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PAGE 8 ORLEANS COUNTY MONITORS WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 22. 1917 !M CLOCirS FAULT UNCLE HI NOT TO BE BLAMED FOR THE TROUBLE. His Housewanmlng System Was All Right, but Hard Luck Took a Hand in the Game and Re sults Were Disastrous. "So your Uncle Hiram Peabody was here while your husband was travel ing, and his wile was nursing her grandchildren," said Mrs. Green, set tling herself for a chat- "I expect he enjoyed his visit?" "Most of the time," answered Mrs. Biddle. IIe was as pleased as a boy to get here, and for a while he talked v as if he'd like to live in town, where there were so many clever inventions to look at. lie's quite an inventor him self, you know, and has all sorts of automatic arrangements in his house and barn. Even here he rigged a track down cellar to run the coal and ashes back and forth, and fixed the clothes lines a new way the first week, and was kind of vexed because I didn't care for a trapdoor in the kitchen and a dumb-waiter to the cellar. "Then he went into a brown study over something, and took to staying down cellar most of the time. One day I missed an old alarm clock, from Henry's den, the meat grinder, a spring from the laundry door, the can opener and the hinges from the salt box. Just then Uncle Hiram ran up the cellar stairs, all mussed and sooty, but smil ing, and insisted that I must go rigit 'down and see his invention for open- ing the furnace drafts in the morning. It was clever, too, with wires and pul leys overhead, and a piece of broom handle fitted on the clock winder, so that when the alarm went off It dropped a weight my meat grinder, mind you! and somehow opened th drafts, so that the house would be warca when we got up. " Uncle was tickled to death with it, and of course ;I admitted it; but I warned him not to set his alarm too early, for our fur nace has a tremendous draft. "It worked first rate for a few days, but the old clock got to acting up ; sometimes It wouldn't go off, and then again a little jar would start the alarm while uncle was setting it, so he had to come upstairs on tiptoe. The night before Henry came there was a cold snap ind a high wind, and we went to bed early, for he was to arrive about six in the morning. About two I woke up with a start. It was so hot I could hardly breathe, and there was a strong scorched smelh Then I heard a racket like pots and pans falling downstairs. , V "Burglars, or fire, or both? says I to myself , all bewildered ; and I made for the upstairs telephone and called up the emergency number before I was awake enough to know whether I want ed the police or the fire department. It seems they understood I wanted both. Uncle Hiram's room was empty, and I began to think that maybe Td been hasty about telephoning. I got Henry's old revolver and went down cautiously. The kitchen gas was burn ing, and the cellar door was open, and the cooking things that hang in the cel larway were strewn all the way down the stairs. Someone was down cellar, hanging around and saying things, and I thought uncle might be struggling with a burglar. So I called, 'Surren der or ril shoot! But Uncle Hiram called back : "Don't shoot, Mafia, It's only me! Get me a pail of water, quick !' "Tou see, his alarm had gone off too soon; and as uncle had the warmest room in the" house, he had waked up and rushed down to see about it. Be fore I could get the water, two police men and the fire engines came and a good big crowd, too. The house wasn't on fire, but so near It there was no fun In it ; and the firemen said things that hurt uncle's feelings, and so did Henry when he came. "Poor Uncle Hiram wasn't the same after that. He hardly noticed the ma chinery blueprints Henry brought home, which showed he was low in his mind, and he didn't even read the scien tific journals. He lost his appetite and began to criticize the food. About blue bird time, when he heard that Aunt Julia was ready to come home, her grandchildren being through with the measles, he insisted on going back to get things ready for her. I was wor ried for fear he was going to be sick ; but Aunt Julia writes that he's invent ing a new plow and a scarecrow with a phonograph arrangement; so I guesa ha's all right again." Youth's Cora pardon. Not the First Tim. They tell a good law court story la Canada. A young lawyer, according to the report, pleaded before Justice Greens hi elds that a case in which the attorney's firm was interested should be postponed because the partner was busy in another court. "Proceed," said Justice Greenshields. We have the record, we have the judg ment. We will help