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i mn ' K-r t. THB OHIOAQO BJJLGH-.m FOR EAGLE READERS. News from All Parts of the World Carefully Selected from the Press Telegrams. A Weekly Digest of the Most Important Facts and Happenings for Busy Readers. F1t or six burglar tuailo an ntti'tiipt to rob the ssfo of tbe First National Bank at IVllclty. Ohio. Tho oxploslou .tnakpnod Thomas DotiulJ, who, on ap ponrlnsf, wan ordered back Into his, house. He armed hluuolf and reappeared, and an exchange of shots followed, which awakened the town. In the presence jut Niiporlor numbers the burglars tied. Thejr had blown off the outer doors of the MSfe and wrecked the furniture, but had inot reached Uu cnsli box. They had cut the telephone wires, but It was ascertain ed that they boarded a train for Cincin nati. Word wan sent to the police of Cincinnati, who saw the thieve swing off the farther side of the train ns It reached the city, make their way through back yards and cro the river Into Ken tucky. At Shreve, Ohio, robbers blew (ipen the xafe In the Farmers' Hank. The explosion awakened citizens, who turned out to capture the crackmcn. The latter, however, became frluhtencd and lied without bavins secured nnythliiR of value. Two men. suppoed to have been Implicated In the attempt at robbery, were cultured a few miles east of town and brouu'ht back. START ON TRIP AROUND THE WORLD. Six Yountf Men Sail from Sea Oat In Forrytltfht-root Yacht. Sailing from Sea (Sate, N. Y the Vo latile, a 48-foot yacht, began her crulso around the world, with Ix young men on board, who hope to be back In New York In nine mnuth. They are: Harry Lang .Ion. 0. It. Mlddleby. II. T. MeOahan, Ilus.ell Millard, II. C. Dana nnd W. 0. MoMlciinel. Mn. of them live In New York City. The Volante will tirst bo headed for the Arores, and the young men Jiope to eat their Christmas dinner at (tlbraltar. After cruNIng In the Med iterranean they will go through the Suez rannf and iill across the Indian ocean iitnl the South Sen. Crossing the I'acltlc to the ithmu of Panama, tho Volnute will be transported overland by rail, and will sail directly for New York by the xhortest route. MYSTERY IN CATTLE LOSS. SuJdtn D:athi on Ranches Alarm People of Southwvst. Farmers nnd cattle owners In varloua parts of Texas us well as lu Indian ter ritory mi. I In and about the Hoggy Hot loins have lost cuttle recently from un known inu-es. The Stato veterinarian has been appealed to for n remedy. A prominent rancher east of Caddo, I. T., says the sudden death of cattle in tho Moggy Hottonis Is nlarmlng. Frequent I.V In a day or two after turning cows Into the Held they suddenly die. Thou Minds of cattle are lost ench fall lu this way and the subject hns attracted much intention. One theory Is that the feed ing of cornstalks Is the cause. Wealthy Duelists Killed. (!. I.. Powell nnd J. S. Overstreet, two wealrhy naval stores manufacturers, shot nn. I killed each other nt Xnlfo, Fin. Over Q street went to Powell's still, the two men litarreled and ltoth emptied their revolv ers without Injury to each other. Powell then went Into the houe and came out with two rilles. Itoth tired together and iMch man fell. Verdict o? $14,009 for Libel. The jury In the ease of Miss Agnes 1'rlzzell, who sued .1. C. Hoot, soveielgn commander of the Woodmen of tho World, anil others for the publication lu the Tidings of an alleged libel, returned n lerdlet iii 'favor of the plaintiff, allow Ins her Sl-WKs) damages in Omaha. Texas MurUersr S rUenced. At Waco, Te.Mis, Anderson Norrl, col ored, who killed Mis. Kmina French Dee. n, 11100. by hitting her on the head with a barrel of a taiget rille, has been sen tenced by .liidgo Scott to lio hanged ou th' ."ih of .I.itiuary next. Blow 5ofo l-'orty Fe-sr. Five or six men broke into tho t.alomi if .1. N, Dick, at Wharton, Ohio, drilled a hole into tho safo and blew Jt forty f.