HILARITIES HAPPENINGS HELPS
J #0# J*^#0 • J9VJ+1 •'».»
By Arthur Brisbane
COOLIDGE ON THE RADIO. ^
THE FARMER'S SHARE.
THE 24-OUNCE DRESS/
OLD SWIMMING HOLES.
The Agricultural Department
shows that in 1924 the farmers av
eraged a profit of 21 cents a bush
el on wheat and 28 cents a bushel
on com. Many lost money on ev
ery bushel, others made more than
the average.
Farmers that raised potatoes on'
the average actually lost money,
and would have been better off if.
they hadn’t planted a potato.
A good wheat speculator, know- -
ing that the prosperous class want
ed La Follette badly beaten, and
was sure to put up the price of
wheat, could easily buy a million
bushels of wheat early in the cam
paign, and sell it at a profit of one
million dollars. /
It was a lucky farmer that could
raise five thousand bushels of
wheat and sell it at a profit of„
one thousand dollars.
No man can guess what power \
to speak well over the radio may ';
mean in years to come.
The other night bridge parties ’
laid down their cards, women on
farms stopped the late cleaning
\ip of dishes, their husbands came
in from evening chores, tens of
y]£llions listened to the President’s
■clear, incisive matter of fact voice,
discussing in plain fashion the im-*
portance of national economies and
laying down, to the satisfaction of
every hearer, the simple truth that
the people’s money belongs to tiie
PEOPLE.
It was an innovation when Wood
tow Wilson, so perfectly dressed,
drove to the Capitol and talked
direct to Senators. Representatives,
the Supreme Court and others.
“Wonderful audience,” the world
said.. -
But it was no audience at ad
compared to the vast multitude
that heard President CooLidge talk
direct'to the people of the United
States.
Proof that the complete costume
of a modern woman, including
dress, stockings, shoes and under
wear, may weigh as little as 24 .
ounces causes the virtuous to |
grieve. But, even as woman in her ;
changing moods cuts off her dress
at top and bottom, there may be
comfort. The low-necked dress is
partially justified by this fact, to
which your doctor will testify:
Cancer attacks women more often
than men, and cancer of the breast,
dreadfully frequent in civilized
countries, is quite unknown among
female savages that wear no cloth
ing above the waist. Sunshine
seems to keep cancer away.
Amundsen is back from “almost
to the Pole,” and if he lives and
can raise the money he will start
again. His ambition is to be the
only man that ever stood “on both l
tope of the earth.”
In English coal mines, mechani
cal cutters and carriers of coal %re
driving out men by the thousands.
“The truth shall set you free,”
says the Bible. • Science IS the
truth, and you realize what science
has done to set humans free when
you look at the pictures of -women t
that used to work in English coal ■
mines, crawling on their hands and
knees through the narrow pas-U
sages, an iron chain around their >
necks, passing under their bodies
anti fastened to a small coal car.
Turn from that picture of a
' woman pulling coal on her hands
and knees to a modern mechanical
scoal carrier, moved by electricity.
Patriotic citizens of Indiana con
tribute $12,300 to preserve James
' Whitcomb Riley’s “Ole Swimmin’
Hole.” That’s worth while; senti
ment is beautiful.
The government ought to spend
a few thousand times $12,500 to
. fill up a lot of mosquitoes’ old
swimming holes, swamps and
other breeding places of malaria.
Some of the money that Presi
dent Coolidge and Secretary Mellon
are going to save might well be
spent wiping out disease, desert3
and swamps on Uncle Sam’s great -
farm.
American officers that went to
England to play polo against the
British officers beat the British,
and the poh-. military title stays
in the United States. That is
goo;!. But why are Americans en
'i -1 men sent over to act as
%
We used to wear knee-breech
es in the buddin’ spring of
youth—when a feller's legs was
worthy and digestion told the
truth. — When the stone-bruise
was a fashion^ and the drowsy
bumble-bee nursed the soul-de
vourin' passion to defend his
liberty. Yes, we used to wear
knee-breeches in the economic
day, when a keerful mother fig
gered that the long ones didn't
pay. — And she’d sock abbrevi
ations on her young an’ hope
ful son, — till the camouflage
amounted to about the same as
none!
Today—we wear knee-breech
es, though we’re slightly over
grown; it takes about a forty
eight to span our torrid zone—
A loose, colonial pucker grips
the half-besotted shin — with
extry fittin’ sox to store our
corns an' bunions in. The gent
ler sex applauds us when ws
swat the uny sphere, but—be
yond the pale of kin-folks—they
can hardly be sincere!
