want to go ahead and organize and build a whole cut be drul. Thai's nil.’’—Chicago Tribune. TrrM and Laid. Do not hu.v land ou which the trees are small anil of not very thick growth. You will see that men who are expert enced In buying farming land always g i on tills principle, band thickly cov ered with tlmtier Indicates good land, where the trees ure scattered and not very tall Indicates poor land. A stray rlilmpansee from Central Af rlen sometimes goes as Tar north as Morocco, "here It Is looked on as “a hairy man with four hands. ___ More Hoaest. ‘‘Have you noticed any difference In your wife since she became converted and Joined tbe church?” •‘Yes; she asks me to wait an hour tor her now Instead of a minute. - Harper’s Bazar. HE OIDN'T MIND THE TOES. It Wu the Thntiftht of HU .New show that Worried Him. The other day a* the West Madison street cable rounded tbe State street corner with a little more than Its ordin ary speed, a young man standing on the track with a package under hi* arm failed to get out of the way in time and the first wheel of the grip car aught tbe toes of one of his feet. With a shriek the youth fell to the street lie was picked up and carried Into the corner drug store sobbing and crying. "Brace up. young fellow, don’t take it so hard; you may not have to have your foot amputated," said the drug clerk. "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, four of my toes are gone,” sobbed the boy. "I can tell Don’t talk to me.” "Ob, well. If only four of your toee are gone you must cheer up. It might have been a lot worse than that. Sup posing it bad been your whole leg? Bot I suppose It does hurt pretty bad. Take auotber drink of this whisky; it’ll tlx you up all right.” "Oh, It can’t bring back my toes, lough," and the boy began to sob harder than ever. Then In a few min ute* he became less violent He looked np at tbe drug clerk and two big tears rolled down bis cheeks. “Dog gone the lack," he said. "I wouldn’t cared a dura bit, but I Just bought a new pair of shoes and now maybe I’ll never get to wear both of ’em."—Chicago Chronicle. Mudie's Library. Mudie's Library Is one of the great institutions of England. Its establish ment Is a trade romance. In 1844 Charles Mudie opened a small book and newspaper stall In Southampton Kow. ’ olirioll. He was then in his twenty rd year. He had no capital, and was forced to eke out the small profits of the sale of newspapers by lending books at a penny a volume. This sug gc-sted systems tiled arrangements for the circulation of the best books of the day on the basis of an annual subscrip tion of a guinea. Tbe plan was carried into effect in 1817. and was Immediate successful. Subscribers multiplied, and In five years the headquarter* of Mudie's were removed to New Oxford street, where ten year* afterward* the immense structure which every visitor now regards a* one of the sights of Loudon was erected. In 1864 the en terprise was converted into a Uni ted liability company, the property being valued at $500,000. and the business has been steadily enlarged until now there Is a circulation of over 3.5O0.00C books. The subscriptions for the ser vice range from one to six guineas, ac cording to tbe number of books drawn at a time, a slight additional charge be ing made for remote outlying districts There Is also a country department with thousands of subscribers, and over 1,000 boxes, large and small, are despatched every week by parcel post or by carriers to every sectloo of the United Kingdom. The country sub arribers have to pay the cost of car xiage. Sarcastic Novelist. The people who want—and do not scruple to ask for—favors from public men are sometimes so unreasonable as almost to deserve a rude answer; such an auswer, for example, as tbe Golden Penny quotes: A certain novelist, not unknown to fame, received from a lady an un stamped letter asking the loan of his book, on tbe plea that she could not ob tain It at tbe bookseller's in her town. His reply was worded as follow s: "Dear Madam: In the town where you reside there appears to be a lack of all sorts of things whlcL are easily pro curable elsew here—not only of my re cent work, but also of postage stamps for letters. I have In