-i-i into tho strei't. No money was ob tained. Miss Dick was tired upon three nines, but was iinlnjuied. Vattr Main Bursts In New York. Hursting of water main In Mndlson nwine. New York, caused commotion In .i.liionable dlstllct, Hooded basements, ). .M ked ear nnd undermined buildings. Damage estimated at j51,IM)U.I)00. Votes of Federation of Lalrnr. American Federation of Labor hits vot-.-I i exclude Chinese, but tabled a eso .i m to shut out .Japanese. It wuit ou it- .,n1 n fa voting tb-kut scalping and I rented tho universal label hcheme. EljComm's ilon Firm Falls. The l-uminli"ii ilmi of II. It. Penny u Co.. with oitii... in the Omaha Hoard Trade buildup, has closed its doors. 11 It Penny said that the firm had suf-r.-i.-.l Ios.es of over $i),()0() during tho n-ei-nt bull movement In wheat, but that his t-uitomers would be paid in full. Oujts Appraiser Waktrmn. Sei retary (Ja.-e, with tho consent of tho President, has written a peremptory let-to- to Appraiser Wilbur F. Wakeman of .Sew York ilriiuitiding his resignation, to take effect on Jan. 1 next. Sills Away for South Pole. The steamer Gauss, bearing tha (icr pun antarctic expedition headed by Prof. jVon DrygaUki, which sailed from Kiel 'Aug. 11 and arrived at Capo Town after considerable anxiety as to her safety had been aroused, ha proceeded for tho antarctic regions. Wllhelmlna's AM Is Dead. A dispatch from Amsterdam says that Jonkherr U. J. Van Tets, tho Nether lands court official who was said to hare jbeen wounded in a duel with Prlnco Hen ry, husband of Queen Wilhelmlna, died ,from peritonitis, from which he had nut fared for three weeks, DROP TO ESCAPE DEATH. Mother and Daufhter Parish and teven Others Hurt In Fire. Two persons were burned to death and rferen injured in a Arc at Carnegie, Pa. Mrs. Harah Klce and Mary Kleo are dead. The Klec home was a two-story frame house on Broadway, the grouud tloor front being devoted to a grocery store kept by Klce, and tho rest of tha house being occupied by tho family. Tho Bro was discovered about 4:40 o'clock in the morning by the grocery clerk. The Dames spread so rapidly that the occu pants of the upper story were shut off from the stairway, and Klce nnd his wife realized that there was but one way to save the children, and that was by throw ing them from the window, about twenty feet above the ground, Ono by ono the children were brought to the window and dropped to the ground by tho father. All wero more or less seriously Injured, but all escaped death from the Haines except Mary. When Harry, the baby, was reached, it was found that the little one's face, feet and hands were blistered nnd burned. Ho wns saved just in time, ami it is thought ho will survive. A.ajr us cuing tho baby the father looked for Ids wife. It seems that while hu was les cuing tho youngest ami most helpless itliltil aim li'flj ..tftbltif nti ilttiitlltlt In saVC ' the life of Mary, and In doing so gavo up her own life. Tho houo was destroy ed. The charred tcmalns of the mothr and daughter wcie found lu tho rulm side by side. . FIND CHILD IS MURDBSGD. Indians Auth ultles Arrest Farmer's Housi kteptr for Slay 'n I a Girl. Ida Cheney, a young woman of Payne, Ohio, Is in Jail at that place on a charge of murdering tho ll-ycar-old daughter ol Oeorge Franklin, a farmer. Ida Cheiiej has been Franklin's housekeeper since tho death of his wife thrco years ngr and it is nllegcd sho has always treated the little girl cruelly. Keccntly she went to n neighbor's house nud reported thai the child had been seized wit., convul sions while alone lu the house and hail died. The child was burled next day. Hut tlu matter came to tho knowledge ol the prosecuting attorney, who had tin remnlus exhumed by tho coroner. Tin body tviiH found to bo badly bruised am! there was n mark on the skull of a blow KUlllclent to have caused a fatal concus slot). KILLS MEN MENACING KIM. Naw-Yorker Shoots In Self.Defenss-ln-suit Was A'lefed. In defending his life Herbert Marx ol New York shot four well-known citizen of Westmoreland County, Virginia, wlic wero attempting to break Into his countrj homo ii few tulles down tho Potomac river from