The golden rule. [volume], January 14, 1899, Image 1

About The golden rule. [volume] (Vicksburg, Miss.) 1898-19??

Image provided by: Mississippi Department of Archives and History

THE GOLDEN
\
So to Them."
I, Ho To Evi
"Therefore, Whatsoever Ye Would tlmt Men Should l>o to \«
NO. 26.
VICKSBURG, MISS., JANUARY 14, 189 0.
VOL. 1.
MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
bad withered in tUpYrt. after all, 'twas but a whirling hour
Out of the smoke-blind town
To whero the sky shone with unblemished
His youthful years
slum ,
"Whero he and his wero bred.
He was a burden, and, though lips wore
dumb, . ,
Hearts wished that h ^ wero dead.
power
Over a fair, broad down.
And ho, the cripple, whose sad Springs
And so wished ho; for in his wearied soul were more
There was but one desire— Than one who watched him know,
To slip away, to reach a strange, vague I t !U j n0 vor seen so much green grass be
fore,
Nor skies so big and blue.
goal
Where time would cease to tire.
But °?,? n ,lny ^ S-. ho was so softly glad, so full of peace,
skillful hands Ho laid him hack aud sighed,
Camfi to his 'side, and boro' him from the Aud watched tho deep sky and its floating
breaming that ho had died.
—J. J. Bell, in Chambers's Journal.
place,
It seemed, to far-off lands.
iSBKBIBBS
m
,-! ! -
f HE'SILENT TROOPER.
1
m
I
\V. L. Comfort, Fifth U. S. Cavalry.
oy
lit
HOOPER LAN-!
der, in private
ranks, never told
jnst why he was
kicked by his
lieutenant Mat
Crim. Lander
never told any
thing. That ac
/Sil ' counts for his of
t.tjMl. k-U being left to him- to
self more tlian is
Common or judicious for one of Uncle
gam's horsemen in field or post.
A troop is a family of big boys.
Somo of thorn are big bad boys, and
odd thing about it is that these
nut always the unpopular ones.
Troopers do not fall on the neck of a
They treat him with pin
naeled dignitv, like old cavalry horses
treat additions to the picket line. If
the now man, in a reasonable period,
develops no objectionable traits, lie
will find himself a member of the
family, which are other words for a
good fellow.
8 But ho can't bo a silent man nor a
sneak; neither can he manipulate a
voluminous correspondence. These
things are fatal. Lander was a silent
m
m
7
els
Is!
au
are
new man.
man.
1-Ie was also my "bunkie," which
that I could put out a hand al
means
most any time in the night and touch
Naturally, under such condi
hitn.
lious.mv very proper prejudice against
him on account of his internal reserve
would either grow into an uncomfort
able suspicion, if;not worse; or else I
would learn to look beyond this seri
ous mental derangement of bis. As it
was, I began to feel for him that
strong, wholesome respect which one
always has for physical capability,
when it is not accompanied by mental
sluggishness.
Then I liked Lander's face.
handsome fellow—handsome
Ho
was a
astride his liorso, and at mess and at
grooming—haudsomo when silent.
Yet I have seen his eyelids droop over
a wicked pair of shining eyes, and
seen an ugly, bloodless look about his
lower lip.
I saw this on'the hot day when
Lieutenant Mat Crim kicked him in
tlio back, because—I wish I knew my
I will tell you what I saw.
A couple of troops of the regiment
were out on a target range. We were
camped in a bunch of unaspiring foot
hills which, lato in the afternoon,
rested in tho huge conical shadow of
Old Bakly.
icy cone punctures the sky at one of
the highest points in Arizona. We
in that sand-stricken laud where
Did
am
the
but
self.
as
I
to
is
to
The tip of Old Baldy's
were
wayfarers have to climb for w-ater aud
dig for fuel-wood. We were in that
heat-ridden land whore the lean, long
coyote scents death and trots cau- so
tiously thither—where the vulture
his bare crimson neck from be
hind a cloud, and peers earthward for
dying things.
