Newspaper Page Text
legist IRONTON, MISSOUBL VICTIM OF A CRUEL HOAX -"Moth Exterminator" Pal-ni - .wJ lrCT away the stamp of hi. ' ? 7?LaS.he ascended the stem of the North State street residence, and as h touched the bell adjnsted his neckUe SarTof hift PP851116. use it was part of his business. He was selling a new cosmetic euing a -?W WCU hetol the precaution 1? l,e p0rtfl3 "P" beheld a female face. It was stern and austere for it was attached to a woman of some terhood. She wore glasses and gave the impression that her features as well -as her intellect had been sharpened by "Zi WWlth Children in the school room. Her corrugated face made even IS th.6 cosmetic vender wrig gle with apprehension. But it was too late to retreat. ''00d day. miss," he said politely, removing his hat and bowing low, "is .your mother in?" The corners of that grim mouth be- wm? d'oP- "No-sir' she s - lie saw his advantage and replied: Jhy, certainly, you'll do, miss, adding under his breath, "in a pinch." But he got inside and as he deposited nis hat within easy reach he asked: "I called to inquire, miss, if you needed any cosmetic." She was sitting primly on the edge of a chair across the room waiting for him to make known his business,"and as those words smote her ears that coffee-colored face turned a shade lighter. "What made you ask 'such a question as that?" she asked sharply. "Why, I'm a little near-sighted that is, I'm selling cosmetic," he stam mered. "Well, then, I must inform you that I do not need any. Was that all?'' But he wasn't going to be bluffed. "May I ask in parting if you ever use. any," he asked as he reached for his hat. "No, sir, I don't." "Well, I don't know only those Ilamilton girls across the street told me I might call here, but they didn't think I could sell you any." She pricked up her ears. "Did they buy any?" "Yes, I sold each of them three bot tles. I know, miss, that you may not need any, but this cosmetic of mine is warranted to remove all skin blem ishes, freckles, eruptions, and give a beautiful, healthy color to the skin. Not only this, but it will render the skin soft and smooth just like a seal skin, ma'am." "Did you tell them Hamilton girl? that?" "Why, certainly, ma'am." "That it would make their skins as soft as silk just like a sealskin?" "I did." "Then I don't want to talk to you. A man who can lie like that an't safe. Why, sir, don't you know that if them Hamilton girls got faces like sealskins there'd b moths in thpm TwfrT- twr - hours?" "I know it, my dear young lady, but that was none of my business." She softened a bit and talked about the use of cosmetics as though it was a sin. Finally she decided to try it once, and boucht a bottle. She won Id -fri vv Ti i m ninety Pflnts. and not a. ront uiur-s 11c hm Bailing iii lur vue uoi- lar, and as it cost six cents he avowed he couldn't afford it, but, rather than miss a sale he took the ninety cents. He was in no enviable mood as he turned to wish her good morning, and as he was leaving he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a little box. Handing it to her he said: "I almost forgot, miss, that this goes with your bottle." She took it, and a moment afterward he was gone. As she stood in the doorway unwrap ping the little package in a half mystified manner the agent was peep ing out from behind a tree. The next moment the street echoed with a wild, -demoniac yelh The spinster had unrolled a box of moth exterminator. Chicago Times. THE TRAINING OF BABY. Tr . n : j t fome Important Rales to Be Learned by the Inexperienced Mother. One of the most important is that which demands perfect quiet for baby during the first months of existence. Babies are fussed over, talked to, and handled into a state which is sure to leave the nerves of the child in a thor oughly unwrought condition. The less notice outside of practical needs given the tiny one during the first year of its sojourn here below the better. Allow the little frame to be come accustomed to the strain upon it so necessary when making the ac quaintance of this restless, rioting world of ours. It is wise to continue this wholesome neglect through childhood. Very many mothers imagine that a child is ren dered shy if it is not pushed ahead a -bit each day while in the nursery. Baby is compeled to make friends with every stanger that appears. It is 7 kissed when it wants to be let alone. If it has a cunning trick it is coaxed and teased into exhibiting it. Asxbaby grows older the same meth- -ods are pursued. The. poor child is . marshaled into the dining-room to be put through its paces. Play is inter- - rnpted, the little one fretted into a state of nervousness that brings too of- ten a punishment that is undeserved. When your smiling friend asks, in dulcet tones, to see baby, don't hesi- . tate to say no. The chances are that your visitor will mentally thank her " lucky stars that she has been spared an r infliction. Chicago Times. The Proper Sequence. "Is it still the custom in this country to reach for your gun to back it up after you have called a man a liar?" asked tiie tourist. "It air not, stranger," replied the eariy seiner, nuu n ucicr u. las allers ben the custom in the best .society of Yaller Dog to reach fur the .gan fust." Indianapolis