The Wahpeton times. [volume], July 02, 1891, Image 4

About The Wahpeton times. [volume] (Wahpeton, Richland County, Dakota [N.D.]) 1879-1919

Image provided by: State Historical Society of North Dakota

                
WAHPETON TIMES.
CM.
P. OAMBD. P»blMMr
FAHPKTQM, NORTH DAKOTA.
fcgggs= ..."
EVBKY year a layer of the sea, four
|tcen feet thick is taken up into clouds,
winds bear their burden into the
and the water comes down in
lltt upon the fields, to flow back
High rivers.
STON man lias been arrested for
(his own wife. AH Massachus
fhas A seemingly irreducible sur
lu* ot 00,000 marriageable girls a|ii
•ton has woman suffrage it is quite
bab)e that the defendant was ur
itedon the ground of insunity.
KINO KALAKAUA'S personal elTocts
brought but $2,500 at auction. Un
fortunately his royal title was not
ifor sale or receptB would have been
T?1,000 times as much. Some rich sou
Jof this republic would have bought
Ht at a round sum for his favorite
Slaughter's young man.
TUB witnesses for the defence in a
|]ibel suit at Montreal testified that HO
iigh did the character of the plaintiff
Hftand it was impossible to libel him.
Jo one would believe his troducers,
ad hence his business standing could
hot suffer. Oil this ground the jury
returned a verdict for the defendant.
SIR CHARLES E. SMITH, the new Brit
ilsh Minister to Morocco, has begun an
(Agitation lor the abolition of slavery,
which still flourishes in that country.
Thousands of boys aud girls are
brought to Tangier and other cities
from the interior tor sale. They are
treated with great cruelty, particular"
ly the boys.
*)R. HOLMES, according to the Medi
cal Bulletin, holds that if nine-tenths
ot all the drugs and medicines, patent,
proprietary and otherwise, were
thrown into the ocean it would be
better for mankind. In that case
the fishes would take an ocean into
their heads to change their Holmes.
I| THK King of Italy has quit talking
about the New Orleans incident long
enough to express that a financial cri
sis is threatened in Europe. His ut
terances on this latter subject have
created a feeling of uneasiness in Ital
ian financial and commercial circles,
which do not seem to have been watch
ing the signs of the timos very closely.
THK Emperor of Germany has given
orders that no person shall be per
mitfld to rido free on the Government
railways unless actually engaged in
the service of the Government, and
that officials allowing any violation
ot that rule shall be dismissed. This
order affects a great many of the no
bility, who have been getting free rides
EX-KINO MIIJIN, who is enjoying
himself in Paris, thinks the Regents
blundered in sending his ex-wlfe, Na
talie, out ot 8ervia. It certainly
looks that way for the people show a
strong disposition to bring Natalie
back and exile the Regents. If they
had let her alone she would not have
given them halt the trouble she will as
ijbis
AMOTHBR important constitutional
[^question has arisen in Manitoba.
Recently the Legislature repealed a
law making it necessary when a French
man was tried to have the jury com
posed of at least halt Frenchmen. A
Frenchman has just been tried by an
'English jury and convicted. An appeal
was taken on the above-mentioned
point.
ASSISTANT SKCBBTARY of the Treas
ury Nettleton upon the occasion of a
recent visit to New York expressed
the opinion in regard to the immi
gration law that the exdusionof 10
per cent, would be sufficiently large to
debar sll emmigrants—excepting Ital
ians—that are undesirable as citisens.
He thooght in reference to the Italians
that a larger proportion could be and
should ba excluded 3L
9
InAi^liaijait experieoced a novel
workingmen, frho
ously demanding the
rot: nfeajp flM to work -.it
freqosstwaaiiot granted. They
tor right ofthe ballot, and
^atMibeytiave won.
all striking o(a political
WAUN has been with the Moid and
lb* bullet.
MtEm
the
division/Mississippi,
over (MM. Since then itsmate
the engine and expresses
lila aUfity, great anl*
the sagjtas. Han migjinew
rtt^ yhs«yy»« his engine signals
Jsjh rtaflwrtha old gandir lcnow«*|W»nd,
Mhisli, aid 1B qptta otiattemptc
a* flfcsa thasogjtae
DOROTHY.
