Puget Sound weekly Argus. [volume], July 23, 1880, Image 7

About Puget Sound weekly Argus. [volume] (Port Townsend, W.T. [Wash.]) 1876-1882

Image provided by: Washington State Library; Olympia, WA

                
Venerable but Good
One of the drollest scenes 0t vitnper
ation that O'Connell ever figured .in
took place in the early part of his life.
Not long after he was called to the her,
his character and peculiar talents re
ceived recognition from all who were
casually acquainted with him. His tal
out for vitupeiative language was per
carved. and by nor e he was, even in
those days, considr td matchless as a
scold. _ .
There was, how irer, at this tune in
Dublin a. certain ‘ omen, Biddy Moriar~
ity, who had a huckster‘s stall in one of
the quays nearly opposite the Four
Courts. She was a Virago of the first
order, very able with her fist and still
more formidable with her tongue. From
one end of Dublin to the other she was
notorious for her powers of abuse, and
even in the provinces Mrs. Moriarity’s
language had passed into currency. The
dictionary of Dublin slang had been
considerably enlarged by her, and her
volublo impudence had almost become
proverbial. Some of O'Connell’s friends,
however, thought that he could beat her
at the use of her own weapons. 0t
this, however, he had some doubts him
self, when he had listened once or'twice
to some minor specimens of her billings
gate. It was mooted once whether the
young Kerrybarrister could encounter
her, and souplot the company (in O'Conl
nell’s presence) rather too freely ridi
culed the idea of his being able to meet
the famous Madamo‘Morilrity. O'Con
nell never liked the ideaof being put
down, and he professed his readiness to
encounter her and even ,backedhimself‘
for the match. Bets were ofl'ered and
taken—it was decided that the match
should come 06' at once: " " ;
The party adjourned to the huckster’s
stall, and there was the owner herself
superintending the sale of her small
wares; a fewJoungem and raggedjdlem
were hanging round her stall-for Biddy
was “a character," and, in her way, was
one of the sights of Dublin.
O'Connell wasyery confident of suc
cess. He had laid an ingenious plan
for overcoming her, and, with. all the
anxiety of an ardent experimentalist,
waited to put it into practice. He re
solved to open the attack. At this time
()‘Connell's own audience, and the loun
gers about the place, formed an audience
quite sullicient to arouse Mrs. Moriarity,
on public provocation, to a due exhibi
tion of llt‘l‘ powers. O'Connell corn
menced the attack :
“What’s the price of this walking
etick, Mrs. Whut’s-your-nnniel”
“Moriarity; sir, is my name, and a
good one it is; and what have you to
say agen it? and, one-and-sixpence’s the
price of the stiar. Truth, itfa, cliupe as
dirt, so it is." -’
“Oue—and-six-pence for or. walking
stick? whew !. why, you are no better
than an imposter to ,ask, .cigl’teen pence.
for what cost you twomnce.’ -
“Twopcnce, your grandmother 3" re
plied Mrs Biddy; “d: you mane to say
it’s chating the people J. am ! Impcster
indeed?" ,
“Aye, imposter, and it’s that I call
you to your teeth,” rejoined O’Connell.
“Come, cut your stick, you cantanker
ous jeekanapes."
“Keepacivil tongue in your head,
you old diagonal,” cried O'Connell,
calmly.
“Stop you jaw, you pugnosed badger,
or by this and that,” cried Mrs Moriar
ity, “I’ll make you go out quicker nor
you came. ‘
“Don't be in a passion, my old radius,
anger will only wrinkle your beauty."
“By the hokey, if you say another
word of impudence. I’ll tan your dirty
hide, you bastely common scrub; and
sorry I'd be to soil my lists upon your
carcass."
“Whow! boys, what a passion old
Bidily is in; I protest as a gentleman—"
“Jlutlenmn! jintlomau! the likes of
you ajintloman! Wiaha, by gor, that
hangs Banagher. Why, you potato
faced pippinsneezer, when did a Mada
gascar monkey like you pick up enough
common Christian decency to hide your
Kerry brogue?”
“Easy, now-easy, now," criod O'Con~
nell, with importurbablo good humor;
“don't choke yourself with fine languagn,
you old whisky drinking paratlelogram."
