Newspaper Page Text
BY SAM. P. IVINS;
ATHENS, TENN., FRIDAY JJJNB 27, 1851.
VOLUME 3. NUMBER 144.
THE POST will e published every Fridny
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the expiration of the year.
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ftr" For announcing- the names of candi
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Persons nt n distance sending us the names
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No corumnnicntions inserted unless accorn
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- ft7-Office on the West side of the Public
Square, next door but one above the Post
ATHENS, FniDAV, JUXE 2T, IfsSt.
New Orleans, June 14.
The A lahama has arrived here from Vera
Cruz, wrh later and highly important in
telligence from California. A destructive
fire occurred at San ( Francisco, hereby
nearly the whole of the city had been re
duced to ashes. All the newspaper offices,
except that of the Alia California, were
destroyed. The loss is estimated at fully
815,000,000. The Custom House, and all
the principal edifices are in ruins. A great
conflagration had also taken place at Stock
ton, and over a million of properly had
Portland, Me., June 12.
Murder and SuiciDE.-Mr. Freeman, of
Gillead, shot his wife Inst evening, while
she was sleeping in bed with an Irish girl
he then shot himself and afterward cut his
throat. Mrs. Freeman still survives, W
is not expected to recoVe r.
Major Wm. H. Polk is the independent
domocrntic candidate for Congress in the
Columbia (Tenn. District. He is the broth.,
er of.tho late Provident, nnd holds to (he
opinion expressed by him while alive. In
a speech on the 27th ult., "ho took high
ground for the Compromise and the Union;
said that, if he was in Congr -as he should be
for standing squire up to the compromise,
and w mid rebuke any rfTorl to alter it,
either by thn North or South, as he thought
it probsbly the only course lo sustain the
State of the Treasury. According
to the official sta'ements, says the New
York Uxpress, the entire revenues for the
fiscal year ending June 30, 1851, will ex
ceed the estimates by five millions of dol
lars, and will reach (including the receipts
at California for a partol the past and the
whole of the present fiscal year) fifty mil
lions of dollars 1 Of this sum, two mil
lions will be credited lu CalKomin, and
848,000,000, at least, to the Atlantic ports;
and of this $48,000,000 New York will
have received an enormous amount; the
revenue 'collected here for only nine months
of the year being $24,875,012!
The receipts from the sales of the Public
Lands will exceed the estimates by about
600,000, and reach, Tor the entire year,
about $,500,000 ! And this notwithstand
ing the sales through Land Bounties, Land
Script. &c, &.C The Land office, some
days since, had returns of sales exceeding
two millions of dollars, and many heavy
returns were to come in.
Mr.Cai.houh. A Souther if Com ed
eract. In a recent speech before the citi
zens of Attala county, Mies., Senator Foote
bore the following testimony to the views
of Mr. Calhoun ia relation to the formation
of a Southern Confederacy:
Me said that the idea cf demanding
amendments to the Constitution, and in
case of tailing to obtain ihero, resorting to
eecesion, was first broached by Mr. Calhoun,
ttlerthe Mississippi October Convention
in 1849; that Ml. Calhoun told him that he,
Mr. C.J had no expectation of obtaining
these amendments; but Mr. C. thought
that if they should be refused, why then
the South would unite in the formation of
Souihern Confederacy; and thai Mr.
Calhoun had prepared a constitution tor
this new republic, which was to have been
formed out of the fragments of our present
A Western editor thus sums op the pe
culiarities of a cotemp'orary: He is too
lazy to tarn a meal, and too mean to en
' joy one. He was never generous but once,
' and that was when be gave the itch to an
apprentice boy. So much for bis goodness
of heart. Of his industry, he says, the
public may be the better judge, when he
tales that the only day he was ever work
ed, wis the day he mistook castor oit for
honey. Complimentary that.
There are nine men under sentence of
death in New York city.
Nashville, June 17th, 1851.