you." "But," . protested the young lawyer, I have net studied the case," "It matters not," came from the bench. "Proceed- We will help you." "But, my lord," persisted the young man, J know nothing about the case, ; "Proceed, proceed," was the Inexor able command. "It is cot the first time you have appeared before this court In a case you knew nothing- about." Christian Science Monitor. , Imitation for Imitation. "Excuse me," said the waiter, "but this quarter you. -gave me for a tip Is jpewter." "WelL yon brought xne a ctld ctcr Zl v-zZ elecarssrise. ALL THE ALB AHYS ALBANY Schools open Tuesday, Sept. 4th. 34-55 R. MjjCowles is repairing bis house. Mrs. George, is visiting in George ville, P. Q. 7 Mrs. Mina Eldridge visited in Hardwick last week. Capt. Haviland of New York is vis iting at Mr. Head's. Miss Ainger of Newport is visiting her aunt, Mrs. S. V. Page. Miss Mitchell of Newport is stay ing with Mrs. J. B. Darling. Rev. W. A. Craig gave an address at Irasburg Friday evening. Mr. and Mrs. "Wells of Orleans vis ited at D. II; Hackett's Sunday. Mrs. W. A. Craig is entertaining her niece from Georgeville, P. Q. Mr. Harris from New Hampshire is visiting his sister, Mrs. A. J. Miles. Mr. and Mrs. Orin Leach are spend ing a few weeks in the White Mts. Dorothy Dow visited her sister, Mrs. A. E. Harlow, in Irasburg last week. Mrs. Ernest Mathews and son of Orleans visited friends in town last week. 3Irs. Hattie McGuire of South Al bany visited at D. H. Hackett's last week. Mrs. Ambrose Brown and son have returned to their home in Lowell, Mass. Mrs. Craig has organized a Junior League, which meets Tuesday after noons. Mrs. Finn and daughter spent the week-end at C. O. Whitcher's in Hardwick. Two automobile loads from this place went to Island Pond blueberry ing Saturday. The Boy Scouts are in camp this week at Lake Eden in charge of Scout Master -TV. A. Craig. Mrs. George Fisher and son and daughter of Lyndonville spent a few days last week with their aunt, Mrs. T. J. Newton. Mr. and Mrs. A. N. Vance attended the wedding of TVillis Go r ham and Miss Grace Bryant at Coventry Sat urday afternoon. Mr. and Mrs. J. D. Kelley are visit ing friends in Pawtucket, R. I. Mr. Kelley will attend the G. A. R. en campment in Boston. Mr. and Mrs. Frank Kimball and Mr. and Mrs. TVebster of West Derby spent the week-end with their par ents, Mr. and Mrs. George Copelasd. The two Kelley boys, two Nelson boys and two Lawrence boys went to Fort Ethan Allen Saturday, making the trip in Carroll Hitchcock's auto. Mrs. Amanda Sanders, Miss Elzada Sanders. Mrs. Ambrose Brown and i son visited in Morrisviile Tuesday, I -i- n i : - f n tt:u making if je trip iix luiiuu -u.u..ij.-cock's auto. Mr. and Mrs. Fred Newton and two children attended the wedding of new; h i N. -iA liCUiJl MRS. F. A. FIELD IRASBURG Mrs. J. B. Tinker is again confined to. her bed. Addison Smith spent yesterday and today in St. Johnsbury on business. Miss Alma Wilcox, of Richford is the guest of Miss Doris Sears for the week. Mrs. Alex Sanville returned home Monday from the Fanny Allen hos-t pital. Miss Florence Winget spent the past two weeks camping at Willough by lake. Ernest Crawford and family were in Burlington Sunday to visit their son, Verne. Dr. P. C. Templeton took a patient to Brightlook hospital in St. Johns bury Monday. Edward McGoff of Montpelier visit ed his parents, Mr. and Mrs. C. Mc-j Goff last week. Rev. and Mrs. M. G. Tupper are en tertaining his aunt, Mrs. Upton, of Arlington Mass. Frank Ufford and family of New York City are visiting his mother, Mrs. C. D. Bailey. Dr. E. W. Gavnor of Boston visited at .Dr. P. C. Templeton's and C. E. Towne s over Sunday. Elbridge Miles has finished work on his father's farm here and returned to his home in Barton. Mr. and Mrs. Harris Jenkins of East Burke are guests of Mr. and Mrs. H. B. Chamberlin. Charlie Besaw has been more com fortable the past week and able to sit up a part of the day. Mr. and Mrs. E. N. Krtapp and son visited his sister, Mrs. Millard Going, in Passumpsic over Sunday. Mrs. Farrington and - daughter of Lyndonville are guests of Mr. and Mrs. George Metcalf this week. Mrs. Frank Dion underwent a sur gical operation at the Fanny Allen hospital in Burlington Saturday. C. B. McGoff had the misfortune to drive a nail through his hand one day last week, causing a bad wound. Mr. and Mrs. Charles Hannant en tertained her brother Bradley San born and son of Fairlee the past week. Mr. and Mr. Abraham Messier and son, Floyd, and Mr. and Mrs. Orlo Goss spent the past week camping at Stone pond. Mr. and Mrs. Carl Carpenter of Barton were in town Sunday to visit his mother, Mrs. Nancy Carpenter, who