Washington. W. P. Taj lot ami William .Schellllu were killed. I. 1. Stiff was fatally wounded and (Jcorgf Thompson, who was shot, has disappear ed. Taylor accused Marx of Insulting his cousin, Miss ltoso Taylor. A coro ner's Jury nequlttod Marx, and ho hat gono to New York to escape threatened mob violence. ENGINE GOES OVliK PRCCIPICE. Canadian Pacific 'ir.oii Wrecked at li'tfl rtrldtfe Over Frszer River. Whllo rounding n dangerous curve 40C feet nbovo tho Frnzcr river n Canadian Pacific freight train camo upon n rock tdldc, Ingliiccr Itandnlt gavo a signal to tho brakemeu nud reversed tho en gine. The train wns going scarcely live miles an hour, but tho heavy train bo hind drovo tho englnu upon tho rock and it rolled UOO feet down tho sheer blutl toward tho river. Ktiglueer Itaudall and Fireman Potruff were crushed to dentu. Thrco enrs were wrecked, going over the bauk after tho engine. MAKCS CORNER IN SQUASHES. Merchant or Boston Unintentionally Causei Scarcity In Northwest. A Hoston commission merchant has un intentionally cornered tho squash market iu tho Northwest, .lust beforo Thanks giving ho bought eight car loads ol squashes In Minneapolis mid shipped them to Boston. Tho result wns thnt tho local supply was soon used up nnd now thero Is not n squash to bo hnd x cept -IX) dozen owned by n farmer who Is holding out for 52 n dozen, which would mean a retail price of li.'i cents apiece. Crtde 14, Groom 17, F.lla Heed, II jcars old, In n glugliam apron nnd with her hair iu u eutl down her back, was man led lit tho Camden, N. .1.. Cit II ill to (ieorge II. May, who has attained the green old age of 17. Tho mothers of tho Infants wero present, Among the wedding presents was u doll for thu brido and u lino collection of birds' eggs unil poitago stamps for the groom. Itnlsts Wsjes for Employ's. Tho Twin Clij Knpld Transit Com. pany, operating all the street ear lines in Minneapolis, St. Paul ami Stillwater, an nounces a rHo in iho wages of Its motor men and condiictois, averaging 1 cents nn hour, to tnko effect .Ian. 1. Tho order affects over fcOO men. Smashers' Mall a Failure. Carrie Nation, tho Kansas Joint smash ar, announces tho suspension of her pa per, tho Smashers' Mull. Thu paper was started about a year ago. Shu says it did not pay. Finds Remedy for Lockjaw, Dr. A. Lotovo of tho C. L. Magcc path ological department of Mercy hospital, Pittsburg, has discovered what has every indication of being a successful serum treatment for tetanus or lockjaw. Anarchists Extol Czolfasz. Tho President was denounced and Czol goas extolled by Kmma Goldman and oth ers at a mcc-tlug of anarchists iu Now York. Youthful Murderer Convicted. "At Winfleld, Kan., the jury in the case ef Clyde Moore, ou trial for the murder ef 0, L. Wlttberger, a wealthy farmer, last April, returned a verdict of guilty ot murder In the second degree. Moore, who Is only 17 jears old, was arrested with Charlie Hetts, III years old, on a chatge of murdering Wlttberger on tho country toad and robbing him. Hetts wns tried nnd nequlttcd. lu his 'testimony ho Im plicated Moore. GREAT LAKHS CLAIM 132 VICTIMS. Yeer's Fatalities on the Inland Seas Break All Records. Not since the Introduction of modern boats to lake service has thero been such n loss of life as In the season Just passed. This record Is established de spite the fact thnt during the year there hale been but few storms of historical Interest. Tho figures of fatalities on the inland seas are 131! persons lost, as com pared with 110 Inst year, 100 In MM), 05 In 1805), 08 lu 1807 nud CO in 1800. In the past six years the loss of life has steadily grown, notwithstanding the Im provement in the United States life-sav ing servlcu nnd tho betterment In the seaworthiness of lake ships. The only explanation of this growth, vcssclmeti say, Is thnt there are far more boats now in service than there were In 1800. The cause to which the greater part of tho loss of life is duo was foundering. In the season just closed flftynlnc sailors went down with their boats. Last