Friend Ivins: Since I saw you I have
made a lour through the Western Dis
trict, and have not had the opportunity of
writing. There is very little political ex
citement among the masses in the District;
more interest is manifested by partizans
with regard to the ascendancy in the Legis
lature, than is felt in the Governor's elec
tion, The parties generally are pretty well
organized; in some counties, however, the
aspirants nre too numerous have more
zeal than discretion and give their parties
much trouble. I am sorry to say this is the
case in two or three Whig districts, but I
trust they will yet effect reconciliation:.
The candidates for Governor, as you
know, have already canvassed that portion
of the Slate. Gen. Campbell has sustain
ed himself well, given entire satisfaction to
bis party, and made quite a favorable im
pression upon the genuine Democracy.
Gov. Trousdale's position with regard to
the compromise measures is evidently un
popular, nnd is destined to become more so
until the day ol the election. This ought
to, and I confidently believe will, beat him.
In every Fpeech be denounced the compro
mise, as "a batch of laws unjust to the
South," thus giving "aid and comfort" to
the disunionists and disorganizes. The
whole drift of his argument seems to have
been aimed at it io bring it into disrepute,
and, if possible, to break it down. But in
a few days the candidates will be among
you in East Tennessee, when you will have
an opportunity of hearing and judging for
yourselves. My impression is, after mixing
a good deal among the pople where they
have spoken, that Gen. Campbell will
make n considerable gain over the vote of
Neill S. Brown.
The crops throughout the District look
very finely. The "oldest plantet" has nev
er seen.collon spring up so quick, and grow
off so rigorously as it has this season
There has been mare Cotton planted this
year than in any preceding one, and the
prospect is more flattering for an abundant
crop. Corn and Wheat look very well
Tobacco also looks flourishing, and promis
es an abundant yield.
There is no local items of much interest
here. The city was never more healthy
than at present. V.'e have fcftd ho signs of
Cholera as yet and it is hopej it will not
nav u. another visit soon, iihe Railtoad
is no w completed to within twd miles of
Murfreeshoro', ar.d will.be completed to
that place before the Fourth of July, on
which day we anticipate "a general and a
grand spree." Nashville and Murfreesboro'
do not now appear lo be more than one
quarter of a mile apart. There is a good
deal of excitement and discussion with re-
gnrd to an innovation in ladies' dress "the
Turkish costume," or "short frock and
trowsers" that is being introduced in other
cities, and which I believe will soon come
in vogue here. No one has yet had the
courage lo act as pioneer in the new cos
tume, but there is a decided feeling in favor
of it. We are all on the look out I hear
thai several dresses of the new style are
preparing and guess we will soon have
quite a number of Turks among U3.
A Sensible Argument. The newspa
pers every wheie are disputing about the
beauty and propriety of the new Turkish
dress. For ourselves, we care but little
how the ladies dress, so they are beautiful.
amiable, and kind hearted towards their
husbands and the rest of mankind. One
of the short dress advocates however, has
rather taken us by storm. He goes for
the Turks upon ihe score of econemy, and
affirms, that under the new regime three
yards of yard wide cloth will make a cos
tume, whereas it takes ovei thirlyiix yards
by present measurement:
"Hence, it follows that one dress aflr
the present fashion will make twelve dress.
ea after the new stvle. If there be ten mil
lions of women within the United Stales,
there would thus be saved by the Turkish
costunme ninety millions of yards of good
clolh, lhal might be sent lb the heathen.
and thus every woman in Africa and Asia;
and on the Pacific Islands, to say nothing
of the 'unborn babes" of Ihe first mention
ed region, as Aminidab Sleek says, might
be furnished with toggery from our mere
Ait Oto Printer A. W. Scowell, a
printer, 80 yearn of age, (the oldest in the
United States) commenced hia apprentice
ship of aeven year in the King's Printing
Office, London, in 1734. sixty-eight years
ago. The Boston Mail ssys:
He was a soldier under Sir John Moore,
at Corinna. in Spain, in 1809, where he re
ceived a ball in hia right arm. He was
present al the burial or Sir John, and re
members the minutest particular! oi the
scene. He was also with the Duke of
Wellington through hia whole campaign,
and lost an ancle bone by a grape shot in
the battle of Waterloo. This veterean typo,
after all tbia bard service, is one of the
swiftest tod best compositors in Boston.