In a low white cottage among the trees,
Dorothy lives with her father
Midst apple-tree liloHxotns, und honeybees,
IIin comfort and pleasure looks after,
Who, returning from toil, of tilling tho
soil,
Exclaim*, as lie sees hh fair daughter,
Dorothy, dear,
My love, do you hear?
I could not do without you.
Through the gross trips her light-spring
ing feet.
To attend to the birds, and her (lowers,
Her supple Ibrm bends 'noutli the branches
sweet,
And the blooms fall upon her in show
ers,
They seem to say in their own sweet way,
]orotliy dear,
My love, do you hear?
We could not live without you.
The fragrunt lilacs down by the gate.
Nod tliuir lirud* in the soft spring breeze,
While the robin walks on the lawn, and
calls to bis mate,
In her liiilli!ti nest, above in the caves
The birds on their iN-rchcs. 'midst cut-leaf
birches
Swing, und sing, with the Muttering
leaves,
To Dorothy, dear,
My love, do yon bear?
We could not live without you.
Through the vine-twined hedge, a form
she sens.
That is noble, with manly beauty his
portion
With a Hush on her cheek like pink sweet
peas,
She hides not her girlish emotion.
He clasps her hand, us lie repeats again,
Oft uttered words ul'devotion,
Dorothy, dear,
My love, do you hear?
nuiliot live without you.
—(Jood Housekeeping.
WITHIN AN ACE.
A1HRII.I.INQ KXl'ICMRNCB.
Readers, have you ever come within
an ace of murdering a man who never
did you the slightest harm? If you
havoyou will appreciate the follow
ing true store and if you have not
you will, nevertheless, admit that I
am justified in speaking of my adven
ture as "A Thrilling Experience."
A good many winters ago business
had taken me to Milan aiid
I
intend­
ed, as soon as I could get away, to
push further south, and bask in tho
sunshine of Genoa or Nuples. But
"L'hoiiimn propose, et Dieu dispose,"
and thus it camo about that, in the
midst of my plans, the telegraph
brought me a message that matters
of extreme importance necessitated
my presence in London. Recognising
the urgency, I resolved to start at
once, but little did I dream how near
that resolution would bring ni3 to be
ing a murderer. Tho great tunnel
under the St. Gothard was not then
completed, and, in spite of the bitter
weather, I decided to cross the Simplon
Pass, and go down tho Rhone valley
to Geneva, where I had an hour or
two's business to transact.
When I made known my intention
of crossing the Simplon, the landlord
of the hotel where I hail been staying
in Milan warned me against doing
any such thing, for the weather, he
said, was fearful, and avalanches hnd
been falling for many days. How
ever, I was undeterred for as an old
traveller I knew exactly what cred
ence to give to alarming reports of
that kind. And so, packing my traps
and paying, my bill, I took the after
noon train for Arona, where I would
get the diligence for the Pass. Arona,
as most people know, is superbly situ*
ated at the foot of sweet Lake'
giore.
ikeMag-
In the long summer days it is a
scene of constant bustle and confus
ion. But as I emerged from the little
station on that bitter winter eVening
the place was like tho village of the
dead. A frozen stillness was over the
land, and the steel-blue lake was
maddening in its stony placidity.
The sky, of a hard blue, was cloud
less, and the sun was just disappear
ing behind the western mountains.
Then suddenly, as it the wand of a
magician had passed over the/scene,
all was changed. Warm, soft coloring
glowed where a few minutes before all
was colorless. The blue sky flamed
with a golden glory that blending into
emerald green tinged with, crimson
where the regal sun had disappeared.
This coloring was suggestive of a
dream picture, for it was so utterly
unlike anything that art can produce,
and across the shining waters, all
afluBh now with a glowing light,
floated in rich, mellow cadences the
poetic "Angelus," and above it rose
from various quarters the musical
voices of the workers in the fields and
vineyards, as they -paused in their
labors at the summons of the bells,
and solemnly intoned a prayer.