my possession. It Is true, the book you desire to obtain and also the stamps to pay its carriage but, to my regret, 1 aui without the necessary string to make It Into a par cel. If you can supply me with a piece, I am at your service.” Obeying tbe Rule. A street car story comes from Ham burg. An American, a Southerner, who will never allow a woman to stand In a street car If be has a seat to offer her. entered a street car and took the only vacant seat at the rear end. The con ductor then lowered a sign that read. "Besetzt," which means that the car Is full. At the next corner Ihe car stopped, one passenger got off and two women got on. One of the women took the seat Just vacated and our polite American quickly arose and off-red his seat to tbe other one, who accepted It Then the conductor came from the fur ther end of the car and explained to the polite American that the vehicle was overcrowded, which was contrary to law, and that as he was the one who was standing he must g-t off He did go, and. after reflection, concluded that politeness is at a discount In foreign countries. Terrible Pow er of Lightning. During a tbnnderstorm near Consctt, In the North Durham district, England, ’the Hgbtniug struck a pasture field and dug a trench varying from 3 feet to 8 feet 6 lnchee deep, and 0 Inches to 7 Inches wide, across the field for a dis tance of a dozen feet. The solid clay was scattered In all directions, portions thereof being found lying over twenty .yards away, while the turf had been cut up as clean as If the work bad been none by a sharp Implement One grass sod, measuring about six feet long and aloe Inches In width, was laid on the opposite side of the fence In another field. Kite-Flying Record Broken. Klte-flylng records were beaten at Boston recently by a kite used In the exploration of the air. It was sent to the height of 14,000 feet which exceeds Ithe greatest height previously obtained there by 1,440 feet The temperature at this height was fifteen degrees be low the freezing point, the wind veloc ity was about twenty-five miles an hour from the northeast and the air was ex tremely dry, although clouds floated above and below that level. Tbe total .weight lifted Into the air, Including wire. Instruments and kites, was about 180 pounds. An Irish physician says that a man never begins to take care of his health until after be lesas U. Railway authorities of the Mexican government have been ordered to use certain safety appliances. A11 the pas senger cars must be so equipped before Che end of 1904. Forty-oDe gas engines using blast-fur nace gas are working in Germany, the total borse power aggregating 21,1*50. The horse power of such engines in 1 Belgium is 3,Too, France 3.250 and En gland 2.000. A company formed by English and American capitalists is about to build Jhe largest wood-pulp plant in the world at Grand Falls, New Brunswick. The works are to cost i0.000.000, and they will be capable of turning out (.500 tons of while newspaper, 225 tons if ground wood pulp and 175 tons of luiphite pulp daily. A Russian chemist has found that rqier is dissolved by an alkaline solu i on of gelatin, the copper going into solution as colloidal cop|>er. The old rule that the metals are Insoluble In water la being widely disproved, solu tions of metallic gold, mercury and aU ler. and now of copper, having been prepared quite recently. In all these hie metals are In a very fine condition, put are true metaUlc solutions, in painting or papering the walls of * room the question often arises, What olor reflects the most and what the least light? Recent experiments In Ger many gave the following results: Hark blue reflects O^a per cent of the light falling upon It; dark green about 10 per ceut.; pale red a little more than 16 per cent.; dark yellow, 20 per cent.; pale blue, 30 per cent.; pale yellow, 40 per cent.; pale green, 40*3 per cent.; pole orange, nearly 55 per cent.; pale w bite, 70 per cent. Glossiness and var uisb of course increase the amount of ight reflected. The play of ‘'Robinson Crusoe" is Don given in one of the Paris theaters with four animals In the cast of actors. These are a goat, a monkey, a paroquet, and chief of all, a dog who enacts the