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f r C0TJETIW3 UNDER DIFFICULTIES. m k. dki.acy. OLD NANS T UK NEK and his neigh bor Jones, had fallen out about a piece of land, and the result was a law-suit, which had made them such enemies that t hey would not speak to each other, or al low their families to hold any intercourse. Nans had a. daughter Kate, who was about eighteen years of age, and who John Jones, the oldest son in the Jones family, thought just the prettiest girl in all crea tion. At the time the family troubles be gan, ho was paying attention to Kate, but then the old man forbid him the house, and threatened Kato with dire vengeance if she even spoke to him again. But love was not to be conquered in any such man ner, and in fact the opposition only seemed to fan the flames the brighter. The result was that John and Kato managed to meet quite- often. It so happened, that on one evening tho whole family, except Kate, went away to conic merry-making, to be gone until quite late, when John, as in duty bound, came over accidentally of course to keep Kato from getting lonesome, and help her to pass tho evening pleasantly. That ho succeeded admirably, we may judge, from the fact that before either of tho lovors thought it late, tho carriage , bringing home tho family, arrived, and tho old man's voice was beard approaching the door. K-atc was terribly afraid "of her father's anger, and for a moment, there seemed to bo no way except to face him and brave it ; but a woman is generally ready for an Emergency, and Kato was a woman. Hans and his wife slept in tho sitting room, having a bed so fixed that during tho day about two-thirds of its length tinned up against the wall, where with a curtain drawn around it, was but little iu tho way. Kato also knew that her parents invaria bly visited tho pantry for a bite, just before retiring for tho night, and so without any moro hesitation sho directed John to creep under the head of the bed, telling him to wlip out quietly while they were eating their evening lunch. To pleaso Kate, John would have done much moro than that, so he did as she told him, with as little delay as possible. He had hardly reached his hiding place before tho old folks accompan ied by the boys, entered the room. After a few momenta of conversation, the boys rnrt Kate went to their rooms, leaving Hans and his wife as they supposed, in full pos session of tho premises. Mrs. Hans soon proceeded to turn down tho bed and prepare it for the night, when V"ohn from his place under tho bed, con gratulated himself upon soon having a vhauco to leavo ; but whether tho good cheer furnished at the party where they had been, took away their usual appetite or not, is not known, but to John's horror they at once prepared for bod, not giving him tho expected opportunity for escape. Ho thought, however, that he might by keeping still until they wero asleep, yet get away without old Hans hearing him, and perhaps might have done it, had ho not been troubled witli a cold. John had not lung been under the bed until ho felt a strong inclination to cough, which he man aged to restrain for a time, but at last, be foro tho old folks could possibly be asleep, in spite of all ho could tlo, a sort of grunt escaped him. It was a curious sound and perhaps might have frightened even braver people than Hans Turner, and his wife. Every man has somo weakness, and old Turner's weak point was a firm belief in ghosts and goblins, and consequently ho at once gavo tho credit of the singular sound to somo supernatural cause. His hair bris tled with terror and he hardly had strength to whisper to his worthy partner, to know if she had heard tho noise. Yes ! she too had heard it, and was fully as badly scared. Whilo they lay in such fear in tho bed, John was in still greater trouble vniter tho bed. The constant tickling in his throat, sum! the fear of being discovered if ho gavo way to it, put him iu porfect misery. At last ho could restrain it no longer and in tho attempt to keep it back, ho succeeded k iu making a lioiso that was a groan,a cough svud grunt so mingled, that it was enough to scare any one. Old Hans could not hold ut against any noise bo terriblo, and mak ing a leap ho landed in tho middle of tho room, saying: "Save yourself, mother I Tho devil or somo of his imps is under tho bed," he made speed to reach tho room oc -ipiud by tho boys, hastily followed by his other half, who, in this case was no better than he. ! The boys wore quickly aroused, and mr;dp ! acquainted with the causo of tho commo- I tion. With tho striking of the light camo i . renewed courage, nnd with tho boys for a body-guard the old folks returned to re connitrotho premises. Upon entering the room tho old man nt a safe distance, holding tho light, made 0110 of the boys raise tho curtain and look under the bed. Of course nothing was there, for the moment the way was left clear John had made haste to got away from tho house and was then quite a distance on his Way home. By this time Kate had joined the party anxious to learn if her lover had escaped, and as looking under the bed had failed to explain tho mystery, she suggested