“What's that you call me, you mur
' derin’ villain?" roared Mm. Moriarty,
stung to fury.
“I call you," answered O'Connell “u
parallelogram, and a. Dublin judge and
s'"? will say it’s no libel to call you 30.”
“Oh, turo and-ounsl oh, holy Biddy!
that an honest woman like mo should be
called a parrybellygrum to her face.
lin none of your parrybellygruma, you
fascally gallowabird; you cowardly sneak
" Jg. pluto-licxin’ bliggard!"
"oh. not you, indeed !” retorted O'Con
uell; “Why, I suppose you’ll deny that
you keep a hypothenuse in your housa"
“It's a lie for you, you dirty robber;
I never had such a thing in my house,
. 3’o“ SWindling thick.”
“Why. auro, your neighbors all know
Vary wall that you keep not only a hy
l‘Ol‘tllcnuse, but that you have two diam
etera locked up in your garret, end thst
you go outto wall: with them every Sun
day, you heartless old heptugon."
“oh, hour thut, ye saints in glory! oh,
there’s bad language from a. follow that
wants to pass for jintlemau. May the
devil fly away with you, you micher‘
from Munster, and make celery sauce of}
your rotten limbs, you meuly mouthed
tub of guts.”
“Ah, you can't deny the churge, you
miserable submultiple of a duplicate
ratio."
“Go rinse your mouth in the Liliey,
you nasty tickle pitcher; after all the
bad words you speak, it ought to be fil
thier than your face, you dirty chicken
of Beelzebub.”
“Rinse your own mouth, you wicked
minded old polygon—to the deuce I pitch
you, you blustering intersection of a
sinking auperficies!"
“You saucy tinker’s apprentice; if you
don’t cease yourjuw, I'll—,” But here
she gasped for breath, unable to hawk
up any more words, for the last volley
of O’Connell had nearly knocked the
wind out of her.
“While I have a tongue, I'll abuse
you, you most inimitable periphery.
Look at her, boys! There she stands—a
convicted perpendicular in petticeats.
There’s contamination in her circumfer
ence, and she tumbles with guilt down
to the extremities of her corollaries. Ah,
you’re found out, you nectilineal antece
dent, and equiangnlarold hag! 'Tis with‘
you the devil will fly away, you porter
swiping similitude of the bisection of a
vertex!"
Overwhelmed with this torrent of lan
guage, Mrs. Moriarity was silence(l._
Catching u a saucepan, she was aiming
at O'Connefl's head, when he very pru?
dently made a timely retreat.
“You have won the wager, O’Connell
—here’s your bet,” cried the gentleman
who proposed the contest.
O’C nell know Well the use of sound
in thewuperht‘dn, and having to deal
withjan ignorant scold, determined to
overcome her in volnbility by using all
the sesquipedelia verba which occur in
Euclid. With these and a few signifi
cant epithets, and a scofl'ing, impudent
demeanor, he had for once imposed si.
lencé‘bn Biddy Moriarty“ .
The Lima Kiln mun
“Walkin’ out die mnwnin’ to behole
de bewtiful in natnr'," began the Presi
den nhe rose, “my ‘mind recollected
dat I had been axed to explain de secret
of true huppiwes.’ In de fust place,
when um n man happy? It is when he’s
got lots.o' money—when he has fixed
his enemy—when he has got a. good
home. Ai’ how nmny grades of happi
ness kin you count up! An’ what am
hoppiness when you cometo bile it down!”
busingtbe silence that tolleweddhia
int q‘fieryfllmuel‘ Shim: made an dfl'ort
to cross hie legs, and knogked the water‘
pail ”(will side up. filling . the; htogmi
of Givedam Jones and Whiteluw Skinner
full of ice-cold liquid.
“Happiness, an old black man like
me defines it,” continued Brother Gerd
ner, “am not eto' cloze, a fat wallet, a.
big house an’ ice cream ebery night afore
you go to bed, When I looked about
me for a. wife I didn’t look for anything
gaudy. I knew I must marry a. heck
women or none at aIL I knew she'd be
away 'oil' on her Greek an’ Latin, nn' so
when I got my ole woman I were not
a. bit dia’pinted. She am as good as I
am, an’ what more can I aak’l When I
were free to start out I reasoned that 1
must job ’round at dis an’ (int, knee I
had notrnde. I never counted on havin'
more den a cord of wood an’ five bushels
of 'tnters ahead, an' Inebber hob had.