part of Robinson's faithful companion, "Toby." The dog’s real name Is Faro, and a writer In I-a Nature says be wlU resjvond to that name only when in the -tree; or at bis master's home, but on the stage be answers promptly the call, •Toby." When Robinson shoots a bird, Toby" runs and picks it up, climbs up l ladder into Robinson's hut, and gives the bird to "Friday,” who acts as cook. This vapor in the air la entirely In visible until the air is brought to a tem perature Just below the d. wpolnt when i fog Is formed. How often s dense og in the morning is dissipated by the •un, and we say the sun has "burned iff" the fog. Fog rarely forms except u a perfectly clear, still air. This per uits intense radial.on from the ground iud smoke particles, a.id ibis cooling .□ally brings the air to Its saturation lint, when the vapor either condenses >u the smoke particles or on moisture • articles, thus becoming visible in fog. When this fog occurs far above the •arth it Is cloud. A PLUCKY YACHTSWOMAN. he steered a Boat a Bona Distance with a Broken Wrist. 'I ne heroine of the Bong island coast .* Alias Annie R. Tinker, only la years old, and the daughter of Henry C. l inker, of Newr York. While out yacht ing she was steering the boat when she was struck by the flying spokes of the wheel and her wrist fractured. She made no outcry, however, but remain •*«I at the wheel as if uothlng had bap pened. Mr. Tinker's country residence. Briarereft," Is on the west side of the bay at Port Jefferson. Some time ago lie had a yacht built and when the boat was finished announced that in PMCKT TOrSO TACHTRWOMAW. ■lie near future he would give a lunch on [laitjf to the men who worked upon t and tlielr families. It was arranged bat the party should be carried from 1 be village of Brlarcroft In one of Mr. i'.uker's launches, and when the party n"t aboard Miss Tinker took her posl .on at the wheel. The minute the • aft got under way the wheel apun ound and struck Miss Tinker on the ght aim. But not a word did the brave girl say of the aiccldent, and -.leered the boat for a mile and a half with her left hand, to her father's land ing. When all were ashore she ordered her horse hitched and drove three miles to a doctor's office, where the bone was set Returning home, she made no mention of the accident and assisted In ulertalnlng her father's guests. ARDINES CANNED IN AMERICA. .■ v. of the Toothsome Little Fish Are Brought from Abroad* "Next to the French the American people aie the largest consumers of sardines In llie world,” said a leading wholesale dealer In such canned goods ju New York to the writer recently. ■I jist year the consumption of sardines u> cue United BtHtes amounted to 2,'Kib.dOO cases, or 200,000,000 cans. Of this quantity 1,400,000 cases were the luoduet of the State of Maine, 160,000 :i *es were put up In California, aud remaining 450,000 case* came from ice. Thirty years ago all the sa: I a eaten In this country were 111) it'oiUHl from France. To-day nearly three-quarter* of the sardine* Mid hart are put up in fifty-one packing house* in Maine. These concerns are con trolled by a trust company, which em ploys thuuo workmen, who can turn out 1.5UO.OQO cases of the fish annually. "In Maine sardines are caught off the western shores of the St. Croix River aud Tassamaquoddy Ray. The fishing Season commences early In May and lasts until late In the fall of the year. The fish are taken in brush weirs, re sembling ordinary pound neta, into w hich they are led by means of large leaders and wings, which terminate in a funnel-shaped entrance. Their escape t» prevented by the extension of these wings into the inclosure, thereby form ing a triangular hook at each end of It so that the fish, as they circle Inside the weir, are directed past the entrance. When the fish are plentiful In the neta quantities of scales appear upon the surface of the water. The nets are then lifted and their contents axe dumped by the fishermen Into their boats. The fish make a little squeak when taken from the water and die almost Instant ly An ordinary catch of sardines gives to each boat anywhere from 2,000 to 0.000 fish, the price of which la from $2 to $2.50 per 1,000, according to the