Lieutenant Mat Crim was a little is
wasp-waisted chap, who had a dirty
trick of getting mad. His West Point
days were too fresh in his mind for
Ho never
a
cranes
him to be a good oflicer.
allowed himself to lose sight of the
fact that ho was
officer and that a mighty stretch of
superiority lay between him aud
common, enlisted man. Crim had
just been transferred to our troop.
Lander had come from another regi
ment two months before. The two
met that hot afternoon—just be
commissioned
men
fore grooming time.
Lauder sainted. Crim stopped
short, caught at his breath several
times and began to relievo himself of
lot of livid English, all of which
struck mo as mysterious. Lander
stood "at attention," said something
in a low voice and walked away.
Lieutenant Crim was ungovernable.
He sprang a ftcr Lauder, kicked him
in the back and said:
"I'll make life miserable for you,
Cbarlio Howard!" which I judge must
have been Lander's eiviliau name.
Lauder laughed low and melodi
I was thinking how wicked
a
ously.
Lander looked when he laughed that
Then tho bugle sounded
v
O'
"stables."
Everv man in the troop detested the
lieutenant, aud all admired Lauder for
keeping his nerve. Olio of the most
unprofitable things a soldier can do is
to strike a superior officer. The same
kind of a finish awaits him as if he had
been found sleeping at his post.
I watched Lauder, and Lander soc
watched Lieutenant Crim during the
several following weeks. And they
were not pretty eyes, those strange
eyes of Lander's, as they trailed the
movements of his superior oßieer.
To all, he preserved bis self-bound f u
intensity. Glad, indeed, would I have
been to come very close to the heart
of this silent man, because I learned
to have deep feelings for him. IIo
possessed the cold nerve which makes <
heroes, and the great warm heart "
which makes fnends^-I was sure of ag
this. But his nature was broad enough
to cover his troubles, so ho did not
confide in men. Heroes can hate well. to
Wliy my eyes wandered to the op
posite side of one of Lander s letters
while lie was holding it up, and there
lingered for a single disgraceful sec
ond, is something more hau I can ex
plain. I can only regret it. At any
rate, I saw these words:
"Ob, Charlie, do let me come to
you!"
A lady-killer is my silent friend
thought I; but didn't mean to read
part of his letter-really, I didn't.
After five weeks the troops were
ordered to the barracks. No one was
sorry, for life on target range in An
zona is tedtous, putting it with studied
mildness. And then they have mos
,U„„
It was this
I
it
the last night
handy man at tragedies.
•ge
way :
"Say, old chap," said Lander in
light manner the morning before, "
a little favor for me, will yon? I want
you to meet a lady for me.
I will have another engagement to
night!"
"A lady in this country!"
pored excitedly. Nothing but greaser
maidens aud squaws had I seen for
months—it seemed.
Reluctantly lie handed me a note,
part of which is below ;
a
do
I believe
I whis
at
in
"I could not help coming. I was Irantic
when I learned that lio was transferred to
You must meet mo to-night.
your troop.
Did you think I could lorget you. Oh,
Chnrlio, I may ho acting unwomanly, but I
No one knows me here In
am desperate.
the village. I will bo near tlio last adobe,
but on the north. Oh, why did you go
away? I thought * * * Como to-night.
•'Elsie."
1
the
an
of
I
"It's a common yarn," said Lander
"She know me up North
Crim and I wore sta
nervously,
as a civilian,
tioned there, but he did not know me.
I was only a private. She was lovely
to us both. The queer thing about it
is that I won out. Then it occurred
to me that I was only a common sol
dier, who bad flunked at everything
else lie tried, and hardly fit to marry,
I applied for a transfer and chased
She wouldn't have Crim any
so
how.
is very ... ,
an is here, which is also very drarnat
ic; and as I can't see them both, I
want you to go to her. I must keep
tbe other engagement. Tell her 1 m a
deserter or dead or any old thing-"
For tho second time I heard Lan
der laugh low and melodiously. I can
hear it yet.
"There'll be »showdown to-night,"
out.
"Now Crim turns up again in the
attitude of my superior officer, which
dramatic, and the little wom
he said.
After retreat, the lieutenant called for
his horse aud loped slowly townward.