Journal. yueered Himself. Wool Chappie doesn't go to see Miss Titz any more. Van Pelt Why not? Wool One night when his paresis 'was pretty bad he asked her which -whs the older, she or her mother. N. ry. -.Wacld. fCoFTKJGC ISM CHAPTER XIV. Cowisted. The director appears to have been a pragmatic Englishman, without the tact of prudence. There was, at the time, a million dollars in specie on temporary deposit in the St. Mary's bank, being the two payments made by the government for a large contract for copper gun-barrels. This money should never have reached St. Mary's in coin. But there had been a loud outcry from different parts of the coun try that all the profits of the company went to England, and the disaffected men of "The Junta" had reechoed it bitterly. This director, therefore, whose name was Matlock, had advised the company to use the money at St. Mary's in paying off the indebtedness on the improvement scheme. He ap peared to think it would have a good effect. On the night after th strike three of the new houses 'built bv the company were burned. Tl,- striking workmen were charged wifJ-i tens in cendiarism, but denied it. Tha next day there were three or four thousand men out of work in the town and a very angry feeling. Director Matlock injudiciously ex pressed an opinion about the origin of the fire which made the better class of striking workmen indignant, and thej sent a delegation to the office of the works to get a statement from him di rectly, and they encountered at the door of the oflice six men, armed with clubs and pistols, who ordered them away. An altercation ensued. Two of the delegation were knocked down and one had his skull fractured. The remainder of the men went back for reinforcements and in an hour there was a mob of five hundred men before the office. They demanded that the perpetrators of the outrage should be handed over or they would enter the building hy force and take them. Mat lock refused to give them up. The mob then broke into the office, seized the men and took them into the street, where they were beaten to death. The director then sent for the sheriff at Paducah and telegraphed to the gov ernor that the English company's property was in danger and he de manded the protection of the state. At this juncture a large number of the remaining workmen who had taken no part in the strike protested against the action of the director and went out with the others. The whole town was now in a fer ment of excitement, and that night Mr. Matlock began to take measures to have his gold "transferred. The next day an event occurred which is unprecedented in the history of strikes. In order to understand it in its extraordinary details, it is neces sary to explain the topography of St. Mary's. The town is built on the first and second of the natural terraces and cov ers in a scattered way an area of per haps three square miles. To the south west and overlooking the town is what looks like a portion of a third and larger terrace, but which is the level of a long stretch of tableland that extends south and west with a steady fall for fifteen or twenty miles. It is a poor and sparsely inhabited country covered with scrub oak and gum trees and answers in many re spects to the southwestern land of Kentucky which is still called the "Barrens." There are few roads and these are very bad. All local travel skirting this region follows the Clark river on the line of the Paducah HENDRICKS SAT TJP ALL OXE XIOHT BEADING THE PAPERS. railway. It is not at all inaccessible from St. Mary's. It is simply uninvit ing. About a mile out there is an old house standing half hidden in the gum trees and brush near the one road. It was built ten years before by a man who manufactured potash and tannin from the oak stumps and is said to have done quite a business there in a drudging way. About six weeks be fore the troubles broke out at St. Mary's the place was hired from an old negro into whose possession it had fallen by a man who gave out that he was going to fit it up for the manufac ture of emery paper, a great deal of which was used at St. Mary's and ma terial for which had been found in a crude state somewhere in the neigh borhood. He had been receiving his stock of machinery and implements over the Paducah road. On the morning to which reference has been made, St. Mary's was in a very demoralized condition. The news had gone out over the country and hundreds of strangers had poured in across the Ohio' and from Louisville and Cairo. It was expected by every body that a collision would take place between the workmen and the colony which the English company had planted on the bank of the river. The sheriff of the county had arrived, but the governor had declined to interfere at the present state of affairs. Such was the condition of matters when at nine o'clock, to the astonish ment of everybody, a regiment of in fantry, one thousand strong, full marching order and armed with maga zine guns, made its appearanee at th.? edge of the town on the Paducah rail road, and came down the main street as far as the bank in fine order, pre ceded by a drum corps of four pieces. The astonishment and excitement at this sudden invasion were increased ten fold by the banner which spread out to