I knew I’d have to live in aemall house,
own a cheap dog, live an' dress pleinlv
an’ keep dis black skin to de grave, an’
it has all happened just as I 'spected. I
am happy knee 1 donn' figgnr on what I
haven’t got. lam happy kase I reason
dot de weather can’t nllus be fa’r, money
can’t allud be plenty, good health can't
nllue last, nn’ yer bee' fri'nds can’t allus
be counted on. If dar am any secret of
happiness I beli’ve it am dis, an’ we will
now begin de regular businem of do oo
cashum."
If a piece of wood be placed in a d(-
canter of water, and the focus of a lnrge
burning glass is thrown upon it, the
wood will be completely charred, though
the sides of the decanter through which
the rays pass will not be cracked, nor in
any wnv alfected, nor the water percep
tibly warmed. 1f the wood be taken
out, and the rays be thrown on the
water, neither the vessel nor its con
tents will be in the least aflected ; but
if a. piece of metal be put into the water,
it soon becomes too hot to be touched,
and the water will presently boil.
Though pure water alone contained lin
a transparent vessel cannot be heated,
yet, if by a little ink it be made of a
dark color, or the vessel itself be black.
enell, the efl'ect speedily takes place.
The samples of sea. island cotton
grown in Fiji have been pronounced at
the Paris Exhlbition the best in the
world.
A Big Splder.
W hen calling on Mr. Bartlett at the
Zoological Gardens, he kindly showed
me the most gigantic spider I evor saw
«an enormous fellow, just nhOut, if not
quite, as big as a. house sparrow, with
his wings folded. When the spider’s
legs are open, he is indeed a most for
midable looking fellow. The whole of
the body is covered with dark-brown
‘hair. It is fed upon cockroaches, and
Mr. Bartlett has observed that he spins
threads across the ground. in which the
cockroaches get entangled. He will
also kill and suck the blood of young:
mice. He seems especially fond of the;
brain of the mice. He is kept in a. glass
case, the temperature of which is kept‘
up by warm water. The bite of the
spider(which comes from South America)
is said to be very injurious to both man
and beast. I think it not impossible
that this gigantic spider woul attack
sud kill humming-birds.-—Land and
Water. ‘ -
from the noun of the Hudson.
N nwnune, N. Y., Oct. 20, 1879.
H. H. WAnxnn. dz 00., Roonxsrm,
‘N. Y.—Gentlemen: A lady of over 70
‘ years of age, in failing health for over a
year, has been using Warner's Safe Bit.
terfe on my recommendation. She feels
very grateful for the benefit she has de
rived therefrom, and eeys that until she
.uud it her stomach could bear no vege
table food for over three years. I be
lieve it to he a. certain specific for dye
pepsin. Warner’s Safe Pills are also
meeting with very good success, in all
forms of Liver Complaints, Malariul
"houbleia, Dumb Ague, and wherever a.
safe and efiicient cathartic is required.
I cannot speak to highly of them.
Du. J. G. JosLYx, M. D.
Plan Words are non.
We learn that certain oople find
fault with W. E. Clerk, of grovidence,
"R. 1., for not “writing up"his great
Kidney Medicine, HUNr’s REMEDY, in
more flowery style. It is not Mr.
Clarke but his critics who are foolish.
What does :1 men who is threatened
.uith Bright’s Disease, or any disease of
the Kidneys, Bladder, Liver or any Uri
nary organs, moat require—fine words
or a. cure? In er’s Rmenv, the
Great Kidney and Liver Medicine, he
‘gets the cure—n sure cure.
Sold by all druggists. Trial .size 75
cents.
' Chrome constipation Cured.
PHILADELPHIA, Pa., Oct. 4, 1879.