The sun was red and low, and the
silken flag over headquarters was
cased for the night. A little later
Lander ontered the tent, threw his
cartridge bolt about him and saun
tered carelessly out.
"Don't keep tbe little woman wait
ing long," he whispered to me. I
watched his form grow dim in the
shadows toward the village. Then I
stepped into my cartridge belt, looked
at my six-shooter and became one of
the mysterious townward procession,
Something is going to drop on tho vil
lage road this night, I thought.
Lander was sitting by tbe road side
a mile from camp,
did not speak to mo. While I waited,
I wondered why I had not remembered
to shake hands with Lander that
night.
It seemed a long time before the
lieutenant's horse ; was heard down
the road. I hoped that Lander would
not pick off his man from ambush. I
hated to think he would do it.
"Dismount, lieutenautl" sang
Ho smiled, but
the
for
is
had
tlie man who had been kicked, and he
salute Ma oupericur officer
What Cnm said as he obeyed VI
rather important but not neoesSary to ,
this narrative. But Orim knew then j
that he was only a common huinail j
man, like the being before him, whoni
he had kicked. He saw in the faded
twilight a private in the regular army
who in the presence of other men was
his slave: but, who alone, in the foot
hills of Arizona, was a cool, deter jy
mined, smiling foe. He saw before j
him the handsome Charlie Howard,
who was loved by a woman he loved,
He saw the reckless light in Howards
eyes which boded no good. And in y
spite of all these things, Lieutenant
hint Grim was game. I
The moon was looking over old
Baldy's icy crown now and the great j n
dome above and the sand below word
filled with its whitenesâs.
"You acted the coward once, little
officer—try to bo a man to-night," I
heard Lauder say; "It was imprac
tible to procure seconds, so you will
have to rely upon the honor of a com
Perhaps you never as;
soc i a ted such sentiments with au en
listed man. I see that you have your
six-shooter. I was too soft-hearted to
bruise you with my hands."
Crim looked at his man keenly. IIo
then looked over his six-shooter care
f u ]iy. He bad been a clever shot at
West Point.
"Who gives the signal?" ho added,
cleariug hi 3 throat.
"Count three in the position of
< ra i Be pistol,* " said Lander politely,
" afte rwhich you are at liberty to fire
ag goon ag J p i ea se."
0rira . 3 Jl gelding browsed uneasily
am j shinnied. He wanted to get back
to tlle hav on the picket line, but be
wa3 a trained cavalry horse and did
not thiuk of trotting off alone. I
wfttoliedi not know i n g what else to do.
Both men took position, aud came
tQ tho l . egulation " ra iso pistol."
" Keady? " n sked the lieutenant,
clearing his throat again.
" AU % cady> " answered the silent
man cheerfully. The moonbeams
wbUe ned his forehead.
" 0n e;" said the lieutenant. Both
men wel ! e motiouless .
,, Twol >. ll0 screa med. His arm
d- There was a noise and an
empty shell in his six-shooter. The
jj eu t ena nt had forgotten to say
mon soldier.
I*»),*.»».--'*;.
SÄrÄtf
iorofficb'x, . All Wins-"Mi.- ili.—si I F.
affrighted, and galloped away.
"Go and tell her, old chap," Lan- Ge
der whispered, "that Charlie Howard
was afraid to meet her to-night. Tell
her that his memory is afar worthier
shriue for her worship than—acorn- H
mon cavalryman. Tell her that I was
a deserter, because old man, I think a
lot of tbe little witch. You needn't n
tell her that Crim is a coward—just
say he is a good shot."
And when there were no more words
I hurried away to the village to keep H
Lander's engagement, felie was there
-—a little thing—pretty aud trembling.
There was a lace handkerchief in her
hand and a soft perfume about hei.
I told her what Lander had said.
She did not cry, but clutched my arm
•il
with fierce strength.
"Take me to him," she demanded.
I led the way back over the rolling
road and when we neared tbe spot
1 , , " , ; . f. nilnrif friend in
where I had left my silent liiencl m H
the moonlight, I heard a long, low,
mournful howl, tbe answer mingled
with tbe echo. * .