the morning breeze, and which had inscribed on it legibly: "First Battal ion American Workingmen. No Tyr anny of Money. ' No Coercion of Capi itaL" Where the regiment had come from, how far it had marched or what v - intentions, no one knew. But it did not take long for t!ie rumor to form and fly that it was a working man's regiment, and would not take the F.ide of the employers. When it had reached the -ittle square where tha bank stood it was drawn up. A skirmish lino was thrown out, pickets stationed and the crowd forced back. The colonel and his staff then went into the bank. The disposition of the men in the street was such that access to the bank was impossible, and as the doorway was on a level with the street it was impossible for the crowd to see what was going on, save that there was a constant fluctuation in the ranks of the men. The regiment stood there quite two hours and a half. In the meantime there was great commotion at the company's works. The sheriff set off in a carriage with Mr. Matlock, fol lowed by half a score of deputies to reach the bank, but were stopped by the pickets. The officer protested and threatened, but in vain. When asked if the governor had sent them, the soldiers replied: "You must talk to the colonel, but you cannot pass the lines at present." 'If the colonel desires to protect the bank, ho will confer with me," said Mr. Matlp.sk. "I don't know what h?3 orders are," said the soldier. "Better wit till he calls on you at the works." The sheriff, in high dudgeon, then rushed to the telegraph office. It is an hour before he gets an answer from the governor at Lexington and it is: "Have not authorized use of troops must be mistake about regiment. What do you mean?" Then followed several of the absurd est of dispatches. "No mistake," says the sheriff. "Reg iment, one thousand strong, armed with repeating rifles." "Impossible," says the governor. "Your fears or your condition has made you wild. There is not such a regimental formation in the state. If j-ou cannot preserve the peace will send, the Louisville Lightguards ninetv-four men. The law must be upheld." r..'" 111 f 1 I 11 1 lr-t D i l Ml SIX MEN WITH CLUBS AND Then Matlock corroborated the sheriff. "Regiment of armed men in posses sion of the bank. Must have the pro tection of the state at once. The sher iff is helpless." To this the governor still incredu lously replies: "Regiment must have transportation, now did it come? An swer at once if it invaded the state from Ohio." "Impossible to tell was the answer. "No one knows how it got here. It is drawn up on Main street at present. Have failed to communicate with officers." After some delay, the governor sent this word: "Will arrive in the morning with Adjt. Gen. Luscomb. Do nothing till I get there." While this was going on an hour was lost and it was three o'clock. At half past three o'clock the regiment was moved from the bank to the vicinity of the company's works. It proceeded in fine open order and was cheered along the route by the people. A strong guard was left at the bank and no one allowed to enter. On the company's common it was again drawn up a strong encircling line of pickets thrown out and the fol lowing note sent about five o'clock to the director: "Sir: The first batallion of the workingmen's advance guard will pro tect property until the state takes pos session. I shall encamp my men on the outskirts until to-morrow. Let the citizens retire to their homes till that time." After several attempts to see the colonel, the sheriff sent "a communica tion to him: "Sir: Will you inform the authori ties of this county by what right you invade this state. As the legally con stituted officer of the county, I demand that you appear before me and explain your conduct under penalty of arrest." To this the colonel made no answer. It was six o'clock in the evening when the regiment was marched to an open tract on the southwest terrace overlooking the town; strong guards were thrown out in all directions and apparent preparations made for going into camp. As there was nothing for the town to do but wait the arrival of the governor in the morning, it slowly quieted down. The camp fires of the military burned in a long row on the far terrace. The regular beat of the drum was heard far into the night, which was an unusually dark one, and at twelve o'clock all was still. But as soon as it was light the streets were thronged. There were the firet on the terrace smoking as if with preparations for breakfast and the white tent of the colonel could be plainly seen. The early train brought in a crowd of idle men, but the rail road officials denied having seen any regiment. As soon as the day was fairly arrived crowds began to make their way to the edge of the camp. The guard had been withdrawn from the bank in the night and at seven o'clock Matlock re ceived word that the regiment had dis appeared. He went immediately to the bank with the sheriff. At the same time the news of the disappearance spread like wildfire. Crowds over-ran the camping ground, but not a sign of the soldiers could be found except the smouldering fires, the remaining tent and the strong smell of the trodden grass, with here and there a dropped fragment of clothing a cartridge or a piece of food. Then it w?.s that the director dia covered that all the specie had been re moved from the ban!.