year sinking ships carried thlrty-flvo people with them. Thirty-seven wero lost over board or drowned in harbors. This is twelve more ihan those who suffered a like fate last year. Klght fell through open hntches to their death and seven were crushed fatally on shipboard. Flvo met their death in collisions nnd tho sntno number courted death by broken lines, one sailor was crushed beneath falling spars and one wns scalded to death. Two llghthousc-kccpcrs nt Hkll ingnlec wero drowned by tho overturning of their sailboat. CHICAOO'i FATALITIES FOR A YEAR. Largest Class of Deaths Is Suicides, Claim ing 383 Victims. During tho year ending Nov. HO Coro ner John K. Traeger and his deputies in Chicago investigated 4,844 deaths. This necessitated the holding of 2,470 In quests, nnd 1,1." 5 Investigations by the coroner's physician, some of which were followed by inquests. The physicians made 010 post-mortem examinations. Of tho various forms of death suicide Is tho largest class and the means employed various. Of tho deaths from railroad ac cidents n largo proportion occurred at grado catosslng. Tho principal agencies of death and tho number of cases attrib uted to each In Coroner Traeger'a report follow: Suicide 1185, railroads 'J00, falls ".00, homicide 103, drowning 135, asphyx iation (JO, lightning 12, horses 10, hydro phobia 8, heat 38, clevntors 27, suffoca tion 20, lockjaw 15, poison SI, machinery 20, shooting 11, scalds 43. Tho remain ing fatalities aro attributed to bicycle accidents, explosions, blood poisoning, ac cidental strangulation and exposure. FOUB KILLED BY BOLOMBN. Fata of Montana Prosrrctors M'sslng Slnca March, 1000, Lairnsd. The fate of George Hnyes nnd n pnrty of three prospectors who left hlto Will phur Springs, Mont., to prospect in the Philippines in 1800, has been revealed in n letter. The party has been missing since March. 1000. ltuv. J. C. l.ctihart, residing nt Manila, was Induced by friends of the missing men to tnko up the search. Inquiry on his part dis closed the fact that the party, disregard lug tho warnings of tho military not to venture bevond their lines of defense, hud gono Into the mountains of Central Lu zon. Later tho bodies of tho four men wero found, literally 'chopped to pieces by bolomen. Hnyes and .lames lirowu wero Identified by papers they had. MAN SHOOTa WIFE AND SONS. Woman nnd Boy Fatally Wounde J In Strug lie with Frenchmsn. Itomalno Taiibaux, a Frenchman, while Intoxicated, shot nnd fatally wounded his wife nud his son, Glraud, nud seriously wounded two other sons, nt his homo In Weir City, Knn. Seizing n double-barreled shotgun, Taiibaux wns In tho net of firing nt his wifo when Grand appeared, also armed with a shotgun. Tho son fired ilrst, doing no Injury. Heforo tho boy could Iho again ho was shot fatally. The wifo received a charge of shot In the right shoulder, tearing It nwny. Tho hand was shot off Knill, a son, and an other son wns badly wounded. Thieves Toko $2,000 at A-chbild, OhK 'The establishment of tho Archbald Hanking Company nt Archbald, Ohio, was looted by three robbers, who secured about ?2,000 In gold and currency. Itesl dents of tho town who wero nwnkoned by tho thieves gave light nnd ono of tho do fenders, John Ilouinyer, was wounded, being shot lu the face. Tho robbers stole n horso nud buggy at tho outskirts of the town nnd lied. Stato Fair Uat:s. At tho recent meeting of tho Auietl can fair nnd exposition uuinagers in Chicago dates for the several Stato fairs ot tho country for 1002 were llxed ns follows: Iowa, Aug. 22 to 30: Minne sota, Sept. 1 to 0; Nebraska, Sept. I to Hi Ohio, Sept. 1 to Hi Wisconsin, Sept. S to 13: Indiana. Sept. 1.1 to 21: Missouri. Sept. 22 to 27: Illinois, Sept. 21) to Oct. I; New York, Aug. 2.1 to 30. Long I l:ctrlc Unit 0 j:n:d. The Lake Shore Electric Hallway, own ed and contiollcd by tho Mooro-Kvorett syndicate, hns been opened up for pas senger service. It Is tho longest electric railway In tho woihl, stretching from I'alnesvllle, Ohio, la Cleveland, to Fort