In five minutes more another change
had come. The sunlight had entirely
gone, the coloring faded. The "Ange
las" ceased, the .voices were hushed,
the lake was like steel once more, -and
all was cold and dead. Shivering and
famished, I took, my way to the soli
tary Albergo, and consoled myself
with such barren comfort as it afford*
•d,'for 1 learned that th» diligence
would not start till midnight.
It had struck twelve when the old*
lumbering vehicle rolled out of the
court-yara of the diligence office, and
went datteriiigo v«r the roughly paved
street of the village. I was the sole
passenger, and occupied the coupe. A°
week before, this very diligent had
been Attacked and robbed,/ and
amongst other cheerful stories that*
the people of the Albergo had told me
in .' order to beguile the tedious hours
MVi wap- that of a commercial
traveller who had been robbed and
on^the road two year*
As I remembered these things I in
stinctively lilt for my revolver. which
I invariably carried strapped found
Swaist
atths
/on such journey •. As we
tha tr&ftdly of the village
behind, and gained dark. lonely
highway wftkh skhrtstbelake formanyl
muss, I think all the »t-orie« tf»at eve*'
I had heard of solitary travellers a#
man ill fre^n into
stan that e2S?ta the
in
bras* sky
oii tbat -had a Dan
it.
JjtuMam notbis^r^ flw'
9
the windows was whitened and ren
dered opaque with the frost.
I tried to let down one of the win
dows, but diligence travelers will know
that I essayed a task that might well
have taken the patience of a Job and
tho strength of a Samson while to
open a diligence door from the inside
is a feat that nohuman being has ever
yet accomplished. I therefore had no
alternative but to await the unfolding
of events. That a plan for robbing
me was being discussed between the
villainous driver, the conductor, and
some bloodthirsty bandits, I had not
the sliglivst doubt, and that mydeath
was a settled question should I offer
any resistance was, to my mind,
equally sure.
However, I determined to fight hard
for my life, and die game if die I must.
In a few minutes the door was sud
denly opened, and a man sprang in
or rather, as it seemed to me, he was
unceremoniously bundled in, and as
lie sank down at the opposite end of
the sent he muttered something that
might have been a curso or a greeting.
Then I heard tliedriver and conductor
scramble up to their seats, and the
heavy vehicle rumbled on again,
"So," thought I, "this is a nice lit
tle plot for my robbery and murder
but there will bo a fight for it," with
which heroic resolution I grasped my
revolver with a stern purpose.
My traveling companion was a ban
dit, a cut-throat of the deepest dye.
There could not possibly be any mis
take about that, for ho might have
stood us the model of every Italian
bandit who has ever been painted in
modern times. He woro a big som
brero, and his muscular frame was en
veloped in a great cloak, one end of
which was caught up and thrown over
his left sliolder. His face was perfect
ly villainous in its expression—of
that also there could be no mistake,
lie had hawk-liko eyes and glared at
me, while the aroma of garlic that lie
emitted with his breath was sickening.
1 don't know whether all bandits reek
of garlic, but this one Unquestionably
did.
Such was the picture my excited
imaginaYion drew of my silent compan
ion. The back liglft that was reflected
into the coupe from the diligence
lamps enabled me to see liim with
tolerable distinctness and feeling sure
that robbery, if not murder, was his
object, I quietly drew out my revolver
from its case, and placing my linger on
the trigger and the muzzle on my knee,
I waited in anxious suspense for what
might follow.
He closed his glaring eyes and pre
tended to sleep, but I was not to be
deceived by any such hollow pretence.
I never took mygazefromhim. I had
let my rugs slip.down in order that my
movements might be unimpeded when
the Bupreme moment came. The con
sequence was I was half-frozen. I had
no feeling in my legs and feet. My
whole body was cramped, while'my
mental state may be far easier imagin*
ed than described.
In a little while my bandit moved.
He scrutinized me keenly, of that I
was convinced. Then he fumbled un
der his cloak, and-in a few moments
1 heard a click, and saw the gleam of
steel. My heart leapt into my mouth,
and my frozen blooa instantly thawed.