-. A great crowd had gathered round the entrance, lie got upon ji chair and in an excited manner conveyed the information. It was received with incredulous jeers, cries of ''Served you right. We don't believe it.- Yon brought the soldiers, etc," and the wildest excitement ensued. The sheriff was paralyzed and lost his head. He sent telegrams to Louis ville and Cairo calling on the author ities to arrest all soldiers in blue shirts and duck trousers armed with Spencer rifles. He arrested the agents at the Paducah railroad and held them for collusion. Armed parties were sent out on the highways and discovered nothing but straggling men drawn to the town by the news. Every other subject was now swallowed up in the robbery of the bank, and upon the arrival of the gov ernor and his adjutant in the after noon, there ensued a scene of in credulous indignation' and fussy of ficialism. The adjutant, an old-tirH? veteran with purely Kentucky prej udices and Kentucky dignity, immedi ately framed a theory that there had been a raid from southern Indiana, and ws.a for calling upon the governor of that state to make good t. loss and to return the raiders for punishment. In Louisville, Cairo and Cincinnati, the most extraordinary accounts were published in the papers. One of the sheets announced in its head lines: "The English, syndicate at St. Mary's makes away with a million and a half of money belonging to the working men." A paper in Louisville announced that Kentucky had been invaded by an army of Indiana free-booters, and its head lines were startling. "Are we to have another civil war?" they asked. "Shall an invading army desolate Kentucky while our apathetic officials are dickering with the bloated barons? Let there be a call to arms." One fact alone was clear to the people of St. Mary's. The money and the regiment had disappeared together. That the astonishing circumstance PISTOLS ORDERED THEM AWAY. ( did not at the time betray to the conn- try some of the real facts was owing to the muddle which the incompetent Mr. Matlock and the pig-headed sheriff and governor had produced in the minds of the people. There was a widespread suspicion among the work ingmen that the superintendent was in some way implicated in the removal, of the gold, and nothing could eradi-. cate from the governor's head the no tion that the regiment was an exag- era ted ruse which had been brought about by a descent of invading villains from southern Indiana. Hendricks had counted on this very result. His motto was: "Audacity that bewilders and then, energy that disorganizes." CHAPTER XV. It is necessary now to keep in mind two orders of events. One is the slow; focussing of public suspicion about the operations at Laran. The other is the extraordinary relationship of the prin cipal personages at the headquarters' of the conspiracy. A week passes and men are strag gling back to the Laran from all over the country. They come in through the woods at night singly or in little groups. They arrive at the Wash bayou, coming down from St. Louis and crossing at night from the Ar kansas shore; they come up from Memphis looking for work and some of them ride in from the mountains of East Tennessee. Hendricks watches the reassembling with cool calculation and appears to have been satisfied of the main re sults. About fifteen per cent, of the men never reappeared, "f his was ac cording to his calculations. But the rest, actuated by the fear of individual peril, the esprit de corps of military organization, or the desire to go on with the war which a master-spirit had planned, had, in great part, re turned at the end of the week. At that time there were by count five hundred and fifty men of the regiment back in the cave. Hendricks sat up all one night read ing the papers that had been brought him from Memphis. He went over all the accounts carefully. There was not in any of them a surmise as to the truth. The regiment had got away and it had accomplished its purpose, but the further away from the scene the comments were, the less seriously the newspapers regarded the occur rence. In New York there was some kind of enormous western practical joke suspected. "How," said one jour nal, "a regiment of a thousand men can come and go without observation, can dismantle a bank and then depart with a million dollars in specie without being detected or interfered with or tracked, remains for the imaginative west to explain. It looks very much at this distance as if the English company had been operating in phan toms to bear its own market." An angry official correspondence had taken place between the governor of Tennessee and the governor of Indiana. The town of St. Mary's and the city ol Paducah swarmed with newspaper men and detectives. But it was plain to nendricks that fresh troubles at St. Mary's between the director and the men threatened to draw attention from the search for the soldiers, fro be cosnsnnj Intensely Llappr. Husband And arc you happy, dar ling? Wife. Yes, indeed; as happy as If 1 had never been married. Hallo. THE FOUR BIG ONES. How the Leading- Republicans Figaro M Presidential Possibilities. The elections have