-. H. H. Wanna it; Co.—Gents: For
the past ten years I have suffered the
evil effects of what may be termed
chronic constipation; my skin became
yellow and my liver out of order; I
tried all the remedies that could be ob
'taihed, and that was all Icould do, after
‘flnding no permanent relief from regular
medicine treatment, and finally com
menced using your remedies. I first
tried the Pills, and at the end of one
week my bowels had attained a regular
ity and healthy action unknown for
years. I was so pleased With the effect
that I concluded to try a bottle of your
Bitters, and although I have not en
tirely used the first bottle, I am ‘BO per—
ceptibly improved and toned up that I
write you giving this voluntary testi
monial to the excellence of your reme
dies. Yours truly, E. J. CAMPBELL
(I In muting 111, Immune or I.
writing In mpolue lo 3.! Murillo.
non! In this paper you will mam Ir‘on
.loll um tuna or flu- mac-r. .
LIBERAL ADVANCES
Made on (lonllgnmentu o!
'W' O O I.- ,
BY ......
CHRISTY 6t. WISE
Won! 0 mission Memhams,
607 Front BL. 8n" Francilco.
34 Front Street. Portland.
[flodtwlm
They Purify the Blood.
if! “WW“ " ”m fl
2' . 52'
5.. on. HENLY’S _;
43‘ S’
5! CELEBRATE” E.
3 s';
g G
a OREGON IWIID GRAPE HUDT ;
u— G
>
s': I x LIBITTEBS. [2’
59 3.5
g ___________________ l a
They Cure Dyspepsia.
Wonderfui Virtue of the OREGON WILD GRAPE
BOW. the urine! doom nnont o! the l X L Bl'l'l‘l-ZRS.
A unimpoonrurof t) 0 r 1 h BlTl‘Eufl taken Immedi
tcly 392295 meal a (£l3m cure {or Dyapepulnt“
r- , YE RMy F. ‘ \ .
LYM ‘ . t . G C
.9 BELL- s. 0.-
\ Chumllcuol.Flu-Alum.nno-Mlni-pvbd.vu .
d. Gamma-Ila lmmlm.wmu,m..m m. (me.
i LINFORTH, RICE a CO.
:3» Agent: {or PM: Cm» 1:: Hum St, 2:: 2mm
r. A. FRANK, San Francisco. 4, a. r. FRANK. Portland
FRAN K BRO | HERS,
FARM AND MILL MABHINERY!
:42 and 144 Front Stre -- Nomad,
:H9 and :mmarkrt Street. San ancluo.
"———— 0 ~-———......._..
‘‘9‘. 9 ~ v .
I AMIERS AMI MILL MEN 8 ATTENTION
u palleql to Frank “fauna Punting Complete: line of Farm 'antl 3_IIII Farther]. re...
#wflusfi 2:0??er i 143? 1?..122L“.5;1‘ti§ su‘mhy’ifng'n‘ifi‘if'lzc'fifmft‘hii‘lflfifii‘éurl‘n‘mmk'ifiu'V‘.
Sfuw'fit'fih'g’élfiéif’nfairlllél’ilfiffixs39?no2: ’iTammi.3,?"éf'u'zf‘li‘3‘l‘m’22'wflliEff}??? mm
vatonl. Buford Rood Brntpors. Rammra Improved Rollin; liarronfieowh and Square Marrow, Wood and
steel Gomiu,liaw and Flour Mill Mwhmery Portable an Stati-‘ntry Engineered utnz. Full and ‘
Line oi luuh goals u are rmulrmi IIV Forums and Mill men. and at the lowest Market Price. Reagan“
goods sold by us. s‘oth {or Special (,‘IrL-ularn, Catalogues and Price “at. Adds-cu.
‘ FRANK BROTHERS,
gee-m Portland. 0311.. um! an lruelaoo.
————-———-—~~-~--» » » ~-—~~——>-—A~~ '- -—~—‘o——~—-——-—-—_——-—————————-~—.
CHAS. H. DOB!) 85 00., ' .
E “00033011! to Ilawloy. Dodd gt Cot; , '
-—l.\xroa'rms up arms m— . j ,
Hardware, Iron, - Steel and Farm Machinery, ‘
0:!" fur sale. at 1 )west mm, the (allowing ammu M'W, tor which we no Solo Meat. 3 ‘
CANTON PMS arm-m
BgCKEYE lowan: All: ‘llilEM’Elio -
. -. ‘ Marceau. one o ,
”(13%“ a , and {rain crops of the fl
‘ ‘ . x f - (loan have heencathythelhek—
:l. , ' eye that no tamer here an be
\we m , . - Q Ignorant oritsmerits one?!”
