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r?g3m ysavw :3V e&raS3 iXar-EW Te JPSlgSlsStfiK ..fSSF itffcfsw JP-Tl'S 7J 3. rjpr ; ,. V GOOD "PEED. H ArJT,,o- - A I wrmri - A "T F-ss?- lc vA-?'!? W Mr. Smith That's a bright dog Johnnie Ten, Kir, u bright yellow. paternal lord Seekboodle Believe me. a true nobleman holds his affairs of heart very dear. Miss ScwmoOL'y-So pupa kecpHreminding me. " THE QUESTION. imSSthll i ffl ?M xmt 1 WLV HW ft? U & Hubbv If I -were to he taken from would become of you? Wifcy I'd May right luie. The youV 'Jin; INTERRUPTED DRILL. 1 "Shoulder Aims.". "Order Arms.'' ft LffTt-E PHWOP"TI0W:WB TiHEfl," Eta it you have, .Tolninlc. wisdom. jou HUddenly, my child, what ' question Is, what would become of 2 'Tresent Arms." Sk$(He 4 "Break Ranks." THE MORNING 1 Dot onght to pring zonie customs, nlnd it? 4 I'm not quite through yet. Dring nirtvo more steaks and another dozen wheat cukes MAKING SURE OF TIIH DATA. Pride of the Hroadwuy Squud Veri fies the Words of the Guide Hook. A small lady, carrying a hand satchel and .1 "liuidc Book 10 the Metropolis," ap proached the tall iioliceinau on tnu corner, and. smiling affably, asked: "Cm jou tell me the height of that building oicr there, please?" relates a writer in Puck. "1 wohunuied and scveiilj'-thrccfcft nnd ten Inches from the sidewalk to the tup of the tower." 'Thank jou ever so much. And is it true that there are 23U deaths In New York every twenty-four hours?" 'Can't say for sure, lady; wouldn't bo surprised, though." -Uealljl lsn'i It dreadful? And can you tell me how many parks there are In the city?" '1 he tall policeman moved uncomfortably, and gave the exact number with a deep sigh. Hie lady posltiely beamed on him as she usfceil: "Is it really so that thirty years ago this spot was a cow pasture, where ttie lowing klne stood Knee-deep in the shaded stream,' and the only bulldingln sight was a church on tnal corner over thereV" The policeman looked llnglngly at his -That's what I've been told; but I dare say It's tort of exaggerated, you know, lady." "Oh! Do you think so? I hope you're mistaken. It's so sweet to think of these busy, noisy streets once being peaceful green meadows: don't ou think so? And 10 think that a rippling brook once Inter nee ed that corner, 'flowing betwi en droop ing willows and ulders!' Do jou think that Is so?" "Sure or it, lady." "Ueallj? Oh, I'm so glad! That Is what the guide liook said, but 1 wanted to be pcrfccilr certain of It. Thank you, ever so much!" And the small lady tripped Joj fully away, while the large, tall policeman leaned against the block and mopped Uls forehead vigorously. , AX EYE TO Bl'SINESS. A Philadelphia Chinaman Wanted to Dry Shirts on City Hall Hoof. Three Chinamen were In the big ele vator which carried the "Odd Hits' nnn to one of the upper offlcesln the city bulla day or two ago. "What floor?" queried the elevator ninn Knowledge of the English language was evidently a scarce article with the Mon golians, for they looked at each other und at the. elevator man Then they chattered "Jso,. Ilool," one of Iheni finally said. "Loor." They were carried up as far as the ele vator went and then directed to the etalr waj which lends out upon the roof of the hall. The "Odd i:lls" man followed them. The Chinamen wandered over the top of the big building arm In arm, looking up nnd down nnd around, but never ventur ing very near the edge anywhere. "No llkee fall," one of tlieiu explained. "Very much hurt." The big tower held their attention most. They stood nnd irazcd at it with wide open mouths for a long time. "Him elly high," the talkative one of T"" r-i ' 1 $0 v iJP ' 11 There's that cat In my spring 2 I'll" teach him a'lessoa perch again?" TIMES, SUK.DkY,' EOVEMBEB Se 183i WHY TJ1B SIGN c3ie DOWN". 2 Stranger Gosh, what u snap." 5 and don't forget a half dozen desserts or fco. the three suggested to on attache of the building. , "Yes." the latter replied with n wink to a bj-stander, "four thousand feet." The Wonderful Information was lecelvcd willMUt our comment by the Chinamen and the Joke was last. If the1 attache had s.ild twenty thousand it would have been all the same. Wlen thev had satisfied their sightsee ing Inclinations the Mongolians started for the stairway. "Illni glate building," the spokesman confided to the watenman at the dour. "We come some more." "And thev will," was the watchman's comment. ''We have a batch of them etery day. They're welcome, too, all ex cept one fellow, I know." "Why Isn't he welcome?" A DEFENSELESS CREATURE. No one