"Let us hurry—faster!" I said.
There was no change. Lieutenant
Mat Crim had not returned. The wom
an picked up the pistol which had
fallen by the silent man's side, and
throw open the cylinder with t'je ease
of a veterar. Six loaded cartridges
fell into her hand.
"You saw it all?" she questioned
slowly. "And he was your friend?"
I bowed.
"Then you will kill the coward for
your friend's sake!" She spoke the
words altogether too loudly.
"He is my superior officer, madame,"
I whispered.
"Leave me now," she commanded.
"But, madame," I objected, "I
must walk with you back to the vill
age."
I
it
I
a
I have this."
"No, no! Leave me.
She was replacing tho cartridges into
the cylinder.
As I stood watching her, a bugler in
the camp a mile away played the Inst
call a soldier hears nt night—the
mournful, melancholy taps,
looked down upon my friend, the si
lent man—they would souud taps
him to-morrow—and I forgot that I
was only a private in the regular army.
"Leave me now," she repeated.
And when I had gone n few pacc3 I
turned. She was bending low.
The moon was high above old Baldy
now, and bis whiteness was upon the
upturned face of the silent man.
Lieutenant Mat Crim called for his
horse tho next morning, when a guard
told him that tho bodies of Private
Lander and a white woman had been
found out in the chaparral,—Detroit
Free Press.
for
the
his
I
the
I
of
vil
side
that
the
down
would
I
out_JBitn
And I
over
but
said
"I don't understand things,
Willie, gazing at the elephant.
"Here's the elephant that can't read
growing two beautiful big paper cut
ters right out of his mouth!"—Tit"
KEW YORK'S FREE HAND.
_ cp E M T YEARLY IN
, AMOLNT SPEN Y
j CHARITY THAT SEEMS INCREDIBLE,
j
jt ; s almost, incredible, writes W.
jy Curtis, in the Chicago Record, but
j have the official reports for my
authority, that 2,551,455 persons re
reived assistance or relief from the
various charitable associations of New
y or ]j state last year. This includes
ordy such associations as are organ
I ized under the State laws and are re
q,i ; re d. to make reports of their trans
j n >a „„ ,„ 10 Commissioner of Chari
{j ea -jy does not embrace a multitude
0 f religious organizations, mission
schools, the King's Daughters, the
I jjpworth League, Christian Endeavor,
hands of hopo, aid societies, helping
hands and the many benevolent
branches of the Catholic Church which
al , e a \ v ; a ys offering succor to the poor
a nd needy; and, of course, the amount
0 f money, food and clothing dis
tribnted by private individuals cannot
i, e taken account of. It is probable
;f accurate returns could be obtained
G f these forms of charity the amount
at distributed and the number of re
eipients would he increased fifty per as
cent. of
The total amount of money expend
of ed for charities last year by organized I
charities in the State of New York
was *23,100,880 Of this #9,606,136
was disbursed through purely official
and $13,494 754 through private
agencies. In 'sew York City the num
be ber of persons receiving assistance
was 1,523,699. The hospitals, relief
I societies aud other associations took
do. caie of 758,609 persons. The re
mal der received what is known as
"outdoor" relief"-that is, at their
own homes. , ,
Pauperism lias grown to such a
extent that the enormous sum of
8103,384,554 is now invested in their
behalf in this State, of which 92».