.1” . ‘* ..6 _| \ a amnentto convlneehl-e It!
. ' . ‘. ‘ .» an o.‘ ..
”tr-9A .’ l- “i 5‘22. 3 .
1‘ '5 ' ..--.—. ,w: L' . .
i ' "-~"- IPM” “ up, (“5; .
I> I '
i'l‘he ne plus ultra of all Threshing Any "'l"‘s .
:Machlnes, uneifiualed for llglllltdrafl ' . __e :14 ‘V‘ \\
power, aural) ty,tast three lanai U»! __/ ‘‘ N .
clean separation; as imprev for .... v . 7, ‘ . . .
1880, It stands unrivalled. -—-”_‘3‘“ 1* ;;!_J-.~:;”T'r '73 '33—“
superiority. as It Is too well and favorably known to need comment. It .
the perfection of all Reaping and flowing machines.
fit.“ ,“m ° BUCKEYE SELF-BINDER.
" W 0 lThe Sinundard of axealenee and
._ em labor at n mum.
flfé f ,3 ' , It took the World’s nfnder Prim
«Ni/f I 1111879. Itlathe sin lent. strong
, if, 3 est alumnus: ruling: Binder
hi «to. a; ~ the We
Qé "" r.“ u}. ~ x -~—
1):!!!” [‘v I! 3; x
ml“. .4 a
T.‘\ ~'I) ‘11."- : " \n—“w‘l‘
. 1 I !" 7",“ _" ' “Kr
‘ ‘24-“. o g ‘ , I, I ———- - ‘q
.. r all; . w»
ovz\.@.e.-n (31/. age I!
ZN! \'"LéK"¥lll\§l?/jlls’ ' ~--E'l' “ - ‘""
I \4 . 3's, .1» . " 3 s6l; [fling/An. ‘ ~. »,ig,“"'.l.? .
1 Tilt; Canton Ignittor Uprlglgzfig. . . A.
| I
5335-3422 mlfifitéfo: (3:; horses and of greater power. It Is the most
economical Enginein the world. consumes the least water and mel, has
the patent Safety Plug and Is the safest Engine made.
We are also Bole Agent- for
' SCIIIJTTLER FARM. FREIGHT AND SPRING WAGONS.
lend for Bpeclal Circg;rg?;¥'Pgoag‘-D $32: _}_?_ortland. ores-on. _ I
5;; f— .\ L E“ ‘3: menlghtmue~zflohdllhver—hu mind in u!
*—=. ¢ " 422'; ,“ ’ gr- ’ m unwleunutneaa. Injurloua drugs are “koala hm .
. , . I”, f— -/& quanzm-s n ingot expense, to subdue tho: chfllz,
1' cmping. shaking tcclin; with no other man than 0
‘ Inn-Jr the "Item. Hundor'o 3m, flu!- Indlpofifi ' ' '
A ‘ ’ i ' rcvc md Aguo Mixture-- ngeublo oomponnd— ~
‘ n ' s \ not only ave you iron: 1:“! :hnlnxgo hat wig”; n
” _ % moo your ox nu. co, 1 per I. o. o 0p
... '.O ”£3; .: .-E"v§x‘__:.,__; : 3 ' ’9: proved md mfgmmendod by my.
'v .; v ‘ 3‘, :7 Price. one Dollar Per Bottle.
~ ‘ Your Drums: bu it. or will [76‘ it to! you. "The
Origin-l." Inam upon having L
_______________‘__________.__..___________...___.____.—-
‘ WA RN E R’S "
i. HH . L— _A._..‘.L‘, ~r.. , ',_l i
' In; W" .J
:' 1'14: HT
“ t} H ’
A HI.
L (51 r
I: I: the beat Blood Purifier and nflmnmes
» every Nncuon to morn hwmhuwuon.md II
thus 1 benem ln 11l alums.