. WEBSTER'S HEWN WORDS.
In the language and thoughts or the great
Daniel, there is an emphasis and directness
like the cleaving of a broad-axe, What
could be les rhetorical, and more truthfully
homely and forciblo than theso passages
from his speech at Buffalo?
"Gentlemen, I expect to be libelled and
abused. Yes, libelled and obused. But it
don't disturb me. I have not lot a night.'
sleep for a great many years. I have some
tnlent for sleeping. (Laughter.) And why
should we not expect to bi libelled J Is not
the Constitution of the United Slates libelled
and abused 1 Don't some people call it the
production of bell? U not Washington
libelled and abused 1 Is he not called a
blood-hound on thu track of tbo African
negro ! A re nol our fa'hers libelled and
abused by their own children? And tm
grateful.rhildren they are and I am afraid
in some cases, their mothers played false.
(Loughler.) How, then, shall I ocope1 I
don't expect to escape."
"Well, gentlemen, suppose that on that
occasion I had taken a different course from
what I did. If I mav allude to anything so
insignificant as myself, suppose that on the
seventh of March, instead of innkir.g a
speech that would reconcile the country, I
had joined in the general clnmnr of the porty
suppose I had said I will have nothing to
do with any Accommodation we will admit
no aatia'action we will let Texas invnde
New Mexico we will leave New Mexico
and Utah to take care of themselves, and
we will plant ourselves rn the Wilmot
Proviso, and let. the devil take the hinder
most. Now gentlemen. I don't mean lo say
that great consequences would follow from
that but suppose I bad taken such a course.
How could-1 bo blamed for it 7 Was I not
a Massachusetts man I Did I not. know
Massachusetts sentiments and prejudices?
But what of that? 1 am an American!
(Great applause..) I was made a whole
man by God and I don't mean to make
MYSELF HALF A ONE ! ( I remendous out
bursts of applause.) I fell I had a duty to
perform to mi country to my own rcputa.
lion; for I fl ittered myself that a service of
forty years has given me some character. I
thought it was my duty, and I did not care
what was to givo way. I felt it tJ be my
duty to come out to go for my country,
and my whole country, and to exert any
power I had to keep that country together.
(Great applause.) I cared for nothing, I
was afraid of nothing; but meant to do my
duty. Dutv performed makes a man hnppy
duty neglected makes a man unhappy, as
well as those around him; and therefore, i
gentlemen, in the face of nil circumstances
and dnnger, I was ready to go forward and
do that which I thought my country your
country demanded of me, and. gentlemen,
allow mo to say here, to day, that if Ilia fate
of John Rogtrs Imd born proecn'cd to tns- -
if I bad seen tho stake if I bad heard Hie
thorns crackling by tho b'esiig of Al
mighty God, I would have gone on and dis
charged the duty which I thought my coun
try culled on me to perform. I would have
become a martyr to anve my country.
"And now, gentlemen, farewell! Live
and be happy; live like patriot, live like
Americana, live in Ihe enjoyment of the
inestimable blessing which your fathers
prepared for you, and if anything that I may
do hereafter should be inconsistent in the
slightest degree with the opinions and prin
ciples which I have addressed to you then
discard me forever from your recollection."
In his speech in the Virginia Convention
the other day, Mr. Bolts related this anec
dote ol General Jackson: "When the in
vestigation into General Jackson's conduct
in the Seminole war was goiog on, he ask
ed Mr. JohnQ.. Adams, then his firm de
fender, how the matter stood 1 Mr. Adams
said they would manage the case very well,
but the authorities were very strong against
the General. 'What authorities' asked
the Old Hero. 'Puffendorff, and Grotius,
and Vattel,' replied Mr. Adams. 'Tell
Mr. PufTendorff, and Mr. Grotius, and Mr,
Vattel, exclaimed the General, 'that by
Ihe Eternal, if they say anything against
me about this Seminole war, I will cut
their d d ears off!"