He was about to spring at me and
stab me to death. No sane man
could have come tb any other conclu
sions. My first impulse was to call
out to the driver! but I checked, my
self, for was not he in collusion with
this villain? 1 was trapped, but I
resolved to kUl my man before he
should kill me. .1 had him in my
power, and would shoot him dead.
I still sat, aihd still had the revolver
on my knee./ The muzzle pointed in
direct line itfth the bandit's body. A
cold prespiration broke out on my
face, and a creepy sensation ran down
my spine 'He seemed to me to grasp
his knife inure fiercely, and to be pre
paring for the spring.
Poor fool! he little dreamed that I
held his life at my disposal. I pressed
the trigger of the revolver, but not hard
enough. Why I did not know, and
have never since been able to deter
mine. Another hair's weight more in
the pressure, theJiammer must have
fallen, and the biillet could not possi
bly have misaid going througn his
body,for wewereso close together, and
the compartment was so narrow.
"I will let him/make thefirst move."
Ithoiwht. "The moment he tries to
strike! will fire/:' This determination
was the result ol a strong reluctance
to take life except at the very last re
source. Although I felt sure this ban
dit was a ferocious asB&ssin, thirsting
for my life in order that he might pos
sess himself of my valuables, lie had
not yet piven aiijr distinct evidence of
what his inteniions were, and as I
could fire as rapidly as he could strike
at me, he should'begin the combat.
Moments passed. They seemed
minutes, nay. houra. I am not a
coward. I say^it emphatically It
has been my lotto face death in many
forms, but I confess that never before
did I experience such an inward
shrinking as I did at being cooped up
with this dastardly Italian murderer.?
If Ke would onft, have got out ont£
the open road and have had a fair
fight, I wouldr have fought him W
the death. Butfthe uncertainty ofhii
intentions, andifke fact that he and£
were cooped up in a wretched box of
about, four feet by afoot aihd a half
aad tnatit waMmpbssibl» for me to
get out, was wnat made the situation
so thrilUng and'^sxciting. And it woji
the suppressed exci ement that triad'
meto.
At last, when my nerves had been
Strung to such a pitch tbirt ljUtasif
I must shoot him or go mad,/ I saw
him turn towwiia me: hia villainous
knife flashed li the light. 1.'pressed
the trigger of tl# pistol, but Jvtill the
hammer did not fall. What:^topped
it I know nbt, liid the next" instant
the bandit said,4n a thick: r^liittural
voice, andHpeaking in pattm
48i|nor, will y«||lacceptoi*pieceof
*hi^e
sausagefrom hif^poeket, nl^cui
a slica ol, pieMmred it to me.
rt drppped down intom'
.. blood iroxa Main, my hi
on end^-I felt nw and taints I t-..
thesliceof sausage. MlMtbsr late
or not Idon't know for certain,
think I boltfd it.
In a fe^. minutes the diU
stopped# Tbe drivOT^deaeeoded,
opening the door told tis ige had
an boor to i^ait\iMe the loras*
changed. Iipsw'Mt. .iTMbedthe
driver and dnfRsChim o»ine Ale.
"Who is that man?" I afl»d,hoaq
iy.
^this^|te«e,%t
'm"
to Arona
baa hai
His started
overtook him.- I was afraid be
might go to sleep on the road and be
trozefn to death, so I persuaded him to
nde but he haggled so long about the
fare that I was nearly leaving him be
hind."
Mv ferocious bandit hod gone into
the harness-room, where a large wood
fire blazed, and he stood before it
warming himself. I rushed in after
him. I seized his hand and shook it
warmly. I offered him my flask filled
with rare old Cognac worth fifteen
shillings abottle. With a deep-throat
ed "Gratia, signor," he nearly empti
ed it. He looked amazed, as well he
might, and opened his mild, calf-like
eyes to their fullest extent. He had
the softest, sweetest face ot any man
I ever saw.
It was a face such as the old Italian
masters would have loved to paint.
But as ho looked at me with those
dark liquid orbs, he was no doubt
thinking to himself. "There is an
other eccentric Englishman. Truly
these Englishmen are hard to under
stand."
Once more I wrung his hand, utter
ed a pathetic "Buono dara," and,
rushing out, jumped into the diligence,
and, with a shuddc
my rugs.