Huron, Mich. Forc:tl Youivt Ctrl to Steal, Walter Cnviiunugh, who forced his sweetheart, Daisy Wheeler, a 17-jear-old girl, to steal $1,200 lu pension money from her widowed mother mid lleo with him to Chicago, vas found guilty In tho Criminal Court at Kansas City nnd given n llvo years' peiiltentlnry fccutcucc. Confirms Ulg 'lobjeco Deal. Tho announcement from Now York that tho Continental Tobacco Company had purchased the control of tho M, C. Wetmoro Tobacco Company of St. Louis was confirmed by Vico-l'resldent Wil liam F. Donovan. Lord's Prayer Forbidden. Attorney General Douglas of Minnesota has upheld a ruling of former Attorney General II. W. Chllds In nn opinion given to State Superintendent Olson thnt iindnr tho Stato constitution tho Lord's prayer cannot bo used In tho public fcehooii. Kinsss C ty Nai Klllei by Train. Sherry W. Marshall, receiving teller ot tho National Hauk of Commerce nt Kan tas City for several years, was struck by a 'Frisco passenger trail) nt Lacyguo, Kan., and died of his injuries. Federation of Labor Meets-Twenty-first annual convention of the American Federation of Labor wag held at Scranton, Pa delegates representing more than a million and a half working men Icing Jn attendance, Soldiers Riot on Transport. Fifteen hundred discharged soldiers re turning from Manila rioted on the trans port Sheridan, defied former oOlcers, and J for a tine held possession of the steamer, K CONGRESSMAN TAKES RANK OF KING EDWARD. Congressman 3ame D. IHchnrdson, of Tennessee, Democratic lender of the House of Representatives, hns received the highest of lice In the gift of Scottish Hltc Masons nnd he, therefore, ranks as a Mnsou with King Edward VII. and President Dhts: of Mexico. The Supreme Council of the Ancient nnd Accepted Scottish Kite for tho Southern Jurisdic tion of tho United Stales met In Wash ington to celebrate its centennial. Upon tho death of Sovereign Grand Com mander Thos. H. Caswell, of Sntt Fran cisco, a few months ago, Mr. Klcbnrd son, ns Deputy Grand Commander, as sumed the active duties of tho exalted position. Ceremonies befitting, almost, the cor onation of a king, attend tho Installa tion of a Sovereign Grand Matter, Only active members of the Supreme Council participate In these solemnities, nnd of such there are but twenty-three, the Supreme Council being limited by the ritual to thirty-three, one fcfr each State In the jurisdiction. There are n number of honorary members who are permit- j, d. niciiAiinsox. holy teuplc ted to take part In the deliberations of the council, but have not tbe power to vote. Tho office of Sovereign Grand Com mnndcr carries with It a salary of 3, 000 per annum. In addition the Grand Commander la given a residence for life In the holy house of the temple. Hpre Is probably the most Interesting building In tho Capital city. It is lo cated in the heart of what was once Washington's most fnshlonnble resi dence district To-dny the building a spacious three-story brick with white stone trlmmlngs-nnd Its contents are valued at 1150,000. It belongs to tho Scottish Rtto Masons of the Southern Jurisdiction Grand Cotnmnndor nichardson has already completed arrangcmcnU for moving into tho building. Tho offices of the Supremo Council aro located here, and Frederick Weber, Secretary General, Is always In charge. The sec retaryship, like tho ofttco of Comman der, Is a life position. Wasto of Postage. The lawyers wero discussing the merits nnd demerits of a well-known member of tho New Orleans bar who had been gathered to his fathers, and ono of tho party, says tho Times-Democrat, recalled tho time when ho studied In the old man's office. Wo hnd a copying clerk whoso Ineffi ciency continually worked the Judgo up to a point of explosion. Ono dny a wire basket fell off tho top of his desk nnd scratched his check. Not having any court-plaster, ho shipped on thrco post ago stamps nud went on with his work. A little Inter lie hnd somo papers to tnko to tho United States Court, and forgetting nil about tho stumps, be put on his