to lovo 1110 now, she v ailed. Well may I sigh and frown; For tlie impudent people with whom Z live Have torn the back-fence down. LTavez. "Because he suggested one dav Le was up here that the roof would be a 'glate place to dly shirts.' I gave him a-llne of talk that must have scared him, tor he hasn't been back since." Philadelphia In qulrcr. What He Was After. The Lafayette man owed the Pennsyl vania man a quarter. They met on the football field and the game began, tho Pcnnsjlvania man darting down the grid Iron toward the debtor. "Here," rrlcd rennsy's captain, "why don't you tackle one of the guards?" "Nlt," yelled the man of red and blue, "I w-ant that quarter back." Philadelphia North American. A SEVEHE LESSON. -M I - h ' I ' : 3 Bring me some of everything you have. . JZ-tZl- 0 I'm the champion eater of the v world Dave a curd. WUT SHE WAS ANUKT. The Stout Lady's Experience With a Peimy-in-the-S!ot Machine. It was noon at a quick-lunch restaurant, and nearly every place was occupied by a hungry Individual, when a stout lady in tered. Thooiilyspotsbe saw vacant was at the end of a counter, and here there stood a penny-ln-the-slut weighing icachine.re lates the Boston Globe. As she was In a hurry, she concluded to stand 011 the scales, after having satisfied herself that theyWould not operate and reveal her weight unless she put In a ClJii. und this nits-far from her intentions. Bhe was short and plump, and the plat fur 111 of the scales brought her up to a ery convenient belgut.nt the coui.ter. Sue or dered her luncn, and, after looking around at the dial of the machine to reassure her self that she was not being weighed; she begun her gustatory enjoyment. Just then two rather Bporty chaps came in- They noticed the woman on the scales at once. She had a preltj' face. If not an attractive figure, or, perhaps, one should say, as well as an attractive figure, ror the latter certainly attracted attention from its size. "I'll bet jou the dinners she weighs over 200 " Bald one of the sports. "1 11 go jou," replied the other. "But huT jui we !!! "icli-wins? 'lhe nta chlae Isn't working." "We'll soon make It work." said sport No- 1. "Here, boy," he added, speaking to a youngster who was selling paper", "jou go and put a cent in the slot of 'it n... Miih t'l iie woman on It. and I'll give you a dime." "Let's see jer dime," said the lxy, with worldly cautiousness. "There jou are," and the sport put ths money In the urchin's hand. The latter found his task an easy one, for the victim was very busy getting outside of a dish of soup. She did not see I lie bov put the penny in the 6lot, but several others did, and the joke went around the counter almost as qulcklj' as the hand on the weighing machine went around to the figure ui.trldng the woman's avoirdupois. "You pay for the dinners," said sport No. 1, triumphantly. to sportNo .2. That's right," was the response, and in went their orders. The fat lady w ipe.l off her chubby mouth, laid down the napkin and took up, her pocketuook lo get the wherewithal to pay her check, w hen her eye fell on the dial of " tlie machine. "Great heavens," said she, half aloud, "the hand has moved!" Yes, It had moved a lrng distance, nnd stood honestly and steadily pointing nt 211. She glanced around the counter, and per ceiving that she was the focus of oil the eyes in a row of smiling faces, she was so mad that she rushed out or the restaurant and forgot to pay her bill. The Lust Itesort. "You are charged with deliberately breaking this man's window." said tho Judge. "What have j'ou to say?" "I am guilty," moaned the prisoner. "I did It purposely. Judge. Please send me away where I will not hear these con founded political arguments any more." Philadelphia North American. 8-! 1 1 ! J BOW TO WIN HER. Kestful Haggles Well, cully, how's de game sola? - ' Short Samuel Never better. I finds out what make o' wh cook rides an' den tells her it's de best in de world. TWO OF A KIND. Benedict I tell you I have tho boss wife, old man. Henpeck My wife's a boss wife, too. ONE OF NATURES JOKES. 'V Afr: 1 Mr. Crested Grebe (in the hack Jm 11 member of rtr frif!T-' Up. MM1 w " Zfxz 2 Little Mumpy Esquimau Has STAGE 1 The grand finale was at threw a floral tribute. 2 Each of the principals knew 8 and lac&Sy there " 19 : hide mt 82jj New York Evening Ty ground) -Great top-Knot! Can that '00 dot de mumps, too, birdie? FLOWERS Its height when an enraptured auditor - for whom It was intended enough flowers to go around. 1 l i . . Tg,-v-4J--sC-?gy'-'xrfnf'S: , ga&fftggS-ga: agA.'.;,y