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The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, November 24, 1895, Part 2, Image 15

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wyrgy r"WKggg iP3iaWwpiv '
E T-r'ff 3W-T?fc?gy-J1 fitFiVM-&t-V&Z2&eW
- Mr. Gobbler Oli, Miss Ilennle, will you have light or dart moat?
K-J HfT tosses' 'hi '&P wii r fEvJ-SSf
yr1P 'uu-J 'mSi fell $$M yyir
-, x8ST "'-e-l Vw':liaW I'Icturo of ..fndeiit who ,tudlcd-
; &S 'Z-lZtBMsSSX 1-n.riuer, to lenn turkey-Oli, yon I 5 1
7 -T"U " iS5g:7Sj5v.- needn't laugh. Your inru'U cuuic ( -
rirt Turkey Oiirnldgohblerfceeins to bo in n terrlblo plight. I TI j ,L '"5
Second Ditto Ye-.; lie Just roll down mid broke his w Lshbone. ., . i-rs ii i- LtSiui
1 --- 1 f -, lT-'-r i-' v,yW?VJW
with apologies to shakesfeake. V ' n ' I --A -f (3Si f 2&Wy
, s1 jSr J 1 2 It nlltm riles metcrRpo aiKier- 5 cliW tgm
( I Mtioii ut cho the liiiiRh lur ilcilms O.&r (, i KM
8 ,,ari '-" . ,lwiM
Tiirluy Yon Caslns liim q lenn nnd hungry loolc. -v ' f-- V? I -3SCfMv-3yfrfSfif
"S5S 1 a Well, chaw mo nil- Thero goes Q if V V9
"-'w - the hittchet oir the hnndlc. Wf'Ty WW
Qf l-OwenLoth-TThatn daisy turnout. Watch uie cntch It, 1 T? v T- 7 OitJW V
.- r ID .T" &2S?n IK f
v-rL -- 4-Sol;-,ihcvter eat the lean tur- ?'AX SxX'W .W SJ3 S?WSC A! A flf)
u 1 ir.. . 1 it.y fer Tlmnki-gUltr and let tho rat i; W r-SVh. Vfey VtigS-v? Jr. Y QW r V lh ifW
2-I'm cood Xcr ten miles at least. -- ' one ho respite till Christ .m.K. Wf eStfe- -T&S&fll I J SHd vfen
r?T:' 1 iwh ifPi4 iS AsBRSn
-- jS mI - P '
Great Dirroronco Iletwcen Stealing
and Innocent Accident.
The oilier day at Montezuma, while two
citizens wire conversing at tlie depot, a
uegroapproacuid and Jddressedoneor thera
as rollows:
"Kurnel, I h'ar yo' wants to git a man
out on deplantashun."
"Yes, I waut a man out there," replied
the colonel, as he looked the negro o-er.
"Seems to me I' e seen jou lrore "
"Keckon not, sah. I'ze new roun' here."
"But I'm sure I'e tcm jou somenhcre
Let's see. I was oir at Perry the other'
"Yes, sah, yo' was otier to Perry "
"And while there I tailed at the.jall"
lit, k.i'1, W Lnllml at ile jail ley li.is
gota pon erful.iilre jail ober to Pirry "
"And while at the jail I ur a colored
man who wasser ins a sentence for stealing
a hog."
"So doubt of It, kuruel Ye?, jo duii saw
a cull'd perfcou rii;ht In dat jail at Terry "
"And jou are the man," said the colonel,
as he l-tiu his hand on the negro'i shoulder
"Jcs'ko, kurnel Jea'so Iwarightln dat
Jail at Perry, an' I dun 'metnlKTs of seein'
yo pass along. Curious what a mem'ry
some white folks has got In dcir heads "
"But jou don't suppose I want a man
who has been la jail for stenling, do you?"
exclaimed the colonel
"No, sah; no, sah. Of co'se yo' don't.
Hat's what Pze here to dlsphiln about Yo'
got.it ajl wrong 'bout dat hog, kurnel. De
pusson who dun stole de hog Aas asleep
when yo' called I wasn't In dat jail for
stealin' no hog. I'ze no such man as dat."
"Then what were you In for?"
"Why, dey said dem two tags er cotton
seed raeal what dey found In my cart was
looken from de depo'."
"Oh, I see. Wei, what's the difference?"
"What's the difference? lleaps o' differ
ence, san on de one hand, I'ze loadln' up
a uar'l o' saltarter dark, an dem bags jes'
tumbled Into my cart while my back wnz
turned On de odder hand, a passon goes
out by daylight an' rum a hog aroun' de
wi-1 rnrnNr two turn mix-fore heentches
a hind leg. 'Scuse me. kirrnel, I did reckon
I'd like to work on n' plantashun, hut If
between a puson restln in jail to
obleege de Jury an beln' sent to Jail fur
stealin' a hog I couldn't trust my n-pnta-shun
In yo' hands. Hood mawnln'. kurnel,
good mawnlnT' Atlanta Constitution.