quantity of fish that are being caught. "Arriving at the packing house, the fish are carefully cleaned. This opera tion over, they are sorted according to size and carried Into another part o? the establishment, where they are put into pickle. “The length of time required by this operation varies according to the size of the fish. After this the fish are washed and placed with care upon wire nets, called 'grills,' on which they are sent to the drying-room, where they aredrledby means of large fans or ven tilators run by powerful machinery. When dry and while still upon the grills the fish are cooked by plunging them Into tanks containing boiling olive oil. After this cooking the sar dines. still upon the grills, are left to cool, and when cold the work of plac ing them In halves and quarter cans filled with olive oil, tomato and mus tard sauce Is begun. This work done, the cans are sealed with solder and are ready to be put In cases, bolding lub tins, for the market. "Like canned goods of every descrip tion, sardines are cheaper now than they formerly were, and American sar dines are sold for less than the Im ported. American sardines are now exported from this country to the West Indies and South America.”—Washing ton Star. GUIDED BY HIS SON'S GHOST. Successful Gold-Seeker Wse Piloted to s Find by a Spirit. There was something uncanny In the story that Albert Daris told at tha Union depot. Albert Darla la a Blue Mountain prospector, bound for bis old home In the village of Arkwright N. V. Not far from his home la Casadagtia I-ake, the assembly grounds of the Spiritualist cult, and from association with Spiritualists Mr. Davis became in time a sort of lukewarm believer In their teachings. He returns, he says, a true believer. He also returns with wealth In prospect. Mr. Davis told his story In the presence of several fellow passengers at the depot. It was In sub stance this: Three years ago his only son died. The father was all but heartbroken; be would not be comforted by the prom ises of bis Spiritualist friends that the young man would come back to him. But one night the boy did come, and again and again. After several of these nocturnal vlalta, the son told of ac quaintances that he bad made In the ■plrlt world, among them, be said, being one whose name was John Fremont This spirit told of his wonderful life In the West and among other tales, one of a rich mine that be had discovered, but which never had been found by others. On subsequent visits the son told more particularly of the mine and gave detailed descriptions of Its situa tion, until Mr. Davis became so deeply interested that he resolved to go In search of It Two years ago be came to Colorado, and after a long search found the range of mountains that had been described to him. They were the Blue Mountains, near the Utah line. But hla search was not completed. Weeks and months were spent In pros pecting and hunting for the marks on the surface that would disclose the hiding place of the treasure. He was on the point of giving up. and also of losing faith In the spirits, when one evening he came onto the very spot that he was searching for. He knew It, he said, as well as If he had been there be fore. Mr. Davis lost no time In making a mineral location, and la now returning to hla old home to get money, when be will return to Colorado to develop the mine to which the spirit directed him. He has not yet found ore, but he ex pressed a firm belief that It was there. —Denver Republican. Honor to White of 8el borne. Gilbert White, the father of all tbe nature lovers and observer* who are so common since Tboreau, Is to have an Ideal memorial. Tbe foreet of Wool mer, one of the crown properties of England, Is to be made Into an asylum for tbe wild creatures of England, and surrounded by defenses to keep out all Intruders, though the forest will be al ways open to men of White's sort. A statue of the Selborne person will ■tend at the main entrance, with baud raised In the act of liberating a bird that baa been trapped. Gamekeepers and watchmen will guard the foreet night and day; cat nor dog will be al lowed to enter the paradise of free life. This la a wonderful thing to contem plate In this day of Indiscriminate and exterminating slaughter, and It la n beautiful honor to Gilbert White.