929, 490 is in the form of endowments
and $77,455 064 in real estate. The
arm following table will show t ie distnbu
an tion of this enormous fund:
The siato Institutions... .. $'5,450,053.65
say County almshouses. 2,M; lnn?'n 0 i
Cltj .md town almshouses... 0, «43.00 .00
SS'SSS"""'"" J : :
SJritt^ « a « rs Tj
I F. lU , u ,in sua.„, . fiX,aii.bl
Fresh-air charities......... - 47J.OJo.Jii
Lan- Ge t " r ° ra 0 '' td °?. . Y ....2,474,544.43
jjomos for the ngod.. 17,845,107.17
Tell Homes for the blind. .. 244,400.00
Homos 2 ' , ' j31 ' 7j °' S
H °" g .- " 1 . 101.907.78
was Homes "(temporary) for men r
a and boys.•••. 124,319. ,1
n ®2f 0 ^.§ 1 r P° rary) U""'" 223,214.45
Homeg ( tem poravy) for worn
on, girls.... 177,232.00
words Homes and hospitals tor ooa- Rq;t nno on
keep H ^" s p " a a hospitiis'fo'r ein- ' '
there valeseonts. 52,700.00
Homos ami hospitals for epil
her ^ispûûis fôj:' in- '
cnrablos!. 1,011,855.00
said. Homes and hospitals for ino
arm *-lulates...................... 453,307.70
Homes and missions tor lmml
«rants 2,411,600.00
Hospitals!.'.... 29,003,051.55
rolling Humane societies. 6,600.90
spot Legal aid sociétés...... ,«8*11«
in Reformatories for childron... 105,5(8.13
m H 0 [ 0 rmatories for womon ami
low, Kirl3 . 1,618,172.24
societies for relief of sick poor 835,503.00
Schools for deaf. l,224,G91.6o
and
fit
the
880,
from
The
Pauperism Has Grown Until
Is Invested For tlie Benefit of tlie
Indigent—Two Million and a Half
Persons Deceive Assistance.
Enormous
Su
were
was
Dr.
the
.$ 103 , 334 , 554.21
Total.
.$ , ,
Tho number of permanent inmates
of charitable institutions, when tho
latest count was made, was
The number received and cared for
during tbo year in such institutions
was 269,147. It is extraordinary that
two-fiftlis of the permanent charges
upon the State and charity are chil
dren, the number at present cared for
being 31,127. Most of these, however,
bettor off than they would be with
their parents or people of their class,
for they are receiving tho rudiments
of an education, and are taught useful
trades.
The city, county and townshiji alms
houses have 13,732 inmates and other
Stato institutions for the indigent have
6001, making a total of 19,733 paupers
in the State, people who canuot or will
not sustain themselves. The educa
tional institutions whero free instruc
tion is given have 6020 pupils, who
not only educated hut are support
ed in the meantime. There are ninety
seven inmates in the homes for dis
charged prisoners, 1824 in the reforma
tories for women and girls, aud 198
infants in the duy nurseries.
The following statement shows the
number of pauper inmates in tlie vari
homes and asylums, most of whom
are permanent;
Homes for the aged..."..™.
Homes for the blind.
Homes (temporary) for men and boys
Homes (temporary) for women und
children.. 172
Homes (temporary) for women and girls 4-»
■Schoolsfor the deaf.. • •
Homes and hospitals for consumptives lie
Homes and hospitals for convalescents 2.->
Homes ami hospitals for epileptics.... 177
Homes and hospitals for incurables..,. 669
Homes and hospitals for inebriates.,,
Charity patients in other hospitals.. ,
It will be noticed that this statement
does not include tho insane who are
under the care of the State, nor the
pupils of tho several blind and deaf
Total.
74,664.
are
I
I
are
I
ons
.8635
118
203
in
.0992
were administered. , .
treatment for lockjaw tho object ot in
jecting the serum into the seeonci
convolution of the brain is to get as
near the seat of the motor speeoli area
as possible. The second convolution
of tlio brain and a so ie • >
primarily important in tins respect
I hey are associated with the rao
nerves and the , , •
the "fX-inTIn^attack'uponth"tor
diately
™d muscles at this point
the ncivc a mston of
Dr.Eambaucl iliei 1 tue piston o
the ^A mtotoès Stowl v the seïum
oftthe " lant ® 8 " ' th( f ,, rain au d
re- began to flow th.ougli the main a
as into ta ® c ™," , rlel ' icate When
bon s Xf the bÄ hid been charged
wbl, the Varum the same operaUon
„prfnvmpd nn the other side One
of in aU weJe inlêcted
and a ^
The good effect of the
began to assert. itself. In a,few horns
here was av.si le "
m " ac ® a ' n "Ä °hovers around
Fni wl^w^îcti.n's mouthbegau to
1 t- m-i/lpTit to the doctors
0 i 1?°!° *i Ï" n „ , „ronerlv
.00 that the trouble was being properly
: i.» ««»■»*• • <»
gMgJft -
In the past eighty per cent, of all
tetanu3 caaea pr0 ved fatal, but under
the new treatment it is prophesied
that not three per cent, will be lost.