A Model Dun. They have some origin
al in California. The Stockton Time says
that the following dunning letter was sent
by a San Francisco lawyer to a Stockton
gentleman, and the editor recommends it as
a model in it way. It is certainly rich .
V.ivrifirn. IVTflrch 7. 1851.
. , VJ . . HJ - - - -
nr.. n k. Send if vou Dlease. with
not d,.l.v. 700. the balance of our fee for
-r-..i,.n.i i.un in vonr service, at Slock
ton. in December last. You were kind
enough lo mention the 1st day of February
past as Ihe day n which you would settle.
If you can't aend 700. send 600; then
osnn. ;-nt ih.t. OJlVt. nr 300. or 200.
or 8100, or 50. or , or $10 or 85-
1 haven I a doi'ar to pay my ouaru, i j
L.. - f knnl. ... ,n hftttA fllV MtTfTcd
Its , m psii " - pb
coal mended, and scarcely a quarter to lake
t - .. M..L.I. .Ml I ...I m nav
a orinx wim. nuuuuj wm w r-i
mo, or trust me, and it is loo cold to sleep
out of oighte. Aa to paying my debts! 1
:-u. ll lr la ill ink ill Stockton
llllgMl " " J
drunk and keep sober myself!
I V J J t. - .1 .. n
To apeak seriously, i mm u u m up,
and now is your lime, if you want to do
me a aervics.
A .. modest old maid visiting a new
ly married Triend recently, saw one of her
husband's shirts laying on tha bed, and ex
claimed: . .
.ov, m.re. riio'i shirt on vour bed !
rU hi-'"; w
such a thing on my bed would give me ihe
Very likely,' responded tha wife, 'un
less the man was intide of iu" Tha mod
tit maiden fainted outright.
SECURE THE HARNESS.
We find floating in the papers a good anec
dote. It is that of a hero, who, when an
overwhelming force was in full pursuit. a' d
all hia followers were urging him to more
rapid flight, coo' y dismounted in order to
repair a flow -in his horse's harness. Whilst
busied with the broken buckle, tho distant
cloud swep dokn in nearer thunders, but
just as the pratcing hoofs nnd enger spenrs
were ready to (lash down on him, tbo flaw
p was lastened, the
like a swooping
rom their view. The
J t '
Wld hate 'eft him on the
Sold a dirmo
and ing'orinus prisoner.
The time'y !o.ny'-enl him in safety to his
The American, version of the wisdom em
braced in the above is, "Be mre you are
right then go ahead'." ft is attributed to
David Crjckett, and may, or mny not hnvit
been the original utterance of that eccentric;
though, like many oilier uttercrs of wise
saws he did not always follow his own
counsel. We care nol how fast the man,
drives us, who walks carefully round the
carriago and looks at the axle and linchpin,
and then casts a knowing look of scrutiny
St shoes, truces, and harness in general,
before he takes the lines in his hand. He
is as near sure as he can be, and mny "go
The 'most experienced sportsman nnd
rapid shooters, spend more lime than any
oihes in preparation of iheir arms. So do
good sailors constantly examine tbo various
and grerft extort of apparatus upon which
their speed and sofely depend. So good
mechoniacians. Every body, indeed, who
succeeds in fife, must lot the delay be in
preparation, Hie promptness in action. Wn
mean to say that true expedition is not so
much in promptness to begin, as in prompt
performanse when you have commenced.
The orator who come itilo pulpit, cmirt, or
senate, full of this subject, and fully under
standing it, moves with confidence and pro
ceeds t ith safoty. Fools rush in; wise men
entsr into a rnatter with prudent forecast,
and oro successfully put again, before ll.eir
opposils have recovered from tho shock, and
floundor of their sudden plungo,
Fovkrty A 0:iimb. Some sensible man
writrg s.i follows :
"Tha injustice vr 'ihe world is never iis
playjj more, than in the tact, that men gen
era Uy deny lo sincerity, what they constant,
ly award to deceit. ', If one is poor, and ac
knowledges it frankly, no one will credit
him, though he may be ihduslrious, bone-t
and capublc; but if'nne is poor, and hides it
by a well arranged syr.em of policy, though
he may have none of liifse estiinabl.i qualii
tics, he is trusted every where. Profession
is thus worth more to the artful, and insin
cere than property; ind frankness, so far as
men's success is con?emed, is about the
worst quality a man car. possess.
