Washington standard. [volume], March 16, 1861, Image 1

About Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921

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VOL. I.
THE WASmSOTOS STANDARD
—IS IS.SCI'II KVKUY SATURDAY MORNING BY—
JOHN M. MURPHY, /
EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR.
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OKFU K —ln Barnes's Building, corner of Maiu
and First Streets, near the steamboat landing.
toy* AH communications, whether on business
or tor publication should be addressed to the edi
itor of the WASHINGTON STANDARD.
PARODY.
"WOODMAN, SPA UK THAT TIIEK."
Madmen, spare that Hag i
Touch not a single star ;
From sea to mountain crag
Its stripes have gleamed afar ;
'Twas our forefathers' hand
That gave it as our lot,
There, madmen, let it stand,
Your rage shall harm it not I
That flag of Liberty,
Whose glory and renown
Are spared o'er land and sea ;
And would ye strike it down ?
Madmen, suspend your will.
Cut not its heaven-born ties ;
Our Country's ensign still.
Streaked with celestial dyes I
On Ocean's wave and heath,
In battle aud in blast,
Our fathers cheered beneath,
Or nailed it to the mast ;
A tear for those who fell,
For those who lived, renown,
It caught their last farewell—
Oh ! do not hew it down.
Our heart-strings round thee cling,
And inem'rits o'er thee crowd ;
On field and deck thy wing
Has been a freeman's shroud I
Old flag, the storm still brave j
And Traitors, leave the spot j
While we've an arm to save
Your rage shall harin it not.
Waifs.
IIAPPY WOMEN.—A happy woman !
Is she not the very sparkle and sunshine
of life ? A woman who is happy be
cause she can't help it—whose smiles
even the coldest sprinkle oftnisfortune
cannot dampen. Men make a terrible
mistake when tliev marry for beautv,
for talent, or for style; the sweetest
wives are those who possess the magic
secret of being contented under any
circumstances. Rich or poor, high or
low, it makei no difference; the bright
little fountain of joy bubble* up just is
musically in their hearts. Do they live
in a log cabin ?—the fire that leaps on
its humble hearth becomes brighter
than the gilded chandeliers in an Alad
din palace. Was ever the stream of
life so dark and uupropitious that the
sunshine of a happy face falling across
its turbid tide, would not awaken rn
answering gleam! Why, these jovous
tempered people don't know half the
good they do.
During the speech of n Superin
tendent before a Sabbath School gath
ing the other day, he told a story of a
little boy who complained that his
watch was good for nothing, because,
as he said, " the hands were always in
the wro'.g place."
" Now, said the speaker, addressing
his youthful hearers, " did any of you
ever know little boys to get their hands
into the wrong place ?"
*' Yea sir," said a little fellow on the
stand in front.
" Where did they havo them ?" asked
the speaker.
"In the sugar bowl!" responded the
boy.— Mount Holly Mirror.
A writer in the Atlantic Monthly
states as a physiological fact that wo
men do not. make puns. There is, he
says, an occasional exception to the
rule, the same as we occasionally find a
hen endeavoring to crow.
JJ6S=» " Madam," said a doctor to an
old maid, " you must have a little sun
and air, or vou cannot get well."
"Law! doctor, I have no objections
against having a son and heir, but I
must get a husband first."
afflicted husband was re
turning from the funeral of his wife,
when a friend asked him how he felt.
"Well," said he pathetically, "I think
I feel the better for that little walk."
8©- "Whereare you going?" asked
a little boy of another, who had slipped
down upon the icy pavemeut. " Going
to get up!" was the blunt reply.
round of pleasure sometimes
rf ndoriit difficult to make thingss^uar* l .
OLYMPEkWASHINGTON TERRITORY, MARCH 16,186].
From Our Port Townsend Correspondent.
A Veritable Batter Story.
In a recent issue of the STANDARD
you mention the fact that the P. S.
Herald had trumped up a stale butter
story aud tried to palm it tiff for new.
I know, however, of a real butter story
which was made the occasion of a hearty
laugh whenever related by the parties
interested or their friends; and as I
know I will give no offense by reciting
it in detail, I will try and do so iti the
briefest possible manner, so as to not
trespass too much upon your columns.