PUT THEIR HEADS TOGETHER,
Clever Scheme of Two Stranded
Students to "Raise the Wind."
Last Summer, during the vacation
season of their^ollege, two Heidel
berg students, Benzcl and Stengel,
were making a lively, picturesque and
carmine-punctuated tour of the var
ious fushionable watering places.
The tone of their journey had been
so continuously kept up to the high
est pitch that it had an effect like
that of a sunstroke, when Benzel one
morning, said his total available
funds were $1.
"And my exchequer" is measured bj
exactly the same sum."
Here was a dilemma.
The next day at a miscellaneous
bathing resort a younggentleman was
the life of a merry party of ladies and
entlemen. He had just arrived from
Berlin, he remarked, and by the
strength of an assurance which had
often puzzled learned professors who
knew most of the mysteries of exist
ence had at once made himself the
leader of those who flocked by them
selves as the representatives of the
moneyed class. His banter, his jokes,
his ever-ready wit kept them in con
tinued merriment.
"A note for Mr. Frederick Benzel."
So spoke a waiter, handing him an
inclo8ure. Opening it, a shade of half
disappointment crossed his handsome
face, and excusing himseU, he liurcied
'Jeft the room.
In a little while he returned, the said
expression on his countenance, if any*
thing, intensified. '4.
__y friends," he began, "there are
ups and downs for all of UB in this
world, but anything sadder than "this
I know not. An old collegeinate, who
has met with undeserved misfortune,
noting my presence, sent'in a message
he would like to see me. I saw him
an object of the deepest coinpassion.
.He lives in the neighborhood, the.hus
band of a widow with thirteen children.
Could anything be more unlucky?
Will I be seconded if I propose a little
Collection for the pdor fellow? tmy
8elf will rave $2."
"Good! Goodl Certainly!'* wits the
unanimous cry.
/That evening at dusk Bentel and
wengel began their return journey
with a profusion of ruddy exhilarating
that made the red of their- onbomoc.
vbyage paler than a primrose's heart.
AN EXPENSIVE UMBRELLA.
rPha Wit Found Out TKat His Llttlo
8cheme Proved Expensive.
Romieu, the famous/ Parisian wit,
was one day^ caught iii a shower, and
forced to seek iefuge in a doorway of
the Opera House. It was six o'clock
already, and he had an engagement at
the Cafe de Paris for that very hour.
The rain fell in tcunqnits. There was
nio carriage to
hi^
IB
ler buried myself in
had. He had ho
umbrella. What Olras to be done.
While he was lamenting his bad luiik,
a gentlemen witt/a large umtoella
passed by. Romtou was seised with a
sudden inspiration. He Tushed out
and gra«ped theitranger by the armr
and gravely installed himseuunder the
protecting umbttilla. H'
"I am overjoyed to see you," he im
mediately began. "I have been look
ing for you for two weeks. I wonted
tp tell you about Clementine."
Without giving the stranger time
Express his surprise, Romieu rattledi
AWay with gOesip add anecdote until
be had led the unkhofm companion
the door of theCafe de Paris. Tlidi
iie glanced at him wiUfa face of welt
Signed astonishment.# /f
"Pardon, monsieur," he cried 'its
seems am mistaken^*
"J believe sb," saidihe strangw./Zv^
"Qbod gracious!" radded Romiei^
"Be discreet don't repeat what havs
toldyw."
"I promise ydn."
"A tlrausand pardons!"
Romieu hast«ied^within the cafe,
iter, told tlu^d'
ventureto hut fri
of thai said
cravat if
turned pale,
sappbdre—was
am&ation his
found to be got
umbrella was a
to/his nieckand
pinrr-a vaWible
On furtto ex»
and watch were
Theman with'thr
Poek®6-
Ajwis a
dogfibo h«s
dog
•d*
8win«ar.-,ftp
story pi wtter'(
provfdguil^Xif ob-
tauj^krby
•far""'
in his,
and
1lan£ and'
Wyint,
t^go-afteT
a^lnntteo'
*Day aft«paay/he
butcheifs ifcop, bri
order uid by-aiid-b
catoecM^lwifi sptafe
mint
in tbefarmereipm^
witk»ore jweisage«
badivderedi
jn^ut^wai^topaid
nsTt timn inn rai^jjiritha
WHAT THE JEStEBS SAT.