Ills One Error.
"George William," sneered Mrs. Dash
Jnger, the new woman, "did you not tell
nie before the election th.it jou just
swayed the people at will by jour elo
quence?" "VTou just ought to have seen me, Mol
liel Seemed to Lave a hypnotic lnfl "
"And tl.at they gattuall) hung on jour
words "
" r-yes "
"Then why did they so suddenly drop
away from you on election daj?"
"WUj er wh I must have mule a
break. In my words." Cto eland I'ialn-dealcr.
Paine Old Story.
"Now that," Mid mother rabbit.
uur a jouag man "
Little rabbits. "What a funny looking
creature "
Mother rabbit, "l'es, my dears. lie
doe-sn't look much like n rabbit, does he?"
Chorus "Ha, lia, ha! No-o-o!"
Mother rabbit- "No, he don't. But his
brother i around the hill, hunting for rab
bit", nnd pr tty soon he will see the young
man through the bushes, take him for a
rabbit, and shoot lilm. My children, nl
ways re-spect the amate-ur hunter. He Is
our frii-nd." Cle eland Plaindcaler.
She Hud Heard oiiicthiiig.
"They ilin't have any iioliecmen in the
country," said the little girl who had Just
rt turned to the town.
"I didn't se-e any," added her Utile bro-
thfl. If1i(i h.iil lipnn h-ltf. 1.., li..t T i.i.ni
Cousin Annie say something about a hazel
e-iipse aiKiui a mile irem the farm. N
r. World.
Jtnther Ulffleiillt.
A soldier IcnWng barracks Is stopped
by the corporal of the guard.
"You cannot go without leac."
"I liate the verbal pernilssloo of the
"Show- me the crbal permission." Oak
land Tlnie-s.
LoveV Sacrifice.
She scraped an acquaintance with Dudellng,
jij I'laj,
Then married him. out of flirtation:
Then she raked, anil she scraped, for many
a day
To save them both from starvation.
Cle eland Plain Dealer.
In the Dime Museum.
Bearded Lady I don't think the Clrcas-
snn rrincv&s is any better than she ought
to ue.
Adipose Lady Neither do I. Just think
how she pulled the India-Rubber man's
leg. N. Y. WoTld.
The Goulds' Ej pensive Purchase.
Count Castellaue H said to be running
through the Gould millions so rapidly that
It is possible that the fares will i-ooii have
to be raised on seeral American railways
In order to keep him In jiocket money. Phil
adelphia Item.
A Mutter of Accent.
SapsniIUi The first thing the phrenologist
said when he began to ci.auilno my cwan
lum was "What a head!"
Griuihaw Are you sure he did not say:
"What, a head? ' Truth.
Atrtthliix and Eerj thing.
"Wot'll I do with this burglar .Varra
Bill take it along?'" asks bjrglar number
Second Burglar Yes, slip it into ihe bag;
we can get something for it. Tid Bits.
Awed Into Silence.
The stage is certainly a great educator.
What else could Impress Capt. Anson, the
ceaseless tormentor of umpires, so that he
could not talk? New York Journal.
What Alight Happen.
As to the danger of running up against'
i4iii e-uuuiry, uicsc laie raisnaps to big
vessels nre a warning to foreign navies to
keep ofr. Philadelphia Times.
A Mine.
Those who affect ivoudermcnt at In
spector Byrnes' wealth forget the Nickel
labrarv ferns. CIeilaLd 1'iain Healer.
,f o- yQx. o o f VHsisi&aip
Mlko Ol want tobuy nblcjele, Ol do.
IHiiler Do jou want a high frnine?
Mike Ol don't. Ol want tli eliupest ono In til place.
zzmssriH vtLm
av, "y r- vwry x
Kr3) AYmi. y?
?: ?min p
-$k ir m a
i .
Circus Hotelier There's not enough turkey togo round. What must wedo?
Clown Kill the oMrlch.
ynbH S-MXJ&
. y. u0
vui itmasBH
?vxj aw
Tie Ton are very beautiful.
She Hut lieauty fades.
He Yes, I had noticed tlnU.
w 4fc -A
v -r:-v i'2a&&i t-.'i.-'-y
i.rrfti-srijya. ce-4't, -r-. -.
i e a.- c . t mzr A9-w i .- -
Unolo Sam: "Things are looking serious. Seems as thongh I need
ed n few nioro twit mvsplf " Phil-xlilnlif Ptpsi.
3 Holy smote! It' llio (log catcher's n agonl
Ills Uest Foot Forward.
Tlie-white inuiillKes his tnrkey fnt.
The-red lunnt tikes tobuw wowroastt
The yellowr fellow Itultstbe rat,
Ai.d Sambo tttleks to 'possum toast
gc ka-jagjfcifa?rir S-t&H&&t9mf ,ilh'S&,& rA
,; A-r-v-.vM&&&jil&ti '
fcVii . ,"-.v"j-

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