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FRIDAY, OCTOBER 4, UM2.
drive the worst forms of immorality into
the Negro quarters and then curse the Ne
gro because of his moral weakness. We
subject him to the severest test of our city
life—physical, moral, and political—and
then cynically declare that the 'nigger' is
no good, anyway. Let's give him a square
( | eJ ,l — a man's chance. Neither race-hatred
nor mawkish sentimentality will settle this
very delicate question. The South can not
settle it alone, and the North can not do
the work for the South. The North and
Ihe South, the city and the country, musi
tackle the thing together, Tor this is a
The trouble with livin' these days as I
sees it is that every time a feller earns a dol
lar out o' somebody else, somebody else earn
a dollar and a quarter out o' him.
Seems to me they'd be a piwerful pile o'
money lying round loose fer the feller that'ld
invent some kind of an inkybater arrange
ment whereby a hired man could hatch out
suthin' wuth while while he was a-settin'.
The chief trouble with the general run o'
Road Commissioners, gentlemen, is that they
spend more time thinkin' about the commis
sions than they do thinking about the roads.
I tell ye, Bill, I've lived round these here
parts goin' on to sixty-two years now, and
I hain't never sold my vote to nobody, but
all the same my time's allers been wuth from
two ter six dollars a day to somebody on
A Valuable Find.
"Ah!" said the burglar, a smile of delight
spreading over his face as he looked around
the house. "Here's a bath-tub."
"Aw, rats, Bill!" growled his assistant.
"V' ain't goin' to waste none o' your time
taking a bath, I hope."
"Not on yer life," returned the delighted
Bill. "But these here nickel spiketts and
th' lead pipe's wuth all o' thutty dollars."
A Pronounced Check.
Woggley had been found guilty, and sen
tenced to pay a fine of fifty dollars.
"Oh, well," he said, "of course I'll have
to pay, because I am in a great hurry to get
on, but I haven't fifty dollars in my pocket.
Will you take my cheek?"
"Sure," said the justice.
Woggley drew his check, and at once pro
ceeded to crank up his machine.
"Hyar, mister," cried the justice, "they
hain't no need o' your doin' that. I'd ought
to have told ye we'll hey to hold that there
care ez s'eurity till the cheek goes through."
"Why, Rastus," said Smithers, "what are
you doing here? I thought you were going
to be married this morning?"
"Why, yass, ah was, Mistah Smithers,"
said Rastus, "but dat ceremony am teniper
arily pothponed, suh. De bride, she done
run off wiv dat wuthless niggah Thain Jon
Perkins (as he misses for the twentieth
time) : Tut! tut! fudge!
Caddie: Say, boss, you can't learn to play
golf wid dat language.
THE SEATTLE REPUBLICAN
"Did you really believe, doctor, that your
old medicines really keep anybody alive?"
asked the skeptic.
1' Surely,'' returned the doctor. '' My pre
scriptions have kept three druggists and
their families alive in this town for twenty
An Acute Ear.
"Acute hearing?" said little Binks, scorn
fully. "Don't talk to me about anybody's
acute hearing—why, my mother-in-law—"
"Yes?" said the genial philosopher.
" —My mother-in-law has heard me say
things I never even thought of uttering,"
s;iid little Binks.
"I see," said Bilkins, "that a French sci
entist has discovered a method for staving
off old age."
"Well, what of it?" demanded Wilkins.
"There's nothing new in that. A man can
stave off old age by jumping off the Eiffel
Tower; or dropping a lighted match in a
powder barrel while sitting on it; or by
rocking the boat when he's out on the water;
or by riding over Niagara Falls sitting
astride of a log. Those French scientists
make me tired with their hullabaloo over
The Wisdom of Silas.
Don't pin your faith to nothin', my son.
Ef it won't stick without a pin it ain't wuth
Some fellers' necks reminds me o' hosses.
They ain't no airthly use t' nobody ontil
The great trouble with a lot o' fellers I
know is that after they've laid down their
principles they lay down onto 'em.
Some habits, gentlemen, is like eggs—ye
don't never have no idea about how bad they
be till ye try to throw oil the yolk.
The Pres'dent o' the United States ast me
to be the Post Master o' this here town.
But, shucks! I'm too busy swattin' flies to
read all them postill-cards the summer
hoarders sends out.
"Wake up, Henry, you're walking in your
"What do you want me to do —fly?"
Before a Montana audience tin* other day,
Colonel Roosevelt indignantly refuted the
charge that he desires to be king, convinc
ing even the few skeptics present by point
ing out thai kings don't have much power
these days.— Columbus Ohio State Journal.
It remained for the Boston Globe to opine
that Straus would win in a waltz.—Atlanta
The New York woman who eloped with
an ieemaß resorted to desperate means to
reduce the cost of living.—Albany Journal.
Arnold Bennett, the English nut hoi-, says
he needs n rest after his American loin-.
So <lo we, Arnold.—Cleveland Leader.
"Suspender Jack" is one of the Colonel's
strongesi supporters. So there seems to be
something in a name, after all.— Southern
A scientist says men don't know how to
eat. Perhaps they've forgotten how since
food prices went up. —Cleveland Plain
The denial of the report that life can be
produced artificially is a heavy blow T to a
multitude of former politicians.—New York
They've been .singing an opera in Es
peranto over in Europe, but it's dollan to
doughnuts thai 1li<" audience didn't know
the difference.—Newark News.
The Orpheum next week will present to
ils patrons the following entertaining 1, as
well as interesting program: The distin
guished acress, Miss Amelia Bingham, in
her original idea, "Big Moments Prom
Great Plays." Nellie Nichols, a chic, dainty
singer of lilting songs. The singing min
strel, Prank MorreU, the California boy.
The famous clown, Slivers, in an original
pantomime, "The Ball Games." Lewis and
Dody, the two Sams. Azard Brothers, haz
ardous equilibrists. The Flyning Russells,
establishing an aerial speed limit.
Beginning next Monday and for one week
will present the following: G. Molasso's
unparalleled pantomime, "La Dance au
Violins," featuring Mile. Ivonne Andre arid
a company of ten dancers. James F. Leon
ard and Clara Whitney, presents a touch of
nature called "Duffy's Rise." Howell &
Scott, patter and parodies. England's elite
entertainer, Glen Ellison. Pritzkow &
Blanchard, in "A Mixed Affair." Fulls &
Falls, in tumbles, turns and twists. Twi
Preparing bodies for shipment a specialty. AH
orders by telephone or telegraph promptly at
tended to. Telephone Elliott 13.
Like Good Service
A CLEAN KITCHEN
LESS COST FOR FUEL
USE A GAS RANGE
A Small Payment with Your Order Will Place One
In Your Nome
Seattle Lighting Co.
1314 Fourth Aye. Main 6767