that they examine tho cellar. Accordingly the whole force moved cautiously clown to that locali ty, but there, search was equally unsuccess ful, and tho old man returned in the full be lief that some supernatural visitor had made the terriblo sounds. The boys and Kate tried to convince him to the contrary, but all to no effect, and he solemnly said : "Children, some 0110 is go iug to die and this is a warning ; you may laugh now, but if in the morning you should find cither 1110 or the old woman dead, then you would believe it too." But at last they again retired, but this time the candle was left burning, as Hans said, "so he could sco if anything did happen." As time passed on and neither him or tho old woman wero called away, his fears subsided, but for nearly a year ho used to tell tho story every time ho could get a listener, and would have told it longer of if the truth had not come out. Not many months however, after that terrible night, the trouble between the two families was settled, and then John and Kate with her father's consent, emigrated to tho State of Matrimony. At the wedding, as tho old man was re laiing "his ghost story," as he called it, to quite an audience, Kato took the scare all out of it by telling tho exact cause of the noise. The laugh that followed Kate's version of tho story, was not joined in by old Hans, and he was even heard to mutter something like, " I wish I had known it before I gavo my consent to the marriage," and in which case, it is highly probable that John would have waited somo longer before marrying Kate with her father's approval. As it could not be helped now, tho old man soon learned to look upon it as a joke, and fully forgave both John and Kate. Scene in a Justice's Court. iJramati Persome Lawyer, who is fond of his " tod ;" "Witness, likewise with a weakness ; the Court ; and opposing legal lights and spectators. Lawyer to witness "Did you di ink any thing at the bar of tho defendant'.'" "Once." "Any moro ?" " Yes, sir." "Well, how many more?" emphatically. " I'crhapH twico or throe times." " Did you, sir, drink ten times?" "I don't know, maybe I did." " Well, sir, how did you feel after the first drink ?" Witness muses awhile "I felt like a sunflower." "Ah, you did sir. How did you feel after tho teeond drink ?" Witness, smiling blandly "I I felt liko two sunflowers !" More laughter, and lawyer slightly irrita ted. "Now, sir," with great gravity of look after ton drinks how did you feel ?" Witness to lawyer "Square, you have been there, you know, pretty often, and un derstand language, h not equal to the occam'on. Keallyi you must excuse mo." "Silence- in tho Court!" thunders the justice, and of course ho was obeyed in a horo. 137 A peddler in Connecticut sold his dog to a stranger for eight dollars, and lent him a piece of safety fuse to lead tho ani mal homo by. By tho bribo of a dollar a boy was induced to flro tin) fuse, the dog returned to his old master, and tho peddler netted seven dollars on his trade. ZW "What is Europe compared to Amer ica V" said a Fourth of July orator. "No wharl Whcro is England? Nowhar! They call England the mistress of tho sea', but what makes the.tica' , The 'Mississippi makes it, nud all wo'vo gpt to,do is,to turn the Mississippi into the Mammoth Cave, and tho English navy will be floundering in the mud !" AN UNWELCOME GUEST. BY JUDGE CI.ARK. ! ?l0 ("ET money and keep it, necor In .1:.... ... 1 - . .. JL uing to llichard V hinstonc s cato ehism, were the two chief ends of man. lie was a single man on principal. It was tho right tiling economically, and therefore right indubitably. To one person in the world Richard Whinstnne was generous, and that was his dear friend Richard Wliinstono. Richard Whinstono had done a good day's work, lie had made one or two profitable shaves ; lie had fold up the wi'low Marten, nnd turned her and her six children out of doors for iion-pay-montof rent; and, finally, had read a little boy with a pinched and pitiful face, who had besought the price of a loaf of j bread, and who said lie had a sick moth- er t home, a lecture 011 the sinfulness of begging, that evidently touched the little wretch's conscience, for ho turned aside and wept bitterly. ' You'ro a good citzen, Dick." he said, as ho sat down to dinner, " and deserve to he rewarded." The dinner was one after his own heart. It was a treat he had promised himself if things wore right, and they hud gone i right. I lie ate, drank, and was merry. If his appetite lost its edge, the bottle of Bur gundy was there to whet it, and fell to J again, till the last morsel, like Macbeth's ! amen, stuck in his throat. Satiety normally begets placidity. The lion, the leopard, and the lamb, might lie down together any day, witli perfect safety to the latter provided the two former had their bellies full. The boa constrictor, gorged with an ox, be takes himself, for a season, to a life of quiet. Hut the elfect 011 Kicliard Whin stone was different. The expense of a whole pig, wallov ing iu wine, rested heavy on his conscience, and brain be gan to busy itself with schemes of re iuibursmcnt. The current of hiu thoughts was inter rupted by a loud