o u ] y recently has science been ablo to
°' S cope with it with any degree of assur
anoo that it could bo readily opposed,
the first successful case of antitoxine
,1 t ren t men t being reported in the Gn
zette des Hospitaux in Paris June 28,
1898. At that operation, hold under
tbe c ii rec ti on 0 f Professor Roux, <TT
on rectol . of the Pasteur Institute in
' Paris, Dr. Rambaud, of Now York,
waa present.
and dumb asylums who pay for theh
instruction.
The total contributions for the bene
fit of organized charities last year in
the State of New York were $23,100,- j
880, . Nine and one-half millions was -
appropriated by State, county and An
municipal governments; $4,349,481
private contributions, to which
should be added $894,744 received
from entertainments and benefits, and
SCIENCE CONQUERS LOCKJAW.
- ' '
The Injection of Antitoxine Serum n
Ctiro For tlie Dreaded TetanuH.
were
The
$860,427 received from legacies,
revenue from interest in endowment?
was $2,204,365.
Amorica for tho cure of that dread
disease, lockjaw, is reported from !
Passaic, N. VF. It was performed in a
hospital there on Aaron Hemion, by 1
Dr. Rambaud, of the New Torlt
branch of the Pasteur Institute, of
Paris. The operation consisted in an
injection of the antitoxine serum into
the seoond frontal convolution of ths
patient's brain. To do this tho skull
had to be trephined, two quarter-inch
holes being made. Powerful opiates
In a case for
Tbe first successful operation in
Ou the third day Mr.
Luxury and Extravagance.
destruction of
In general, tbe
wealth is a social as well as au indi
vidual loss,
up in riotous living is diverted from
Extravagance is not
The mere trans
Tbe wealth that is used
better uses,
necessarily luxury,
fer of wealth from one baud to an
other does not involve destruction.
Consumption means using up.
nation spends $259,090 for a great
picture the wealth is not destroyed; it
is simply transferred. When tlie Ju
bileo Plunger ran through $2,509,000
twelve calendar months, tho wealth
of tlio world was diminished only by
the amount of it he and those who
sponged on him put
throats and otherwise wantonly de
stroyed. In so far as it was simply
transferred to others to whom he paid
extravagant prices it waSj not de
stroyed.
To give high jn-ices for articles
which are rare is not necessarily lux
ury, for tho price aud the rare edition
or the old master both remain. It is
true that extravagance may mean the
transfer of wealth to those who will
not use it well; but it does not usually
mean this. It generally involves a
transfer to the hands of those who
will use it more
tional Journal of Ethics.
AVlieu
I
2.->
177
669
m
down their
wisely.—Interna
Veneering.
Vcnoer cutting is a trade in itself;
both hand out and ma
veneers are
chine cut; the former are generally
considered the best. A leaf of veneer
is no more than one-sixteenth of an :
inch ; overlaid with it common deal |
becomes to all appearances oak, will
nut, satin-wood, rosewood or makog- j
any, just as you please. Sixty square j
feet of veneering can be turned out by
a machine within the minute; an inch
of wood will yield thirty-two
In this country a specially thick veneer
is cut; instead of papering tho walls
of a house, they are sometimes veil
eered with mahogany, walnut, birds
eye maple. This veneer is so tllia
that it must bo packed up with paper
to give it strength. The best wood
for the purpose is got from trees that
have grown slowly in poor soil, luch
ly figured voneers are obtained from
the roots of trees. There is a good
market for them among the makers of
pianoforte cases.
veneers.
in
d
to
all
to
Gn
28,
<TT
in
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
An Incident
They both bad caught a fall-9tylo cold,
their noses Itched and burned,
Their eyes were rod as railway signal
lights.
And yet, despite their sufferings, they
mutually yearned
To miss none of their usual sparking
' nights.