hat nnd went out. As ho entered tho olllco tho judgo raised his hend and llxed him with an astonished stnrc. Tho clerk stopped nnd looked frightened, nnd llnnlly asked: "Auythlug-cr wrong, sir?" "Yes, sir!" thundered tho old gentle man. "You arc carrying too'tmich post ago for second-chins matter." Forestalled. A retired sen captain nnd n lawyer, who wero always nt loggerheads, lived next door to ench other. Ono very windy night thu lawyer wns rending u book lit his study when a tcrriblo crash upstairs startled him. Upon Investigation ho found thnt u chimney hnd hurled Itself through his roof, doing considerable damage, aud soon discovered that It wns the sea cap tain's chimney. Hastening down to his library Im pulled out his Inw books nnd hunted up similar canes, dovlslng nnd scheming how ho could sccuro satisfac tion from thu detcstublo cnptnln, Whllo thus engaged n note arrived from his enemy thnt rend ns follows: "If you don't return thoso bricks nt onco I will put tho mutter In the linnds of tho ltiv."-I.oiiiloii Tlt-Hlts. Three TIiiich nnd Out. Mrs. FomIIcI; wns stiro sho heard the crush of breaking cliiim In tho kitchen, but nliu felt she must bu mistukou when who entered and suw thojoyous fnco of her cook. "I'm so glad Ol'vo broke It, intim," Ilrldget wild, brimming with delight. "Why, It's one of my best cups," snld Mt-H. FumIIi-k, htirveyliig tho remnlus. "Yes'iii," added Hrldgut, cheerfully, "but Ol'in m glud It's done. Yo see, I hnd broko two of 'em beforo, an I know Ol'd lutvo to break niiotlicr be foro Ol ijult, nn' It's a great comfort to hnvo It nil dune." 'Vell, see that you don't begin on another three," snld Mrs. Fosdlck, sternly. Ut trolt Free Press. Itiibbui- llorU for Soldiers. From a leglmciitnl surgeon In tho French army comes thu suggestion thnt till military boots should huvo rubber heels, lie hns been Investigating tho effect ou soldiers of mnrchliig with tho regular step ns they do in u disciplined body, and tlmls that It causes an In definite repetition of a shock to brain and bones. Tills is much nioro hnrmful than mi Irregular walk, uud to It ho attributes the peculiar nches nnd pnlna to which tho men nio subject. Experi ments inndo with tho rubber heel boots show thnt tho brain Jar and other un pleasant effects are so much diminished as to giro tho men great relief, Kaallr Arranged, Hlgglns (over the 'phone) Sir, I de- slro to ask for your daughter Clara's hand In marriage. Her Father (with eight daughters) I don't know who you are, but tako her, my boy, and be happy. Puck. Tbe highest compliment one woman ever paya another la to say she la nice ttoeklsff. "Do you think it Is truly better to have loved nnd lost than n,over to bavo loved at all'" "Certainty, If ho lets you keep tho gifts." Mrs. Gulunlvolce I never hnvo any trouble with baby. I've only to sing to him nud ho goes right off to sleep. Mrs. Phaser What a knowing child! Uos tou Transcript. Mistress Now, remember, Urldgct, tho Joneses arc coming for dinner to night. Cook Leave It to me, mum. I'll do me worst I They'll never trouble yox again! Hanr. Impecunious Lover Ho mine, Aman da, and you will be treated like nn an gel. Wealthy Maiden Yes, 1 suppose so. Nothing to cat, nnd less to wear. No, thank you. Tlt-Hlts. Kitty My dressmaker says It Is such a pleasure to lit a gown to me. Edith Considers It a sort of nrtlstlc triumph, I supposo? The truo artist delights In difficulties. Boston Transcript. After tho surgical operation: Harbor What will you havo on your face, witch hazel or bay rum? Pat-ron Nalthcr ono nor tho other. Just put on plain court plnshtcrl Judge. Rats and the dog: Gentleman (Indig nantly) When I bought this dog you said ho wns splendid for rats. Why, ho won't touch them. Dog Dealer Well, ain't that splendid for ratsV-Tlt-Bits. Tho thing to do": "If you woko up suddenly In the night nnd found your self In the den of n nmn-entlug tiger, what yould you do?" "I'd promise my self to quit drinking." Cleveland Plain Dealer. Sho (In a whisper) The little man wo aro passlng.ls Itobertson Stuntcr. Ho was ono of the best known authors In tho country once. He Strnngo I don't remember him. She Hut thnt was three or four months ago. Life. No favoritism: "Please, ma'am," said the boy who hnd been absent, "I was kidnaped!" "That Is no excuse," re plied tlio teacher; "I cannot allow you liberties simply becauso your pnrcnts happen to bo rich." Town Topics. "Your conversation, Mr. llovvlman," snld Miss Peppery, looking very wise, but Innocent, "reminds mo of somo champngnc." "Abl" exclaimed Hov vlmnn. much pleased, "so sparkling ns that?" "No; but It's "extra dry."