knock. Wlio could be coining on business. at that hour ? Sonic one, perhaps, with a bill of discount iu an emergency that would benr no waiting. So much the better, aud he hastened to open the door. " How are you, Dick?" the stranger greeted hi in, with a fuuiilhirity altogether too careless for a needy customer. " I have not the pleasure of your ac quaintance, sir," said Itichard, iu a tone more freezing than polite. " But 1 know you very well." returned the stranger ; " and pray don't let us stand hero bandying ceremonies, for it's coufounded chilly ;" saying which he led the way to the apartment Kichaud had just quitted. " Veil, this is comfort," he continued, rubbing his hands before the fire. "I had i't felt so much ut homo since I left there." A hasty survey of his visitor added alarm to Richard's astonishment. He was a wiry, ill-looking little man, in a rusty suit of black, with a wicked leer 011 his face, and one club foot. " I say Dick," the little man resumed, holding his hands in tho blaze as if they wcre fire-proof, "what an inhospitable dog you are?" " Whether hospitable or inhospitable," growled Kicliard, losing his temper as he gained his courage, " is not your busi ness, but 1 would liko to know what vs." ' It's bad talking business on an emp ty stomach." " I don't see how it's to be helped," answered Dick, doggedly. " Don't see how it's to be helped, you curmudgeon !" thundered the little man. fiercely. " With tho remains of such a feast on the tablo, there must be more where it came from." " Upon my word," replied Bichard meekly, for lie was getting frightened again, " there isn't a bite in the houe." " Don't lie !" roared the other; " there is a eold ham in the pantry, and a demi john of brandy iu the closet." " flow do you know that ?" it was on the tip of Kiehard's tonguo to ask, but he was too much amazed to speak. "How did I know it?" broke in tho strangor, as if reading his thoughts; " Why, I unull them ; so bring them out." llichnrd would have demurred, but his guest made a movement which convinced him delay might bo dangerous, and the required articles were produced. Without (dunging his scut, tho little man drew up to the table mid began to eat. And how lie did cat!" A chunk of ham, big enough for n shark bait, was stuck on the point of tho carving kuife, and thrust down his throat with the au dacity of a sword-swnllower. Another nnd another followed, till nothing remain ed but the bone, which ho crushed with his teeth, nnd then sucked the marrow. " Now for a punch !" he cried There is no hot water." . llichard ven tured to say. " Water ! who nsked for wider ? bring 111c a lemon, some sugar, and a ket tle." ' Tho kettle was planed on the fire. The stranger filled it with brandy, ad ding lemon and sugar to suit bis taste. As the liquor boiled over it caught fire, setting the whole in a blaze. llichard jumped up to take it off. The stranger caught his arm, and flung him back as if be had been a child in stead of n substantial citizen of two hun dred ponnds. " What are you about ?" he exclaimed ; " the punch is doing well enough." " I was only afraid the house might be burnt." " Bother the house !" replied the little man ; " there's no danger." "Your health. Dick," at length be said, and raising the kettle all blazing to his lips, be drank liko a dromedary. " And now, Dick, it's your turn," he said after a long breath ; " you must drink my health now." Kicliard drew back. " Drink !" shouted the stranger, hold ing out the vessel. Poor Dick took a single gulp. He left the skin of bis n.outh on the brim of the kettle, his throat was singed by the blaze. " And now to business said the stran ger, resuming his seat, leaving Dick to sit or stand as be chose. " You knew John Walter, I believe." " Yc yes," stammered llichnrd, " I once knew a person of that name." " You and be went to California to gether." Kicliard acknowledged the fact. " You made money, and he didn't." " I believe I was the more fortunate of the two." " You and he started to return together, and be died at San Francisco." Kicliard bowed. "IHb wife and child are now desti tute," tho stranger persisted. " T can't help that." "Of course not. It was his boy you gave the good advice to-day ; I hope the young scamp will profit by it." The scene with the little beggar, Rich ard was quite sure had been witnessed by no one. How the stranger found it out was past comprehension. "You'ro quite sure John Walter died poor?" the stranger went on. " Oh ! quite," said Richard, " I paid his funeral expenses myself." "That's a lie!" retorted the little man ; " They wero paid by tho public. It's another lie that ho died poor. He had twenty thousand dollars with him which you stole." " I deny it !" Richard fairly screamed, " and defy 'ou to prove it." " Prove it ! What effrontery ! Why I saw you do it." "It is false ! There was nobody pres ent." " Bo careful, Richard, or you will commit yourself. I saw you do another thing." Dick shrank shivering in a chair, but said nothing. "John Walter would have survived his illness, but yuu put poison in hit med icine." A sudden fury took possession of Rich ard Winston. when ho saw the secret