— Springfield Republican. No Oysters In the Baltic. Oysters cannot live In tbe Baltic Sea. The reason Is that It la not salt enough. They can only Uve In water that con tains at least thirty-seven parts of salt In every 1,000 parti of water. One of China’s Superstitions. Black dogs and black cats are the fa vorites In China In the line of food, be cause when eaten In midsummer they will Insure health and strength. 1 have lived nearly eighty years," an old man said the other day, “and , have teen very l'ttle to Uve fee,1’ HUMOR OF THE WEEK STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. IMS, Curious and Laughable Fhaeee of Human Nature Graphically Por trayed by Eminent Ward Artlete of Oar Own Day-A Budget of Fun. Anxious Father—I suppose among other virtues you are training Freder ick in economy? Bmployer— He's pretty well up in that: you ought to see bow careful le ts about wasting steps!—Nashville American. Table Talk. She—That Mr. Boorlsch, of Chicago, Is a man of pronounced tastes. Is he not? He—Monotonously so He makes the same sounds over his soup as he does over his meat or pie.—Philadelphia Press. At the Kumifler Hotel. “Who is that good-looking young waiter who Is tossing the plates across the room? Is he a student, too?” "Yea. He holds the record In Harvale for discus throwing."—Cleveland Plain dealer. Family Pride. Small Child (calling)—’Bra, Billy! Run and fetch ve Mournin' amber lance! Billy (from distance)—Wot's up, ven? Small Child Muvver's met ve lydy wot pinched ar doormat.—Sketch. Her Weakness*. "1 don't suppose your wife will care to go to the lecture on 'Cannibalism' to-night?” “Oh, yes, she will. She never neg lects to go anywhere where they talk about things to eat."—Cleveland Plain dealer. There Are Many Such. Mrs. Boon— You can believe very lit tle that Mrs. Gabbleby says. Mr. Boon—No; the poor woman Is sadly afflicted with palpitation of the Imagination.—Puck. In the Rhetoric Class. Young Professor—Give me an exam ple of sarcasm. Sweet Junloress—The phrase, "Man’s superiority to woman.”—Somerville Journal. A Real Vacation. "Y’ou and your wife don’t seem to talk to each other much when you travel." "No; we agreed before we started that we'd get reated.”—Chicago Record. Hather Ambiguous. Old Gentleman—Bow old are you, my little man? Newsboy—Nearly 7, air. Old Gentleman—And how long have you been In the newspaper business? Newsboy—Oh, ever since 1 was a kid. —Chicago News. Needed No Help. Sympathetic Friend—Won’t you KM down to lunch? Shall I bring anything up for you? Seasick Sufferer—Thanks. No, 1 can do all that for tnyBelf.—Fun. Wanted a Wife. Mias Antique—You ought to get mar rled, Mr. Oldchapp. Mr. Oldchapp (earnestly)—I have wished many times lately that I had a wife. Mlsa Antique (delighted)—Have you. really? Mr. Oldchapp—Yea. If I had a wife she'd probably have a sewing machine, and the sewing machine would have an oil can, and I could take It and oil my office chair. It squeaks horribly.—New York Weekly. Different. "Did you ever enjoy a straw ride In the country V "No." "By George, old man, you ought to go on one once!" "I have. I aald I never enjoyed one.” —Puck. Contd Speak Feelingly. “Her father, you say, gave you a pretty broad hit that be didn’t want you coming there any more, did he?” "No. 10, El width," brefly responded tite young man.—Chicago Tribune. Feeraed Fair, *Td like to know, of course," said the new man, with some concern, “whether my Job Is to be permanent or not." “Well,” returned the employer, “you oan stay as long as you please. That’s fair, Isn’t It?" “Certainly. I’m much'ob-” “On the other baud, I reserve the tight to discharge you whenever I please. That’s equally fair. Isn't It?" “Ye-ea, I suppose so.”—Chicago Trlb A Pcandal Spoiled, Miss Gonssip—I haven’t heard any thing of Miss Pec hi* since I got back from abroad. Miss Kidder—No. she’s living under another name now. Miss Gonssip (scenting a scandal)— Aha! I thought that girl would come to that. She thought she w as so hand some. and Miss Kldder-So did Mr. Mllyuns. That's how she happened to become Mrs. Mllyuns.”—Philadelphia Press. Midsummer Science. M!