HUMOROUS SELECTIONS PROM
WITTV EXCHANGES.
Oldn't Go Over tho Palls—The Pas
tor's First Call—-Gattlng a
Pointer—The Sergeant
In a Fix—Are Im
proving.
Didn't Go Over the Falls.
There was a man walking up and
down Prospect Park, at Niagara
Falls, with his hands behind his back
and his head down, and an old farm
er from near Syracuse wasn't to be
blamed so much for imagining that sui
cide was contemplated. He had no
doubt read of other men who had
acted just that way before leaping in
to the terrible current above the falls.
He waited a reasonable time for the
performance to come off. and, as there
appeared to be a hitch somewhere, he
approached the stranger, and said:
"Stranger^I don't want to meddle
with your biziness I never do with
anybody's, but if—if—"
"Well," sharply asked the other.
"I've only got about forty minutes
before I take the train. If you've
fully made up your mind to do it and
nothing on earth will prevent—"
"Are you addressing me, sir?" de
manded the stranger.
"Yes, of course, therehain'tnobody
else around, is there?"
"And what do you want?"
"Why if you are going over them
falls any time today 1 wanted to sug
gest that you—"
"Going over thefalls! Whatdo you
mean?"
"Why, if you are going over any
time today, go now, so I see it, and
tell the folks all about it. Don't want
to hurry you, but if a man wants to
go, and will go, and praying won't
save him, lie might as well go one time
as another."
"You infernal old milkweed, but I'll
knock the top of your head off if you
don't clear out," shouted the man as
he made as if to pull off his coat.
"Gosh-all-fishhooks! but don't flare
up that way!" gasped the farmer as
he retreated. "What's happened to
make you mad? 1 hain't said nor dun
nothing as I knows on."
"Go—clear out—skip!"
"Hold on—I'll go—don't foller me
up! Lands alive!. but he come
within an ace o' lioppin' right on to
me! Got reg'lar mad in a minit, and
that without the least bit o' cause!
Woosh! Clus call for me, though I'd
a-fit the hardest I could. Suicide and
be hanged to him—I'm goin' hum!"—
Portland Transcript.
Getting a Pointer.
A Macomb county farmer who was
on the market with vegetables the
other morning was accosted by a
young man, who explained:
"I have a patent hay-fork which I
am going to travel with this summer,
and should like to get a few pointers
from you to start on."
"P'inters, eh? Well, what sort?"
"How shall I%pproach the average
farmer?"
"Wall, you'll ginerally find him in
the field."
"Yes."
"Just tell him in a pleasant way
what you've got." M&%/
"Yes." /&fes& mmm
"He'll ask you up to~ the barn to
talk it over.'!.
"I see."
"But don't you go. Instead of that
make a bee line for your buggy, climb
in and scoot your noss as tost as he
kin go for the next six Hailes."
"But why?"
"Oh, nuthin' mucK I only killed
«ix myself last week,/-lout you know it.
rained purty steady for two days and
travel waalight."—Detroit Free Press.
Tha Sergaant In a Fix..
Lieutenant. "Seigeant, look hoe
Lieutenant Von JEnickebein's furtii
tore is to be MM tomorrow, and
imong the rest there is a nice writing
should like tb have. Just you
go to'the'sale andbid forme."
if Sergeant. "Yesi-Lieutenant."
A few steps farther on'the. Sergeant
-met the Captain, if^io said: "I say,
^Sergeant, I want jtm to go to. Lioo
tenant Von Knickeibein's sale tomor
l-ow /there's a handsome writins-deek
I should like to huave^ if you wul bid
lor me." ..•
Serjeant Very, good, Captain.''
The Sergeant went to the sale. Tbi
desk was offered^ and Id, 20, and
thalers, bid for it. i%en the Sergeant
exclaimed: "Twenty-«x thalcn.' for
thelientehant." ••/,•-/ //•Vi',"'„//
Auetioneerf ''TS^Bhf^s-i^x thaln^
8°^SM^T^dw«ty-«rtit
for the C^iu.'' 14^
^®nt
aoeaiuit bgr
•:•:V.I.. ..
conventions would show a
position to quarrd."