raised four re publican leaders into greater prom inence as presidential candidates. Harrison, Reed, McKinley and Morton are the national "Big Four." Each has his elements of strength and of weak ness. As ex-president, Mr. Harrison leads in prestige. Be has gained rather than lost in popularity within his party since his defeat. He has strengthened himself by his able, tactful and effective speeches and by his willingness to help the party and serve his friends. He still lives in a state that is doubtful under normal political conditions. That he was de feated as a candidate for reelection would operate against him were it not for the precedent of Mr. Cleveland's success on a second trial under pre cisely similar circumstances. Unless the situation shall materially change meanwhile. Gen. Harrison will be a strong force to be reckoned with by the republican aspirants and managers in 1898. Ex-Speaker Reed represents the aggressive, younger element of his party. His strong intellectuality has impressed itself on the country. He will have a fine chance to renew his hectoring of the beaten democrats at the approaching session of congress. When the new congress meets in De cember, 1895, Mr. Reed will probably be reelected speaker. Whether he would strengthen himself with his party in that position is not so clear. Even republicans do not like to be bossed too much. Mr. Reed's location on the extreme eastern edge of the union and in a safe republican state is against him as a presidential candi date. And still he is a possibility. As for Mr. McKinley, he will natu rally accept this year's landslide as a belated vindication of his tariff bill that was twice condemned by the peo ple. His friends in Ohio, with fatuous promptitude already put him forward as the logical candidate for 1895. Events are likely to undeceive them. The country is not anxious to jo back to higher taxes and dearer living. The shrewdest republican leaders and jour- nals disclaim any intention of restor ing the McKinley tariff. Of what use is McKinley without McKinleyism? And yet the former lives in the lucky central 6tate of Ohio, and he has a de voted following. Last, but perhaps not least, comes Levi P. Morton, governor-elect of New York, long the pivotal state, and destined to be for years a potent in fluence in national affairs. Mr. Mor ton is rich, affable, in a certain sense popular, and he will, if alive and well in 1S96, have the backing of adroit po litical managers. Should he really make a reform record as governor, which we must pay we do not antici pate, he would acquire a new element of availability. Yet with Mr. Mor ton's character, affiliations and pecul iar career as a public man in the past, we can conceive of no nomination from among the republican big four that would bo so satisfactory to the democrats as his. It is certainly the one which we most sincerely hope for. It would be a most interesting cam paign. We wish for Mr. Piatt all suc cess in his grooming of Mr. Morton. The next president trill be a democrat. N. Y. World. AMERICANISM SIMON PURE. President Cleveland's Idea of Respect to the Stars and Stripes on the Ocean. President Cleveland gave a charac teristic exhibition of the courageous plain speaking, which has been the chief cause of his popularity, at Phil adelphia when he took occasion at the launching of the new steamship of the American line to make a vigorous attack upon our absurd navigation laws! The great steamship about which all the newspapers are hurrahing would never have been built had not those laws been modified The president reminded his hearers of that fact and advised them to couple their rejoicings over the great event with a determination to do away with the laws entirely, and thus "set free American mechanical industry and excite American enter prise." We commend to all disciples of good Americanism the following passage from his speech: "I am not able to see why Americans dwning ships, navigated by Americans and carrying American cargoes, should in any case be driven to the protection of a foreign nag, and it seems to me that the stars and stripes entering a port of the United States and spread over Americans and American property should never be frowned upon and repelled by Amer ican officials acting under the mandate of our navigation laws. In the interest of a revival of American commerce, so much needed, and for the honor of our flag, so dear to us all. I am willing th.it the defense of our governmant and flag shall be accorded to all ships of Aier ieaa ownership, wherever built. Make our flag a more familiar sight in the ocean-carrying trade, and thus remind our citizens that a large share of the carrying trade of the world Is due them, and we need have no fear that our ship builders, under laws giving them a fair chance, will suffer from foreign competition." This heretical deliverance seems to have been well received in the very in nermost sanctuary of protection. N.Y. Post. -A single session of a republican congress is all that is needed to get the democrats together for a sweep in 1890. N. Y. World, UNCLE SAM I Didn't Think It Wothj Come to This Again. N. Y. Wcrid. CONGRESSIONAL INDICATIONS. A Republican Scheme for the Next Pres idential Campaign. Those who