"There ore, for Ihe crdit of human na
ture, sun i e few men who do nut follow this
rule, but lend a helping land to the unfor
tunate. But, oh ! they ar? the Howards of
lifo only appearing once in on ngn. When
Ibey so act , nobody knows it their good
deeds die with llii'in-ltlinr charities ire tint
lost, but their names and examples die."
Tlio care of Providence in contriving n
supply fur the thirst of man in sultry places.
is worthy of admiration. Nature hat placed
amidst ihe burning snii'
Africa a plunl.
whose leaf, twisted aro
o a cruet, is
always filled vitb a la
s full of fresh
water, the gullet of tin1
shut by the
extremity of the leaf i
the waier from evaporj
cd on some parched,.
country a graaMn
Boa, tho trunk of w
bulk, is naturally hollow
In the rainy aeason it
water, which cont nuc
the greatest heat by
luliage which crown i
she has placed vegetabl
parched rocks of the A
commonly found on them
the water-lianne. so full o
hat if you
cut a single branch of it, s
immediately discharged as
at a draught- it is perfectly
Make the Homestead a liolypicrcd thinr ,
a castle of refuge from tho storms of ihe
world, where Ihe burdened ani oppressed
may gather about him his hooickold, snd
prepare himself, when the storm lias swept
by, for renewed energies upon Ibetea of life.
In Ihe Circuit Court in tho city of New
York, a verdict was rendered on the 5th insi.
lor one thousand dollars gainl Miles
Smith, In favor of Mary Kiff. in uit for
breach of promise. Both parlies ueit black.
May a man marry bis wife's sister? is a
question which can only be proper y an
swered by tha sister herself, when tut wid
ower pops tha suection. f
That eccentric personage, "Dow, Jr .,"
di'courseih thus to the ladies. There isome
poetry, but a great deal of truth, in hi re
marks. The clerical gentleman has a most
wonderful command of the vernacular, and
invariably calls things by their right names.
He isn't a very nice mon, in the modern
ncc-ptation of the term, for when ho has
sny occasion to ppeak of them, he says
legs" ihe nice man would say "pednl
extremities," or "lower limbs. We prefer
the former :
"Young lacies! vou caged birds of beau
tiful plumage, but sieklv looUs you Lets of
the pnrlor, vegetating in the unhealthy
shade, with ii greenish white complexion,
like that of n potntoe sprout in a dark cellsr
why don't you gnAut. in the open air and
warm sunshine, nnd add lusire to your eyes,
bloom to your checks, elasticity to your
steps, and vigor to your frames .' Take eariy
morning exorcises 'et loose your corset
strings, nnd run no hill for a wager nnd
down agnin for fun. Roam in the fields
climh the fences, leap tbo ditches, wade the
brook, and go home i ill o omul nppetite.
Liberty, thus exercised nnd pnjoy d, will
render you healthy, hearty, blooming ami
beautiful as lovely as the Grnce, nnd pro
lific ns Deverrn. The buxom, brijbl-eved,
rosy-cheeked, full-breasted, bouncing lass
who cun darn a slocking, mend trowsers,
make her own frocks, command a regiment
of pots and kettles, feed lii pigs, milk the
cows, and be a laiy wi la 1 in "company"
is just the sort of a girl for me, or f ur nnv
young man to marry, but you, ye pining,
moping, lolling screwd-up, wnsp-wniiited,
dolldrpsed, piilly-fnced, consumplion
morigiiged, music-murdering, novel.devour-
iog daughters of fashion and idleness v""
are no none fit for matrimony llinn a pullet I
is lo look after a family of fourteen chickens
The truih is. my dear girls you want more
liberty nnl l"ss fashioiiahle restrniul more
kitchnn end less parlor; more leg exercise
nnil les- sofn morp frankness en I less
modesiymorn corned beef and less corsets
more brenklasl ond les hi-lmp. Loosen
yourselves a li'ile. enjoy morn liberty and
less restraint by fashion. Breathe tbo pure
air of freedom, and become something near
ly as lovely nr.d benutif'iil ns tho Gud cf
Nature designed. So mote it be."