She met him at the doorway In antlclpativo
STORIES TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
of tlie Season—Bound t<\
Down, Too—An Exceptional
Him—
Come
Man — Bewildered — Doubted
Marked Down—Her Little Mistake,Etc.
bliss, , ,
Ho clasped her hand with an impulsive
squeeze.
But O! the heavenly rapture of the usual
!
—p»nvp" Foot,
1
Hound to Como Down, Too,
"How milk has come up!"
"But it's higher in Africa."
"How do you know?"
"Because that's where cocoa nuts
grow." _
An Exceptional Mar.
Diggs—".Simpkins certainly lias
wonderful memory."
Diggs—"Why do you think so? '
Diggs—"Ho never loaves his um
brella anywhere."—New York World.
a
Doubted Him.
He_"Give me one kis3 that I may
jherish it forever."
She-—"Is that all you can say in
proof of your love—that if I kiss you,
you won't give it away?"—Indian
apolis Journal.
* Bewildered.
"What's the matter with the Em
peror?" inquired one Chinese cour
tier.
He's lost his
"He's bothered,
memorandum book and can't remem
ber the date of his next funeral."—
Washington Star.
Her Idttle Mistake.
The Bride—"I want to thânk you
much for that beautiful present,"
Her
more, my dear; it was a
i The Bride— "Well, I didn't think so
when I gave it to you at your
riage."—Stray Stories.
Frlnted at Last.
Miss Boston—"Is it not remark
Hile! The writings of a man who lived
hotoro th e nv ramids were built, have
lust* been* discovered, And- publish«:
;o the world."
Struggling Author—"Which
tine did he send them to?"—New York
Weekly.
Married Friend—"Say no
mere trifle."
ma c
ta
rier Lost Opportunity.
Marie—"I bave just been reading
if another Red Cross girl who mar
ried the soldier she nursed through a
lever."
Mildred—"Yes, that's boeomo quite
jommon now. Ob, how I wish wo
would have anothor war."—Chicago
Record. _
Good Thinff.
Boturued Traveler—"You say Mrs.
Esthete has quite lost her love of the
What has happened?"
husband
Too MUCH of
of
from
not
antique.
Resident — "Her
jqueezed in Wall street, aud she must
now go and live in tlie old shanty that
ber grandfather was born in."—New
York Weekly.
got
used
an
great
it
Ju
by
who
de
paid
de
lux
is
the
will
a
who
Easily Itemedlecl.
Chief Clerk (in railway office)—
"Here's a report from the roadmaster
to tho effect that the Deep River
bridge is unsafe. Wbat instructions
äball I give him?"
General Manager— "Tell bun to give
it a new coat of paint immediately."—
Chicago News.^_
their
Impossible.
, Etta. Is it tuue?
engagement with Mr.
"Do tell me
They say your
Smith is off!"
"It is true,
my request,
hyphenate
how Etta Biaok-Smith would sound.
—Chicago Tribune.
it was broken off at
His name would not
well with miue.
Think
StratoRy ami tlio Fire Flenil.
The German Fire Department—"I
have the honor to announce, Captain
that the fire is in the fourth story, and
ladders and hose will reach only
to the second."
"Indeed! Then we'll have to wait
till the fire gets down to the second."
— Fliegende Blaetter.
our
itself;
ma
aînrkod Down,
veneer "Shall I report a hundred rebels
an : j^Ued?" asked the secretary,
deal | "Ho," said the Spanish general,
will- a f|_ e r sufficient thought "Mark it
makog- j down to ninety-eight. We will show
square j tll0 wor j d that Spain is not so far
by f rom the nineteenth century as has
inch asserted."—Cincinnati Inquirer,
veneer change of Programme.
walls yvife "The Gossip Sewing Society
veil- meets this afternoon, and I'll run over
birds- , fQr & couple Q f hours if you thiuk you
tllia I cau keep the baby quiet."
paper , y mar t Husband (who wouldn't hurt
wood | jqj do it. I'll keep him
that p llave to choke him."
luch- yyife_"On second thoughts, I
from don q believe I feel like sewing this
good ftftel . noon . Let's go to the park."—
of |^ ew y 01 -k Weekly,