During the month of July, 1859,1
was at Olympia making preparations to
accompany Col. Simmons on an expe
dition down the Chehalis river to Gray's
Harbor and Shoahvater Bay. Gov.
Gholson's son and nephew were to form
a part of our company, and as the Gov
ernor was boarding at Galliher's the
Colonel and myself went there also.
The evening before we started, the
Governor remarked at the supper table,
that the butter was very rancid and un
fit to set before any one to cat. Galli
her was summoned, and requested to
enlighten the company regarding his
views of domestic economy in produc
ing such a high-scented compound,
which was evidently intended to per
form the two-fold duty of stirring up
both nose and palate. Galliher ex
plained that he had purchased from a
settler on Boisfort Prairie a small keg
or firkin of butter, the top layer of
which was sweet and nice, but the sub
stratum. which he had just reached,
was similar to the specimen produced
on the table.
"Did yon buy that butter from Judge
Ford ?" "asked Col. Simmons. " No,"
replied Galliher, "Idid not." "Never
mind," savs the Colonel, "say you got
it from him; we don't care how fur
from him you got it, but only s-iv so,
and as we are going out to Old Ford's
I will have some sport. "Well," re
plied Galliher, "if you can make any
fun out of the matter, do so; therefore
I say, in the presence of all von gentle
men, that I got that rancid butter from
Judge Ford, but if the truth must be
known, it was a good manv miles front
Judge Ford's farm." "That will do,"
said the Colonel; " and now. Governor,
I will tell you that the last time I came
to Olympia I reached here a little after
daylight in the morning, and the first
persons I me!" were Old Ford and Uncle
Gabe Jones, who had been running all
night. Says I, 'Yon old bovs look to
be pretty tight, and you had better go
to bed; 'but they kept on running all
day, and neither of them could tell what
they had done the night before, and I
am going to make Ford believe that he
sold that butter to Galliher."
The following day was the occasion
of the funeral of the late Gov. Mason,
and after the ceremonies were over we
proceeded from the cemetery to the
house of Judge Ford, near Shooknm
Chuck creek, where we arrived about
8 P. M.
As many of your readers will not
know the'characters who figure in this
farce, I will explain, although in the
vicinity of Olympia every one either
knows or has heard of them, for their
names are as household words. Im
primis, Col. M. T. Simmons, better
known as " Old Mike," at that time
Agent for the Indians of the Territory
west of the Cascades. Secondly, Judge
Sidney S. Ford, whose hospitable house
stands on the banks of the Chehalis
river, near Skookum Chuck, —among
his intimate friends known as " Uncle
Sid," or, asMike calls him "Old Ford."
Thirdly, Gabrial Jones, Esq., a hospita
ble and wealthy farmer who lives on
his claim near Olympia, and who is
known to every one as " Uncle Gabe."
No better personification of Tain O'-
Shanter and Souter Jonny can be found
in this Territory or Oregon than Uncle
Sid and Uncle Gabe, both fond of "bar
ley bree," and watching the "wee sma
hours ayont the twal," particularly
when they occasionally met each other
in Olympia.
Judge Ford, who was sub-Agent for
the Indians about the Chehalis, was to
go with us down the river, and had
been notified of our approach, had
ready on our arrival a sumptuous sup
per, to which we sat down with keen
appetites and devoured with a hearty
relish.
"Ford," says the Col., "this is better
butter than that stuff'you sold to Galli
her when you was in Olvmpia last.