DELLA SMART is a CCBVCR.
\noman . sue mads doc
BROWM TREAT
her bov free
AFTER- W WAD
EXPOSED .
'-THE VMrtOCE
SCHOOUTD
WHOOPIS©
COO&t\/
and Exclusive Pictures of California Earthquake
rY*
Here are
by the ear'hcua
piotely wrecked,
hour after the o;
wo remarkable pictures, sent by telegraph, of the ruin in Santa Barbara,
- \t the left, the photo shows the ruins of the famous Arlington Hotel,
.-it the right—a view of State Street—principal business thoroughfare—as
..alee.
Calif., caused
almost com
it looked oue
L.
Had
v»
ife Shot
C. B. Davis, of Concordia, Xan
sas, confesses that he paid gunmen
UfiOO to shoot his wife in a pre
vended holdup. Seven Kansas City
gunmen are under arrest—two ad
mitting* <hey were implicated. Da
vis is a retired merchant
Wants 70,000,000 Dimes
i i
/mznSSMuus / / ■
Doris Mercer Kresge, second
wifb of the Chain Store Magnate,
has sued for %1,OCQjOOO of stock in
the store*, which she says her hue
promised - her before they
Your Friend?
£ fA^c ^Tr',J 1
If your income is under $5,000 a
\pMhll fellow is your friend.
He is U. S. Senator Harris of,
Georgia, who plans to put through
a measure exempting • married
folks with ineomee under $6,000.
11
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1
J
BY HEADON HALL
CHAPTER I
What the Crow Droppe4
AUTUMN splendor was ablaze In
the coverts^ of Beechwood
Grange. And there* way the
more material spectacle of a trestle
table 'In the center of the glade, be*
ing loaded with creature comforts
by two footmen In morning livery.
The men worked rapidly, as the
cries of beaters and the popping of
twelve-bores heralded the approach
of the sportsmen, for whom the al
fresco feast was laid. The finishing,
touches had 'just been putjto^the,
6nowy napery and sparkling crystal
when three ladies sauntered into the
glade from a bridle-path.
“Thank goodness!" wheezed the
elder of the trio,-a stout woman
with purple complexion and an
auburn wig. "There is a table to
eat off and chairs to sit on. Knives
and forks, too. and quite an array, of
glasses. I was afraid we were ex
pected to squat, on tjie ground and
drink beer, out of mugs.”
“Oh, my dear Lady Marrables,
that’s a bit rough on Sir Dudley."
laughed the next in point of age. a
handsome woman of thirty. “-You
ought to know him well enough to
be sure that he wouldn’t treat us like
that. Besides, as our hostess you
probably made the arrangements and
are responsible for all this arcadian
luxury.”
“Hostess? sniffed -tne piemonc
! p dowager. *‘I am no hostess, only
s chaperon to this naughty child,
s Who's better able to take care of me
= than I am of her. It’s a well-paid
H sinecure, my job is, and I don’t re
I p pine, do I. Kathleen?”
The tall girl, to whooi the appeal
s was made smiled kindly on the
p speaker, but before she could reply
1 the head of a little procession ap
| p 'pea red at the opposite side of the
p glade, in single hie as it debouched
P from another woodland path, but
H bunching into a cluster in the wider
= , space. Discussing the morning's
p six»rt with the gravity befitting such
H an occasion, the “guns" of Sir Dud
p ley Glenister’s llrst big shoot of the
H season advanced to the luncheon
H table.
p * Not only was it the first big shoot
js of the season, but the first occasion
P of the kind on which.Sir Dudley had
H played the host. He had only en
p joyed the title and estates for, six'
H months, his immediate predecessor
p having died two years before in
§| America under circumstances en
p tailing delay in the succession till
p presumptibn ol his cousin George
g Glenister's death was legally granted
H by the High Court. According to the
§§ evidence procured by the family
p solicitors. George Glenister had.
p without knowing it. been a baronet
§§ for no more than a week when lie
p was shot in a bar-room brawl.
Sir Dudley, leading his guests
|| across the glade, seemed to be liask
H ing jn the smiles of the belated good
P fortune which had pitchforked him
| from the Stock Exchange into a
p baronetcy carrying a fine old man
p sion and a rent roll of twenty thou
M sand a year. A line figure of a man.
p in the prime of life, with a loud voice
P and hehrty manners, he might have
p been a country gentleman all the
p time. Perhaps his clothes helped the
p illusion, for from the crown of his
O barbery hat to his natty leggings he
If was dressed for the part to the
fl minutest detail.