refer to the republican triumph as a barren victory are scarce ly justified, and in facing the inev-J itable conflict of two years hence it is the part of wisdom to study the situa tion as it really is. There is a pres tige in such a result that gives con fidence to the rank and file, even though the leaders may more clearly read the signs of the times and be less sanguine as to the future of the party. The enemy has captured both branches of congress, and while the fifty-fourth session of that body can give the force of law to no legislation which does not meet the approval of President Cleve land, the mere fact that the republic ans have a majority cannot but strengthen their hands temporarily throughout the country. . But by the time that the new congress convenes, about thirteen months hence, conditions wiU be materially changed, and before its work is done a complete revulsion of public sentiment is almost certain to be encountered. Judging from the past, the first session of that body will be devoted almost exclusively to making material for the presidential campaign, which will open before its deliberations are closed. Just what lines they will follow to the accomplishment of this purpose ia largely a matter of conjecture. If they give heed to the old adage that they who serve their country best serve their party best, some good may be expected of them If they proceed to the passage of such prudent, non partisan measures as the business and the welfare of the country require, and the president can approve, they will do well. If, on the other hand, they elect to revive the tariff legislation, disturb ing and alarming the country by the passage of laws which cannot receive executive approval, if they renew the threat against the freedom of elections and popular government by bringing up the odious force bill again, if they un dertake to unseat members whom the people have elected at the polls, if, in short, they give the country another Reed congress like that of 1890, we may look with confidence for another tidal wave in 1890, and it will be de mocracy that is swept into power. There are indications that the next congress will not be governed by the wisdom of true statesmanship. De feated candidates are already clam oring for seats to which they are not elected, monopolists are howling for the restoration of special privileges of which demo cratic legislation deprived them, and many of the republican organs are professing a belief that in the result of the election there is a call for a res toration of McKinleyism. If the next congress accepts what has been ac complished by its predecessor, there is an acknowledgment that it is right. If it seeks to overthrow the work done by democracy, then it invites repub lican defeat in 1896. Detroit Free Press. NOTES AND COMMENTS. The tone which Sherman, Reed and other republican leaders are tak ing on the tariff issue makes it plain that McKinley will have to change that familiar speech of his or get out of the race, Detroit Free Press. - Chairman Wilson has not any where found republicans advocating a repeal of the new tariff or a reenact ment of the McKinley law. And still there are idiots who say that the elec tions were a rebuke of tariff reform. St. Louis Republic. Why should not the republicans inaugurate their new regime witb bounties of fifty cents a bushel on wheat and five cents a pound on cot ton? These would be just as reason able as their bounty of two cents a pound on sugar. Louisville Courier- Journal. Rspublican leaders are display the fact ing no little equanimity over that they will not have to formulate any policy for more than a year. The vicissitudes of the past six years have taught them to walk softly before the people, and not to run before they are sent. Republican leadership and party discipline appeared to great ad vantage in 1889-90, in everything ex cept making an egregious mistake as to what the country wanted or would stand. That leadership and discipline will doubtless prove as effective in the next congress, and, unless the bitter fruits of experience have been tasted in vain, far wiser, far more sensitive to public opinion. N. Y. Post. In view of the present trend of political events It may be questioned if the next republican candidate is likely to be taken from the prominent figures who led the party so blindly to disaster in 1S93. The rank and file of the party do not want McKinley or Mc Kinleyism. This fact has found ex pression a thousand times since 1892. Neither does it want the sarcastic and reckless Reed. Harrison, who remains to our mind the most likely candidate for 1896, is closely identified with the colossal blunders which led to the dis aster of 1892. The selection of either of these candidates would be a declar ation that the republican party pro posed to go back to the linvs of Mc Kinleyism and an unknown currency policy. Utica Observer. PITH AND , (POINT. Powell "Henpeckt feels sure that his wife went to a better world." Mit ford "How do you know?" Powell "He has started in to be tough." Har lem Life. -r-Chawier "Did yer go inter see dt snake charmer?? Hengoutt 'Yes, an it's a question to me mind wedder she charms de snakes or paralizes dem." Boston Courier. 