Gov. Gholson said he had a better opin
ion of you than to think you would sell
rancid butter." "What?" says the
Judge, pricking up his ears and look
ing wise, "What butter? I never sold
any butter to Gallihcr." " Well " re
turned the Colonel, 44 1 don't suppose
v<->u d« remember anything about it, for
wherNLsaw you the next morning, you
and Unfcte Gabe didn't look to remem
ber The Judge's lady, who is
considered one of the best butter mak
ers in the country, here spoke up and
said that Ford never had sold any of
her butter in Olympia she was sure, but
she would like the Colonel to tell what
lie knew about the affair, for she hail
noticed that the judge looked very
penitent when he came home after that
visit. "Well," says Mike, "it hap
pened in this way: Ford had been in
and transacted his business, spent all
his money, and was bound home on
horseback*; but. just as he was passing
Gov. Stevens's house, on the hill, who
should come along but I'ncle (Jabe
Jones, on his bay mare, with a tin pail
lull of nice butter on his arm. 4 Where
are you going?' says I'ncle Gabe to
Ford. 'Oh, I'm dead-broke and going
home,' replied the .Judge. 'Nonsense
—turn back. 1 have got a kettle full
of butter you see, and I will sell that
and have a nice time.' Ford, nothing
loth, turned his horses head, and the
pair descended the hill. They now
met a man in a wagon coming out of
town, who was crying. Both the kind
hearted men stopped. For," added the
Colonel, "with all Ford's faults no one
will deny that he is one of the most
hospitable and kind-hearted men in the
Territory, and I'ncle (Jabe is another.
Well, they stopped the man and asked
him what the matter was. 11c replied
that he had brought in a little butter to
sell to raise some money to buy grocer
ies, but the butter didn't sink, and now
he had to carry it home, and his chil
dren were sick and he had no money
to buy groceries with. ' Nonsense,' says
Ford''don't cry, man, we will buy your
butter—won't we, Janes?' ' Yes,' s lys
Uncle Gabe ; s we will put this nice but
ter of mine on top, and then Ford, do
you sell the whole and pay the poor
man.' The agreement was then made,
the butter fixed and sold as I have said,
to Galliher, and with the proceeds of
the sale the two old boys and the
poor man had a jolly spree."
While the Colonel was relating this
Muncbausenism, the Governor's son
and nephew, and myself, remained si
lent, struck with intense admiration at
the fertile genius he has for inventing
parables. Ford looked very silly, but
could not say a word. Not so his lady,
who, incensed at the idea that Ford
should pass off a lot of rancid butter a*
her manufacture, and upon the Uov
ernor too, was a little too much, and <o
she expressed herself. Old Mike, find
ing that things were taking a serious
turn, and that in his zeal for a joke ho
had rather put his foot in it, was fain
to take the lady one side ami explain
matters to her, much to her relief. In
the meantime, the Judge called me out
of the house, under pretense of smok
ing a pipe together, when he asked me
if I had heard Galliher say anything
about the butter. "Certainly;" saidi,
he stated publicly at the table that lie
got that butter from Judge Ford.
"Well," says the Judge, "I thought
all the time that the whole story was
one of Simmons's d—d lies, but as you
heard Galliher say lie got it from me I
suppose it is so, but the fact is, I was
so'tight'that I don't remember any
thing 1 did on that visit—but don'tyou
tell Old Simmons."
I did, however, tell Simmons, and
subsequently told Uncle Gabe, but he
allowed he was as forgetful as Ford,
and was willing to settle the affair with
Galliher. This he did the next time he
met Ford in Olympia, by treating the
whole crowd, and I doubt very much
whether he or the Judge ever know,
before they see this in print, but what
th oy actually did sell the rancid butter
to Galliher. JAMES G. SWAN.
MEASUREMENT. —NineveIi was 5 miles
long, 8 wide, and 40 miles round, with
a wall 100 feet high, and thick enough
for three chariots abreast. Bahvlon
was 50 miles within the walls,.which
was (55 feet thick and 300 feet high,
with 100 brazen gates. The temple of
Diana, at Ephcsus, was 429 feet to the
support of the roof. It was a hundred
years in building. The largest of the
pyramids is 481 feet high and G54 on
the sides; its base covers 11 acres.
The stones are about 80 feet in length,
and the layers 208. It employed 830,-
000 men in building. The labyrinth
of Egypt contains 800 chambers and 81
halls. Thebes, in Egypt, presents
ruins 57 miles round, and 100 gates.
Carthage was 23 miles round, and con
tained 359,000 citizens and 400,000
slaves. The temple of Delphos was so
rich in donations that it was plundered
of $500,000, and Nero carried away
from it 200 statues. The walls of Rome
nr<» 18 miles round.