-Ex. Employer I'm nfrnld you've deceived me! You came here ns a college grad uate. Clerk Well, what makes you doubht me, sir? Employer Why, you just said lu regard to a matter of busi ness that I knew better than you.-Chl-cago News. "No, sir," exclaimed tho loud-voiced drummer In tho smoker, "I'm proud to say that no houso lu the country hns more men pushing Its lino of goods than ours." "What do you sell?" asked a curious one. "Baby carrlngcs."-8y-racuso Herald. Valu ambition: "It seems Impossible to brcuk luto society." moaned tho par venu; "this Is tho fourth tlmo I havo been operated on for appendicitis, nnd ihn nniv Invitation I have received Is ono to call aud settlo with tho sur geon." Baltimore American. Jakey was a little German boy. win was always Into in getting to school. One day, however, ho arrived beforo the bell rung, and running up to tho teacher, ho cried: "Veil, to-day, I nm poforo nt InsL I always vas pehlno pcforo."PhUmIelphln Times. Success nt last: Dr. Brown-Well, did you keep tho thermometer In tho room nt seventy degrees, ns I told you? Mrs. Murphy I did Indiule, doctor, but I had n hard toluio to do It. Tho only ploco it would stay nt slvlnty was for- nlnst tho chimney piece. Lire. Citizen Mndnin, wny no you persist In punching mo with your umbrella? Miiiimii I wnnt to iimUo you look around, so I can thank you for giving mo your sent. Now, sir, uotri you go nrr mill snv thnt women haven't nuy manners. Chicago Uecord-IIcrnld. Ho If you did not lovo me why did you encourage me? Slie-I? Eneour mn. vim? Ho For two years you hnvo accepted every one of my Invitations to tho theater, et cetera, mic i uni was not becnuso I loved you; It was becauso I loved tho theater. Illustrated Hits. out nt heat Mrs. Gull (angrily) 1 heard what you snld to thnt Miss Sea- mow. Mr. Gull-Hcird what.' Mis. Gull Heard you say Just us plain as day; "Meet mo at thu pier, dearest." Mr. Gull-Oli. rats! You Just rati Into ono of thoso wifeless messages from that steamer. Judge. Josh Aimer's tho gieatcst render hero nt the Corners. An' that hain't all; he acts on what he reads. Llgo Yew bet ho does! Now last week tor my cr-rliilii kuowlcdgo lie answered two advertisements, of inntrlmnulnl bu reaus, MMit for three packages of love powder an' a book on hypnotism, an' hu also sunt n dollar tor n feller In New Yoik for ieveiiteeii ways ter git rich iu three months: Puck. "It ued to bo my ambition," said tho business mini, "to nccumulnto a foituno nud then retlie." "Well," answered tho friend, "haven't you realized It?" "No. I've got tho money, but I don't daro letlre. I've got to stay nwako night and day to keep somebody from gottlug It nwny from me." Washington Star. Mlstress-I don't wnnt you to hnvo bo much compnny. Yon havo mora call ers In a day thau I hnvo In a week. Domestic Well, mum, perhaps If you'd try to bo n llttlo nioro ugreenblo you'd havo as many friends ns I have, t'oiivoiilont. "What aro uinrsuplals?" nsked the teacher, nud Johnny was ready with his answer. "Aulmnls that havo pouches in their stomnchsi" ho said, glibly, "And for what nro these pouches used?" asked the teacher, iguorlng tbe slight Inaccuracy of tho answer. "I'm suro that you know that, too." "Yes'm," said Johnny, with encour aging promptness. "Tho pouches are for them to crawl Into and conceal themselves when pursued." Security Is tbe offspring ot caution. 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