« Inellmlnwngmelmpurltluoftheblootho
nmunl Ind nemnry result. In the cu worsen)!-
t uloun “10 other Bkm Erupclons um] Dinoueo,
,;‘ Including Cummvlncn and numr Sores.
: l)yspcgfia.kam-ssollurfiwmnan'onnlr
_ pmum lulnosu General Debuuy. etc., am
‘ cured by tha lab ”Inn-n. I: Is unequaled
las an .pponu-r uml regular mum. .
, ‘ nlnamallclnowhlchnlmumbelnncryhm
u Hy. and which. wherever used. mu save me
‘2 payment.“ many docwn‘ mm
Bottles of two sisal: prim 50an And 91m.
"‘ ' ' " WWm-ner’s
SAEEYgLLMR , . Safe Reme
' KID J CURE u; dies are sold
,3 A ,Sm. ~ '5 by Dmgglsus
01mm. Lust >5- aud Dealer
-1 . _'3H was 1: In Medicine
. .. SA '[yflvm E—-‘ everywhere.
‘ : “*s‘ m REWAR’IERMO,
‘, ' ' ' ‘ ‘ _ > l’mprleton,
REfi D , 515 Rochester. 5.1.
. ¢‘ Mend for anphlo‘
' Md Tuntuuouim.
lIflDGE. DAVIS .12 (70.. Agents.
l‘nrflnml Giro-Egg; ____>_
I
D. J. .IALARKE‘I 6:. (30-.
Produce Commissmn Melcham.
Grain. Flour. Butter. Chm-sO.
Eggs. flops. Illdvs. “'0 0L
Hay and Mill Food.
STAPLE GROCERWZS
.ASD
Provislo nll.
Nos. 8, H) and I? Front sum-1
m 5" :1
B. L. LONGFELLOW. Prop.
Front Street. bet. mm- and 191 ml.
Bond and Room. per dny, ll 00 to ll 50.
Hotel Coach to uni from Depot Free 0! Charlie. '
“10 Chinese England.“ ,
mommy Overmuied and 33mm. ‘ .
jeao‘lm B. L. 1.03 FELLOW, Proprietor.
________._._..____._—.-_—————-y——-—-
a. A. a’ruuwutuuugx. -. _
Dir-n Inventor and Mr In ‘ I
LEATHER AND SHOE FHDINDS.
1... u! urn-«m we. Pan-mm. m ‘
”...—“M
‘ ,
I .
lilwidor. Urinaty um! Lint Din-«ea, Dram. _ , .
arm-l Ind Diabem. m cured by ‘
: HI!“ I'B REMEDY, ,
3 the Gnu Kidney Ind Liver Medicine.
I a
‘ IIDNT’S REMEDY
cum. Brlflht'l DIAL-nu, manual: 0? Knuth '
Lion of Urine, Plin- in the Back. Lulu, or“
HDNT’S REMEDY
curel Inicmpcmnrv.Nervonl Dine-le.. Genoa:
chillty. Female Wuakncu and Exec-on.
IIDNT’S REMEDY
tum Bliirru-unna. "winch. Jnundica. 80M
Bwnmch, Dynpvpnh. Conulpnilon and Pile-o.
HDRT’S REMEDY
ACT?! AT ONPK on tho Kldnn vI. Linn-. 1“
"nut-la. rrdwrinz Ih~ m to a hrnhhy Action. and
('UIE'EH whr-n n“ I-lht-f nwflrlnu fl“. "in
, drmu hnvv bm-n 13Vt‘i' wlm haw bum gin-n up
. 1,0!“th {mania mi ph; ..:-.53,
: firm! fur pamphlet m .
i W“. H. (‘LAILKI'L I'l’fl\lal"ll("..l:- I.
; 'l'rlal MN. 73 rt'iiu. luv 'l'! C‘L‘flpill
‘i 5.01.!) BY ALI. Dlillflh‘lm
i .
.fi mm wncm
' _, “ , \1: ~ml m cram 5: :. Luxn use
I l "’ H. 111? »' ' " U I‘ ‘r' \'\unin-<I
l‘fi' ""'"f ' ' .w w >!'\‘l’\!:lL\m:u
1. Lu ‘hif'r '. / l'ix‘rwJ 1:1. in mm)