*a. what i» action and reaction?" ••Well. George, my white duck aulta make me cool, and my laundry bill* make me hot.** What He l*aid to Learn. “I waited three solid hours for that palm reader to get around to me.” “Well?” “He told me I didn’t get on In life because of my tendency to fool away time.” A Hot-Wenth r Error. “Mid Wiggs' garden party go off all right?” “No; they t«»ok us all into the house / and made us play euchre." Diagiioaed Hia t aae. He—1 feel like a fool to-night. She—So glad you've recovered.— Journal Four Tons. A (good f u t. Robba—Clothes do not make the man. Dobbs—No. but many a lawyer has b»*en made by a good suit.—Baltimore American. swelling tiie Cost bog Column. "Do you keep a dog?" “Never more than a couple of days.” —Cleveland Plaludcaler. An Explanation. Mistress—Why, Jane, what In the world is the matter with the cream? Jane—I don’t see anything wrong with It, tna'am. Mistress- But what makes It so pale? Jane l reckon that's because I nearly beat the life out of It when you ordered It whipped, ma'am.—Chicago News. Egotistical. She—1 adore all that Is beautiful, grand and noble. He—Really, you flatter me.—Chicago News. Recovered It. "Mrs. Hlghsome did not seem to be In good voice at that muslraJe the other evening." "She was after she got home. I heard her roasting Higiisome for having In sisted on her trying to ting."—Chicago Tribune. Ask for What You Want. "My dear, won't you give tne a lock of your hair?" “With pleasure, my darling." "And a nice gold locket to keep It in? —Sondags-Nlsse. Parental Deduction. Mrs. Homestead—Our son at Tale writes that he received our letter and Immediately takes pains to reply. Mr. Homestead—Thet don’t surprise me any—the fust sight of anythin’ rs semblln’ work alters gave that boy a palu somewhar or other.—Judge. Too Wise to Let Oo. “Why cau’t you afford a vacation trip, Hilly? Tou need a rest.” "A rest? When I go away for a week the other boys In the office pile up three weeks’ work on me.*'—Chicago Record. Their Deceit. glje—Apiwarances are deceitful. Ue_y«g; a person can never tell Just how much It Is going to cost to keep them up.—Puck. Huitt to Fit the Flat. "Oh, Isabel, what a queer looking grandfather’s clock!” "(iraudfatber's clock! That's our Ice chest."—ludiauapolls Journal. Premature. "Well, old man, 1 am going down to the seashore to visit my dances.” "Who Is she?” “How do I know?”—Life. The Cheerful Idiot, ”1 can't see," said the shoe clerk hoarder, "why a Bctocbman should say ‘hae’ for 'have.' " "It Is his economical disposition. He saves a 'v' every time he does so,” said the Cheerful Idiot.—Indianapolis Press. A ulna. Miss Bummlt—That young Mr. Gallo way doesn't know nearly as much sa I thought he did. Miss Palisade—Yon must remember he has been out of college fully two years now.—Life. The Reply Unkind. Leading Lady—What did you think of my facial expression? Koubrette—I didn’t notice any.—Har per's Raxar. He Bottled It. It was In the ’bus. "Let me pay your fare," the flrst girl said. “No; let me pay yours," said the sec I ond. “No; I Insist on paying yours.” "No, you don’t; I will pay yours.” “No; I wllL” “I will!” ••I-" There Is no telling what might have happened had not an old meddler, who was seated opposite, leaned over and said: "Listen, young ladles; do not lose your heads. I think I can settle this matter without blood being shed. Each of you pay for the other, neither for herself; that will make It right—neither of you out. Do you see?” “Oh, how nice!" they both exclaim ed, and when the conductor came round they did what the old meddler sug gested. Roth then sat pleased and magnanimous looking until the end of the ride. The more a boy expects the less he ^ seem# to acquire. A Chinese Solomoa. Three men appeared before a Judge In Honan, China, and each laid claim to the same woman us his wife. Not one of them would retire In favor of the other two, but each Insisted that Justice should tie done to him. Finally the Judge exclaimed, “Well, If you three men cannot come to some agree ment nothing remains for me but to order that the woman shall be killed, as there is no other way In which the matter can be satisfactorily settled." lie then called for a large cup of