En. STANDARD :—While I am one of
those who hope ami confidently believe
that the difficulties and dangers which
threaten our great Republic will yet be
settled in some way, it may not be
amiss to speculate upon the possible
result. \\ bile the solemn and spectral
theme of disunion is daily discussed
with deep seated expressions of sorrow
and regret, allusion is seldom made to
the primary tend actual cause of the
present troubles. If the days of this
glorious Union are numbered, I for
one wish to know where the blame
justly belongs. Judging by the pres
ent aspect of things the long-cherished
idea of self-government is a delusion,
if the majority cannot rule. Have we
the right of suffrage when a small mi
nority of the people of these United
States refuse to be governed by the
majority, in a Constitutional manner?
Is not the minority clearly injthe wrong?
It is not my purpose to review the his
tory of our political troubles, for there
would be no end to accusations and re
criminations. It can be proven beyond
a doubt that disunion movements are
not of recent date. The admissions of
Rhett, Kcitt, Iverson, Toombs, Cobb,
Floyd and Barnwell show that this trea
son has been concocted many years
ago, and has been concealed until some
pretext could be found to act upon, and
some of the disciples of Calhoun de
clare they will not be satisfied with any
concessions the North may make. Of
what use is it to reason with such men?
It is not pretended that we violated
any law in electing Mr. Lincoln, and
it is admitted that he has not the ghost
of a chance to assail the "peculiar in
stitution," if he wished to, and if his
own assertions are worth anything he
does not wish so to do. Hut says one,
the Territories are the bone of conten
tion. According to tlie last of my dis
cernment, the South has got all she
asks for already. It' the decision of
the Supreme Court is law, they have a
right to bring as many niggers here as
they please, and demand protection.
We are t<>ld that for the sake of pre
serving the Union the Republicans
ought to make concessions. I for one
would concede much for the sake of the
I'nion, but where will these concess
ions end? Must all the compromises
come from our side? Do the Seces
sionists offer to concede anything ?
Have we any assurance that they will
meet us hall' way ? If peaeo can only
be preserved on condition that we stir
render all our principles, 1 am sick of u
Republican form of government. What
kind of satisfaction is it to us to cast
our votes if we know they will not be
respected. The ballot-box is a farce
in these degenerate times. I believe
concession conies with a good grace
from the victorious party, but as yet
they have not given us a chance to
concede anything. We are not yet in
power. W hat right have they to pre
sume in advance that we are going to
annihilate their institutions. If they
had just apprehensions, why did tiny
not dissolve before Fremont was voted
for? Since that campaign, the Repub
lican platform has been essentially al
tered, purposely to convince our South
ern friends that we did not wish to in
terfere with the "divine institution"
where it already exists; but it seems
as though assurances on our part arc of
no avail. If truth lends facilities to
argument then wo arc certainly many
points ahead. Arc we to be frightened
out of our propriety by threats and
menaces ? Is it worthy the name of
an American citizen to acknowledge
that lie voted against his convictions of
right and justice, through fear of the
consequences. If there is one of that
stamp, he must have degenerated nip
idly in our short history. I will remark
in conclusion, that I shall ever vote in
accordance with my convictions of trnth
and justice, believing that if evil con
sequences ensue, they will fall most
heavily 011 those who are in the wrong.
MUD-SILL.
THE STARS. —Here is a beautiful
thought of tli'at strange compound of
Scotch shrewdness, strong common
sense, and German mysticism, or un
common sense, Thomas Carlyle:
" When I gaze into tho stars, they
look down on me in pity from their se
rene and silent spaces, liko eves glisten
ing with tears, over the little lot of men.
Thousands of generations, -aH as noisy
as our own, have been swallowed up
by time, and yet there remains no rec
ord of them any more; yet Arcturus,
and Orion, Sirius and tho Pleiades, are
still shining in their courses, clear and
young as wlion the shepherd first noted
them from tho pfnin of Shiuar! What
shadows wo are, and what shadows we
pnr*n°!"
Wko it to blame ?
Wondera of the Created Universe.