The men handed their guns to
b| their loaders—<>11 but Prank Glenis
p ter, v sixteen-year-old Eton boy who
H ’ was so proud of his new weapon
that he refused to part with It. lay
Jng It on the ground beside him and
slyly choosing the end seat for that
purpose. Sir Dudley sat at the head
of the table, with the plethoric dow
ager on his right, the others ranging
'themselves casually, all but a tall
‘soldierly young man who was at
pains to maneuver himself into the
chair next Kathleen Glenister.
This was Nomtan Slater, a distant
connection by marriage of Lady
Marrables. and a captain in the Rifle
Brigade- Sir Dudley regarded him
with scant favor and had only in
vited him to the Grange because the
old lady had frankly declined to
iconic herself unless Norman was,
asked.'>. And Lady MarrAbles,-. os'
FKath!een’s guardian, being indis-’
pensable, the young officer had been
included in the small house party.
Sir Dudley was far too much a man
of the world to be rude to a guest
whom he had reason to believe was
his rival in love. He had indeed been
extra civil to him, allotting to him
the best "stands” at the shoot and
treating him effusively as a kins
man. which he was not. Lady Mar
house party was Frank Glenlster, *
the Eton boy who would not be
separated from his gun. He, also,
was of the younger branch lately
brought to the front by the hand of
Death. As the son of a brother of
Dudley, killed' In -an Indian frontier
skirmish,, ho-3was heir presumptive
to the title and estates. Since he
was an engaging youngster, and
Dudley • intended to provide a more
direct heir, the new baronet-made
much of him without any apprehen
sive jealousy.
The rest of the “guns" who gath
ered round the table in the glade
were gentlemen from neighboring
houses, brick-faced squires, a sport
ing parson and one other. That ex
ception was the exception who did
not fall exactly into either category.
The Right Honorable Stephen Colne,
as the owner of Colnbrook Towers,
might have been deeme.d a squire,
but he was certainly not brick,faced.
His well-bred, intellectual counte
nance was of an almost unhealthy
pallor, due to the long hours spent
as a Cabinet Minister on the
Treasury Bench.
The period of liqueurs, whisky and
jiicotine arrived. One of the brick
(faced-squires * had ■ taken advantage
*bfytlie general somnolence to work
I off as original <1 story culled from
an ancient Pink ’Un. and he was
warming to the risky climax when
the words were literally jerked out
of his mouth by the Eton boy. who
was sitting next him.
“Murk over!” yelled the youngster,
seizing his gun and leaping to his
feet.
The host removed his cigar and
Illllllll!llllll1lll!llllllll!ll!llllllllllillillllllllllllllllllll!llllll||!lll||||||ir1|||||||||||||1lll||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
PLOP INTO THE CENTER OK THE LUNCHEON TABLE FELL THE ||
GRISLY OBJECT. g
rabies was a sister of the late Sir
Philip Glenister. George and Kath
leen's father, and Norman Slater
was a son of one of her deceased
husband’s sisters.
Another male guest staying in the
house was the silent, ruminative
man with a sharp, hatchet-like face
and cavernous eyes, who in an evi
dent fit of abstraction sat down on
the other side of Kathleen. Doctor
WiUoughby Melville, the nerve spe
cialist from Harley Street, owed his
invitation to professional services
rendered to his host some years be
fore the latter's succession to the
baronetcy. Dudley Glenister, then a
feverish oi>erator in the "Kaffir Cir
cus," had badly broken down after a
week of wild speculation, and was
now paying a social debt to the. great
physician who had healed him.
The only remaining^'man” of the
i looked skyward. ‘‘Don't be a don- g
j key, Frank,” he shouted. "It’s only =
a crow.” g
Frank Glenister wok not to be de- y
nied. He had already crammed a p
cartridge into the _ breach—There g
\yas no time for two—and raising y
his gun, Tie fired at the bird that by g
now was sailing directly overhead. It p
was a clean miss and, sharply §f
swerving in its flight, the crow dis- ||
appeared over the tree-tops at the ||
far side of the glade..
But it had evidently been a close ||
call for the winged marauder, caus- g
ing it to drop its plunder. Plop into =
the center of the luncheon table foil
the grisly object, cannoning oft a ||
[ dish of pears and, as it Anally came =
1 to rest, confessing itself to be u ^
fieshless finger from a human skele- g
ton.