wine, and w hen It was brought be poured In to It some dark powder and compelled the woman to drink It. Excited as she was, the woman speedily began to feel the efTect of the strong liquor. She stammered when she tried to speak, and her flushed cheeks were an Indica tion to the observers that the poison was working und that her end was near at hand. This was the climax for which the Judge hnd waited. When he saw that the woman was apparently dying, he called one of the three men who claim ed her as wife and bade him remove her from the courtroom. This man, however, showed no Inclination to do so, and the Judge thereupon Insisted that he renounce all rights to her. This be willingly did and so did the second man. Only one claimant was now left, and he agreed to remove the woman and to care for her until she died Sat isfied that he was her real husband, the Judge called him and said: “You will not bo sorry for acting In this manner. Have no fear for your wife, since she Is In no danger of death. The liquor which she has drunk was ordi nary wine, and the powder which I (loured into It was nothing but brown sugar." She'd Had liloURh. There was a colored baptizing at Sandy Bottom, Blllvllle. The last con vert to go under the water was an old colored woman, w ho all the while had been seated In a rickety buggy drawn by an ancient mule who bad been through the civil war. She came up out of the water all right, but after proceeding a short dis tance on her way home the mule be came unmanageable and upset the bug gy In the middle of a deep creek. The old woman, with drenched gar ments, clung to a “foot log" Just as the parson who had recently baptized her rode up. He heard her swearing at the refrac tory mule In vigorous terms: then, tak ing her In his own buggy and driving to dry land, he said: ! "Sister Ca'Ilne. you hez done los' all de salvation what come ter you by de fust baptism: so you must stop right heah en be baptized over ergln.” “No, sub"’ was the reply. “I ain't gwlne In dat water no mo’! Didn't dat ole mule baptize me de secon’ time?"— Atlanta Constitution. A ( nrlom Wood < nnlni. Salem. Mum . Ih tin* borne of the East India Marine ball, which contains col lections of the ESftttfX Institute and of the East India Marine society. The scientific cabluets of the Essex Insti tute are extensive and well arrange], and the collections of the Marine soci ety Include many curiosities from ori ental countries and other distant na tions. Among the numerous curiosities Is a piece of w«*od carving In tin form of two hemispheres lVa Inches In diame ter, In the concavities of which are carved representations on the one hem isphere of I* nven and on tin* other of hell. There are 110 full length figures In the carving, and the whole Is very skillfully executed. It Is said to lie the work of an Indian monk of the fourteenth century Smart Ales. A man being About to ille summoned his four Sons to til* Hide and said: "My Hon*. I will leave to John one third of my estate, to Ah v one-llfth, to James one-half ami to Thomas one fourth, and thus you will all Share Equally.” i John and .lames and Thomas took Taper and I’enell and licgan tigering, but Alex took Ids Hat and started out. "Where are you gulug?” the other Three asked. "Do you not Intend lig urlng out the Problem Y” “Not rnueh." said Alex. ”1 am Going for a Lawyer to break the Will.” Moral Sometimes the I-awycr can Uellevc the Heirs of Much of the Fig uring.—Baltimore American. Idle, bat Witty. He was an Idle Irish boy, but he had the Celtic wit. He had shipped on hoard of a man-of-war, where he an noyed the boatswain by his laziness. Seeing him on the maintop one morn ing gazing Idly out to sea, the boat swain called out to him: 1 "Come down out of that, ye rashcal! Come down out of that, and 01*11 give ye a dozen whacks will me ropei” “Faith, sorr,” replied the boy, "Ol wouldn’t come If ye offered me two dozen."- Harper's Young People. A Main to I.rt Alone. “What kind of a man Is your new j bookkeepe; .” “He's this kind: If you say two I words to hliu, lie'll say 200.” Detroit ' Free Press vi»it on. JOROAN^iT«M«Tf HUSEUH OF MITOIYJ I Ml IMAXtT ST.. IAN FFAAOItCO. 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