Tattling. It is very common for per
sons to tell every thing they hear, whether
they have any grounds for the belief of what
they hear or not. To Hid injury of an indi
vidual, something may be said and sprcod
abroad, where there is not the least shadow
of truth in Ihn slory. It is ngninst this
species of lat'ling which we should pnrticu
Itrly guard ourselves,
Tho wise man knew
ho,v prni.u ,ne ; urld wat to lliis ', u lie i
hp said "Ho liiat keepo;!i bis mouth hucp-
oth his lifo." Truly that man who is care
ful of what he says especially when he
knows it is in his power to injure the char
acter of a person, or thworl nny of his pur
poses nets up lo the proverb, and gains the
J esteem ond friendship of his fellows. Al
though by not being sufficiently on your
guard you may excites degree of interest at
tho expense of a neighbor, dopend upmi it,
it is only for a moment. You but heap up
costs of fire on your own heads. Non will
Irusl you with their secrets, and you will be
pnintc.1 nt as one deserving of lb "ir cen-ure.
Beware In w you tiso yo.r tongue; it is a
good rulo which somebody has given to us,
to think twice before we speak unco. Act
up lo this, and none will complain r j'j'.i in
this respi'ct and you will gain the confi
dence of mankind, which is mora io b do
sired than all the secrets of a community.
Still a Candidate. A gentleman came
into our nfliro the other day, who says he is
02 yuurs old posl. lie was married at the
age of 21 and livd with Ins wife 30 years
she hud 10 children and died.
lie then remained single IS months, and
married agnin. By his Inst wilb be' had 11
children, lived with her 32 years, she ha
ben dead 8 years, and he is still a candi inie
lor matrimony. Every one of his children
lived to the years of tnoiuri y, and 19 arc
He can see in shoot a rifle neorly as well
aa ever can thrend a uccil'e without spec
lacies hearing but very little impaired and
nervous system perfectly steaily. lie says
he can cut nnd plil 150 mils a Jay and
jump up ci.il hit hi- heels together twice
before striking the ground at night. Ho
has fifty nine grand children and 22 great
grand children, which tnnkes 101 II. family.
In eppeornnce he dues not look to be over
60, and is as straight as an arrow and -ays
that except the rbeumoti-in ho feels nearly
as young as ever! Ilogcn where re y u!
bint Mar-hall if you cau, Lcioiibiirp;
The man who stops his wife's tears by
d ing her eyes, and the chap who eats his
little hoy's supper every night, and then
gives him paragoric lo take away his appe
tite, were oa a spree togethei the other day.
spending some money their wives bsd earn
ed by washing.
"James my son, take this letter to the
post-office, and pay the postage on it."
The boy returned highly elated, and said :
"Father. I seed a lot of men putting let
ters in a lit'le place, and when no one was
looking I slipped yours in for nothirtj " I
Marriage made East The New York"
correspondent of the Cleveland Plaindealer
communicates (he following interesting
intelligence to the ladies;
There is quite a stir, especially among
the ladies of this city, in relation to Ihe pre
tensions of a Professor B. Talleyrand, who
is fresh from Paris, and pretends to have
discovered a method by which an ardent
aitacbnient can be inspired by any person
of either sex, whose affections are worth
the winning. It is rumored that several,
hitherto unapproachable old bachelors have
been brought smack upon their knees by
spinsters with whom ihey flirted in youlb;
said ppinsters having availed themselves of
Professor Talleyrand's potential secret. If
report be true, the Frenchman's discovery
will sve a great deal ol trouble. Suppose,'
for example, i lint some bashful swain in
Cleveland has a girl in his eye lhal he
would like to marry, whom, in fact, he has
determined lo marry as soon as he can
pluck tip the courage lo go through Ihe for
malities - which courage he cannot pluck
up AN he would have lo do would be
to send a Inner, enclosing one dollar, not
forgetling to pay the postage, lo Professor
Talleyrand, New York city, and he would
receive by return of mail something or oth
er that would enable him lo' go in and win"
without further trouble. This is a great
country, and on the southwest is illimit
able. Important Aiirest. Benj, F. Brown, a
few yeftrs since 11 re-pectnble and reoinable-
ollicer iu one of t c puMic departments of
Hip United Motes government, and after
wards a candidate before ihe House of Rep
resentatives for ihe office of doorkeeper, has
been arrested nnd hrotiirht to this city, where
hp is ii.iw in jail, in dcftiult, we believe of
8-0.000 bail, charged with n fraud commit.