The faculty of Sublimity in conjunc
tion with Marvelousness, or, as it is
often called, Spirituality, enables man to
appreciate such subjects as can be mea
sured or comprehended. Calculation
will solve a problem, and the resultmay
be a row of a hundred figures; but who
can tell by reason how much they mean;
It is quite impossible to comprehend
them. They must be divided, or pre
sented in some comparative manner.
The following speculations of Ilerschel
will illustrate the poiut in question:
" What mere assertion will make any
one believe that in one second of time,
in one beat of the pendulum of a clock,
a ray of light travels over 192,000 miles,
and would therefore perform the tour
of the world in about the same time
that it requires to wink our eyelids, and
in much less time than a swift runner
occupies intakingasinglestride? What
mortal can be made to believe, without
demonstration, that the sun is almost a
million times larger than the earth; and
that although so remote from us that a
cannon-ball shot directly towards itand
maintaining its full speed, would be
twenty years in reaching it, it yet af
fects the earth by its attraction in an
inappreciable instant of time ? Who
would not ask for demonstration when
told that a gnat's wing, in its ordinary
flight, beats many hundred timet in a
second; or that there exists animated
and regularly organized beings, many
thousands of whose bodies laid close to
gether, would not extend an inch? But
what are these to the astonishing truths
which modern optical inquiries have
disclosed, which teaches us that every
point of a medium through which a ray
of light passes is affected with a suc
cession of periodical movements, regu
larly recurring at equal intervals, 110
less than five liundred millions of mil
lions of times in a single second! That
it is by such movements connected with
the nerves of our eyes that we see; nay,
more: 'that it is the difference in the
frequency of their recurrence which af
fects us with a sense of the diversity of
color. That, for instance, in acquiring
the sensation of redness, our eyes are
affected 482,000,000 of times; ofvellow
ness, .'>42,000,000 of times; and of vio
let, 707,000,000 of times nor second.
Do not such things sound more like
the ravings of madmen than the sober
conclusions of people in their waking
senses? They are, nevertheless, con
clusions to which any one may most
certainly arrive who will only be at the
trouble of examining the chain of rea
soning by which they have been ob
tained."
" Artemus" on the Union.
line n union Man. I luv the Union
from the bottom of mi hart. I luv
every hop pole in Main and every
shcpc ranch 111 Texas. The kow pas
tures of Nil Hampshire ar as dear 2 A
Ward, as the rice plantations of Miss
issippi*. There is mean traters in both
them ar States, & thar is likewise good
men and troo. It dont look very pretty
for a lot ov inflamitorv individooals,
who never lifted their itands in defense
ov Ameriky, or did the fust thing tow
ards sekewering our independence, to
git their backs up and sware theyl dis
olve the Union. Too much blood was
spilt a cortin and marryin that highly
respectable female, the Goddess of Lib
erty, 2 get a divorce at this late day.
The old gal behaved herself to well 2
cast her ott* now, at the request of a
parsul uv addle braned men and wim
min, who never did nobody no good
and never will again. Into sorry the
pictur uv the Goddess never give her no
shuse or stockins, but the band of stars
around her hed must kontinerto shine
brighter so long as the Erth kontiners
2 revolve on its axeltree.
Too resoom—G Washington was a
clear heeled, warm hearted, brave and
stedy goin man. He never SLOPT OVER !
The prevalin weakness of most publik
men is to SLOP OVER! [Put them
words in large letters. A. W.] Tha
rush things—the)- travail too much on
high presher principul. Tha git inter
the popler hobby hoss, who travails
along, not carin a cent 41 whether the
beest is ever goin," clear sighted and
sound, or spavined, blind and bawky.
of corse they get throde eventooaly if
not sooner. When tha sea the multi
tood goin it blind, tha go to Pel Met
with it iustid of xertin themselves too
set in rite. Tha kant sea that the
kroud wich is now bearing them tri
umtantly on its shoulders will soon dis>
kiver its errer, & then kast them inter
tho hoss pond ov oblvvun witboot the
slitest hesitaahun. Washington never
Slopt Over. That wasnt George's stile,
lie wasnt niter the spiles. He was a
boom an nngol in n 3 komerod hot and
nee britches, and we shant c his l?ke"
rite awa. My friends we kant all b
Washington®, but we can all be patri
ots, k bhave ourselves in a cristian &
human manner. When we C a brother
groin down hill too Rooin, let us seeze'
rite holt on his koat tales & drag him
back 2 Mortality.