'Watts "So yon don't believe that the good' die young?" Potts "That used to bother, me a good deal when I was a boy, but I know, better now." Indianapolis Journal. s Agnes "What are you writing, Minnie your will?" Minnie "No, I'm writing my won't. George proposed last night and I told him I'd answer to day." London Tid-Bits. Figg "Yesj I allow that her sing ing is something terrible; but I guess we shall live throught it." Fogg That is the most terrible thing about it." Boston Transcript. "No," said the busy merchant; "1 don't care for no dictionaries to-day." "Thank you," returned the fair book agent from Boston; "how many shall I put you down for?" Smith & Gray'a Monthly. : Wages (meditatively) "It might be considered additional proof that time is money." Wiggs "What might?" Waggs "The fact that so many people take no note of it." Buf falo Courier. Mr. A. 'Must look at that dolt of a man. What a charming wife he has. How true it is that the biggest fool al ways marry the prettiest girls." Mrs. A. '"O, you flatterer." Boston Com mercial Bulletin. Amy "Why did you marry Harry, who never sent you any presents, while you refused Jack, who was al ways giving you jewelry, candy, books and the like?" Mabel "Jack had spent all his money." Harper's Bazar. "Mother," sobbed the young bride, "he is just as mean as he can be." "No, he isn't, dear," said the mother soothingly. "A man can't really de velop all his meanness till he has been married four or five years." Indianap olis Journal. A Gentle nint. Jones (meeting Brown smoking) "I don't like to see a man smoking on the street." Brown "Why, what difference does it make?" Jones 'A great deal. It makes me want to do the same, and I haven't anything to smoke." Detroit Free Tress. Manager "The idea in your play is as old as the hills. It has been done before." Playwright "What's it been done in?" Manager "Well, it occurs in one of the tragedies of JEschylus." Playwright "That's all right. I may have got my copyright in ahead of him. There is a chance for a suit." Brook lyn Life. Daughter "What do you think, mamma! That strange gentleman who just got out when we were going through the tunnel kissed me." Mother "But, my child, why didn't you tell me at once, so that I could call him to account for it?" Daughter "Why, you see, mamma, I thought I thought that we were coming to another tun nel!" Fliegende Blaetter. COUNTING FOR A HUSBAND. A New Matrimonial Superstition Which Sometimes Works and Sometime Does Not. Just as the train pulled up at Chel sea avenue station, Long Branch, a very pretty girl darted forward to greet a young man who stepped to the plat form. Pleasure and triumph struggled for possession of her bonnie face as she grasped his extended hand and ex claimed: "Thirty-one got eleven of them on the drive to-day!" "Is that all?" returned her escort "Sixty-four!" "Sixty-four!" shrieked the giri. "Where did you get them? You're real mean; you said going up to town wouldn't be much of an advantage to you, as they weren't wearing them now to any extent." "Well, neither are they," said the berated one. "The fact is, I met a chowder party going out of town, and, in accordance with the etiquette of such occasions, they all wore 'em." "Oh!" said the maid, "what a glorious chance; and I suppose you were glad." "No, Lyle. I was sorry you weren't there. You know we must try to keep even, i certainly will not snaice nanas with anv other than yourself when my number is complete, and it will be em harassing to say the least to refuse shaking any dainty little paws that may be offered me. So you'd better make haste." But the girl didn't hear him "Thirty-two. thirty-three, thir ty-four," she exclaimed, breathlessly. "They just got in a cab!" "What is it all about?" I asked my sister, who was helping me enjoy the situation. ' "I believe you are the only man in Long Branch who don't know. It's quite the latest thing in matrimonial superstitions. You must count nine ty-nine white hats and four black ones and you are sure to marry the first per son of the opposite sex with whom you shake hands the first eligible person I mean. Of course, if I happen to meet the ragman first the charm does not hold good." Whereupon I grinned maliciously and said: "I always knew you were a friendly soul, Grace, but do you shake hands with the ragman T N. Y. Her ald. Long-Distance Signals. Seventy miles seem a long distance to send signals by heliographs, but this has been accomplished many times. But this is entirely eclipsed by the re cent performances of the officers of the United States signal corps operating in the northwest. Messages have been sent and received between Mount Un compahre, in Colorado, and Mount Ellen, in Utah, a distance from peak to. peak of one hundred and eighty-three miles. Experiments are in progress with a view to increasing; this distance and breaking all previous records. N. Y. Ledger. Growing Affection. . Teacher Now, Jimmy, do you re member your first teacher? Jimmy Yes, mom! Teacher WeU, don't you love her better as the years go on for what she did for you? Jimmy Yes, mom she's dead now J Cleveland Plain Dealer. Something Gained. Inquirer Does a fish diet strengthen the brfln? Philosopher Perhaps not; but going fishing seems to invigorate thtt imagi nation. N. Y. Weekly.