is failing, their son, Stephen Newton, and Miss Florence Buchanan at Craftsbury Friday evening. Mrs. E. H. Bushnell and daughter of Quincy, Mass., visited the former's sisters, Mrs. Helen Campbell and Mrs. Fred Newton, and brother, A. N. Vance, last week. The infant son of Mr. and Mrs. Charles Win get died Wednesday af ternoon and the funeral was Thurs day afternoon at the house, Rev. W. A. Craig officiating, and burial was in the village cemetery. Much sympa thy is felt for the bereaved parents. Card of Thanks We wish to thank the neighbors and friends for their kindness during the sickness and death of our darling little one, and for the beautiful flowers sent to us. Charles Winget. , Mrs. Charles Winget. Those from out of town to attend the funeral of Ralph Charles Winget were Mr. and Mrs. Charles Kelley of Lowell, Mr. and Mrs. John Winget of Orleans, Mr. and Mrs. Will Winget, Mrs. Joe Lanou, Mrs Field, Mrs. Liz zie Holbrook and Mrs. Archie Page of Irasburg, Mr. and Mrs.- Fred Pierce. Mrs. Frank Parlin of Orleans and Mr. and Mrs. Orcot of Coventry. SOUTH ALBANY Clarence Urie had the misfortune to lose one of his horses last week. Mrs. Wallace Harris of Orleans has been visiting her daughter, Mrs. James CalderwoocL Miss Ha Urie entertained her friend, Miss Anne Logan, of Montreal several days last week. Dr. and Mrs. F. G. Hughes of Sa lem, Mass., are spending their vaca ton at Mr. Hughes old home. Miss Lillian Fairbrother of Au burndale, Mass., spent - the week-end at the home of Mrs. A. Graham. Andrew Calderwood of Greensboro was a recent visitor at the home of Mr. and Mrs. James Calderwood. W. J. Graham of Auburndale, and H. W. Graham with a party of friends motored to lit. Mansfield Saturday. Miss Lida Niles, who has been vis iting at Mrs. A. Graham's, has gone to Barton to spend some time before returning to Boston. Mr. and Mrs. Will Russell and daughter, Louise, of Montpelier were guests of the Misses Isabelle and Ln cv Macarthy at Mrs. Graham's on Thursday. During the severe electrical shower of Thursday evening, Walter Ander son's house was struck, but little dam age was done, except rpping off some shingles. Dr. and Mrs. C. A. Averill of Bur lington and Dr. and Mrs. Howard Averill of Middlebury returned home with Dr. and Mrs. Fred Hughes of Burlington Sunday to spend their va cations at the Hughes homestead. Dana Clark was quite severely in jured one day last week when he was learning to run his new car. The ear went over the bank. Mr. Clark and the agent were thrown out and badly hurt and the car was a wreck. ft r f MCA LOCAL EDITOR. Mr. and Mrs. Charles McGoff and children of New Jersey are visiting his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Cornelius McGoff, and other relatives in town.. Dr. P. C. Templeton, Frank Dion and J. Labounty were at the Fanny Allen hospital in Burlington Satur day to be present at the operation of Mrs. Dion. Mr. and Mrs. Noel Collins and Mr. and Mrs. E. A. Pike spent the week end with relatives in Wolcott. Mrs. Collins' sister, Mrs. Gallup, returned home with them for a few days' visit. Mrs. Jennie Meron and daughter, Lillian and son, Roy, Mr. and Mrs. Perley Meron and Mr. and Mrs. Er nest Townsend and son of Spring field, Mass., are visiting Mrs. Heron's parents, Mr. and Mrs. A. N. Page, and sister, Mrs. R. N. Baldwin. The ladies of the Congregational church will serve a baked bean supper at the church vestry Friday night .from 6 o'clock until all are served. Mrs. R. A. Quimby, Misses Ruth Wheeler and Hazel Heath are the committee in charge. All are cor dially invited. Mrs. Russell King, who has been a great sufferer for many months from cancerous trouble, died at her home Thursday. Funeral services were held at the home Saturday at one o'clock, Rev. II. G. Tupper officiating, assisted by Rev. G. L. Wells of Glov er. The deceased was in her 69th year. She leaves to mourn her loss her husband and two sons, Arthur and Frank of this place, besides sev eral grandchildren. The funeral wa3 largely attended and the flowers many and beautiful. Among those who attended from away were Mr. and Mrs. William Tarbox of Pier mont, N. H. The former neighbors and friends of Arthur D. W. Holman, now of Col orado Springs, CoL, will be pleased to learn of the honor conferred upon his son, Harry A., in receiving the appointment of first lieutenant in the regular army at the officers' training camp at Fort Riley, Kansas. The Colorado Springs Gazette of August j 14th, commenting upon this commis sion, has this to say: "Harry Hol man was a star in football, baseball and basket ball, but he had had no previous military experience.? This promotion to a first lieutenancy is re garded as a remarkable example of ability and hard work." METHODIST CHURCH NOTES. Sunday, August 25th. Morning worship, 10.45. Bible school at 12.10. Junior League at 3. 