Mr. Lincoln's Administration*
The Albany Evening Journal thus
announces Mr. Seward's acceptance of
the position of Secretary of State, ten
dered him by Mr. Lincoln:
In transferring to our own columns,
from tliose of the Utica Morning Herald,
a warm tribute to the services of a
distinguished statesman, we are at lib
erty to say that on or before the 4th of
March, Gov. Seward will resign his seat
in the Senate, preparatory to his en
trance upon other public duties.
Early in December Mr. Lincoln ad
dressed Mr. Seward, at Washington, a
letter kindly expressive of his confi
dence and regard, and cordially offering
him the Department of State; to which
Mr. S. immediately replied, expressing'
his grateful sense both of the honor
conferred, and of the gratifying man
ner in which the offer was made, ask
ing such time for reflection as was duo
to both, and to the importance of tho'
question.
There were many reasons why Mr.-
Seward did not desire the position he
is to take, some of which are of a pub
lic and some of a personal character.
But they were overruled by a sense of
duty. He had contributed to the elec
tion of Mr. Lincoln, in whose qualities
of head and heart, and in whose fitness
for the high office of President he has
full confidence and reliance. lie had
been largely instrumental in bringing
about that condition of public affairs
which adds to the responsibilities of tho
incoming Administration, and he did
not feel at liberty to shrink from any
post or share of duty or difficulty that
the crisis imposes. And, after visitiug
home, and consulting those on whose
affection and judgment he is accus
tomed to rely, Mr. Seward accepted a
trust for which, by his knowledge, abil
ity, industry and integrity, he is, hap
ily, well qualified—a trust which, how
ever honored and graced by the emi
nent statesman who have preceded him,
will lose nothing of its lustre under his
auspices. And with tho remark that,
on no former occasion, lias a President
offered, or a Secretary accepted, that
department, in a manner more delicate
and respectful to each, or moro inde
pendent and honorable to both, we dis-'
miss the subject, not, however, without
putting on record the prediction that
President and Premierwill so discharge
their duties, amid all the difficulties
that surround them, as to preserve the
blessings of Union, and to deserve and
receive the homage of their couutry
men.
COCOA OIL. —If the fruit of the co
coa-nut is grated down finely, then
boiled for half an hour in a considera
ble quantity of water, and allowed to 1
stand for a few hours afterwards, until it
has become quite cool, a thin stratum!
ot oil will be found floating on the sur
face. It is devoid of smell, is clear as
water, is excellent for burns, and it alstf
makes good toilet oil, if kept in closed
bottles. In the Island of Ceylon, the'
oil of the cocoa-nut is used for burning
in lamps, and in England great quanti
ties are used for making soap. \Vh<?n
the oil is made in large quantities, ib'ei
nuts are rasped in a mill, then placed
in coarse bags, and submitted to a se
vere pressure in powerful presses. A
considerable amount of moisture is ex
tracted with the oil, but this is all dis
{>elled by boiling, and the oil, fibfoined
a of very good quality., Ten nuts'
yield about a pound df oil.— Scientific
American;
8®" Gov. Banks presided over the
Cadets' meeting at Boqtou oii the 2d of
Jan., and made an eloquent speech.'
At the conclusion he proposed—" The
gallant Maj. Anderson; may the peo
ple give him the honors he deserves
and Ood give, the Government courage
to back him."
MORE TRUE THAN POETICAL.— The
clergyman in a certain town, after per
forming the marital service, was fol
lowed by the clerk's reading the hymn
beginning with the works, " Mistaken
souls, who dream of heaven.*'
ASTRONOMICAL.— During the past year
four asteroids and foureomets were dis
covered. The number of asteroids dis
covered is sixty-two.
BST The line that " hauls in" the
largont "fish."—frwo-line.-
NO. 18.