"Yes, that's a fact," answered a
doctor who stood near. "Take onr
last convention, for instance. But two
of the men that were shot died from
the effect."
"Only one," said the first doctor.
"No, two."
"I ought to know. 1 was there."
"So was I."
"Then you ought to kn.ow what you
are talking about."
"I do."
"You don't."
"You are butcher."
"You ore a liar."
A lawyer came up and separated
them.—Arkansaw Traveler.
He Got Points.
Tom at the club: "Jack, you are an
electrical expert. Your sister adoreB
you I adore your sister. She laughs
at me for my ignorance of the science.
Give me some points."
Jack: "Well!"
Tom: "What's a volt?"
Jack: "Pressure."
Tom: "What's an ampere?"
Jack: "Quantity."
Tom: "What's an ohm?"
Jack: "Resistance."
Tom same evening in the boudoir:
"Lucy, dearest, why this ohm to the
volt of my hand? Do you not realize
the ampere of my love?"
Lucy rapturously: "My own, I am
yours.
An Unlucky Number,
A lady traveller alighted at a hotel
and asked to be shown into a room.
A waiter took her upstairs, and led
her along a passage.
They passed several doors in success
ion—Nos. 9,10,11,12.
"Oh, let us go on!" the lady exclaim
ed, I don't care for No. 13."
The waiter stopped, opened the
door, and said, with an air of dignity:
Madame, in a well regulated establish
ment like ours, you won't find a No.
13."
The lady looked up it was No. 12
bis!—La Vis de Famile.
Makes a Difference.
Bjones—What will you take for that
horse of yours, Bjenkins?
Bjenkins—Two hundred and fifty
dollars.
"Two hundred and fifty dollars!
Why, man, you told me last week
that you were disgusted with hiin and
would sell him for fifty dollars."
"Yes, I know I did I have found a
man now who wants him."—Somer
ville Journal.
He Liked the Sermon.
Pewrenter: "I want to tell you, Dr.
Hornblower, how much I liked your
sermon on brotherly love yesterday
morning. It was powerful and quite
to the point."
y-
tbaliiii
r»
Auctioneer: •Ttiftil
going^-goftg aimrinore
Sergeantr''11jirl!y thaler8 for
Lietiteninti" and/ eo on till a
hi^i figure had been reached.
At last-tiie auctioneer said
you are bidding agiunst yoursdfl'-ri
wonder jrbat it to/borne ofitadtt"
MWelli sir, I am pusilad
to le&w niyself whal istoconMtilitl
I doio^t kno wwbidito haveit knocked
|o«irto." Fliegende Blatter.
Paator*a fMCaril '^4.
ifepy living on Remsen avptae,.
NewBrunswick,ownaa parrot.A'Ai^lr
lias i«cently beeii establish^
the-lady's churdirand m0if:
ago he went tp make hisjiit
paatoral -visit. Tltft J^ont door^ias
open, but the VSeflaa blind
'I am very glad if
Dr. Hornblower:
you enjoyed it."
Pewrenter: "Enjoyed itf Well, I
should say I did! There are a lot of
people in that church
.that I hate like
poison, and you made them thorough*
ly uncomfortable."
Accommodating,
"That gas stove is a dandy," said'
the agent. "You can use it for heating
purposes in the winter—make your
house as warm as toast—and then in
summer you can cobk with it."
'But it would be hot in summery"
said the customer.
"Oh,.no," returned the agent, "it
hardly gives out any heat «t all.**—N.
Southern Etiquette.
Bey. Mr. Henry Clay Adams—Whad'
jer git de chickins in dat bog, niggah?
Mr. George Washington Smith—Am
yo'frum de norf, sah?
yo knbw dat, yo! briKskiooita?