20. Evening service at 7.30 o'clock. Epwcrth League prayer meeting Thursday evening at 7.15 o'clock. IRASBURG RED CROSS, The regular meetings for work are held weekly at the town hail immedi ately after dinner. Mrs. Clough and Mrs. Carpenter cut out and distribute the work and several machines and many hands make easy and pleasant work of the garments we are sending the soldiers. Work is also sent to the homes of those who are willing and anxious to do their "bit" for their country and the men who are fighting for it, Mrs. Clough is especially in terested in socks as these will be greatly needed this coming winter in the trenches. The one-man hospital outfit for the hospital patient, which the ladies are finishing now .is so interesting that they are planning to commence an other at once. It consists of the fol lowing: 3 suits of. pajamas, 4 hos pital bed shirts, 1 convalescent gown, 4 pairs socks, 2 pairs bed socks, 2 bath towels, 4 face towels, 3 knitted wash cloths, 1 pair leather slippers, 6 handkerchiefs. In' addition a few little extras will be packed in the box with a letter from the Branch to the soldier receiving it. The following letter was received the other day in acknowledging the large box shipped to Boston recently: Secretary, American Red Cross, Irasburg, Vt., My Dear Madam: We wish to thank you for the articles we recently re ceived from you for the Red Cross supply service. These articles have all been carefully inspected and pro nounced "excellent.". We hope we may have the pleasure of receiving other supples from you. Cordially yours, From Burlington in response to the two large boxes sent to the Vermont National Guard comes the word, "Perfectly satisfactory," and "dis tributed them all and would like more." Surely this ought to encourage us. A full report of the Red Cross ben efit given this week. will be given in the next issue. The surgical dressing class with Mrs. Templeton as director, will be held Thursday afternoons. They are doing excellent work here. Mrs. War ner, instructor, has completed the course and made her last visit Thurs day. Other helpers in this depart ment are needed. SHAPE OF THE HAND. The Reason Our Fingers Ar Not All of the. Same Length. There is no known reason why our fingers should be of different lengths today. In fact It is thought by some people that the hand would be stronger if the fingers were all of the same length, says the Book of Wonders. Certainly, however, the hands would not then be so beautiful and might not be so useful. t The human hand today is perhaps the most versatile thing in the world. You can do more things with the hand than with any other thing in the world. The probability is that the shape of "the hand today and the length of the fingers are the result of the different things the human being has called upon the hand to do during man's develop ment up to the present time. We must go back to the time, how ever, when man walked on fours, for that is probably the real explanation. Originally man's fingers were of dif ferent lengths because all four footed animals had the same peculiarities. The shape and length of the toes and their arrangement were the ideal arrange ment for giving the proper balance and support to the body and in -moving about and in climbing produced the best toe hold. Gloomy Prospect. "Dr. Dumps is extremely sensitive. If you irritate him, even without knowing it, he will cut you dead." "Don't tell me that. He i3 going to operate on me next week." Baltimore American. In masticating crackers twelve times more saliva is required than when eat ing apples. its d J Buy a proved car. A car like the Chev rolet Your investment lasts. The Chrevrolet is good, for great care has been exercised in designing, in the selec tion of material, and the building of each model. We know how to make cars that endure of the proper weight and material to each Chrevrolet is II If i! capable of doing the utmost for the least possible expense. C Wo also know how to incorporate good locks, style, easy-riding qualities and comfort. I am selling a lot of cars these days and would like to sell YOU one of these popular cars. Can make Prompt Delivery as have the cars in stock F. B. TOWER "X,irtT Barton, Vt PREMIUM LISTS READY. Nearly $30,000 Offered in Prizes in Various Departments at Snrtmrfifhl. Almoet S50,0C0 Is offered in premi ums and prize tn th various depart ments at the Eastern States Exposi tion and Dairy Show, which will bo held from October 12 to 20 at