of his life in another's keeping. Tho carv ing knife lay within his reach, lie seized it, and springing on tho stranger, with a desperate plunge sought to bury the blade in his heart, but it glanced as from plate armor, and in an instant tho little man was on his feet. " Oho, that's your game is it?" And with a trip that sent his heels spinning in tho air, llichard was thrown headlong with a force that shook the house to its foundation. The club foot was placed on his stomach nnd what a horrible ugly foot it was ! It was cleft like the honf of an ox and seemed to weigh a ton. " Then you are the ." " Pray keep a civil tongue in your head, aud come along," said tho little man. llichard fainted. When he came to himself day was break ing. Tho old house-keeper, who had found him groaning nnd sprawling on the floor, had, with much difficulty, shaken him into conciousness. Sho assisted him to bed. But llichard never was himself again. The surfeit of pig had brought on a fever, of which he died in eight days. His last rational act was the execution of a will, by which he left the bulk of hi fortune to John Walter's widow and child ; which, nftcr all, was a simple act of justice, for the Demon Niyhtmare had told the truth. The Dutchman's Experience. At a circus, recently, five dollars was offered to any one who would ride the mule, three times around the ring without, fulling off. A Dutchman present con cluded to try it and related his experi ence as follows : I got on his pack mitout sum droublcs, and der fursd dime I got arountdat ring splendit; on der sccont dinio it ish a drifle more barter for mo to holt on mit mincsclf, for dat mule pegins to got ner vous, nud I shust ish out on mine third rount, nnd vas dinkin dat der fifth toller ish mine, ven dat pigger shackass mule makes a rare ub, und ub I goes in der air, vich make me durn doo or dhrec summersets, und town I hinted in der middle of dat ring. I dinks every pone in mine pody is picked, so I dries so I can hurry outer dat ring, for I ish afraid of mine life ; ven I dry to done dis tings, dat mule shackass up mit his pehint legs and gave on mine pack pehind, such a kick, as I ish knocked more as six yarts outer dat ring; so I ton't get der finif tollars. I ish now mndo ub mit mint! mind dat any peoblcs vot dries to vin monish mit mule ridin, ish a more pigger shackass as der mule. Aintit? A pertinent text was recently preached by a young clergyman near Boston, who returning to his parish after a month' vacation, brought with him a companion for life. It was of course a surprise and the subject of many r unnrks. Every body naturally wished to see the pastor's wife, and next Sunday the church was crowded. The attention of the congre gation seemed turned more to tho bride than to the service, until they were startled by the announcement of the text, "What went yo out for to sec?" It seemed to meet the case. Thenceforth they looked upon the minister. J5aF Returning from divine service one Sunday, good little Billy 's idea of propriety had been shocked hv the won- a 1 i ,1 derful attire of some little female friends, who displayed uncommonly low-necked dresses, which moved him to sav unto his maternal parent: ' It's poor business for loiks to go to chuwili just to show their clothes." " Why, mv son. vou must not judge those little girls; we cannot see tiieir Hearts." " Can see their hearts ! ' exclaimed Billy ; " well I should think you might; their dresses were low enough, I'm sure !" 855"" The celebrated Dr. Thynoc cel ebrated almost as much for his love of good living as for his professional skill called one day upon a certain eccentric nobleman, whom he found sitting alone at a very nico dinner. After some time the doctor receiving no iuvitation to partake of it said ; " Mv dear lord, if I were in your lordship's place, I should say, ' Pray doctor, tlo as 1 am doing. " A thou sand pardons for the omission," cried his lordship ; " pray, then, my dear doctor, do us I am doiiiK 20 home and eat your owu dinner." Be?" Judge Hugh Breckenridgc, r.i the Supremo Court ot Pennsylvania, tho witty author of " Modern Chivalry," whibt riding through Westmoreland Co., Pa., saw a young girl who was going out to milk the cows, place her hand on the top rail of a fence, and spring over. ' If you can do that again, my girl, I will marry you." The girl did so. The Judge dismounted, saw the parents ot the girl, and told them that he would un dertake the education of their daughter and afterwards marry her ; which was done. fltB-The celebrated Dr. Gregory, in the course of one of his modical lectures at Edinburg, stated : " One cannot stand perfectly motionless for half an hour; that he had once tried to do so, nnd faint en lit tho end of twenty minutes. The' blood requiring the aid of motion from the body in order to retain its full circu lating power." B3t, Discussion pf tho Bible question in Cincinnati has led one of the writer of the Cincinnati Commerritil to exam ine tho book. After describing briefly, ho conies to tho conclusion that " Indeed tho Bible is a good book to read." ttaST A young farmer who inqnired how best to start a nursery waB told U get married.