Mr. G. W. S.—Humphl no Suddern
culnd gefi'Kn'n ebber adcsr iiiii^da.ar
8uddftrn culudjnn'rm'n lie git'
his liamj^on
.vTha*Worin
?C"What is''thii::bai!fo^
"I have no goods stored wiU^ yoUdi
"Yes you have, You've been' throw^
ing your empty bottles and tin carift
into that vacant lot of mine next to
our house fdr five years. TBU dol*
is you? father coming on?'
asked CpI. Percy Yerger of a .darkey
heused to own bdorethe war.
^fieamdMKU"
"D«»d, is he? He must have reach-
I'He-did &t afact. He was
i^aoosrilsinv Hie Mou^taahe.
Tiinid Young ^Lady-r-What^ would
yon give a young man to oommMnor-
mt has^ just beea patented. lt is a
mbustadie qobn, and wiU ^ck]e a
boy of that afte imn^ens^.^ew^jkNrs'
t»ot What Ha Wanted*^
Gentleman (savagdy) to hal^M
A*j,^You vilbun! That stuC^youWar
rantedto do' mrntsg «i&s|jMillN)l(i:
pitdtelhad has takeaennr bair o#
*FJr4!S,«wdinga eanuc pap«»l
Lord p^wtoag-Oh, come, lunrl I
low1
thelnodefl' Mi
S3?*'1
©tfcura
EVERY HUMOR OF THE SKIN AND
Scalp at Infancy and childhood, wbtthx
torturing, dlaSgnrlns. Itching, burning, acaly,
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RIUKDIEH, conalstlng
Skin Cure, CUTICURA
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Remedies, when the beet phyndana and all other
remedloe fall. Parents, enve your children
yean of mental and physical ia Bering,
Sold everywhere. Price. CUTIRUBA,
'Baby's skin and scalp pnrlfled
beantlfled by COTICOBA SOAP.
50C.:
SOAP, 30C. RESOLVENT, $1. Prepared by
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Send for "How to cure Skin Diseases/
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tBt
Kidney pains, backache, and mnscolar
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W
The Latest Thing In Shrouds.
A lady walked into a pattern store
nn Fourteenth street the other day
and asked for the latest pattern for a
shroud suited to a middle aged widow.
In conversation with the clerk she
said, quite cheerfully, that she had
made her own shroud eight yearo ago
and had it packed away in her trunk
ready for the final day of dissolution:
but Iter hair having become gray since
then she thought a new shroud was
necessary now. "Do you not think
that the lace on the neck should be a
little narrower to suit me now?" calm
ly asked the lady. The clerk said,
with a weary look, that he really was
no authority on such matters. He
referred her to another pattern store
further up town, andrubbedhishands
in ghoulish glee when she departed.
Now he wants to hear from the rival
establishment.—New York Continent.
Sneezing One's Teeth Out.
The report of the physician ir
charge of the Ningpo Missionary Hos
pital for the past year contains some
interesting observations on tooth
drawing in China. Dr. Daly remarks
that Chinese teeth are much more
easily extracted than those of Euro
peans. The native dentists are said
to possess a wonderful powder, which
is rubbed on the gum over the affected
tooth after an interval of about five
minutes the patient is told to sneeze,
whereupon the tooth falls out. Dr.
Daly has offered a reward of $100 to
anyone performing the operation in
this way in his presence, on condition
that he is allowed to choose the tooth
and examine .the mouth before and
afterward. So far no one will consent
to perform the operation on these con
ditions.—New York Medical Record.
Not Responsible Mother.
"To think that my little Ethel
should have spoken so impertinently
to papa to-day at dinner! She'nevei
hears me talk in that way to him."
Ethel, stoutly: •. "Well, but you
choosed him, and I didn't."
oonilipifion l§
rembd'
lyrup or
«idtl bottlea
gists. Any
may not hava
COM It pn»N
wishesto
MunMwf.
l»^pjg^»es jronr
dMKfiSS €^0.
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2?
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mim
food,^eanngtbjhe
Mptatle to the sfannadi,
its aetira ul hni
•ftcfc peoai^ oiaif tiw
heslthy and agseeable sdhstiuioas,
many eicellent
Co-u and have pada ft tlM most
!j£mm
to
in50f
Vha
MHuaomoo^Mi.
tomnuLn.
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