Spring field, Mass. The premium lists are now ready for distribution and may be had by writing to the general man ager, John U. Simpson. That this will be an all-purpose show is indicated by the number of departments. These include breeding and show horses, six breeds of dairy cattle, three breeds of beef cattle and all the well-known breeds of "sheep and swine. This year's Eastern Berkshire Congress Show will be held as a part of the expositon. The vegetable show will be the First National Exhibition of the Vegetable Grower's Association of America, and will be assembled from all parts of this country and Canada. Fruits will have an equallv large and important display. Tee Boys' and Girls' Club contests and show are expected to exceed those of last year. Sixty boys and girls who win places on their state teams will have their traveling and living expenses for six days paid by the exposition. Horse races for five days and auto races three days will be among the entertainment features. The horse show wiil be the evening attraction the entire week of October 15. An other shove of importance will be that of the auto makers and dealers, who are planning to make their first exhibition of the 191S cars. WESTFIELD II. E. Gray of Waterbury was in town last week. Mrs. Erwin Clark is visiting rela tives in Morrisviile. Mrs. Lot Edwards of Derby is visit ing her sister, Mrs. John Brown. Miss Hazel Litchfield of West Der by recently visited her friend, Laura Burnham. Ernest C. Benware began clerking last week for F. C. Pettes & Co., of North Troy. Roy L, Miller of Auburndale, Mass., was drafted recently and pass ed the examinations. Fred Morey of Boston has been spending a week at the home of his uncle, Sylvester Morey. Pictures of Mr. and Mrs. William H. Richardson, late of Springfield, Mass., will soon be hung in the church parlor. On Wednesday of last week a pic nic was held at W. D. Bell's for the Hitchcock and Gilpin families at which 19 were present. F. D. Harding accompanied Dr., W. A. Young and family of Lowell, to Gouverneur, N. Y., Thursday where they will visit the doctor's brother, Ward Young. The community service at 11 next Sunday morning at Westmore will be adressed by Rev. Augustus P. Record of Springfield, Mass. A special musi cal program will also be provided. The visitors at Willoughby lake are cordially invited to this service. FEEL WORSE AFTER VACATION The change from outdoor activity of vacation time to the quiet of regular tirpioyir.ent sometimes makes ope feel heavy and 'stuffed up," uncomfortable and bilious, with a mean headache, a nervous unrest and thickiy-coated tongue. Instead of complaining thaf'a vacation does no good," it is better to remove the trouble, which usually is the result of indigestion. Foley Cathartic Tablets give quick relief with no un pleasantness or costive after-effects. Fred D. Pierce, Barton; G. H. Hunt, EvansviUe. Word From Br'er Williams. Dey ain't no ol' men nowadays; de exercise of side-steppin de speedin mobeels keeps 'em young. Atlanta 'Constitution. Save Trade-Marks from Babbit's Cleanser Babbitt's 177frSoap Powder, Babbitt's Best Soap." Bring 50 to Pierce's Drug Store for a Washboard and Towel Rack and other premiums. 7 -.,-.,m,mr,Wi. J I! I ! i : ii i 0X000000000K0000000000OOOOOOOOOOOOOCK00000000000 6 rt o V til Tl TJ IfTTTI TT MM T. The final-drive for the summer. The last dash that captures the trenches of "High Prices." The time has come for the final Clean-up Sale and neither cost nor loss will be allowed to stand in the wav. r We refuse to carry anything over. Just look at these prices: Men's and Young Men's Suits that were $10, $12 $8.75 Men's and Young Men's Suits that were $1 6.50,$ 1 8 ' $14.75 All our Ladies' Ready-to-Wear Furnishings, Shoes and Hats are similarly reduced. BRADFORD CLOTHES SHOP Davis Blok, : x: BARTON, VT. kkkkk0:k:k ine two distinct can be relieved readily by using dry i Zensal for the crusty, scaly skin and moist Zensal for all watery eruptions TSc tlhe Jar F. ID. FIEIECE, IEAHTEI A CmYTT IJfkA. to Uy Having recently installed a complete outfit we are ready to furnish gaso line in and quantity. Farmers having gasoline engines can bring empty barrels and have them filled here. We have a lot empty fifty weight butter f tubs, suitable for salting down cucumbers, etc., at 20c each. California Elberta Peaches in crates holding 65 stone peaches at $1.85 per crate i w 7 v THE e Opposite Passenger Depot BARTON, - VERMONT Don i Be a Dead o o Men's and Young Men's Suits that were $13.50,$1 5 $10.00 Men's and Young Men's Suits that were $20, $25 $18.75 g types or liczema iLd , j fc', wrj to 90 perfect free !ne- advertise in the CO. mm