(To Be Continued)
Try Your Luck Writ? This Deep One
f
This cross, word mizzle was arr-mg d i y ?Tra. Katherine B. Schober.
We hope we weren’t the cause of a divorce n the family, and that Mrs
Sciioier didn’t burn ’the dinner. A my rat. the puzzle is good for at
least L’O minuses pleasure—-and everyone shou’d complete it in chat time.
11; is really one of the eas’est puzzle s we have ever published, although
■f.u will find severjyl rather catchy ••■or is. All the defiuit-ons are clear,
though, and we are sure you will fi ■- 1 very interesting. ,
HORIONTAL.
1 Possessive pronoun. ....
4 Political Party (abbrev.)
1 7 Used In eating.
10 Negative.
12 Before.
13 Therefore.
14 Walked.
16 A rock material finer than gravel
■f
18 Co1 lege Degree.
19 Depart.
20 Convulsions; spasms.
22 Slave or servant.
2 4 Preposition.
25 Measure of we-ght.
27 Toward.
28 Mister (Spanish)
30 Border of the mouth.
31 Pale.
VERTICAL
2 Exists.
2 Hulr'ed.
4 Female Animal (plural)
5 Suffix to form plural.
(i An insert..
8 Conjunction.
T0 bow head quickly.
11 Cavity containing the eye.
IS To fc*ve air through nose.
15 A grain.
17 To grow old. .
20 TTs»d to keep cool.
21 A stair,
_2 1- ro;.en vapor.
2S Recause.
2(5 Opposite of off.
it ver in Southern China.
2!) Egyptian Sun God.
HAS ENJOYED SUCH UNEX
PECTED SUCCESS IN THE
PAST YEAR THAT WE HAVE
DECIDED TO ADD A FEW
MORE BEAUTIFYING PREP
ARATIONS TO OUR LIMIT
ED BUT EFFECTIVE LINE
The following is our
complete lht
Strait-Tex Hair Refining Tonic
$1.00 Refines kinky, frizzy, coarse hair to
per bottle medium; medium hair to good.
Strait-Tex Hair Grower
25c Not only promotes growth of the
per can hair, but makes it soft, pliable and
luxuriant. An excellent pressing oil.
Gloss-Tex Brilliantine
50c Makes the hair soft and glossy and
per bottle keeps it in good condition without
leaving it oily or gummy.
Strait-Tex Herbs
$1.00 Is a vegetable preparation tfc* ac
per can tually straightens and restores thb
original color to gray or faded hair.
C oior permanent—posi t i vely w i 11 aot
rub off, no matter how often the hair
is shampooed. Three shades: Black,
Brown and Chestnut-Brown.
Eokomo Shampoo
40c Is made from pure cocoanut oil;
jtr battle cleans the scalp and roots of the hair
^in a natural, healthy manner.
Bronze Beauty Vanishing Cream
50c Is a soothing, grecseless vanishing
perjar face cream that will not grow hair.
Bronze Beauty Lemon Cream
50c Is nourishing, softening and stimu
perjar latingto the skin; is filled with a
triple strength ot oil of lemon—mak
ing it a mild, bleaching cream.
Bronze Beauty Face Powders
50c Are suited to all complexions. Can
perbsi be successfully used on dry or oily
skins- The shades: Hi^h Brown
and Bronze Olow are favorites.
Mollygloaco
$1.00 Is a special hair »uaightener for men;
jtrjsr positively guaranteed to straighten
the most stubborn hair in from 10 to
20 minutes without the use of hot
irons. Will not injure the scalp ot
turn the heir red.
AGENTS WANTED EVERYWHERE
Strait-Tex
Chemical Company
606 FIFTH AVENUE
PITTSBURGH, PA., U. S. A.
Back to Normal
+ €
Tboufh 80 yeata, oML Oul John
Co*****’} fat h«r <v the praatdent.
SUi'i'bMhdl.v wU-h stood a sjltfbt oper
oUon at bin base at Ptyowoth. Vt..
and now he to* bank as healthy and
spry as ever President Ooolldge
l anded by special trarn and auto
•bile from Swampscott to Ply
i iviith .vhen he lieard his father
vas sick.
Unnatural and mucous dis
charges can be avoided by de
stroying the germs of infectious
diseases. $1.10 at all druggists.
r
ANSWER TO LAST WEEK'S PBZZLE
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DH^BHBaaEia3
SPY
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