iuu upon i lie ncnerni i.onu uiiicp uy means
of forgery JFuiiiiigiott Telegraph.
Cincinnati, June 9.
The cholera is on ihe increase I brought
out the West, and is very fatal. Among
ihe viciims -at Ptiilucab, Kentucky, is Dr..
Newton Lone, Ihe I).'tii"crntic candidate lor
Congress nt the la-t election, from Louis
Although it lakes long whiie to learn
to speak, it lakes a still longer period id
keep silent. The number of men who can
hold an nri'iimetit compared Willi those
who can "hold their jaw," is as hundreds
A young preacher who bad jusi started in
his travels as on itinerant, was one evening
holding forth on the Deluge, and afier de
scribing Ihe manner in which Noah built
i ll'n Ark, and filled it with animals of every
kind, by iir.irs, closed in a solemn tone thus!
"You must know, my dear hearers, that it
was nn arduous lusk for Noah and hia sons,
to get a pair of whales into the Ark."
A down east editor advises his readers, if
they wish lo get teeth inserted, to go and
steal fruit where a wo tch-dog js on his guard.
The L'ai'TR ! An editor out west, an
nounces thu birth of his ninth child, under
tho head of '-Pi-trcssing Cosualty."
The "U.iy Book" is guilty or the follow
ing arithmetical pice of wickedness:
If twenty seven inches of snow give
three inches of water, bow much milk will
a cow give when fed on rutabaga turnips?
Multiply tbe ll.tkes cf snow by ihe hairs
of the cow's tail, then divide the product
by a turnip, add a piece of chalk and thai
sum will be tbe answer.
Rather Equivocal. Dubbs says the
hulies of Mexico nte the most virtuous in
the world until they are templed while
'.he men would soon be numbered among
the most honest, if the travelers would
only cease la cairy money about iheir per
sons. Verv Heai.tkv. The Gacratuen:o
Transcript says that city is so healthy, that
the professional gentlemen have lo Work
bard to keep a pmier.t down long enough
io tiiuke three visit.-! This is the case id
almost every part of California.
Ave step-mothers so named because of
their proneness to trample on the rights of
the 'others' children, or because, when Ihey
aniline the charge of nnuiher womao'st
children they generally 'put iheir fool in it.
When has a man a
wife about his coffee?
right io scold hia
When he has suf-
Cool The following orders were given
by the captain of a Western steamboat
wh?n she was about to engage in a race
with another boat;
Rosin up tiiar, nnd tell the engineer to
shut down tbe safety valves. Give ber
goss. Gentlemen who havn't stepped up
lo the captain a nffice and settled, will
please retire In the ladies cabin tlill we pass
that boat or bust Fire up !
A Sentimental Robber. A fellow
entered the house of Mr. Fitch, in St. Louis,
recently, and rifled the buieaus of iheir
contents. He was nol satisfied with hi
theft, bul seeing a young lady asleep be
stole a kiss, which aroused the sleeper,
who seized ihe thieving' rascal by tbe coat,
raised an alarm, and the fellow was caught
and safely lodged in prifoo, where be will
have lime to reflect upon the danger of in-
dulginp in tentiineat When bullae U te